Out of the myriad of things wrong with today’s society, we need to thank Matt and Trey for calling attention to one of the greatest underlying causes of racial tension in the United States. Urination etiquette is of course the underlying issue, but as we all learned last night – there are just too many minorities in our waterparks. (To be fair though, there are a growing number of fat white people wearing t-shirts in the pool as well.)

(Check Out The Full Episode Here)

Not My Water Park – Lyrics

What has happened to this place
I don’t recognize it anymore
It used to be so fun and special
What is life worth living for

The dream is dead
Our land is gone
There’s a hole in my heart
And I can’t go on

There are too many minorities (minorities)
At my water park (my water park)
This was our land, our dream (our dream)
and they’ve taken it all away

They just keep coming and coming (minorities)
I tried to go and tell the police
But even the authorities
Are minorities (are minorities)
At my water park

There’s no place for me to sit anymore
And the lines just keep getting crazier
There are Mexicans all around me
The lazy river has never been lazier

It’s a 40 minute wait to go down one slide
And the instructions are in Spanish on the Zip Line ride (just do it in English!)

There are too many minorities (too many)
At my water park (somebody do something)
Where did they all come from
Why can’t they leave this land alone

And it’s such a tragedy (feel a bit like dying)
We looked the other way too long
We’ve got to change our priorities
And get all these minorities
Out of my water park

(Minorities) Mexicans and Asians
Black people
I think I even saw Native Americans (gross)

God I’m asking please
Get all of these minorities
Out of my water park (my water park)

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The only thing more awesome than taunting your opponent is getting PWND by said opponent and getting a taste of your own medicine.  Case in point: The Cartwheeling goalie.  They don’t call it the beautiful game for nothing.

Look out WOW freakout kid, the British are coming and they are serious about their videogames.  Sure you put a remote up your bum and hit yourself in the head with a shoe, but you got nothin’ on your English Doppelganger.  After a 17 hour run on Modern Warfare 2, his gloves are off and it’s just knuckles and wall.

If I’ve said this once, I’ve said it a million times: If you’re going to propose to your girlfriend in front of tens of thousands of people, you better be 100-percent sure that she’s going to say yes. (And that she doesn’t mind having a very personal moment shared with the general public.) Because, if you don’t, you’re going to end up looking like a total dipsh*t. You know, like this guy…

This video uncovers a disturbing problem that is too often swept under the rug and left unnoticed: Toilet Abuse.  As I am sure you will agree, no commode, regardless of it’s past, deserves this type of wanton punishment.  Props to Gorillamask for bringing this issue to light. The more you know…

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With the New York Comedy Festival kicking off November 4th in New York City, Dane Cook has been making the morning show rounds promoting the festival and his gig at Madison Square Garden. We’re certainly big fans of the NYCF, but we can’t seem to wrap our brains around Dane Cook’s inclusion in an otherwise stellar lineup.  I mean he was voted #1 in our 10 Most Unfunny Comedians of All-Time.  Maybe it would make more sense if he were playing the New York Biggest-Jackass-Orator Festival? Just saying.

Check out Dane Cook and The 10 Most Unfunny Comedians of All-Time

I’m not what you call a sports expert. Not that I’m bad at sports (other than basketball, which I should never play, for any reason), it’s just that I’m not an expert. So take this with a grain of salt when I say, I think of these guys f**ked up. Maybe it’s just my amateur eye, but something’s wrong when this happens…

For most people, all it takes to have a bad day at work is for a close-talker to trap you by the water cooler while your lunch is getting cold. But that’s not really that bad, and neither is most of the other nonsense you have to deal with on a daily basis. No, bad is accidentally hitting the wrong pedal on your fork lift and, well, just watch this…

Wow, guys, it’s amazing! Michael Jackson’s alive!… in the body of a white guy. I know, I know, he’s not quite the dancer that Michael once was. But that’s to be expected. See, this is an actual white guy, with with guy dancing skills, whereas before Micheal Jackson’s death (and reincarnation), he just looked like a white dude, but danced with the feet of a black guy. Still, this Michael dances his ass off at the bus stop like it’s nobody’s business.

All I’m going to say is, if you’re going to snoop around like a cat burglar, it’s probably a good idea to have some clue as to how to walk across a roof without it falling in on itself… four times! I’m mean, seriously, dude. You’re in China. They’re not exactly known for making things that last forever. If you were climbing around on the pyramids, then maybe, but this is just freakin’ ridiculous.