Nowadays, ‘alt porn’ (i.e. naked chicks with tattoos and/or neon-colored hair) is commonplace, a much needed change from the omnipresent blond hair and fake t*ts that have made up the American porn scene for far too long. And it’s all thanks to the punky pornographers at SuicideGirls.com. Of course, there are now tons of copycat Sites, but the lovely ladies of SG will always hold a special place in our pants hearts. So to honor their naughty innovation, we give you 77 Sexy Suicide Girls to feast your eyes upon.

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Don’t get me wrong – being young and having fun is as important as anything in life. But assuming you live past the age of 28, there are a few things that you just can’t get away with, without reaping some serious consequences. Here are  the top 10 things you do when you’re young that, when looking back, make you wonder how you could have been such a complete and total dumbass.  (Image used courtesy of The Lizard Man)

10. Body Piercing Plugs

Believe me, I’ve been there. The piercing you either got at the mall or did in your friend Tim’s basement with a safety pin just wasn’t cool enough, so you switched to 16-gauge hoops, then to 14, and before you knew it, you’ve shoved the biggest g*ddamn thing that doesn’t look like it will give you herpes through your ear lobe like you’re from f**king Ethiopia. But beware: once you’ve finally decided to take out the massive disks in your ears, your lobes will be so stretched, you’ll have to have them sew-up to keep from looking like you have a shriveled butt hole on each ear.

(Image used courtesy of Stephen)

9. Risque Internet Pics

For some reason, people these days just can’t help posting pictures of themselves and their friends doing stupid, drunken, naked things online. But despite the fact that everybody’s doing it, don’t be fooled: Sometime, sooner or later, those pictures are going to come back to haunt you. And when they do, it will start a sh!tstorm you can’t even imagine. And pretty soon that trip to Vegas when you were 23 will turn into the reason you are fired from your job, divorced from your wife and/or estranged from your children. Seriously.

8. Tattoos

These days, having a tattoo is practically like having a belly button – everybody’s got one. The only difference is, having a belly button isn’t going to make you want to punch yourself in the face for stupidity as soon as you’re out of your “Jack Daniels phase.” Of course plenty of tattoos won’t be constantly regrettable reminders that you were once a retard. That is, unless you got any on your face, neck, fingers or any other place where your boss is then forced to know how much you used to like naked Star Wars characters. Oh and ladies, just so you know, one day that lower back tattoo you all seem to have is going to be known as the “old lady tattoo.” Not so sexy, is it?

7. Choosing Your Best Friend’s Girlfriend Over Your Best Friend

She was hot. She was so smokingly hot, your F’ing crotch could’ve spontaneously combusted at any moment. And the fact that she was untouchable, lest you ruin the entire friendship you and your best buddy had built up since you were six, made her all the more desirable. But one day, they broke up. And all of a sudden, you were spending your days holding hands and helping her pick out duvet covers. You and “that asshole” Mr. Ex stopped talking. Time goes by. Then some afternoon you come home to find her blowing a guy from the laundromat. And the sad thing is, in the end, you are the douchebag, and that’s all there is to it.

6. Getting Married Too Young

This rotten son-of-a-bitch trap can swallow even the most farsighted individuals. And I get it: You meet the woman of your dreams. You spend all your time with her; she gets all your jokes. And pretty soon, she’s on the pill and you’re living under the same roof, picking out paint for the dining room, secretly wondering what the hell happened to your manhood. Before you know it, you’re d*ck deep in webcam girl bills and pleated khakis. Next up, divorce, which charmingly includes going into debt to pay for the lawyers. But the sick twist is, she never wanted any of that bullsh!t either.

5. Not Traveling (Enough)

It’s hard to realize when you’re 21, but the time for whisking off to foreign lands with nothing to worry about besides which awesome thing to see next quickly evaporates. (Just ask any older person, they’ll tell you all about it.) Before you know it, you’re still in the same place you were seven years before, but with too many responsibilities to get away with jetting off to India for six months, just for the hell of it. So the best bet is to get as much traveling in while you’re single, childless and can still afford to not be working on building up your 401K (as if those mattered much these days, anyway).  So what are you waiting for?

