Out of the myriad of things wrong with today’s society, we need to thank Matt and Trey for calling attention to one of the greatest underlying causes of racial tension in the United States. Urination etiquette is of course the underlying issue, but as we all learned last night – there are just too many minorities in our waterparks. (To be fair though, there are a growing number of fat white people wearing t-shirts in the pool as well.)

(Check Out The Full Episode Here)

Not My Water Park – Lyrics

What has happened to this place
I don’t recognize it anymore
It used to be so fun and special
What is life worth living for

The dream is dead
Our land is gone
There’s a hole in my heart
And I can’t go on

There are too many minorities (minorities)
At my water park (my water park)
This was our land, our dream (our dream)
and they’ve taken it all away

They just keep coming and coming (minorities)
I tried to go and tell the police
But even the authorities
Are minorities (are minorities)
At my water park

There’s no place for me to sit anymore
And the lines just keep getting crazier
There are Mexicans all around me
The lazy river has never been lazier

It’s a 40 minute wait to go down one slide
And the instructions are in Spanish on the Zip Line ride (just do it in English!)

There are too many minorities (too many)
At my water park (somebody do something)
Where did they all come from
Why can’t they leave this land alone

And it’s such a tragedy (feel a bit like dying)
We looked the other way too long
We’ve got to change our priorities
And get all these minorities
Out of my water park

(Minorities) Mexicans and Asians
Black people
I think I even saw Native Americans (gross)

God I’m asking please
Get all of these minorities
Out of my water park (my water park)

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Who needs SNL when rabid anal pummeling is readily available on Comedy Central? The geniuses behind South Park brilliantly spoofed Steven Spielberg and George Lucas raping Indiana Jones on Wednesday night and (surprise, surprise!) the execs at Paramount aren’t happy.

The episode, Olympic Nightmare, shamelessly draws from those please-god-make-it-stop scenes in The Accused and Deliverance. Anytime one of the SP boys screams “rape!” you know the show is about to go from funny to masterful. (more…)

WTF is this all aboot?! If you’ve ever seen an episode of South Park you know that Canada has always lived in America’s shadow. But now it seems that our neighbors to the north are owning us in some pretty important caragories: wealth, happieness and sex.

A recent study shows that Canadians work less, live longer, enjoy better health, are wealthier, and have more sex than Americans. For instance, Canada’s median family household income clocks in at US$122,000; in America, it’s $93,000. Yeah, we felt sick to our stomachs, too.

Go ahead and verifty the numbers for yourself, but remember: although Canadians are wealthier, happier and have more sex, America’s got the nukes (Canada doesn’t), Canada runs on the metric system (practicality is lame); they only gained their independence from England in 1982 (thought they still have to vow allegiance to Queen Elizabeth). Canada doesn’t have the tropical weather of Hawaii, Guam, Puerto Rico or southern Florida. The Canadian football league sucked–and we stole hockey and John Candy!

Check out South Park’s episode “Canada on Strike” featuring Stephen Abootman here!

Sitting her on a Saturday morning, after the gym, after breakfast, middle of coffee – and I find 3 stories in a row that show how truly ineffective the UN is. I am speechless and staggered by an overwhelming lack of effectiveness or even marginally decisive ideals.

Case 1: Zimbabwe. This a**whole has been slaughtering everyone who even speaks about running against him. So, the US and Europe put out a vote that the elections be nullified. Thank God South Africa came to the rescue! You remember South Africa, the apartheid people?

(more…)

South Park will be airing all-new episodes this month starting tonight. The latest episode of the show has Cartman coping with Tourette’s Syndrome in the most unsavory way.

From the official South Park website:

“Eric Cartman will say despicable things on national television. It’s all a part of Cartman’s master plan in an all-new episode of “South Park.” Continuing in its 11th season and fresh off of an Emmy win for Best Animated Program, “South Park” returns with seven all-new episodes beginning on Wednesday, October 3 at 10:00 p.m. on COMEDY CENTRAL. As a bonus, fans will be able to download the uncensored version of each new episode from the 11th season on iTunes, xBox, Amazon Unbox, walmart.com and bittorrent.com.

In the premiere episode, Cartman discovers the joys of having Tourette’s syndrome. Drunk with the power of saying whatever he wants without getting in trouble for it, Cartman lines up national TV coverage to take advantage of his new life with no filters.”

To honor this most festive of occasions we present you, fair reader, with some of the most memorable clips from the most recent seasons of South Park.

Watch the South Park clips after the jump. (more…)