Yelena Isinbayeva vs Allison Stokke

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Yelena Isinbayeva, the slavic stunner, just won Olympic gold in the pole vault competition. So we know she’s good. But is she hot enough to beat the goddess of Track and Field, Alison Stokke? We could spend all night trying to decide, so we hand the judgement over to you.

Which athletic hottie wins on your score card?

Either China is such an oppressively un-sexy place, or Olympic athletes have collectively given up on safe-sex practices, because two thirds of the 100,000 free condoms available to the Olympians sit untouched, on a shelf. This compared to previous Olympiads, which sound more like an international orgy of unfathomable proportions than a distinguished competition.

“Organizers ran out of prophylactics at the 2000 Sydney Games, which forced Athens organizers to nearly double the total available to 130,000 four years later,” says Yahoo Sports. Despite this, reports of the mood signal a change in “ambiance,” as more events come to a close and athletes are able to think less about the medal they need to win and more about the rainbow of booty that awaits them in the Olympians lounge.

Read the whole story at Yahoo Sports, here!

“Mao Tse Tongue”

After a week of the Summer Olympic Games in Beijing, we dragged ourselves out of our celebratory drunken stupor to pick a winner for our Olympic Edition Caption Contest! “Roqdog” submitted the winning one-liner, and will be receiving a $15 iTunes gift card! Check back for your chance to win in the next competition, which we’ll put together, once we’re done drinking….

The perfect weapon–vicious talent, inhuman flexibility, super hotness–Anastasia “Nastia” Valeryevna Liukin reigns as star of the 2008 US women’s gymnastics team at the Beijing Summer Games.

With nine World Championship medals already in the bag–and a fresh Olympic gold, which she earned Thursday night in the women’s gymnastics overall competition–this 18-year-old comes from an immaculate pedigree, her father winning Olympic gold at the ‘88 Games on the horizontal bars for the Soviets, her mother a World Champion rhythmic Russian gymnast.

And on top of all those skills is a blond bombshell that makes us wish we were chalk boys…or something. But were not, so we did what we do best–a wall of split-rific pics of the all around awesomeness that is Nastia Liukin. And now, The Ass-ential Nastia Liukin.

If you’re anything like us, you’ve been sitting around on the couch, watching the best athletes in the world compete for international greatness while you stuff your face with Funyuns and refill your beer helmet thinking, “Where the hell do all these amazing athletes come from?”

Well, if they’re from the United States, they probably come from these nine schools, where some of the best athletes in the 2008 Beijing Summer Games developed their medal-winning talent. No place provides for top-notch coaching like college. And these nine schools have provided more Olympians than any others in the country. So get ready to find out where you should have gone to school. (more…)

Despite her tragic falls last night in the fight for the gold against the uber-jail-bait Chinese gymnastics team (who won), 20-year-old Alicia Sacramone is still our favorite high-flying hottie. She’s cute as can be, and fills out the spandex better than any other gymnast in Beijing this year–maybe ever. Oh, and did we mention that she’s a total badass?

To properly honor this flexible hottie, we’ve put together the one-stop-shop for all the Sacramone sexiness this side of the Great Wall with The Ass-ential Alicia Sacramone. Maybe the US team came in second yesterday, but Alicia and her bodacious butt have already earned their gold.

No opening ceremony for any Olympics before has been so well-directed, massive, awesome…or made us wish we were on drugs so much as the incredible spectacle of Beijing’s opening ceremony last Friday night. The drums, the lights, the giant screen and 15,000 people running, fighting, flying–it was a visual orgasm.

But we’ve done you one better. To help you enjoy the Beijing opening ceremony to its fully-influenced potential, we at COED have made “The Dark Side of the Beijing” mash-up, combining the opening ceremony with Pink Floyd’s infamous “Dark Side of the Moon.” The Wizard of Oz ain’t got nothin’ on this…

The Rules:
Submit your best caption in the comments section below, and the winner (based purely on our bias) will receive a $15 iTunes gift card! Since this is the Olympic Edition caption contest, your entry must be Olympics-related. Let the captioning begin!

Check out more photos of Drunk Girls Kissing here!

The Chinese have been dogged for years about their strange choice in cuisine. So to prepare for the 2008 Summer Olympics, which kick-off fully Friday in Beijing, the “People” combined some of their staple ingredients with American ballpark food, in a last ditch attempt to appeal more to the rest of the world.

COED’s 2008 Chinese Olympic Foods correspondent has been busy gathering up all the latest additions to the menu, and sent us the final list this morning. Get ready, because these bootleg foods are so gruesome and disgusting, they might make you join PETA. Yeah, it’s that bad…

Check out the Food of the 2008 Beijing Olympic Games after the break! (more…)

Recently, we put together The Ass-Entials of Beach Volleyball, which covered the sport from a, uh, lower-angled perspective. But since then, we’ve actually watched the sport and realized it’s one of the greatest gifts to man this side of micro-brews and all-you-can eat BBQ.

So this time, we’ve gathered together all the women’s beach volleyball teams going to Beijing for the 2008 Summer Olympics into one ass-tastic round-up that’s sure to place this sport at the top of your must-see list. And not just because of the hot bikini bods–but mostly…

Check out The Girls of 2008 Olympic Beach Volleyball after the flip! (more…)