Paris Hilton is a lot of things - loaded, dumb, whorish - but an actor isn’t one of them, as evidenced by The Hottie and the Nottie, her latest foray into film.

In The Hottie and the Nottie (clever!) Hilton plays some hot chick who some rail-thin, awkwardly-cute dude (Hollywood’s new favorite movie accessory) has liked since grade school. The problem is, Hilton’s character is still BFF with her childhood friend, some fugly girl with bad hygiene and fashion that could be hot - with some help. You know where this one is going.

I don’t remember any of the character’s names. Why should I? I don’t even have to make fun of this one, folks - it’s that bad. Please don’t see this in theaters, not even as a joke.