The Unofficial Favorite Sport of the Olympics: Sex

Training for the Olympics takes a lot of hard work and dedication. To compete among the best athletes of the world is intense and demanding. The pressure to win and do well, making the last four years of work mean something, can be very demanding. The possibility of screwing up, winning nothing, and having to wait another four years to try again is enough to drive a man crazy.

Olympic Condom Rings

There has to be a way to take the pressure off or at least dial it down a bit. Drugs can get you disqualified (which is something since the Olympic torch looks a lot like a giant joint). Booze will slow down your reflex time making the likelihood of success slim and injury high.

That leaves only one thing- sex.

Many athletes adhere to the myth that having sex will impede your athletic performance on the field. With few pressure releasing options open to Olympic athletes all that is really left to them is sex. Durex actually sponsored the Athens games by supplying the Olympic Village where the athletes stay with over 130,000 condoms and 30,000 tubes of lube.

And the medal for longest legs goes to...

Vancouver is taking somewhat of a different route to help the athletes relax. They are trying to make prostitutes more user-friendly.

Unlike the bass-ackwards laws of the United States (except for God’s country in Nevada), prostitution is legal in Canada. There are some laws that affect the acts involved illegal, but for the most part, if you got the money you can get some lovin.

A few years ago the West Coast Cooperative of Sex Professionals formed to create a better, safer, healthier industry. With the Olympics approaching, they have tried to get approval to open a facility for sex professionals in Vancouver to use. The idea is to make conditions safer for the workers and give them a place to, uh, conduct business. Since brothels are illegal they cannot solicit there, just do it there.

Two for the price of one?

As of yet the co-op has yet to get approval, but that has not stopped city officials from giving local prostitutes a leg up in the business. Prior to the Olympics, prostitutes will be given media training. Apparently visiting camera crews like to film them (go figure), some talking about getting approached by as many as nine camera crews a day. Basically, by making them, more camera friendly, the government will be promoting prostitution to the world.

Finally a lesson we can learn from our brothers in the North. Take heed Obama. Take heed- health care and job creation all in one swoop!

Secret Spots Guide to Doing Mardi Gras

Mardi Gras is drawing near and time to get your liver prepped for the torture that it is fixing to go through. For the faint of heart, the next couple weeks may prove too much; for the brave and daring it means the opportunity for a booze filled sex-capade.

Just going down to New Orléans and doing whatever you happen into is one way to treat this gracious of all times, but if you really want to do it right you need to have a plan. That’s where we come in.

In the interest of science, the COED research team braved the Big Easy to run field experiments (meaning we got wasted and tried to hook up with everything that moves) to give you “The Guide to Doing Mardi Gras Right.” This is not a step by step plan, but a few hints on where you might want to start.

Want to get friendly with some locals?

When it comes to Mardi Gras there are two things on everyone’s mind- booze and sex. There are some places that happen to cater to both of those primal needs. The Republic New Orléans is a stylish club that caters to the sexy and beautiful; don’t worry guys, pay the cover and you can get in too. This timeless, 7000 square foot club gets jam-packed with all the hottest of the local talent ready to prove they are not as innocent as Mom and Dad believe.

If you are not into the games that come with hooking up at the clubs, but want to explore the feminine body up close than give Rick’s Cabaret a try. This is the same famous Rick’s that Howard Stern’s midget driver and bodyguard is also plugging on the show.  Like you would expect, a place like New Orléans is full of “Gentlemen’s Clubs.” For the hottest babes that will actually chat with you without demanding you buy them a $20 dollar Coke, give Rick’s a try. If your game is good enough who knows what the night could lead to…Maybe you’ll bang Ronnie the Limo Driver.

Want to stay at the coolest place in the heart of the party?

Give The Columns Hotel a try. Located in the Gardens District of New Orléans, this place is near everything with easy access to get wherever you want. This mansion designed and built over 130 years ago gives you the feel of southern charm and hospitality that goes right along with women baring their assets for beads. What a beautiful country!

Want to ‘get busy’ without having to leave the party?

The good people of the City of New Orléans have provided you with just such a place- under the stands along the parade route. This modest cover in Lafayette Square will hide you from the peering eyes of the paparazzi and their video cameras, just as long as they are not looking too hard and you’re not too famous. Being able to get nasty with hundreds of people all around might add a little extra spice to it too. That is, if you need any help in that arena.

What if you got busy under the bleachers with someone other than your girlfriend?