4. Not Finishing School

One thing you quickly learn in college is that not having any money to spend sucks a hot cup of assholes. By your junior year, all you want to do is sit still for two f**king seconds and relax, instead of zipping around like a PCP addict. So you drop out, get an OK job, do OK stuff and have OK things. Cool, right? Maybe. But if you want to really do something interesting with your life, you’re going to have to do a hell of a lot better than that.

Not only should you finish school, but you should become passionate about something, study abroad and then go to grad school. Become an expert. You know, or you could knock up some chick, get a predatory loan and hope to God you never get fired for the rest of your life.

(NOTE: I know, this is not always the case. Some of the most successful people in the world dropped out of school. Fine – whenever you want to go invent something that changes the world, be my guest.)

3. Smoking

If you didn’t know smoking kills you by now, then you probably deserve whatever fate becomes you. Whatever. The thing the never-smokers don’t understand is, smoking is good for the soul, damnit! (Unfortunately, you only think that because you’re addicted to nicotine.) But unless you’re some type of endlessly-going genetic anomaly, THIS SH!T WILL KILL YOU. Seriously, so unless you want your kids to think you’re a total asswipe, quit right now. If you don’t want to have kids, fine. But that’s not going to make the chemo any less sucky, that’s all I’m sayin’…

2. Bad Credit

This one applies to everyone, since we Americans all seem to be addicted to f**king ourselves over in the long-run by getting greedy and buying a bunch of stupid crap every 10 seconds when we can’t afford it. Yep, I’ve been there, too. And for now, while your biggest commitment in life is playing Left4Dead, it might seem OK. But when you have a family to support and sending your kids to college is suddenly slopped on your plate, you’re going to be eating a giant sh!t sandwich. That is, unless you call saving for the future and holding-off on that new 50-inch plasma  something other than a sh!t sandwich. Not that I have to tell you that anymore, since you don’t have a job. Hmmmm, I wonder how that happened…

1. Not Spending More Time With Your Parents

Mom and Dad might not be hip to your world or your life or even the Internet, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t the two most important people you have. And believe it or not, they can be gone before you know it. (Other times they stick around so long, you could kill them yourself, but that’s another article.)

So whether you live miles away or blocks, make sure to spend time with them whenever you can. Call them, send them a card, do anything that lets them know that you’re not a complete f**k-up. They will thank you for it, whether you know so now or not. It’s not to say that, if you are still living on your parent’s couch, you’re going to be the most satisfied person on the planet. But if you only see the folks once a year, you’re going to have some therapy bills to pay for once they pass, guaranteed.

Honorable Mentions: not banging a MILF, heavy drug use, not learning a foreign language, beastiality

Have a regret to add to the list? Just tell us in the comments!

It’s no secret how much we love the backside of a beautiful woman.  From Sweet Ass Tuesday and Brazilian beach butts, to Tight Jeans and G-Strings we just can’t get enough.  So today’s feature should come as no surprise as we pay homage to one of the sexiest phenomenons ever to hit south of a girl’s beltline… The Plumber’s Crack. a.k.a. butt cleavage or the coin slot.  Get your quarter’s ready.

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In the 90s, the thong was queen of women’s underwear. Nobody could get enough. There was a freakin’ Top 10 song about it, for f**k’s sake! But today, the boy shorts are king. These simple, non-wedgie-giving panties somehow magically transform any butt into a world-class ass. So to show our support of this fantastic undergarment, we’ve compiled the hottest pictures of boy shorts we could find. Gentlemen, we present to you Booty-ful Boy Short Babes!

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One of the most talked about news items the past few weeks has been the Carrie Prejean sex tapes which even earned her an interview on Larry King Live where she managed to make herself look like a bigger idiot than before.
The sex tape craze has been big among D-List celebrities in the past few years and if you were thinking “who cares?” about the Prejean sex tape, here are some that you may have missed… hopefully.

Tom Sizemore
Most people know Tom Sizemore as that guy from that movie but few know that Sizemore (all 300 pounds of him) released a sex tape a few years ago in order to pay his legal and rehab bills prompting all eight people who bought it to go “Ewww.”

Sizemore’s tape did teach us a valuable lesson, though. It doesn’t matter how fat or disgusting you are, if you have money there are countless women who will sleep with you.

Verne Troyer (a.k.a. Mini Me)
Yes, the little guy from Austin Powers made his own sex tape to rival the grossness of the Sizemore tape.

