Well, school’s over for the year.  You former freshman have moved back in with your parents and secured that summer job and, after the first couple of weeks, have discovered a sad truth: while you’re a college student, summers blow.

You’re working forty hour weeks in menial labor.  None of your college buddies are around anymore.  Your parents don’t seem to appreciate when you show up at your house drunk at 4 a.m.  Your mom still does your laundry, but she’s sharing her car with you, so you have to let her know when you’re going anywhere.  You never thought you’d ask this, but: is it September yet?

You call up the ever-dwindling number of people you still talk to from high school and see what they want to do, and at some point, somebody suggests going to the bar — you know, that crap-tastic small town dive bar filled with locals.  Sure, why not?  When you walk in, here’s what you can expect to find: (more…)

Do you think Hayden Panettiere is hot? Do you refer to any last-stop bar as “the 19th hole?” What about a bluetooth headset? Got one?  If you answered yes to any of these questions, stop what you’re doing and take this quiz.  The guy you’ve been rolling your eyes at in disgust all these years, may very well be you.  Are you ‘That Guy’?

Take the ‘That Guy’ Quiz Now.

You can mark the Great Boston Beer Marathon (starting this Saturday, June 14, 2008 at 10:30am) down as the most extreme summer event of the year… next to Preakness.

The Great Boston Beer Marathon is an annual bar crawl that visits 26 of Boston’s best bars. Now in it’s third year, over 2,300 people have confirmed attendance for the Great Boston Beer Marathon, Part 3 Facebook group, and the founders are looking to set a new attendance record.

I have taken part in the Great Boston Beer Marathon since its 2006 inception. A rowdy crowd of 400-500 people took part that year. And in 2007, the number of participants swelled to over 1,200.

At this Saturday’s event, we can expect a similar jump in numbers, as founder Paul Reitano looks to set the Guinness World Record for the largest pub crawl in history.

If you live within driving distance of Boston, I would suggest you register for the event online and attend–because you will have the time of your life.

If America could be summed up in one day, that day is today, people!

With Super Tuesday, Fat Tuesday and Pancake Day all falling on the same date, we the people can now celebrate an exclusive, once in a lifetime tradition: Super Fat Pancake Day. (more…)

The following article satire is brought to you by the folks at COED:

I often find myself asking myself (is that a run on?) “where is the perfect location for meeting girls?”

Sure, clubs are often the first place that comes to mind, but my cute pick-up lines don’t always work well when attempting to talk over loud, fist-pumping music to orange-skinned girls from Staten Island.

A desperate fella like me must suck it up and meet girls the hard way: in real life. (more…)

Just in case you thought your lack of action must be from women getting theirs more frequently elsewhere, studies show that men still have more sexual partners than women.

The nationwide survey found “29 percent of American men report having 15 or more female sexual partners in a lifetime, while only 9 percent of women report having sex with 15 or more men.”

A rough translation? The average amount of lifetime sexual partners for guys is 7, while the average for women is 4.

Researchers claim this study of 6,237 adults, aged 20 to 59, is more effective than previous ones have been, since most of the research was done with a computer program. (more…)

It’s high-time at the local bar you’re attending. You’ve been pounding beers all night and have called on the almighty Car Bomb to bring the night to its peak.

Friends are laughing, liquor is flowing, girls are grinding on each other for your/their pleasure…a bar-based utopia has been created for all!

Classic times are being had – until your bladder waves a red flag, forcing you to miss all the action happening while you’re gone, if only for those few choice minutes.

Not much feels worse than having to go unload in the midst of a drunken good time – but what if your wobbly trip to the John awarded you with a few moments of total relaxation? U.S. Patent 6,681,419 (the Urinal Headrest) is hoping to alleviate your bathroom woes.

The Urinal Headrest is exactly that: a comfy headrest where your head can relax while you do your business.

In fact, the Toilet Headrest looks so comfortable that I would be hard-pressed to find anybody severely wasted even trying to leave its relaxing grip. (more…)

1. Buying someone a drink is five times better than a handshake.
2. A flask engraved with a personal message is one of the best gifts you can ever give. And make sure there’s something in it.
3. The bar clock moves twice as fast from midnight to last call.
4. If you’re going to drink on the job, drink vodka. It’s the no-tell liquor.
5. Asking a bartender what beers are on tap when the handles are right in front of you is the equivalent of saying, “I’m an idiot.”

(more…)

Every once in awhile I like going out to bars, clubs, you name it. Buuuuut, I am not yet 21 and I nowhere near look like I am. Because of my short stature, people frequently ask me if I am in high school (and one time even junior high).

I know, I know: in 20 years, I’ll be begging for people to think I’m in high school. But for right now, I just wanna pass as 21 so I can go out with my friends. Which is nearly impossible. I still get funny looks from waiters when I order off the adult menu.

So, I got a fake ID. I was lucky enough to inherit an actual old ID of a friend’s after she turned 21. While my friend and I look alike, she is 25 and 5′9. And yet, her ID has worked flawlessly time and time again, even when I don’t wear my seven-inch heels.

How does it work, you ask? I follow a few basic steps: (more…)

Summer is here! Time to whip out the bathing suit, hop in the pool and follow all of that fun with a perfect night of getting waaaaaaaaaaaaaaasted.

Which all sounds awesome until you wake up in the morning with the worst hangover of all time. After running to the bathroom to puke a twice and promising God that you will never drink again if he lets you make it through this pain, you return to your bed and contemplate just what will make this horrible feeling end.

Unfortunately, you are fresh out of Vicodin.

Lucky for you, there are other ways to get rid of the spins/headache/dry mouth/sore muscles/anything else that comes along with a hangover (besides the smokey smell in your hair and ugly dude lying next to you). (more…)