Two weeks ago I had never owned, bought, or even worn a suit. Now, I’ve done all three of those things, and I picked up some valuable information along the way. I’d like to pass it on to any other nubes contemplating their first grown-up outfit. Keep in mind that less than a month ago I had never associated with a suit or an event that called for one, so if any of these tips seem a bit elementary you’ll have to wait for my Level 2 tips; these are for beginners.

1) Don’t button the bottom button

No matter what you do leave that last button alone. Two-button, three-button, even four; the one closest to your feet is never used. I’m not sure why it’s there if you’re not allowed to use it, but it is. I quickly made this mistake while putting on my first jacket and was reprimanded immediately. Turns out even buttons can be for show. It seems like extra work for whoever makes the suit. But I’m not Calvin Klein, so I’ll leave that sort of thinking up to him. (more…)

Thanks to the guy that gave us duck-like celebrity lips (I’m looking at you, Jenna Jameson), the g-spot can now be enlarged using a collagen injection known as the ‘G-shot’, making the elusive ‘button’ more sensitive and easier to find. Glad they figured this out, because before hearing about it, I was working on a very intrusive sonar device.

From the Daily Mail:

Rather like lip-plumping jabs, the treatment involves injecting collagen straight into the G-spot.

This not only enhances its sensitivity, but increases the width of the area to the size of a 10 pence piece.

It also raises the G-spot a quarter of an inch in height, making it much easier to find. And, as Caroline can testify, the results are tremendous. ‘I have quite literally never experienced anything quite like it,’ she says. ‘I had constant multiple orgasms which went on for hours.’

Hours of orgasms sounds pretty F’ing rad. Now, if only science could do something really useful, like find a cure for cancer…Oh yeah, they just did that, too.