Well, if you were dumb enough to bring her to Mardi Gras than you deserve whatever she does to you plus the razing that the guys will give you on the way home. For those looking to salvage their relationship and reach true stud-like status take her to Sucré when she gets tired of beating you senseless the next day. The treats that you will be able to shower down upon her there just might get you a little something ‘special’ on the way home from her.

And if not who cares.  Mardi Gras comes every year, so she has 364 days to get over it before you get to pull that crap again.

Boobs, Beer, and Baubles

Two out of the three are favorites of men everywhere and the third can lead to more of one of the others during a certain time of year (I’ll let your minds wonder about which). In case you have not figured out when I’m talking about- it’s Mardi Gras!

You know what you need to do...

Yes, boob fans, Mardi Gras time is drawing near. Time to push your liver to the limits and haggle with drunk women (or sober even though it would be more challenging) to show us two of their best assets for some silly necklaces that will only end up in the back of their closets. What a wonderful tradition!

Almost...

It goes without saying that the best place within the United States to go for this special time of year where sobriety is frowned upon is New Orléans; every man should go there at least once in his lifetime to experience the beauty that can only be found on top of a float in the French Quarter. What if you are unable to make it to New Orléans? Does that mean you’re screwed (and not in a good way)?

Fear not for there are other locales in this great country of ours where beads become currency and can buy you what you really want (I mean really want- hint, hint). The following are some alternate places where the economists in us all can study the value of beads.

Galveston, Texas

For both of us? Okay.

Every year over a quarter of a million people descend on this quaint little beach town and pack themselves into the Strand District for this annual event full of beer, babes, beads, and debauchery. With eleven parades and over 50 gala events there are plenty of chances to get your beads or you can brave the balconies along the Strand and practice your bartering skills. If you can’t make it to New Orléans, Galveston’s Mardi Gras is a pretty good substitute!

Mobile, Alabama

Nice beads.

Citizens in this fair town will argue with anyone that claims New Orléans was the first place in the United States to hold Mardi Gras festivities. According to them the glorious tradition started as early as 1703 in Mobile. Regardless, these guys know what they are doing and have had plenty of practice. Go to Mardi Gras in Mobile and what you do remember will only make you wish you didn’t have to wait another year to do it again (or do you…).

Biloxi, Mississippi

Tease.

It does not try to claim it is any better or ahs more history than New Orléans or Mobile; they just love to party in their own right. The good people in Biloxi have been enjoying Mardi Gras celebrations for over 100 years. With a style described as New Orléans-ish, rest assured that you will not be settling by going to Biloxi!

There are many other cities that like to celebrate Mardi Gras. You would be hard pressed to find a city in Louisiana that does not; Lafayette is known for doing it right. San Diego has a pretty decent one as well as St. Louis. However, if you want to do it right- and can’t make it to New Orleans- then give Galveston, Mobile, and Biloxi a try! Your liver might hate you, but another part of you will be pretty darn happy.

Babes of the Vancouver Winter Olympics

If you have ever wanted a good reason to travel north of the border (besides the beer and bacon) there is one coming up pretty soon. Starting February 12th some of the best athletes in the world will be competing but not for money- for gold (not the kind you can cash in either). For years they train to compete for just a few brief moments with hopes of victory and dreams of making a country proud.

Lucky for us all the training these beautiful women put themselves through has done something bigger and better than any number of medals- given them killer bodies. There are literally hundreds of hotties from around the world preparing to descend on the Great White North. Don’t worry about the lack of figure skaters; there are enough of them to call for their own special article.

The selection process was tough, but when it came down to it these honeys were willing to bare a little bit more to help keep us warm.

Lara Gut, Switzerland: Skiing, Alpine

Don’t worry about finding this Swiss born treasure hot anymore. She turned 18 last April so it no longer makes you a creep. It was just announced on January 14th that she will be missing the Vancouver Games due to an injured hip. Her hip may keep her out of Vancouver, but that does not mean we need to leave her out here.

Ashleigh McIvor, Canada: Ski-cross

This native of British Columbia placed second in her first race and looks to do even better as the sport of ski-cross makes its Olympic début in the Vancouver Games. Ski-cross is essentially an obstacle course down a mountain slope and is one of the most physically demanding sports out there. That means the babes have to train harder which only makes them hotter.

