What If Batman and The Joker Were An Old Lesbian Couple?

Batman is one of the most iconic comic book heroes in history and his battles with The Joker have been things of legend. Now, what if Batman and the Joker were an old lesbian couple instead of arch-nemeses? There would be a lot more dildos and batsuits with nipples, that’s for d*mn sure. The Joker would trade in his purple suit for a purple suit made of flannel and the batcave would reek of fish even though their aren’t any fish to be found in the batcave (the fish is the smell of vagina, btw).

Why so... straight?

I know what you’re thinking, Batman and the Joker were males and enemies and the two of them being an old lesbian couple wouldn’t make any sense. You know what? Shut up. Batman was totally meant to be a lesbian, especially in the early days when he used to fight crime completely pantsless with a complete absence of any male genitalia shaped bulges. At least that’s what I remember after drinking a 6-Pack and reading Wikipedia and looking at a bunch of weird Japanese cartoon porn.

The Joker really is a sick, demented f*ck.

How exactly would the “clown prince of crime” possibly become a lesbian character? The answer is simple: she would be the “clown princess of shoving foreign objects up her lady hole”. The Joker already wears enough makeup to be a lipstick lesbian and the dramatic personality to match. The fact of being Bat-lesbian’s nemesis just gives her more reason to deliver punishment in the sack. There are endless possibilities to the arsenal that fem-Joker would have: bazookas with explosive penis-shaped projectiles, jack-in-the boxes that violate you sexually, joy buzzers attached to dildos, etc. Nobody will forget the time that the Joker shot Batgirl in the spine then stuck a giant rubber penis in the bullet wound.

The best part? This diagram existed before this story was written.

Bat-lesbian would have some amazing gadgets of her own. Just imagine a grappling gun that fires a phallus shaped hook into it’s targets vagina which she can then retract it and travel upwards just by the tensile strength of her target’s labia. There would also be some major changes to the batsuit as well. It would be made of latex with removable nipple-shaped covers for her bat-boobs. And you can’t forget the removable crotch and utility belt full of bat-shaped sex toys.

Bane's way ahead of the game. Peep the dildo peeking out of his chest.

Fem-Joker would practically beg Les-Bat to arrest her and handcuff her to the bat-shaped bed inside the batcave while sipping martinis brought to them by young shirtless Robin who has a giant dildo strapped around her chin. She’s just going to escape from Arkham Asylum the next week anyway and they’ll begin the whole charade over again.

Which other arch-nemeses would make awesome lesbian couples?

Let us know in the comments.

The Most Inappropriate Times To Go Shirtless In Public

There are plenty of situations that require wearing a shirt, but some people choose to go shirtless anyway. Some call these people (usually it’s them calling themselves) ‘pioneers’ but most of society calls them ‘socially retarded.’ They have no idea that their nipples are month old pepperonis and that their back-t*ts (the cleavage of their backs) looks like a package of old hot dogs stuck to a manatee. For those not in the ‘know’ here’s a definitive list of when you must cover up your naked top half for the betterment of society. Check ‘em out below.

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