With the New York Comedy Festival kicking off November 4th in New York City, Dane Cook has been making the morning show rounds promoting the festival and his gig at Madison Square Garden. We’re certainly big fans of the NYCF, but we can’t seem to wrap our brains around Dane Cook’s inclusion in an otherwise stellar lineup.  I mean he was voted #1 in our 10 Most Unfunny Comedians of All-Time.  Maybe it would make more sense if he were playing the New York Biggest-Jackass-Orator Festival? Just saying.

Check out Dane Cook and The 10 Most Unfunny Comedians of All-Time

Google “sex moves” and you might find a couple articles from chick mags like Cosmo or Redbook about how to please your man with positions like (GASP!) doggy style or (DOUBLE GASP!) reverse cowgirl. Extend your search a little further and you might find a couple articles on more advanced and complicated positions from the book of love – the Kama Sutra.

Dig a little deeper, and you’ll find the most debaucherous, awful-sounding sex moves that I hope no one ever tries sober. You’ve probably heard of the “Dirty Sanchez,” “Rusty Trombone,” or “Cincinnati Bowtie,” but those are just the collective tip of the iceberg… which I’m sure is a sex move waiting to happen.

Below is a small sampling of some hideously sinister sex terms you’ll come across in your cyber travels:  (more…)

Here in America, people can choose pretty much whatever job they want. As long as you get an appropriate education, work hard and keep a good head on your shoulders, your future is what you want it to be. But there are some jobs out there that are guaranteed to wither that charming personality of yours into a bitter, nasty dickwad. So, in no particular order, here are 10 Jobs That Will Turn You into a Total Dick.  (more…)

The days of Reefer Madness are pretty far gone, but the American public is still vastly uninformed about marijuana, particularly concerning its myriad of amazing health benefits. Here are 10 (out of countless) health benefits that marijuana possesses. With that said, it’s simply baffling that medical marijuana is not legal in most of the country, and still there retains such a negative reputation. So, if you have one of these conditions, now might be a good time to call up your cousin’s dealer.  (more…)

Common knowledge tells us that smoking weed while trying to do anything “productive” is a fool’s errand – the two just don’t mix. And if you’re a lawyer, airline pilot, large crane operator or brain surgeon, that’s probably true. But for many of us, with far less intense jobs, marijuana can actually help you do your job better! Here are the 12 jobs where weed actually acts as a performance-enhancing drug.  (more…)

The sad reality of life is that most douchebags do not realize that they are douchebags. It’s true. You might be a douchebag and not even know it. In fact, the chances of that are pretty good. (Lack of self-awareness is another major douchebag feature.) So to help you clear things up, here are 10 signs that you just might be a douchebag… (more…)

Simply looking at Websites isn’t going to make you a good activist of any sort. You have to get out there and fight, damnit! Start petitions, write your congressmen, become a lawyer. You know, do stuff! But in order to know where to begin, these nine sites will get you in-the-know and up-to-date with everything that’s happening in the movement to decriminalize and legalize marijuana. (more…)

The big news across Twitter, the Interwebs and every other celebrity gossip site this past week is that Paula Abdul is leaving her role as judge on American Idol, presumably to focus on her other hobbies like ingesting enough prescription medicine to hallucinate that cartoon cats are dancing beside her. With her exit, it’s time to take a look at some possible candidates to fill in her role as the person responsible for giving the “batshit crazy opinion” of the panel. Here are the top ten choices: (more…)

Man, do we love fast food. It’s cheap, it’s delicious and it satisfies every self-hating cell in your body with highly processed, corporately created concoctions that any man, woman or child can enjoy. But if you’re anything like me, such easily acquired satisfaction comes at a cost… in the form of nearly crapping your pants. Here are the Top 5 Fast Food Restaurants That Will Make You Scared to Fart.

5. McDonald’s

For whatever reason, McDonald’s is one of those “food products” you know you shouldn’t eat, but some days, it sounds like the most delicious thing in the world. So you go for it. And within an hour of finishing your Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese meal, that’s when you remember why it’s a guilty pleasure – because the whole value meal is about to come rocketing out of your ass faster than you can say “Super size.” You’d think that eating Happy Meals since early childhood would build up a tolerance in your stomach to the wads of grease, salt and sugar McDonald’s tries to pass off as food, but you’d be wrong.

Worst meal: McGriddle with hashbrowns and coffee

4. White Castle

Unlike McDonald’s, which can seem like a wise lunch choice (at least before you eat it), White Castle is one of those foods that you only eat when you’re feeling particularly masochistic – or drunk, high, hung over or all of the above. And since their hamburgers are the size of a Little Debbie snack, you inevitably end up eating about 15 more than you planned on consuming in the first place. And before you know it, you’re laying in the middle of the parking lot in the fetal position, wondering what the hell you were thinking. So before you chip in for your next Crave Case, remember: they’re called “Slyders” for a reason…

Worst meal: Jalapeño cheeseburger Crave Case with onion rings

3. Long John Silver’s

Just thinking about fast food fish products makes me feel a little queezy. So when that’s the only thing a restaurant offers, it doesn’t exactly instill confidence. Add a heaping helping of fried batter and hush puppies, and that pretty much guarantees a serious disturbance in the force shall haunt your future. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with the food – all I’m saying is that there are reasons fish is best served fresh, and it has specifically to do with your intestines.

Worst meal: Anything

2. Taco Bell

The first indication that a food might cause you some digestion issues is that it looks pretty much the same going in as it does coming out. And all you have to do is take one look at Taco Bell’s ground beef to know what’s in store for your intestines in the not-too-distant future. It’s a shame, because Taco Bell has to be one of the absolute best drunk foods, ever. But when something’s as delicious as a Chalupa, you know there’s going to be a fiery hell to pay.

Worst meal: Volcano burrito

1. Popeyes Chicken

Maybe this is a bit of an over-share, but I cannot even get through an entire meal of Popeyes chicken before having to make a serious emergency run to the bathroom. Seriously. And it’s a damn shame, because all I want to do is enjoy the deliciously greasy chicken in peace. But something inside me just won’t let that happen. And I know I’m not alone – whenever we have Popeyes day at the COED office, there aren’t enough bathrooms to handle the ghastly result of a family pack of chicken and sides. But you know what? It’s totally, totally worth it.

Worst meal: Chicken dinner with red beans and rice

When you’re in the middle of a good smoke session at 3AM, the last thing you want to do is be traipsing out of the house to go shopping. Which is why the best place to buy the things you need is off the television, like God intended. But with so many products to choose from (seriously, there’s like a million) we’ve narrow it down to the 16 Essential ‘As Seen On TV’ Products for Pot Smokers to help you stock up on your weed-centric peripherals. (more…)