If you’re a normal human being, you inevitably grew up reciting nursery rhymes. But did you know that the catchy rhymes and melodies that dominated your kindergarten banter are vulgar and offensive filth? Next time you hear your 5-year-old cousin singing one of these, smack them as hard as you can. Because racism is not cool.

Baa Baa Black Sheep
“Baa baa black sheep, have you any wool? Yes sir, yes sir, three bags full; one for the master and one for the dame, and one for the little boy who lives down the lane.”

This ditty is racist on a number of levels: the black sheep refers to a slave, apparently a pretty good one since he’s got three whole bags full of “wool.” He must have been a trophy at the auction. But I digress. The wool represents the cotton that the slave has been picking all day. It is also made apparent that the slave is a boy-craving pedophile.

Kookaburra
“Laugh, Kookaburra, laugh, Kookaburra, gay your life must be.”

“Kookaburra” obviously refers to a flamboyantly gay man who has unprotected sex with multiple partners every week and has AIDS. He is laughing to help ease the pain that comes from knowing he will die of AIDS in the near future.

All Around the Mulberry Bush
“All around the mulberry bush, the monkey chased the weasel, the monkey thought ’twas all in fun, POP! goes the weasel”

You see, the “weasel” is a wholesome, upper-class white girl’s virginity, or “cherry,” if you will. And as we all know, “monkeys” are evil-doing black rapists. ‘Nuff said.

My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean
“My Bonnie lies over the ocean, my Bonnie lies over the sea, my Bonnie lies over the ocean, please bring back my Bonnie to me … Last night as I slept on my pillow, last night as I slept on my bed, last night as I slept on my pillow, I dreamt that my Bonnie was dead.”

Besides being more redundant than country lyrics, this popular tune is about a homicidal maniac who murdered “Bonnie” and dumped her in the ocean. And now he misses having sex with her dead body.

And lastly, although I have never heard this nursery rhyme in my entire life, it certainly warrants mentioning. The innuendo goes without saying.

I Love Little Pussy
“I love little pussy, her coat is so warm, and if I don’t hurt her, I’ll do her no harm. So I’ll not pull her tail, not drive her away, but pussy and I, very gently, will play.”