Ah, college. For many people, those first four (or five, or six … ) years you spend away from home, mixing school with a social life, are some of the best you’ll ever have. Somewhere between teenhood and your adult years, you’re allowed (maybe even encouraged) to mix a lot of pleasure with your business.

Soon enough, the real world slaps you in the face and you’re a real adult. But for some, the party never ends. We decided to pay homage to our friends who never grow up by listing 10 common signs that you’re still living like you’re in college. Let us know of any we missed in the comments. Viva la “Animal House”!

Check out the 10 signs here!

It’s the beginning of April, and that means many of you will be graduating from college shortly. Depending on how savvy of an undergrad you are, you’ve either milked the college thing for all it’s worth — i.e., you still live in a dorm and get a meal plan — or you haven’t, and you live in a disgusting apartment where a good day involves a fight with your roommate over the dishes.

If you’re the latter case, you’ve already experienced a taste of the depressing jolt of reality that leads people to write songs like “I Wish I Could Go Back to College.” But believe it or not, it gets worse.

See, once you’re out of college, all bets are off. Chances are, Mom and Dad were paying your rent in college; they’ll stop now. You’ll be expected to find a job — in one of the worst economic climates this country has ever seen. And you’ll be expected to take on responsibilities that you’ve never had before: some combination of electric bills, laundry, car insurance, health insurance, cooking, heat, and trash. Oh, you already pay car insurance? Good for you. Here are six more bills, and by the way, you’re in credit card debt.

One more thing: you won’t have friends anymore. Maybe a few of them will stick around, and maybe you’ll still go out drinking with them, but in general, get used to being a loser.

Now that I’ve thoroughly depressed you, I think it’s the perfect time to offer you some advice.

Go to grad school.

My senior year of college, I was intent on not going to graduate school. I spent four years worth of tuition on a screenwriting major, and I was determined that graduate school would only put off the inevitable: my immediate success in Hollywood. It was my time to unleash me into the world.

That was my first mistake: you want to put off the inevitable. At all costs. Because the true inevitable amounts to unemployment or, if you’re lucky and didn’t choose a B.S. major like I did, a job you have to get up at 7 a.m. for.  In grad school, you may have to find an apartment, but you’ll never have to get up at 7 a.m. unless you’re in business school.  You can even still schedule your own classes!  If you shun grad school, the days of deciding not to take three classes in a row because you like taking naps at 2 p.m. are over.  Forever.

If you won’t go to grad school, at least move in with your parents.

Welcome to easy street — and the only thing you need to give up in exchange is a little piece of your dignity.  Your mom and dad won’t really want you anymore, but they’ll take you — and cook for you, and take out your garbage, and pay all the utility bills.  You may have to make your bed or mow the lawn every once in a while — but that’s it.  The carefree days of high school are back.

You may have to move away from all your college buddies, but this way you can get back in touch with all those people who never left your hometown after graduation. Be nice to them, okay? You’re one of them now.

This scenario might sound like hell to you right now.  But I guarantee you, six months into the real world, it’s going to sound like paradise.

If you refuse to move in with your parents, at least get a female roommate.

If you have a girlfriend, move in with her. Afraid of commitment? Tough. When she’s doing your dishes, keeping your apartment from looking like a bomb went off, and keeping all the bills organized, you’ll thank me.

No girlfriend? Try to find a platonic female roommate. One of my old college buddies lived with a female friend for a year and it worked great because they created a system: he’d take out the trash if she’d do all the dishes. Naturally, the second job was way more time consuming and much worse, but since he could stand a sink full of dishes and she couldn’t, she was forced into it. That’s the kind of deal you need to make.

Whether you move in with your girlfriend or just a random girl, you won’t be getting laid nearly as much as you’re imagining, but at least in the second scenario it’ll be excusable.

If you can’t find a female roommate, go take a road trip, live in a hostel, backpack overseas, anything.

Don’t live alone or with a male roommate. For the sake of your sanity, don’t.  Living alone, your apartment will be messy, and to your horror you’ll find that you’re actually starting to care. You’ll have to pay all the bills yourself, including rent, and trust me, you can’t afford it. And you will go completely stir crazy. (Okay, one clear cut win here: you’ll have unparalleled masturbatory freedom. Unplug those headphones and open your bedroom door!)

