With trailers popping up for his new movie The Day the Earth Stood Still pending release on December 12, we are reminded that in the movies Keanu Reeves is the answer. And at the same time, all over the news and in the media, Barack Obama is being touted as the new Keanu Reeves, capable of solving all our problems with some fantastical superpower. But please heed this warning: Barack Obama is not Keanu Reeves. This world is not the Matrix, or The Day… and Barack is not Neo or Klatuu. Read More »

I’ll be honest: I’m a bitch. I have no problem telling it like it is, talking about someone behind his/her back or telling secrets about people I hate. This is why people fight to stay on my good side.

Which is why people are so surprised when they find out about my passion for animals. I cry when those commercials for animal shelters come on the TV, I have to look away from movies or TV shows when an animal gets injured and I wanted to personally kill Michael Vick when it was discovered he was running that evil dog fighting ring.

It is weird, I know, but I can’t help but feel for creatures who don’t have a voice to defend themselves. Yes, even if they have the teeth or claws to do so.

Like sharks. (Yes, I am being completely serious!) Sharks are most often thought of as predators, but lately off the coast of Florida they have become victims. In the past year more and more sharks have been found murdered in the water. There is no excuse for harming another life - especially an innocent one - and it is up to us to protect every creature on this planet.

Please take a moment to sign the attached petition and protect the sharks and our planet’s wildlife.

When school is over and you finally to decide to move out of Mom and Dad’s house, consider moving to the birth place of Frank Sinatra and the town who’s SWAT team members party with Hooters waitresses, Hoboken, NJ.

Why? Because CNN.com named Hoboken number one in it’s list of 25 places for singles in the US for the second year in a row.

The home of movies’ famed stoner duo Harold and Kumar attracts young professionals, students and artists - and not just those who crave White Castle sliders.

Legend has it that Hoboken has more bars per capita in its one square mile than any other city in the United States. Pub crawling aside, the town attracts young people looking for relatively affordable housing just minutes from New York City. Hoboken’s waterfront is also a great place to take a date to share a romantic view of the Manhattan skyline.

Visit Money.CNN.com to see if your city made the list

Two weeks ago I had never owned, bought, or even worn a suit. Now, I’ve done all three of those things, and I picked up some valuable information along the way. I’d like to pass it on to any other nubes contemplating their first grown-up outfit. Keep in mind that less than a month ago I had never associated with a suit or an event that called for one, so if any of these tips seem a bit elementary you’ll have to wait for my Level 2 tips; these are for beginners.

1) Don’t button the bottom button

No matter what you do leave that last button alone. Two-button, three-button, even four; the one closest to your feet is never used. I’m not sure why it’s there if you’re not allowed to use it, but it is. I quickly made this mistake while putting on my first jacket and was reprimanded immediately. Turns out even buttons can be for show. It seems like extra work for whoever makes the suit. But I’m not Calvin Klein, so I’ll leave that sort of thinking up to him. Read More »

Americans are a materialistic bunch and I am no exception. And now that I’m faced with the task of moving all my stuff into a new apartment, I understand why too much stuff can be bad. My lease ends in two days; I’ve already found a new place, and I’m moving in with some good friends, but moving still sucks.

Somehow over the past year I’ve accumulated a substantial pile of sh*t, and it’s currently sitting in the center of my room. I need to dig through it, sort it out, and pack it in boxes so I can schlep it across town. Really, I need to downsize my life.

Here are the five things I’ve decided to get rid of to make this move easier. Read More »

The world is getting smaller. The combination of an increasingly rapid advancement of technology and the expansion of the global market has created a world in which…blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. We’ve all heard this before, and quite frankly, it’s old news. The real story isn’t the world getting smaller, it’s the fact that the dating scene is getting bigger.

With the growing popularity of studying abroad and the numerous travel opportunities presented to students the chances of meeting your soul-mate are getting better. We’re no longer stuck scouring classes, the library, or a bar for potential hook-ups; given a couple of months overseas (or weeks in some cases) and a cursory understanding of a foreign language the number of places to meet the next Mr. or Mrs. Right are almost endless. Read More »

I work in a sh*t-hole on the verge of bankruptcy, and I love it. I’m currently employed by a locally owned sandwich shop/late night drunk food emporium. If it’s 2:30 in the morning, you’re hammered and you need a hot dog that’s been warming on rollers for three hours we’ve got you covered. I make just above minimum wage, but for the work I do it’s almost robbery. Almost.

