I’m not the greatest-looking guy, and if I was even marginally talented in some capacity, I wouldn’t be a British Lit major. I am a dork who obsesses over comic books, playing Madden and downloading celebrity porn from Limewire. I’ve accepted my level of the inter-collegiate caste system.

But then Milo Ventimiglia came along.

Not sure if Ventimiglia has some kind of palsy, or whether he attended the Sly Stallone School of Facial Expressions, but he has that whole Popeye side-mouth thing going. He is 31 (ancient by Hollywood standards), relatively unattractive from one dude to another, and has very little true acting talent from what I have seen (I’m not hating…really!). And yet, this man who I now idolize more than John Wayne and Jesus, is tapping Hayden Leslie Panettiere.

I know that everyone was writing about that we was older and what about the age difference, blah, blah, blah…no one stopped to say, “Niiiiiiiice job Milo!” Have we as a society got so politically correct, that there is no longer room for the celebratory “good game” tap?

Milo, you have shown me so much.

Being cute to my mom and having minor nerve damage from a little league incident is NOT debilitating at all. There is hope for me and others like me. With your guidance and inspiration, I can one day aspire to touch the hottest girl on the planet in her naughty places and not just on the Hayden doll that I made of old teddy-bears and some US Weekly magazines. (Damn you all for judging!)

In all seriousness, Milo…we need to hangout. I made a Second Life character after you and now all the machinima ho’s want a piece of me. In just a few short days you have shown me the way and the light, and I am not sure how I can ever repay you.

Vive la Ventimiglia!