A male roommate will split the costs and provide somebody to hang out with, right? Wrong. It was easy to get along in college because neither of you had to worry about anything in that tiny dorm room. Now you have to share a kitchen, and guess what? You’re about to get roaches. You’ll also have to split the cable bill, which is impossible: either you can never get the check from him, or he forgets to send it in on time, resulting in an absurdly large late fee. You’ll grow to slowly hate each other until you have thoughts about moving into your own place, but — remember? — you can’t afford it. Congratulations, you’re trapped.

Sell all your possessions and go live in a youth hostel instead. Trust me, it’s better. If you help out with stuff, chances are you can live there for pennies or for free. Or go on a road trip. Or convince your parents that you “just need a year to figure out what I want to do” and make them finance a trip to Europe. Maybe the recession will be over by the time you come back.

If all else fails, at least live near a relative.

Don’t underestimate free laundry and the occasional dinner invite.

Money might not be everything, but if you’re a struggling college student there’s a lot of appeal to making sure you’re in the right position to put the days of two-digit bank balances and Ramen noodles behind you as quickly as possible.

Not only do you need to make sure you’re graduating with the right skills to make yourself marketable, you’re also going to need to know which professions are most likely to pay top dollar to get qualified people. If you’re looking to change the world, these professions might not offer exactly what you’re after, but if it’s cold hard cash you want then the following jobs are the ones to aim for.

Here are the 11 highest paying jobs you can get directly out of college!

This sucks.

I busted my ass, did well in school, made smart choices. Now, I am graduating after four years of college that I paid for all myself – not through selling my “virginity” – but through loans. Now what? There are no jobs in the major markets that are even marginally appealing to anyone. I am not lucky enough to have parents who can float me for a year. My dad is a construction worker, but no offense, I am not graduating cum laude to do construction – sorry. I am just not sure I have a choice. But here are the few choices for graduating seniors I could scrounge together:

1. Everyone and their little cheerleader sister are heading to grad school. They don’t even know what for, but they took their GRE, MCAT, GMAT and every other test acronym I can think of. The upside is a delay for entering reality and you can push loan repayment for another 3 years or so, but F&*$ THAT! I need a break from school. I would love to actually get out of the academic world for at least a brief stint. Not writing off grad school totally, but I need about 2 years to figure out what I want to do. That degree in Finance, with a concentration in structured finance, that I am about to get isn’t worth the paper it is printed on. Thanks to my academic adviser! Way to steer me into a stable high growth industry.

2. A couple of my friends are determined to enter the military. Right now, there are serious incentives for entering the military. $10,000 in cash, money for grad school, and they will repay a portion of your school loans. Not too shabby, but we are talking about the military. Let us be straight, the US Military is not the beloved treasure it once was. My brother was in the Army and said he would help repay my loans for me before I join the military. Though tempting, I can’t take him up on it. Even though it will TOTALLY suck, it buys me 3 – 5 years, travel (to a desert somewhere in the Middle East), and serious help with school loans. The other upside is that as college graduates, we jump 5 pay-grades to an E-6 (Staff Sergeant) after training. Obviously I am trying to talk myself into this one – but it just seems drastic.

3. My girlfriend wants to join the Peace Corp, but with the way people LOVE Americans right now, I feel like that is joining the military without being given a gun. I hear stories about people who serve in the Peace Corp and attacked in foreign countries…not cool. Albeit, two of the people I know attacked in Africa were girls – I am just leery of that whole system. There are good stories too. People who get to travel the world, gain different perspectives, and learn different languages. Also, loan deferment is good – but they pay next to nothing, and my family doesn’t have money to spot me. I almost feel like the PC is more for rich kids who don’t want to go into the family business just yet. Either way, language experience in Swahili or something like that is not exactly going to a huge resume builder.

4. So many people are now running to get certified with education credits so they can teach. I am not one of those. I can’t teach. I would want to bang hot high school schools and 6-year-olds annoy the piss out of me. Noble profession, just not for me.

5. The Priesthood or some other religious vocation? I will pick up the Rosetta Stone – Swahili edition before I do that. Again, don’t like 6-year-olds.

6. There is always the option to just suck it up. Suck it up, and try my luck out in the job market. The problem is that there are tons of people in there late 20s through their 50s competing for the same jobs. People with ridiculous experience right now. I read in FORTUNE that GE right now has 50-year-old former executives with MBAs and law degrees, applying for the same jobs as college graduates. One thing is for sure – I wouldn’t pick me.