Lindsey Vonn, United States: Skiing, Alpine

The good-girl of the U.S. Ski Team (and those babes are naughty), Lindsey does not have too many photos floating around of her showing some skin. However, we here at COED are more than willing to do the research that it takes to bring the goods to you.

Gretchen Bleiler, United States: Snowboarding, Half Pipe

Lucky for us someone told Gretchen that sex sells and she believed them. Her beautiful body can be found all over the internet; almost as often as the real thing can be found perfecting her trade in the snow. She narrowly missed the 2002 Games and won silver in the 2006 Games. We think she deserves Gold in Vancouver just for having that slamming body.

Kari Traa, Norway: Skiing, Freestyle

After looking at these pictures one can only imagine how much hotter she would be with that Norwegian accent. This babe has no trouble being naughty either; she posed nearly nude for Ultrasport magazine and was named one of Norway’s hottest women in MANN magazine; enough to make you glad we stormed those beaches back in WWII.

Julia Mancuso, United States: Skiing, Alpine

The women of the U.S. Ski team and especially Ms. Mancuso here may want to be careful that they don’t melt the snow. When ou think snow bunny images of babes like her are defintely what come to mind. After winning Gold in the 2006 Games in the Giant Slalom event we are sure glad she is returning to Vancouver to do it again; maybe if she wins she’ll do another layout like this one!

Kristi Leskinen, United States: Skiing, Freestyle

Kristi was the first woman ever to pull a rodeo 720. I have no idea what that is and after looking at these pictures I don’t care. As long as it doesn’t harm that gorgeous body that she seems to have no trouble sharing with the world I say do it. She happens to be good at it too, so the likelihood that her gorgeous body will be damaged is slim (thank God!).

Want to see more of some of these lovely ladies? Check out our photo gallery of the Babes of the Vancouver Winter Olympics!

What to Drink While in Vancouver for the Olympics

The fact of the matter is that there are some things that are better drunk- sex with an ugly chick, anything that Ben Stiller stars in, and boring as hell sports like curling, ice dancing and anything else that requires men to wear tights. Lucky for those attending the Games, Canadians can brew a pretty darn good beer to go along with that Canadian bacon pizza (do they just say bacon pizza?).

Everyone is aware of such Canadian staple as Molson’s, Labatt Blue, and Moosehead. Since you can drink them at home you might as well go native. In Vancouver that will not be hard since there are a number of talented brewers based there ready and willing to laugh as you get wasted.

Jolly Abbot Ale

First on our tour is the Granville Island Brewery, Canada’s first microbrewery. Each beer is named after a local neighborhood giving them a definite hometown appeal. Looking to keep and maintain a high standard, the brewers only use 100% natural ingredients in order to insure the freshest and purest taste. Island Lager (kind of sweet; heavy on the hops; 5%ABV) was the first beer these guys released when they set up shop back in 1984; they now have a rather impressive array of beers for the discerning beer drinker to choose from. If forced to pick just one try to find a bottle of Jolly Abbot. Released just for the holidays in November this beer is the strongest that Granville makes at 9.5%ABV. With its dry, refreshing finish it is easy to drink lots of it without realizing it.

Classic Pale Ale

Next on the list is the Hell’s Gate Brewing Company. These guys like to keep it all natural too, and take their time brewing their lager, generally 28 days a batch. However, their brews, while crisp and refreshing, will be vaguely reminiscent of something that you can find in the U.S. so try one to say you did and move on.

Auld Nick Ale

In between curling competitions try and visit the third brewery on the list, R&B Brewing. If you can get your hands on Auld Nick, not the gay prostitute on the street corner but the seasonal winter warmer beer. This beer will help you forget how cold it is outside with its moderate alcohol content, 6.5% ABV, and the smooth, full bodied flavor will make it easy to drink more than a few. Raven Cream Ale will do if the supply of Auld Nick has gone dry. Much weaker than Auld Nick at 4.8%, you may be going to the bathroom more than you are drinking; good thing this dark ale is nice and refreshing with a well balanced flavor.

After all these weak beers, it is time to sample some stronger ones at Storm Brewing. Their Hurricane IPA and Fruit Lambics both contain 7% ABV. For something more traditional stick with Hurricane; the combination of hops and barley malt give it slightly bitter beginning with a little sweetness in the finish. If you have some liquid courage by now then give one of their fruit lambics a try. Aged for more than a year in oak casks, they come in raspberry, blackberry, and black cherry, however, if you do not care for sour, dry, complex beers than stick with Hurricane.

