If there was one web meme that defined 2009 it was the Auto Tune. So leave it to the internet to apply this over-applied ‘make-any-rapper-a-singer” tool to the year that almost was. I have to admit it’s disgustingly awesome, despite the fact that that Michael Jackson and Tiger Woods are not even a mention. Wait, on second thought…

At first, it might seem cool to live next door to the latest random celebrity, just to be able to say you were close to the “action.” But pretty soon, reporters, cameramen, crews and news vans keep you from getting home after a hard day’s work, and the only thing you want to do is start punching people in the face. You know, like this guy.

Yes, this is real. Yes, the song was performed by instant meme, “Balloon Boy” Falcon Heene and his brothers. Yes, the name of the song is “Pussification,” the meaning of which is laid out clearly in the beginning of the video, and it’s pretty much what you’d expect. Yes, they say words I’m not allowed to print on COED. Yes, Falcon is in the toilet, slathered in whoknowswhat, looking like Mr. Hanky.

We’re past this whole “Was the Balloon Boys story a hoax” nonsense. Obviously, it’s all bullsh*t. And if you think it might not be bullsh*t, all you have to do is watch this video of the father releasing the g*ddamn balloon to know that it’s a hoax. Now that we have that resolved, let’s move on to bigger things: Who’s going to play who in inevitable upcoming Hollywood biopic…

After discovering that the “Balloon Boy,” who was allegedly floating around at around 7000 feet in a giant, homemade helium contraption, was actually just hiding in the garage, the news shows went crazy booking the whole family for an interview. But during this segment with Wolf Blitzer, the boy, Falcon (really, that’s his name) admits that “We did this for the show.”