Seriously though – if I missed an option, please let me know. Yes, the idea of porn star and circus performer did cross my mind, but again – trying to not waste the $70,000 I just spent on school.

You can try putting it off by switching majors or reducing your semester workload, but it’s inevitable – eventually you’ll collect enough passing grades to graduate. Our society views this sheet of paper as a marvelous accomplishment, but if you’re a slacker like me, it’s a kiss of death.

Why? Because college is a non-stop party with a refreshingly minimal amount of responsibilities. Dorm life, coeds, beer pong, football, 2 am Taco Bell, coeds – these are the best years of your life, my friend (even your parents will tell you that). And that diploma is going to ruin it all by forcing you to grow up and get a “real” job.

At least, that’s what is supposed to happen. In the famous words of Geoffrey the Giraffe, “I don’t want to grow up,” I’m a lazy ass kid. And lucky for all you other lazy kids out there, I’ve managed to pry myself away from my Arrested Development DVDs long enough to help you avoid being an adult for a few more years. Here are some tips that will keep you coasting and out of that suit and tie: (more…)

In these times of economic turmoil, many people have to take any job they can get just to put food on the table. But this time that job could be driving the F’ing Oscar Meyer Weinermobile! Until the end of January, Oscar Meyer will be taking applications for their coveted “Hotdogger” spot. As a Hotdogger, your responsibilities will include setting up promotional and charity events, doing TV and radio spots and, of course, driving a dong-shaped car around the country.  (more…)

Believe it or not, free money for college isn’t only awarded to Einsteins and star athletes ‘ or those of you poor people who qualify for financial aid. There are plenty of opportunities for the ‘average’ college-bound student to take advantage of scholarship money. The biggest mistake to make, is to sit and wait, and not do anything about it in the hopes that someone will knock on your door and say, “Need some money?”

I just graduated in May, and now I am starting to pay back student loans. Let me tell you, it sucks. Having received my degree in Journalism from UCLA, I thought I would be in a good position to pay back my loans. Yeeeaaahhh…not so much. So now, after 4 years of tuition, room and board, I owe just over $115,000.

People say it all the time, but I will say it again…if I had it to do all over again…I would try to avoid the $1000 a month loan payment.

Here’s some common sense advice:

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With summer approaching next week, it’s time for you to get a job, and leave college behind. Don’t know where to start? Take a look at our list of “The 10 Best Sports Jobs for Non-Athletes,” straight from the COED Vault. You’ll be a zamboni driver in no time!

Check out COED’s 10 Best Sports Jobs for Non-Athletes here!

Finals are just around the corner. Job interviews are being had. Apartments in new cities are being looked for.

Holy sh*t. College is ending.

And I am having a serious breakdown.

1. What the hell am I going to do with my English degree?

2. When am I going to see my friends again?

3. Where am I going to live?

4. How am I going to support myself without the help of my dad (who I have totally wrapped around my finger, might I add)?

5. What am I going to do when the college life I have gotten so accustomed to is over?

I know that these are things most people thought about months ago (especially the job stuff!), but I am really bad at accepting reality. Like the fact that everyone can tell my Marc Jacobs bag is fake. I like to pretend that everything is fine. In my world, if I think something is true then it must be true. So for awhile, I pretended like college wasn’t ending. Instead, this was just another year leading into yet another summer. (more…)

Approximately one year ago I spent a weekend at Caesar’s Palace in Las Vegas.

To this day, I get emails from the PR group that runs the nightclub and other bars inside the hotel/casino complex. Ordinarily I don’t mind much. I like to remember my days and nights in the desert, and even look forward to planning my trip back.

But this week, it’s been two emails a day. About Paris effing Hilton’s birthday party this weekend. And I am slightly peeved.

I admit that I have a shameless love for some things poppy and tacky, we all have our vices. But Paris Hilton is not one of them. She most definitely is not about to inspire me to fly to Vegas when I can just wait for her to make an ass of herself in the Meatpacking District on her next trip to New York.

These invites got me thinking, though. Really, who is worth flying across the country for? If you’ve got to pick one celebrity whose birthday shenanigans you’d like to be a part of, who would it be? (more…)