Whistler Brewing Company

Last on the list is the Whistler Brewing Company. Stick with their Classic Pale Ale and you will not go wrong. Like the rest of the beers from this brewery the alcohol content is a little low (5% ABV). What it lacks in kick it makes up for in taste. Made with four hops and four malts this beer is by far the best tasting one on the Vancouver brewery tour. It’s clean, crisp taste will be one that you can enjoy time and time again or at least until ice dancing and curling become interesting- which ever comes first!

Beat Me Please! TV’s Tough Chicks

Some guys are man enough to admit it; others are too macho to do so. When it comes down to it though, every guy digs a chick that can totally kick his ass. Is it the cool guns or the bad ass moves that do it? Nah! As guys we equate everything to sex. If they can do they can dish out damage with that kind of intensity than just imagine how hot they will be in the sack!

Each one of these four gorgeous women are total bad asses in their own right, but in the end they all have one in common- they are absolute babes!

Sarah Walker (Yvonne Strahovski), CHUCK

Chuck Bartowski is one damn, lucky nerd. Not only is he turning into a butt-kicking geek in the new season of Chuck starting this Sunday, January 10, (on NBC) but he has the very hot Sarah Walker watching his every move. This blonde haired beauty is one of the agents that protect the computer inside Chuck’s head. Anyone looks to mess with Chuck and this bombshell springs into serious action. Whether it is kung fu fighting or weapons of a more conventional nature, she will do whatever it takes to protect her geek; so that is  why Mom always told me to do my homework!

Renée Walker (Annie Wersching), 24

This redhead will to return in the next season of 24, starting January 17th on Fox. While a little more conservatively dressed then Agent Walker, this FBI agent’s actions are what really make her alluring. She learned well from Jack Bauer last season; not a bad thing to do when tasked with saving the world. Like Jack, Renée is headstrong, prone to disobeying orders, and can kick some serious ass in many ways. If the way she kicks terrorist ass is sign, you might want to have a fire extinguisher on hand with this babe because as every guy knows, red on the head means fire in the bed!

Fiona Glenanne (Gabrielle Anwar), BURN NOTICE

Something is wrong with Michael Weston. He seems more concerned with getting back in the good graces of the government that left him hanging then he is with a gorgeous woman like Fiona. The Irish gun runner is slight in form, but she is proof that dangerous yet hot things can come in small packages. Not only does she have a knack for blowing things up, she can fight with the best of them, and is pretty handy with a gun too. Thankfully, Burn Notice (on USA starting January 21) takes place in warm and toasty Miami and Fiona dresses appropriate for the climate allowing us to enjoy every sensual curve.

Ziva David (Cote de Pablo), NCIS

This former Mossad agent knows how to kill you in many ways thanks to her training in the Israeli Army and as a Mossad assassin. She is very intelligent, capable of speaking several languages although this has made it hard for her to pick up a lot of American slang (which she tends to make kind of sexy). She has proven that she is an all-around bad ass on  NCIS (Tuesdays at 8pm on CBS) capable of head butting you into submission, shooting you from hundreds of yards away, blowing you up, or giving you a good old fashioned ass kicking. To make it even better, as a federal investigator she probably knows how to make it look like an accident anyway (like you could really tell on a babe like her)!

Survivor Babes: the Real All-Stars

Besides kicking off the age of reality television, Survivor has actually done men of the world one tremendous service- it has brought a whole bevy of hot babes to our attention that we would not have been able to enjoy otherwise.

Thursday, February 11 at 8pm, the most recent installment of the hit reality series Survivor will begin. Another collection of former contestants will make up this all-star version that has been dubbed Heroes vs. Villains.

If we here at COED had our way there would be an all-female all-star version dubbed Babes vs. Babes. The following are some of the women we would love to watch frolic around some random beach in bikinis for 39 days.

Stepnenie LaGrossa

Stephenie LaGrossa

Stephanie has already been on two seasons of Survivor (Guatemala and Palau) and will be in the new Heroes vs. Villains season. Besides having a slamming body, this chick is one tough cookie. In her first season she managed to be the last person standing in her tribe and the eventual runner-up.

Mary Sartain

Mary Sartain

Survivor: Micronesia gave some lucky fans the chance to match wits with some of Survivors best players. After showing off her body in her killer bikini, this fan was soon to have fans of her own.

