It’s indisputable: “Riverbottom Nightmare Band” is not only the greatest Christmas song of all time, but the greatest song of all time, period.

I’m not even joking: check the heavy as f*** main riff, 70’s glam-rock moves and of course, the most bad-a** lyrics and melodies ever penned by puppets. This makes stoner-rock groups like Black Sabbath and Deep Purple sound like Smash Mouth by comparison.

So what if the lyrics don’t deal directly with Christmas. Emmet Otter’s Jug Band Christmas, the movie the song is featured in, is a holiday movie; it’s festive by default. And it totally destroys Emmet’s entry into the talent show, the lame-o “In Our World/Brothers.”

Check out the mind-blowing lyrics after the jump! (more…)

In a couple of short weeks, with the Olympics over and the dog days of summer crawling back into their hole for another year, the networks release unto us the new seasons of some of the best entertainment this side of a Michael Phelps race.

But with so many options to choose from, it’s hard to know which ones to give priority on your Tivo. So we’ve narrowed down the list to all the best guy shows, and we’re leaving the rest up to you.

Which shows are you most excited about this fall?

Who hasn’t heard the one about the boy who will sleep with anything that has a vagina, who pretends to choke in nice restaurants so people will save him and maybe help him out a little financially so he can pay his mother’s ever increasing medical bills?

Even a story as tired as this comes to life when Chuck Palahniuk writes it.

The man who wrote Fight Club, yes it was a book before it was a movie, is having another novel transferred to the silver screen, Choke, and you should definitely read it first.

The movie premiered in January at the Sundance Film Festival where it won the Special Jury Prize. It’s set for limited release on September 26 of this year, so you’ve got some time to read it before classes start and the first illegal copies of it find their way on to the Internet.

If you love to read this shouldn’t be a hard sell, if you’d rather watch a movie or the latest VH1 reality show this shouldn’t be a hard sell, and if you just love f**ked up sh*t then you should probably already know about Mr. Palahniuk.

Palahniuk writes about a different breed of characters, and subjects that most authors refuse to explore, and both are exponentially more deranged and messed up than anything you can find on TV and most things that come on DVD. I’m convinced that it’s simply impossible to get bored reading one of his books.

He has written about porn stars, transsexuals, sex addicts, models who had their bottom jaw shot off with a rifle, more transsexuals, witches, self-mutilating writers and so much more. Do any of those subjects interest you? They should. (more…)