There’s nothing better than a summer job that requires no real thought, almost no work, and a boss who smokes a lot of pot. For the past three summers, I’ve worked for the maintenance division of a national park. It was a lot of physical work outdoors. I made great money, but I had to do a lot of work. This summer I make almost no money, but I don’t have to do anything. And as sad as it is, I actually prefer making and doing nothing. As a bonus I work with a bunch of college drop-outs and stoners who’ve never had real jobs and complain about what little we’re expected to do. Since I don’t complain, and work whenever it’s necessary, I look great. My boss absolutely loves me. Read More »

Everyone I’ve ever met has a dark past with tequila. Just the mention of it makes their face go sour–the shots, the smell, the blinding drunk, and a hellacious hangover the next morning. For some reason, I am not one of those people. But after my family vacation to Mexico last week, I learned a bit about another South-of-the-Border brew: Mezcal.

Like tequila (which is actually a type of mezcal), mezcal is made from agave, a cactus-like plant, native to Mexico. Mezcals are often aged, in oak barrels, for two months to seven years, giving the alcohol a brown coloration and woody flavor, but are available un-aged and clear.

Connoisseurs will tell you the best mezcals come from the Mexican state of Oaxaca (wah-hock-ah). To fully enjoy the complexities of this subtle liquor, go to the city of Oaxaca, the state’s capital, who’s colonial architecture and friendly people only add to the liquor’s historic mystic. Read More »

Tomorrow is the deadline for tax season, and you either forgot or have completely avoided the dreadful task that’s only second to death in things you must do. Don’t worry — I did too, and will be filing for an extension, AS SHOULD YOU, YOU UNMOTIVATED LAZY PIECE OF AWFULNESS.

Just in case you haven’t noticed, you have less than 48 hours to get it all straightened out. But don’t fret just yet: all you have to do is go to the IRS web-page explaining all the necessary details needed to file for an extension. The last thing you need from me is a break down with hints and tips; just go to the source and get it done, pronto.

If you just need the average file extension, simply click here for the pdf. file.

If you’re the adventurous type who wants to file in record time, I would either recommend Turbotax on the cheap (if you know exactly what you’re doing) or better yet, H&R Block for absolute convenience, if you have around $70 to spare. Whatever method you choose, choose it NOW.

In college there are certain rites of passage: drunken (and regrettable) sexual encounters, the subsequent trips to student health, and then…well. Nevermind.

But at any rate, college is in a lot of ways like a training ground for the real world, and while you can f*ck up quite a bit and emerge virtually unscathed, a wise man once said “Tis better to…” uhh..actually, I’m pretty sure I slept through that class.

If I could remember that quote, it would have been something about learning from the mistakes of others. So in that spirit, here is our guide to leaving the dorm behind and getting your first apartment.

Beware of Crooked Landlords
Despite their regal-sounding title, many landlords are typically less than honorable in their treatment of college students. Maybe it’s their inability to cope with the number of upper-decked toilets they’ve had to clean over the years, but most landlords aren’t willing to provide college students with much more than the basic amenities provided to a prisoner at Guantanamo Bay.

OK, bit of a stretch, but one thing landlords do know is that college students are generally a lazy bunch, and that given a standard “adjustment period”, most students can generally learn to happily co-exist with the mice and vermin sharing their abode. Read More »

Guys in college are always looking for ways to make a quick buck. Unfortunately, balancing a part time job with classes and studying while maintaining a social life is not only difficult, but nearly impossible. What to do?

Fortunately, there are ways to avoid a long commute to employment. One can always make money on campus by running a gambling ring, or subjecting themselves to shock therapy as part of some professor’s experiment…or not.

There’s an easier and more fun way to make money, and all you need is your right hand man - your right hand. That’s right, gentlemen: sperm donation.

Perfect for college students needing some extra cash, sperm donation typically takes 15 minutes and pays by the sample. In other words, the more you wank is more money in the bank. The steps needed to donate sperm aren’t rigorous, but they do require some responsibility. If you figured waltzing into a sperm bank ready to jack it is all you need to do, you’re sorely mistaken. Read More »

My first all-nighter at the end of my freshman year taught me some important lessons about what my mind and body is capable of when placed under the stress that is going without sleep for more than 24 hours.

1) Between 3 and 5 a.m. I’m incapable of forming coherent sentences on paper and possibly aloud. I have some stellar thoughts, complex ideation that I’m incapable of during normal waking hours. But when it comes to recording them, I have the language capability of a non-Einstein like fourth grader writing about quantum physics.

It’s funny in retrospect, but it makes me want to jab a pencil in my eye when I need that thought to get me through a paragraph or two at 6 a.m., when I’m able to write again.

2) Hot chocolate disappoints like no other, as it’s more of a distraction than an aide in concentration. Marshmallows - either their presence or the mere of idea of them melting sugary goodness in your cup - are the funnest thing ever when you’ve been studying pre-colonial African history for seven hours.

Coffee will never let me down, but hot chocolate is more of a party in my mouth kind of beverage and not quite the upper I wanted and needed it to be.

3) If I end the 24 hour no-sleep-athon with a 20 minute run, upon beginning my cool down, I will have an orgasm. Read More »