Amber Brkich

Amber Brkich (Mariano)

This hottie was so irresistible on the All-Star version that even though her future hubby did all the dirty work she won the million dollars. Twice was enough for her (she was also in the second season, Australian Outback); her husband will be trying to cash in finally on the Heroes vs. Villains season.

Amanda Kimmel

Amanda Kimmel

No one has spent as much time trying to survive as Amanda has having made it to the last round on both Survivors: China and Micronesia. She is undoubtedly hoping third time will be the charm in Samoa for Heroes vs. Villains.

Jenna Morasca

Jenna Morasca

She bared it all for peanut butter and cookies and has been taking it to the bank ever since. Having appeared in two seasons of the show, Amazon and All-Stars, Jenna has turned her 15 minutes into a role on TNA Impact! Wrestling, an off-Broadway play, a made for television movie, several appearances on other reality shows, and the 2009 movie End Game with fellow wrestler Kurt Angle. Oh yeah- she did a little spread with Amazon pal Heidi Strobel in Playboy as well!

Heidi Strobel

Heidi Strobel

Fellow peanut butter and cookie lover Heidi Strobel bore all in the Amazon season of Survivor. This must have been a precursor of things to come since she would eventually show up in Playboy with pal Jenna Morasca.

Jerri Manthey

Jerri Manthey

Like Jenna, Jerri has cashed in on her 15 minutes of fame pretty well. Along with appearing on the Australian Outback and All-Star seasons (and will be in the new Heroes vs. Villains), Jerri has appeared in a number of movies and was the sideline reporter during the first season of Extreme Dodge ball. Also like Jenna, she stripped down for Playboy as well.

Julie Berry

Julie Berry

Julie captured the heart of Survivor host Jeff Probst while on Survivor: Vanuatu. We could care less if she still is as long as she provides us with more photos like this one.

Parvatti Shallow

Parvati Shallow

This naughty little vixen makes it no secret that she will use her better qualities to get what she wants. They did not do much for her on Cook Islands, but she did take home the grand prize in Micronesia. We don’t care what she does in Heroes vs. Villains just as long as she struts around in that bikini some more.

For more on all these babes be sure and check out our Babes of Survivor Photo Gallery!

And For a Survivor Adventure of Your Own – Check out Our Top 10 Spring Break Destinations

Babes of Survivor Photo Gallery

Real hotties of reality television’s Survivor!

Doing Valentine’s Day Man Style- and Getting Away with It!

Everybody knows that Valentine’s Day is all about the business of selling lots of cards and candy to the lovesick, lovelorn, and well- horny. Since it can help us get some extra special loving from that special someone of the moment then who are we to complain? The trouble with this day is that our girlfriends, wives, friends with benefits, etc seem to think it means we have to do something that screams romance and love and other kinds of sentimental crap.

Worry not gentlemen! There is a method to the madness that can save you from watching Titanic (again), listening to Celine Dion, and pretending that is sweet instead of a darn crime when the old woman throws the diamond into the ocean at the end. The following are a collection of man friendly Valentine’s dates that if you play your cards right might actually end up being her idea!

1. USA Sevens Rugby Tournament in Las Vegas Baby!

If you have not experienced a game of rugby then you have yet to see true masculinity and testosterone in action- from the chicks as well as the guys. This tournament involves teams of 7 players from around the world, playing games with 7 minute halves. Oh yeah- one of the great things about rugby is beer seems to go hand in hand with game!

How you sell her: What you need to do is spring the trip on her and act like you are being crazy and spontaneous, just like love birds ought to be on Valentine’s Day. Really pour on the lovebirds, crazy, spontaneous part; that is the key to the plan. If she has a spontaneous bone- besides yours- in her body she’ll go for the trip. When you get there you mention hearing about this international festival that you guys should go check out on Saturday/ Sunday…

Why it works: Chicks dig spontaneity. It doesn’t hurt that she might think you are planning on proposing either (with all those chapels around); even if she does not want to get married she will still get the romanticism that goes with getting hitched in a Vegas chapel. Do your best not to get so drunk you do, and she will not mind watching a bunch of sweaty, athletic hard bodies with sexy accents running around hitting each other(important note- don’t let her actually meet any of these guys or you might be going home alone).

2. Daytona 500

“The Great American Race” marks the beginning of the new season for NASCAR and is one of the most prestigious sporting events in the world. The best of the best come out for this one making it a contest overflowing with excellence and bound for thrills and excitement. Every race fan should make the pilgrimage to the Promise Land of racing at least once.

