A Pickup Artist’s Guide to Picking Up Ann Coulter

mysteryheartsannWhen the news broke recently that Ann Coulter had been dumped by her boyfriend, whose body she apparently hasn’t had a chance to eat yet, word quickly spread through the pickup artist community that a new top prize was loose on the field. You see, Ann is to pickup artists what ten point bucks are to hunters. She is their Moby Dick. Successfully picking her up would be the most impressive display of game maybe ever, or at least since John Smith famously day gamed Pocahontas back in the 1400s.

Ann’s eligibility has ignited a fierce debate amongst seasoned PUAs: how does one effectively employ Mystery’s teachings when your target is the most deranged female (who wasn’t born by Judy Garland) on the planet? Tried and true methods like negging and magic tricks are guaranteed to work on any woman no matter what, but since your target might not be entirely human, these techniques need to be adjusted accordingly in order to be 100-percent effective. (more…)

What Not To Do When Meeting Her Parents

more about “What Not To Do When Meeting Her Paren…“, posted with vodpod

Meeting your girl’s parents can go wrong in so many ways, it seems hard to miss the mark. But basically, if you act like you do normally, you’re probably going to come off as a douchebag. Instead, think of it as a job interview – but the goal is to make them not hate you for violating their daughter. And if your girl’s as hot as 2007 Playmate of the Year Sarah Jean Underwood, you better take that sh*t seriously.

The Complete Allison Stokke Web-Photo Index (New Pics!)

Holy pole vaulting Jesus! Stop what you’re doing. Hold the phone. Whatever – your day is about to get a billion percent better: we’ve got over 100 never-before-seen Allison Stokke photos for your viewing pleasure! To celebrate this momentous occasion, we’ve compiled every single photo of this University of California pole vaulter available online to create the Complete Alison Stokke Web-Photo Index, which includes all of the new pics you’ve been waiting to see.

Now, not only do you have all the photos of the hottest pole vaulter on the planet all in one place, you’ve got dozens upon dozens of new snapshots to salivate over. We’re not exactly sure what saint took all these pictures or how they got online, but to whoever’s responsible, we’d like to buy you a beer…or 100.

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The Pros and Cons of an Open Relationship

Open relationships are not just a thing of the past, something your parents tried out on the weekends back in the 70’s before STDs existed. They are alive and well today. And I’m here to explain some of the pros and cons of such a relationship for those of you who may be interested in giving it a try, or who want your friend to give it a try so you can get with his girlfriend that’s too hot for him.

I have a good friend, I’ll call her Sandy, who recently decided that open was the best kind of relationship, so all of my advice is the direct result of her actual experiences that have been rehashed to me. My friend’s trial run didn’t turn out so well, she and her boyfriend eventually broke up, but she insists that it wasn’t all bad and that she’d do it again given the opportunity.

Check out the Pros and Cons of an Open Relationship after the break! (more…)

Taking Her Virginity: A Guy’s Biggest Fear

556.jpgI was a bit late when it came to losing my V-Card. Almost every one of my friends handed that thing in long (and I mean looong) before me. It wasn’t that I was waiting for loooooove, or saving myself for marriage; it was just that I had never had a boyfriend and wasn’t ready to give it up to some rando from a frat party.

I wasn’t all loud-and-proud about my virgin status and I wasn’t ashamed. I just was.

When I finally did find myself in a good relationship I decided it was time to wipe the cobwebs off the V-Card and hand that sh*t in. Ok, so maybe I didn’t treat the situation with such ease, but I did finally feel comfortable enough with someone to take the naked plunge.

I thought it was best to tell the guy straight up. I really wanted to be honest with him so he knew where I was coming from…and why it was so damn painful. So, when he began to initiate sex a little while into our relationship I laid it all on the table.

“I just want you to know that I have never been in a real relationship before.” I began.

He looked bored. (more…)

I, Slut: Girl-on-Girl Name-Calling

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Ladies, gentlemen: I am a slut.

No two ways around it: I like sex. I like sex with lots of different people. I like sex in lots of different ways. I like talking about sex. I like writing about sex. So I go out, and I hook up, and I do not always stick around to cuddle. This doesn’t mean that I’m all messed up inside, or that I need men’s approval (if you look at my “to do” list, you’ll see that “caring about men’s approval” is on the bottom, directly beneath “personally oversee the freezing-over of Hell”), or that I can’t be faithful or intimate when I fall in looooove.

It’s tough to define my motives for sleeping around, but, if I had to make a guess, I think it might have something to do with the fact that I have a huge freaking pleasure center in my crotch, and it feels good when people touch it. So yeah: I’m a slut. I call myself a slut. I let my friends call me a slut. I even let my dude call me a slut, although that happens exclusively in bed. (more…)

Relationship “Expert�? Rationalizes Cheating

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At the gym this morning I caught a segment on some talk show about cheating. Basically, the show was about agencies that helped people find out if their mate was cheating on them, and if such spy agencies were even ethical.

One of the panelists on the show was “relationship expertâ€? and author Steve Santagati, a “former model and bad boyâ€? who penned The Manual: A True Bad Boy Explains How Men Think, Date, and Mate–and What Women Can Do to Come Out on Top.

I’ve caught Santagati’s TV appearances before, and each time I see his smug face on camera I can’t help but throw up a little and shake my head at all the women who actually buy anything written by such an obvious egoist.

My distaste aside, Santagati never actually said anything revolting during those appearances, so I had nothing to confirm my gut reaction—until this morning. (more…)

The Daily Shocker: Classy Strip Joints

The Daily Shocker

Rachel’s Gentleman’s Club in Florida gives away complimentary flu-shots and free lunch to the elderly. No word on worthwhile benefits for pervy middle-age guys, though. (WESH)

I won’t even attempt to divulge any thoughts on this real-life space opera. (Pravda)

Woman murders her boyfriend when she found his porn stash. Let this be a lesson: it’s time to find a new secret compartment in your house, fellas. (Chicago Tribune)

Post A Phone: the only landline phone flatter than your kid sister. (College Candy)

Guy confesses to the Senior prank he pulled in High School – 50 years later. (Palo Alto News)

Naked Guy Breaks in Nicholas Cage’s Mansion and…Tries on a Leather Jacket

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Nude burglar breaks in Nic Cage’s house, dons his national treasure. (Yahoo)

The smoke from a restaurant’s Chili sauce causes panic in the streets. (Times Online)

John Walters from the Office of National Drug Control Policy claims “success” in the War on Drugs. Not according to my bong… (BBC News)

Man attempting to kill a wasp kills his house. (WSBTV)

Woman drives stolen car to visit boyfriend at prison. Hilarity ensues. (KomoTV)

TV reporter whacks man with shovel to test revolutionary super foam. No need to wait, humankind: THE FUTURE IS NOW. (Breitbart)

How Not to be Sexiled: Tips and Tricks

Sexy GirlEverybody likes sex.

Unless it’s sex you’re not involved in, coming from the bed on the other side of the room. At 3 A.M. When you’ve got a test in 5 hours.

One of the most annoying (and sometimes, horrifying) aspects of going to college is the roommate’s not-so-silent sex fest.

It happens to almost everyone; you don’t know your roommate that well, she brings someone back to the room, you pretend you’re asleep, and the newly formed partnership proceeds to take full advantage of the condoms from the bathroom condom basket.

For a first time sex-fest listener, it can be a scarring occurrence. You want to speak up, but you also don’t, you want desperately to fall asleep, but it’s impossible due to the loud noises coming from across the room.

Here are some tips to keep you from waking up in the middle of the night in horror.
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