So let’s say your favorite movie is the Patrick Swayze vehicle,  Road House. It’s moved you so much that you now want to emulate zen-bouncer Dalton in real life and instill order at your favorite roughneck hot-spot. Well, I have been a bouncer. So here are some premiere bouncing tips.

1. Wear a tuxedo shirt and black bow tie, which would create a dichotomy that says I’m sophisticated enough to open a bottle of wine………. then beat you to death with it afterward…so don’t cause any trouble.

2. Stand in front of a velvet rope and memorize key phrases like:

“HAVE YOUR IDs OUT OR YOU’RE NOT GETTING IN!”

or

“SORRY GUYS I CAN’T LET YOU IN! LADIES RIGHT THIS WAY!”

For added effect, I’d throw in, “DON’T TOY WITH ME, I’M JUST NOT IN THE MOOD!”

3. The backbone to bouncing is checking IDs. Sure, it’s reading just a bunch of numbers off a plastic card. That’s why you should make a huge production out it.

Pull out a flashlight and hold it over my head, giving the impression you’ve been trained in special flashlight use not available to the general public.

No matter how old the patron looks, do the following: (more…)

Kimbo Slice. Even the name sounds frightening. He’s huge, jacked, and angry looking. He’s got a penchant for wearing the Bahama’s flag out to the ring and shaving his chest hair in interesting patterns. His beard swallows souls (get close enough and you can hear faint whispers coming from it’s center). I could see why people might want to fight him in the MMA world; I understand that. He’s a marquee name and locking yourself in a cage with him (even if you lose) will probably land you attention and quite a bit of money.

But paying to fight Kimbo? Thats madness, and not British humor ape-in-a-library-messing-up-the-card-catalog madness, but the Leonidas-kicks-you-into-a-hole madness. And yet, there are several men out there who can make that very claim. During his street fighting days, before you were allowed to fight Kimbo, you had to put up 10 grand. That’s the deal. Your 10g’s v.s Kimbo and his crew’s. I wonder if these guys ever stopped to think why Kimbo’s crew was so willing to put 10 large up. Or if they’d ever seen a picture of Kimbo. Or if they’d ever looked in a mirror and really just, head-on-hands reflected on the direction their life was headed.

Regardless, here’s a list of the guys who decided it was a good investment (Tip: it’s not). (more…)

This past weekend, street fighter Kimbo Slice entered the Elite XC octagon and burst James Thompson’s cauliflower ear. It was bloody, exciting, and saved Kimbo from what was sure to be a loss.

Kimbo Slice, a former varsity football player, bouncer, and bodyguard, became famous via underground street fights posted on YouTube. He’d win his fights by fiercely bludgeoning his opponents, which turned the heavy-hitter into an over night sensation.

Kimbo decided to take his craft to the world of Mixed Martial Arts, and so far has a record of 2-0. On Saturday though, his weaknesses were exposed: Despite being a great street fighter and striker, Kimbo is out of his element on the ground. If an experienced opponent like Tito Ortiz takes him down, he’s potentially finished.

But there is another famous Mixed Martial Artist who is as inexperienced as Kimbo,ds but is generating buzz–former WWE Champion Brock Lesnar. (more…)