As we all know, modern business is defined by rewarding failure. From the economic bailout plan to golden parachutes, nothing says “Congratulations on the gross misuse of the public’s trust” like extravagant rewards. In all of my research, I have found that only this industry rewards creative abuses with equally creative excess.

Taking full advantage of my creativity and propensity for excess, I have decided to start my job a little early. Keeping AIG’s corporate culture and leadership goals in mind, the following list contains the next 5 destination retreat sites for 2009 that are sure to piss of Congress even more than the others.

Please be sure, that when the American government is footing the bill, it is important to spare no expense!

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I have an economics professor that is such a hippie-liberal-douche, it pains me to hear him speak. Every now and then, though, he says something completely uncharacteristic that I agree with. Being that it is my 8am class on Tu/Th, it leaves me with the rest of the day to ponder.

We give the Detroit Big 3 a ton of crap for being slow in transitioning to fuel efficient and alternative fuel automobiles. They still make trucks and SUVs like they did in the prime of the 90’s waste, F-THAT! Good luck with your losses…right? After some poking around after class, I ran across a fun stat – the same Big 3 spends $25B a quarter or over $8B a MONTH in pension benefits.

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It is great to know that the economy’s complete and total collapse hasn’t taken its toll on AIG executive’s ability to kick back and get some well-deserves R&R. Really, nothing says, “Hey, we just helped destroy the American way of life for at least 2 generations of citizens,” like spending $440,000 on a short getaway in Cali. Great job a$$holes! And now the dumb-sh!t senators that gave them the money, are all surprised?!

Uh…I’m not. And every other marginally educated person in this country knew damn well this was going to happen. Somehow Congress thought different??? Are you jackasses beginning to believe your own bullsh!t? These are the people, AIG in particular, who turned corporate waste into an art form. Not since David Blaine’s Dive of Death, have I seen such a blatant abuse of money and the public’s confidence (which we are just about all out of).

The AIG execs got manicures, facials and even spent $25,000 on 1 meal. For $25K, the meal better have ended with a facial! Either way, this is going to be a recurring theme over the next couple of years. The Fed has turned the American dollar into an international joke and it is a contest to see which will be used as toilet paper first: the Euro, the Dollar or this bullsh!t bailout/rescue/WTF plan…my money is on all of the above.

So it looks like the Congress is going to pass the $700 billion bailout, and that means every single American is going to get saddled with a $2,300 bill. Since that money’s coming out of your pocket, whether you like it or not, you can only think of what you would have otherwise spent that money on, if you were spending it.

What would you have rather spent $2,300 on than bailing out Wall Street?

(Image: i-magin-ation.com)