How you sell her: Surprise her with a weekend at the beach in sunny Florida. Take her out for a nice dinner and don’t forget to stroll down the beach- at sunset not mandatory, but a good touch. Basically pull out every romantic trick in the book on Saturday. In the morning tell her you have one more surprise, Tim McGraw tickets. For some reason most women seem to like this guy so she will undoubtedly jump for joy. When you get to the concert act surprised that it happens to be at the racetrack!

Why it works: This is all about psychological warfare. Even if she hates racing she will see that you went through a tremendous amount of trouble to give her a great weekend. Plus, if she does not throw you a bone here and let you go to the race then she will look like a complete bit*h (meanie) and she knows it.

3. NBA All-Star Game in Dallas, Texas

Like Major League Baseball, the National Basketball Association holds its all-star extravaganza during the middle of the season. With no defense being played the fans are treated to what they like most- a lot of scoring. Even though, getting the opportunity to see so many of the greatest players of our time on the same court is a thing of beauty that every guy should enjoy at least once.

How to sell her: this one will cost you a little money. She’ll be a little wary when you say you want to take her to Dallas for Valentine’s weekend. When she quizzes you just mention that you heard about all the great outlet malls outside of the Dallas area and how you just want to take her shopping for a day. Don’t give her a limit and say she can get whatever she wants. When she finishes running up your credit card casually mention that you heard there are tickets available to this game tomorrow…

Why it works: Chicks love the idea that you are willing to spend the day shopping with them. They love it even better when you say you are going to foot the bill. Chances are she will be so giddy that she has no limit that she will want to look at everything and plan her attack. When she sees that you are not backing off of your promise to cover her shopping bill she will be so touched that she will likely not spend too much of your money. Act like you enjoy it and she might even buy the tickets herself!

Buy tickets for these events and more from our friends at TickCo, and save $10 on Orders of $100 or More. Use Promo Code ORDR10TC

Putting the X in seX

If you watched the X-Games last weekend, and by the looks of the ratings, you did – you would have noticed one important fact. When ESPN started the X-games way back in 1995 as a way of showcasing extreme sports such as snowboarding, skiing, and snowmobile tricks, they never took into account (or maybe those geniuses did) the bevy of beauties that this competition would attract. Please enjoy some of the talented beauties that you oogled in the 2010 Winter X-Games.

Sarah Burke

Sarah is a freestyle skier out of Canada and one of the most successful competitors in recent X-Games history. ESPN named her the Best Female Action Sports Athlete of 2007, but perhaps more important was the honor bestowed upon her by FHM Magazine in 2006. They named the three time X-Game gold medal winner as one of the sexiest women in the U.S, only problem is they had her kind of low at 91.

Chanelle Sladics

This California native is just what everyone dreams of when they think beach babe. After growing up hitting the waves in her native Newport she gradually grew to love the thrill of the slopes thanks to a handful of weekend trips to the mountains. Now she is one of the best snowboarders in the game and one of the hottest as well.

Tara Dakides

Tara is one of the premier snowboarders of the day. A former X-Games medalist and ESPN Snowboarder of the Year, she is perhaps better known for her body art. Like Sarah Burke, she too has made FHM’s list of 100 Sexiest Women (in 2004), but for some crazy reason they only had her at #90.

Torah Bright

At the tender age of 14 this young Aussie turned pro as a snowboarder. Representing her native land, she placed fifth at the 2006 Olympic Games. That year she also won silver at the Winter X-Games and became the first Australian to win gold at the X-Games in 2007. Here’s hoping that that we see much more of this young hottie in the near future.

Kristi Leskinen

FHM knows how to pick them I just have to wonder how they rate them. Kristi was one of their 100 Sexiest in 2005, coming in at #90. While smoking hot she is just as well known for her body as for her skills on the slopes. The X-Games medalist was the first women to pull off a rodeo 720—two rotations, head pointed to the earth.

Gretchen Bleiler

Looking to become an X-Gamer at a young age, Gretchen turned pro back in 1996 at the tender age of 15. The first woman to pull off a Crippler 540 in competition, she has gone onto to become one of the best snowboarders around winning medals at the Olympics and X-Games. We here at COED are just glad she likes to pose for pictures.

