As we all know, modern business is defined by rewarding failure. From the economic bailout plan to golden parachutes, nothing says “Congratulations on the gross misuse of the public’s trust” like extravagant rewards. In all of my research, I have found that only this industry rewards creative abuses with equally creative excess.

Taking full advantage of my creativity and propensity for excess, I have decided to start my job a little early. Keeping AIG’s corporate culture and leadership goals in mind, the following list contains the next 5 destination retreat sites for 2009 that are sure to piss of Congress even more than the others.

Please be sure, that when the American government is footing the bill, it is important to spare no expense!

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It is great to know that the economy’s complete and total collapse hasn’t taken its toll on AIG executive’s ability to kick back and get some well-deserves R&R. Really, nothing says, “Hey, we just helped destroy the American way of life for at least 2 generations of citizens,” like spending $440,000 on a short getaway in Cali. Great job a$$holes! And now the dumb-sh!t senators that gave them the money, are all surprised?!

Uh…I’m not. And every other marginally educated person in this country knew damn well this was going to happen. Somehow Congress thought different??? Are you jackasses beginning to believe your own bullsh!t? These are the people, AIG in particular, who turned corporate waste into an art form. Not since David Blaine’s Dive of Death, have I seen such a blatant abuse of money and the public’s confidence (which we are just about all out of).

The AIG execs got manicures, facials and even spent $25,000 on 1 meal. For $25K, the meal better have ended with a facial! Either way, this is going to be a recurring theme over the next couple of years. The Fed has turned the American dollar into an international joke and it is a contest to see which will be used as toilet paper first: the Euro, the Dollar or this bullsh!t bailout/rescue/WTF plan…my money is on all of the above.

Blood in the water throughout the financial markets means many things to many people, but to us – it is an opportunity. Even students who don’t understand investing in the equities market can be a part of the rebuilding process.

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“The venerable Lehman Brothers investment bank said early Monday that it will file for bankruptcy, while Bank of America unveiled plans to buy Merrill Lynch — two pieces of news that profoundly alter the American financial landscape.”

In case you’re just waking up, Wall Street is going through some major changes. Nevermind that Ike is causing oil prices to jump up yet again, two huge investment banks, both of which came through the 1930’s Depression, are in the process of folding. While Merrill Lynch may be finding new life under Bank of America, Lehman Brothers, which is 158 years old, is closing it’s doors for good.

What does this mean for you? Well, that remains to be seen. All eyes will be watching Wall Street today, hoping and praying that other stocks will stay strong in the wake of such monumental financial crumblings. It’s not news that our economy is currently shaky at best, and it may be too early to tell how exactly these two recent foldings will effect people’s wallets.

Let’s just think positively. And maybe…skip that latte this morning.