We’re past this whole “Was the Balloon Boys story a hoax” nonsense. Obviously, it’s all bullsh*t. And if you think it might not be bullsh*t, all you have to do is watch this video of the father releasing the g*ddamn balloon to know that it’s a hoax.

Now that we have that resolved, let’s move on to bigger things: Who’s going to play who in inevitable  upcoming Hollywood biopic, “Balloon Boy?” The roll of Falcon is anyone’s guess. Probably Haley Joel Osmond, or whatever.  (more…)

After discovering that the “Balloon Boy,” who was allegedly floating around at around 7000 feet in a giant, homemade helium contraption, was actually just hiding in the garage, the news shows went crazy booking the whole family for an interview.

Well, this morning, Falcon and family were interviewed live on the “Today Show” and just when you thought thinks couldn’t get any more weird the balloon boy started puking in a tupperware container.

Also, during this segment with Wolf Blitzer on Thursday, the boy, Falcon (really, that’s his name) admits that “We did this for the show. Being that this family was already featured on the show “Wife Swap,” did the family plan this whole thing, to add on to their 15 minutes of fame. Or do kids just say the darndest things?

It is on. And it’s online. So you want to witness the exciting hoopla surrounding today’s historic Presidential Inauguration of Barack Obama, but you’re stuck going to class or penned to your desk at work.  Fear not boys and girls, the Internet has got your back. From Facebook and Twitter to live streaming on your iPhone, this is definitely not your grandfather’s inauguration.  The following is a list of places to catch the  Inaugural Ceremonies and festivities online:

• The Joint Congressional Committee on Inaugural Ceremonies live-stream

• Facebook and CNN live-stream

• Twitter live-stream and text updates

• The New York Times live-stream and print coverage

• CBS News live-stream

• iPhone live stream via Ustream.tv application

• YouTube channel

• Photo updates on Flickr.com

(Source: The New York Observer)

I love me some TV on-air personalities, but when they start getting Presidential appointments – I start having issues.

Dr. Sanjay Gupta, CNN’s chief medical correspondent, has been approached by Barack Obama’s transition team about the U.S. surgeon general’s post, according to sources inside the transition and at CNN. Gupta, a neurosurgeon, has served as a White House fellow and as a special adviser to then-first lady Hillary Clinton. This was back in the day when she was trying to create a national health care system. Of course, those days were short-lived and are now grundle stains in the cross-dressing panties of US political history.

If Sanjay Gupta gets in, the results could reverberate throughout the entire cable/satellite TV supported universe, causing many other TV personalities knocking down to suck from Obama’s teat. (more…)

It’s About to Get Ugly: Tonight’s debate starts at 9pm (EST) | Surprise, Surprise: White House cleared use of waterboarding | Get ready to drive: Oil drops to its lowest price in 13 months | It’s not over yet: Stocks plunge 8-percent today | WWIII Update: Talks between Russia and Georgia collapse | There’s Always Tomorrow: Cheney survives abnormal heart rhythm | Last Resort: McCain calls Hillary Clinton for economic advice | What Now?: Windows 7 announced | Good For Something: Surfing the Internet can make you smarter | Shock and Awe: CNN host says c*nt, twice | Everyone’s Screwed: Walmart shafted by China, shafts customers (who are trying to shaft Walmart) | Pushing Their Luck: GOP presses ACORN debate with chipmunks

While we were all watching our parents cry over their lost retirement accounts and House Republicans decided not the bail out the rich – I was expecting stigmata or the seas to turn to blood. Instead, I found a little blurb on CNN that noted a $25B loan to the auto industry that was quietly approved with some MAJOR implications.

First, the background: the American automakers have been struggling with pensions and pay increases for union workers who have dedicated their lives to American cars. Unfortunately, the automakers themselves have the reflexes of a 90 year old Parkinson’s patient.

While the world is moving forward with hyper-efficient cars, American automakers have what’s called a ‘backlog.’ In essence, they can’t start building efficient cars until they finish all the gas-guzzling SUVs that they currently have cued for production. Over $4.5B in SUV parts are not even in production yet, but “have to be used” before the companies will move onto the basic planning stages of new vehicles. (more…)

If so, I can’t find it.

So Obama is done giving his speech, and I am flipping between MSNBC with Chris Matthews/Keith Oberman and FOX.

If Matthews and Oberman were any more up Obama’s ass – they would have been covered in sh*t. FOX on the otherhand, might has well have been burning pictures of Obama and were tearing apart every vocal inflection he made.

What ever happened to impartial news reporting? I remember growing up and feeling that I could believe anything the news people reported, because there was this integrity of impartial news reporting. Those days are gone.

If you were to flip, as I am right now, you would think the reporters watched 2 completely different speeches. You can’t argue the fact that Obama is a great public speaker, but why not simply highlight the points he made? No, of course not. Everyone needs to give their 2 cents as to what they took away from him.

But Keith Oberman? Really? Dude, you were on SportsCenter…please stop. Tell me what you think about Favre moving to the Jets, don’t interpret political language and positioning.

That was exhausting just to watch.

In fifth grade, I vowed to say No to Drugs. More correctly, I was forced to say “No”, or I would not be allowed to walk the stage at fifth grade graduation (which would have been social suicide).

So I did, and my little, naive fifth grade self truly believed that I would never take a shot of tequila, smoke a joint and I was absolutely never going to eat a fungus that grows on cow sh!@#t. Ever.

Let’s just say, without giving too much away, that my fifth grade self would probably be a little disappointed in my 21-year old self. Woops!

However, up until this point, whatever drugs I did choose to poison and/or pleasure my body with (depending on how you look at the situation), I always thought I had full control of when/where/how they were getting in my system. I was wrong.

An Associated Press investigation that spanned a five-month period found that 24 major metropolitan areas have drugs in their drinking water. Yes, the stuff that everyone claims is safe to drink and/or at least okay to use to wash our hands and rinse our mouths with after brushing. Well, it’s also teeming with a large range of prescribed and over-the-counter drugs – from sex hormones in San Fran to over 56 different types of pharmaceuticals and their byproducts in Philly.

Disgusted yet? It gets worse. (more…)

15 years old.

Either this is THE most politically aligned 15 year old in the history of fascist religious extremism, or he is lying his ass off.

On the one side, all I hear about is how fanatical these Muslim extremists are at their precious little ‘jihad’ (cue COED headquarters office car bomb). Yes, these extremists are crazy. Yes, they are crazier than 15 year olds in the U.S. – but are you really expecting me to believe that a 15 year old was the Lee Harvey who got closest to the most protected woman in the middle east?

I am throwing the BS card; this kid is lying. (more…)

Have you always imagined beer being a juvenile drink of choice? You know, the first thing you are able to buy with a fake id at the convenience store and the mainstay of colleges across the nation?

I always imagined a “mature” adult being the one to order vodka on the rocks or some sort of hardcore liquor. Well, it’s time for all of us to throw those notions out the window. Recent studies conducted by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, have found that adult binge drinkers actually prefer beer, and teens are the ones into the “hard stuff”.

Why might this be? (more…)