Just in case you thought that Catholics weren’t bat-sh!t insane enough, here is another sign that the end is near. Father Alberto Cutié, who we will now refer to as Alberto, was kicked out of St. Francis de Sales parish on Miami Beach the same day photos of Alberto getting sexy with a 26-year-old woman hit the public. (more…)

Following the Swine flu epidemic on TV is pretty intense. Way better than Bird Flu, and a contender with the economic recession. Today, I saw a couple people on the New York City streets sporting surgical masks. If this trend continues soon New York is going to look like Mexico. I didn’t want to be left out.

It took me an hour and seven pharmacies to locate a surgical mask. Every single store was sold out. The only reason I obtained one was because a pharmacist gracious gave one of hers. It wasn’t really until then I realized the severity of the Swine Flu. Or, at least, the portrayed severity, seeing as how this outbreak is quite similar to a regular flu season.  But still, I rushed home to try on my new contraption, which looks much like a 1930s maxipad. (more…)

Sure, the made-up swine flu pandemic may be the hottest item in 24-hour news these days. But if you ask us, killer viruses are still nothing compared to f**king pirates! With these 21st Century swashbucklers re-taking over the high seas, a whole new element has been added to life here on Earth. Here are 5 reasons having these lawless thieves around isn’t such a bad thing. (more…)

This swine flu thing is getting out of hand. Despite the fact that it’s really not that bad, the 24-hour news channels are all freaking out like a death cloud of killer pig-bees are swarming toward them. That’s here in the US. But overseas, things are getting even crazier. According to our friends in the Netherlands, booking agencies are considering canceling all summer festivals for fear of helping to spread this “pandemic.”

Due to increase of chances on the outbreak of swineflu in the Netherlands, festivals may be cancelled.  The company can’t afford to take chances of putting employees, artists and visitors of the festivals at risk of this quick spreading disease.

Festivals included can be well-known Pinkpop, Parkpop and Campingflight to Lowlands Paradise, as well as other smaller ones.

For all of you terminally ill people out there who’ve been endlessly jealous of all the Californians that have been getting to smoke their pain away, your day in the haze may be coming soon. According to the Buffalo News, the New York legislature is poised to approve a medical marijuana bill in this session, making the forbidden plant available to patients (who meet the qualifications, of course) in the state. New York would be the 15th state to approve medical marijuana.

Advocates say they believe the Democratic- controlled Senate and Assembly have the votes to pass legislation permitting qualified patients to grow their own marijuana plants, or obtain the drug on the streets or through a state-sanctioned dispensary.Gov. David A. Paterson also is said to be supportive of the legalization.

“It’s looking pretty darn good,” Assemblyman Richard N. Gottfried, a Manhattan Democrat and Health Committee chairman, said of the bill’s chance to become law this session. [via]

Check out the full story here!

President Obama is not the only one having problems giving a commencement speech. A group at American University is protesting the selection of Congressman Barney Frank for an honorary degree and as the commencement speaker for the American University School of Public Affairs.

A letter written to the School of Public Affairs calls Barney Frank’s record “as a key player in our current economic crisis is almost as offensive as his endless refusal to accept responsibility for it.”  Sarah DeStefano, the founder of the Facebook group “AU Students & Alumni Against Barney Frank @ SPA Commencement ‘09”, told AU’s student newspaper, “The Eagle”, she is “sickened that the university would want to undermine the worth of my education by honoring a man with such a dishonorable record” stating that “Frank stood by and did nothing as our economy tumbled further into dismay.

On the record, he insisted that desires for further oversight of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac were ‘overblown’ and that ‘Wall Street would get over it’ if the banks collapsed.” DeStafano wonders how the Congressman “can honestly look students in the eye who are struggling to find a job.” (more…)

The kiddies won’t get to enjoy the new Sasha Baron Cohen movie if the MPAA has their way. A “docu-comedy”, “Bruno” has Cohen reprise his role as a gay, Austrian, fashionista from “Da Ali G Show”, on a journey throughout America that is sure to offend just about advocacy group you can think of.

Like his 2006 hit, Borat, “Bruno” will employ Cohen’s trademark style of tricking unsuspecting bystanders into saying outrageous things in outlandish situations. Some of those situations include going on a talk show and asking for a boyfriend to help him raise a black baby named O.J.,getting stage moms to permit their children to portray Nazis putting Jews into ovens, and of course over the top gay antics in the Bible Belt.

Cohen is currently appealing the NC-17 rating and, like Borat, will most likely edit the movie to get an R rating for it’s theatrical release in July with an unrated DVD to be released later in the year.  As for lawsuits from unsuspecting bystanders…we don’t know yet, but you know they’ll be coming.

Welp, it looks like the injustices of the ‘War on Drugs’ are finally making their needed retreat – Eric Holder, President Obama’s Attorney General, has signaled that the Drug Enforcement Administration will end raids on marijuana dispensaries in states that allow medical marijuana.

Asked about what the DEA raids in California since Obama took office – something the President promised would end during his campaign, Holder responded, “What the president said during the campaign, you’ll be surprised to know, will be consistent with what we’ll be doing here in law enforcement. What he said during the campaign is now American policy.”

This change in policy is a big break from the past, when federal laws against marijuana – which is considered a ‘Schedule 1′ drug, with the same legal ramifications as drugs like heroin and cocaine – ran counter to state laws, which are often much more leinient, espeically in California. But does this mean legalization is around the corner? Only time will tell – but this hands-off approach by the DEA is certainly a huge step in the right direction.

Just when you thought this ‘Octomom’ thing couldn’t get any more f**ked up, this happens: Vivid Entertainment, one of the largest porn distributors in the world, has now offered Nadya Suleman, aka ‘Octomom’, $1 million to star in an adult movie.

The offer comes after Suleman gave birth to octuplets following in vitro fertilization. But with six other children already straining her bank account, the family now faces losing their home.

To add incentive to their deal, Vivid has also included one year of health insurance to Suleman and her family if she agrees to sign on as a Vivid contract girl. (more…)

The prospect of legal marijuana seems an impossible dream to millions of pot smokers across America. No matter how much evidence exists to the contrary, the drug continues to be vilified by the media, demonized by the religious right and described as a ‘gateway drug’ by politicians and law makers alike. Nobody has ever overdosed on pot, nobody has ever died from it, yet smoking a joint continues to carry the same stigma as shooting heroin and snorting coke in the eyes of the government, and often yields the same punishment.

Since the ‘legalize it’ movement has been going strong for decades with hardly any victories to speak of, whenever anyone talks about legalizing pot, the news needs to be greeted with a healthy amount of skepticism. After all, if the government won’t even acknowledge the usefulness of medical marijuana, how can anyone expect it to understand the joys of regular marijuana? (more…)