Worst Franchises in Professional Sports Right Now

We have all cheered for a team that we know sucks. Rooting for the underdog is something that we as Americans love to do. Sometimes that team is so bad that we can’t find any reason what so ever to support them. This is not always the teams that has the worst record, but the team that just finds new and unique ways to piss us off.

The following is a collection of the worst franchises in professional sports today. Criteria for this dubious distinction will be judged on their performance or lack thereof in four categories:

1. Win-loss records- no matter what, if you have a history of sucking your hard to cheer for.
2. The owner- some think they have all the answers since they write the checks while others can hardly be bothered to do even that.
3. Front office staff/general manager- anyone that cheered for Detroit through the Matt Millen years will understand how important this factor can be.
4. Criminal element- guys make mistakes, but a team that spends more time hitting their wives/girlfriends and then like to get pulled over for driving drunk (or high) with an arsenal of weapons in their trunk are not easy to support

National Football League

AFC: Oakland Raiders

I almost did not name this franchise the worst due to their rabid fan base, but the Oakland Raiders are just plain bad, and not the cool bad meaning good bad either. Surprisingly, the criminal element was not a factor; the Raiders had one guy get in trouble in 2009. That actually takes away from the Raider mystic since these guys are supposed to be the bad boys of the NFL. While they have not had the worst record in the league, the Raiders have remained at the bottom of the league looking up since they went to the Super Bowl in 2002, going 29-83 in that span.
What has to be disturbing for the Raider faithful is that as long as Al Davis is at the helm (owner and GM) they will remain one of the NFL’s worst. His draft picks are puzzling as are his off season moves. The guy is simply out of touch with what works in today’s NFL, but refuses to admit it and step down. Sorry, Oakland, but you might have to wait for this guy to pass before you see a winning season again.

NFC: St. Louis Rams

This team takes the honor for the NFC on incompetent leadership and record alone. It would almost be an improvement if there were a few criminals on the team. At least there might be something interesting for analysts to talk about. When it comes down to it, these guys are just plain bad.

How does a team fall so far in just a decade? In 1999, the Rams were the greatest show on turf with stories like the emergence of Kurt Warner rising up as well as the coaching brilliance of Dick Vermeil. Ever since they gave up on Kurt Warner this franchise has been steadily circling the drain with the last three years making it seem like they are almost trying to suck. It’s a shame that Steven Jackson is stuck there for now; he could be a marquee player and perennial all-star anywhere else, but instead he will just be another good back toiling in obscurity.

National Basketball Association

Two franchises in the Eastern Conference stuck out as so bad that the Western Conference will be without a representative for this distinction

Eastern Conference: Washington Wizards

This honor goes to the Washington Wizards. They have not been the worst team over the last few years, making the playoffs as early as the 2007-08 season, but had they been in the Western Conference they would have been sitting at home in the post season where they belong.

Although there are teams with worse won/loss records the current legal trouble of the Wizards override all other issues. Since the resigning of the gun-toting, gambling prankster Gilbert Arenas by the front office in 2008, they lose points for not ditching the trouble maker when they had a chance. With the disarray that will undoubtedly follow the suspension of the team’s leading scorer, don’t be surprised to see the Wizards amongst the worst in the league by season’s end.

What a minute- they already are.

Eastern Conference: New York Knicks

Isiah Thomas was too busy trying to sink a different kind of basket while in charge of the Knicks to build a competitive team. In fact, this guy was so bad back then that the team has yet to recover since he was fired for trying to dip his pen in the company ink. To top it off the guy even tries to OD on sleeping pills. Instead of manning up and admitting it he throws his daughter under the bus (scum)!

Many of his moves still plague the team today. He paid a lot of subpar players a ton of money that never produced; their contracts were so much in favor of the players that it will take even longer for the Knicks to be clear of the Isiah Thomas Cloud. In the mean time they are going to be stuck hoping that the young talent that they draft and pick up will hang around long enough for the team to be able to pay them what they are worth.

Major League Baseball

Much like the NBA, two teams from one league in Major League Baseball have managed to rise above the rest as they find new and inventive ways of sucking.

National League: Pittsburgh Pirates

The criminal element is not a factor here; all the juicers/criminals are on the good teams. Other teams have played worse in the last few years, but none have been as consistently bad as the Pirates. For the last five years they have been in the bottom of one of the softest divisions in Major League Baseball.

Sadly, they have been among the bottom five in salary for the last few years with little intention of opening up the check book to help sign better players.  It is a wonder why the owners even hold onto the team; they don’t win, they don’t have any hope of winning, and they are not even trying to win.