Troyer says that he did not release the tape and it was magically stolen by the guy who released Paris Hilton’s sex tape…because people always rummage through little people’s homes to see if there’s any vids of them banging.

Troyer also taught us a valuable lesson: no matter how tiny or weird looking you are, if you have been on film there are people who will sleep with you.
By the way, way better than the sex tape is the video of Troyer riding his scooter around naked and wasted on some dumb reality show.

Dustin Diamond (a.k.a. Screech)
Diamond is a perfect example of the mentality of a delusional “celebrity.” The guy’s only work since Saved by the Bell was an appearance on Celebrity Boxing and Celebrity Fit Club yet he thinks that a sex tape will send him back to starhood.

Do you know why Kim Kardashian blew up after sex tapes came out? Because she is smoking hot and more importantly a girl. You’re the guy who played Screech.

Chyna/Sean Waltman
After leaving the WWE, Chyna appeared in Playboy and then came out with a sex tape (it was called “One Night in Chyna”…very original) that featured her and former WWE “superstar” Sean Waltman (1-2-3 Kid/X-Pac).

This was the closest that we have seen to a gay celebrity sex tape.

Fred Durst
The fact that Fred Durst is arguably the most famous person on this list makes me sad for our country.

Durst supposedly didn’t release the tape (it was allegedly stolen by a guy who was fixing his computer) and ironically only became more irrelevant after the tape was leaked.

Tonya Harding
This one is my favorite because it was actually sold by Penthouse who though that people would want to see Tonya Harding and her husband having sex.

They were wrong.

Follow the author, Igor Derysh, on Twitter @IgorDerysh

If sexiness was flammable, NYC would have burned to the ground last night as the world’s top models hit the runway for the 2009 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show. 13-year VS veteran Heidi Klum hosted the event alongside the super seductive Alessandra Ambrosio, Ana Beatriz Barros, Miranda Kerr & Candice Swanepoel just to name a few. The highlight of the evening was COED fave Marisa Miller who donned a 150 carat diamond studded bra valued at $3,000,000. The show airs on CBS on December 1st. Hopefully these pics will tide you over until then. Enjoy.

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In this day and age of calorie concerns, yoga, wheat grass smoothies and an overall obsession with health, many of the vices we know an love seem sadly on their way out. With that in mind, today is the 34th annual American Cancer Society’s Great American Smokeout so it is safe to assume the first victim of this cultural cleansing is the cigarette. (Unless Barack Obama changes all that.) And if you ask us, that’s a serious tragedy. See, there’s just something about a woman with a cigarette that makes dudes happy. Maybe it’s the ‘bad girl’ image. Maybe it’s thoughts of ‘oral fixation.’ But no matter what the reason, it’s F’ing hot! Not that we have a smoking fetish, but after checking out all these smokin’ hotties, it doesn’t seem like such a bad idea.

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The college football season is nearing its end.  Conference titles are being handed out, bowl game combatants are becoming clear, and emo Senior cheerleaders are beginning to go ‘all out’ five to six nights a week.  This week features The Game as an underachieving Michigan hosts Ohio State, and a tough gear up game for Pitt before they square off against Cincinnati.  Get out your beads and pocket your favorite pint as its getting cold in the stadiums across the nation on gameday. (more…)

On November 11th we decided to giveaway a free pair of Nudie Jeans, along with White Denim’s new album Fits (iTunes) on CD, and a full-length vinyl copies of both Fits and White Denim’s first album, Exposion! on Twitter.

To enter we asked you to follow us on Twitter (@coedmagazine), then send us this tweet: “RT @coedmagazine White Denim/Nudie Jeans Giveaway.” (Only entries with this exact tweet will be counted.) And that’s it.

Now it’s time to announce the winner. Congrats to @TheCountvon from Minneapolis, MN, you are now the proud owner of some Nudie Jeans and good music!

Happy 81st Birthday to the world’s oldest bipedal talking rodent! Yes, on this day in 1928, Mickey Mouse made his television debut in Steam Boat Willie.  Who would’ve known this simple line-drawn mouse would go on to be the most famous cartoon character in the history of animation?  So in typical COED fashion, we thought we’d celebrate this joyous event by giving a whole heaping helping of beautiful girls adorned by the master of mice.  Enjoy.

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