We might as well send them to Montreal; they can’t do any worse than the last team that was there.

National League: Washington Nationals

Few teams have a record of failure as long as this club. As the Expos the other owners in the league had actually voted to shut the club down along with the Minnesota Twins back in 2001, but thanks to some fancy legal wrangling they were given a reprieve and eventually kicked out of Canada (wow, now that should tell you something) and banished to the nation’s capital, Washington D.C. where they continued to suck.

Since moving and becoming the Nationals they have continued to find new ways to redefine what it means to suck. They have finished last in their division every year with the only thing changing being the number of games back they end up; in 2005 they were only 9 back, but in 2009 they were 34 games behind the division leading Phillies.

It is noble to think that they can build a team of young quality players, but they have to keep a few around when they are no longer young if they ever intend on winning a few games. Instead, they have managed to trade away or let go every good player after they do the hard work and develop them!

Major League Soccer

How much can be said for a league who’s current champion had a losing record going into the playoffs? It kind of said even the supposedly good teams must not be that good. This was harder to pick. It would be unreasonable to blame the owners/ general managers for much; they are undoubtedly hamstrung by low budgets in a league not known for making a profit. There are too many criminals in the news from the NFL, NBA, not to mention steroid users in the MLB for anyone to care about a MLS player caught jaywalking.

Eastern Conference: Red Bull New York

How a team could be valued at $100 million and be as bad as this New York squad is amazing. Historically, the New England Revolution has been one of the worst teams as well; getting beat by a random bunch of guys in 2008 would make them a safe call. However, after factoring in things such as points per game and goal differential, the all time loser happens and reigning team of crap in the Eastern Conference of MLS is easily Red Bull New York.

Logic would dictate that these guys just need to drink a few of their namesakes, get some wings, and they could fly circles around the competition. Maybe that is what they did in 2008 when they made it to the Finals; the crash must be why they became one of the worst in 2009 winning only five games and scoring only 27 goals while allowing 47 (yawn). Playing a home game against these guys almost guaranteed a victory last season the team could not beat anyone away from home. Perhaps these guys drink too many Red Bulls and vodka; flying drunk is no way to fly, but it could explain why they can’t get the ball into goal very much.

Western Conference: San Jose Earthquakes

It is interesting that a team that was winning games, even championships, moved to another city. What that says is that even though they were pretty good no one cared. Yet for some reason the powers I charge of MLS thought it would be a good idea to try again with this franchise so they were revived after a two year hiatus and began play again in the 2008 season.

At least they were scheduled to do so. Since returning these guys have given the fans that they don’t have nothing to cheer about. The Earthquakes have become cellar dwellars, finishing last in the conference both years (08 and 09). What is even more alarming is the way in which they lost. In 08 they were at least competitive in many games, scoring 32 while allowing 38. In 09 there offense was slightly improved with 35 goals, but they forget to play defense and allowed a league high of 50! I understand that soccer is pretty dull, but allowing the competition to score so much cannot be good fro the bottom line.

National Hockey League

Phoenix Coyotes

Oh to think what could have been if Gary Betteman wasn’t a complete tool.  Moving this team to Hamilton would have created a glorious business.  Instead, the players chug along as the little team that could . . .but not, while management flounders, and flip flops lie a fish out of water.  Pay close attention guys, see all the legal papers, lawyers and suits?  That’s the real world of sports.  What we see on TV and at the arenas is just the after effects.

It really doesn't matter what team we show here. The Panthers will still suck.

Florida Panthers

The attendance percentage for the Panthers this season is the lowest in the NHL – 77.1 percent, but that tells exactly half the story.  The Panther’s management GIVE TICKETS AWAY to ad sponsors in huge blocks of seats.  The result is an attendance that  gets as low as 3,000 warm bodies in a 19,000++ arena.  Disinterest in the team might have something to do with the fact that the Panthers have not made the playoffs since the 1999-2000 season, but it may also have to do with the fact that managements seems to have very little interest in Hockey in general.  They complain that they’re in a “Non Hockey Market.”  Please!  During hockey season there are more Canadians in Florida than in Montreal! Add in transplant New Yorkers, Bostonians, and Chicagoans and the team should be ashamed to even attempt such a lame excuse.  No hockey fans – bullocks.

Photo Gallery: Babes of the X-Games

Proof that their is a God gentlemen!