7 Fat Dudes Who Look Weird Without The Weight

If the great state of Texas, the McDonald’s franchise and stretchy pants have taught us anything, it’s that bigger is better. Biggie Smalls, Fat Albert, John Candy— they all embraced the chub. Now society is battling the fun with a ban on trans-fats, advertised lap-band procedures and late-night Flirty Girl Fitness infomercials. While the FDA is doing their best to keep us large and in charge by declaring pizza a vegetable, some celebrities have given in to the dark side. Fatties, come back! You look f*cking weird now!

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The Dumbing Down of Television

Lupe Fiasco said it all in 2007’s “Dumb It Down” — “We didn’t graduate from school” and “Them big words ain’t cool.” We’re not saying today’s generation is dumber; we don’t have to. If the media’s any indication, TV’s already ratted you out. With the cashing in of lovable old men and brawny-haired geniuses for colorful puppets and ten-year-old kids, it’s no wonder our IQs appear to be on a downward slope. Don’t believe us? Read on to see how we’re not too far away from an Idiocracy-like scenario where the #1 hit show is “Ouch, My Balls!”.

Mr. Rogers vs. The Puppets

Mr. Rogers taught us the importance of imagination land and the handiness of a smart sweater vest. He politely asked us to be his neighbor while telling us the about the beautiful day ahead. The overall message was an inspiring you-can-do-anything mantra. But that was the 80’s folks, and things nowadays aren’t all sunshine and lollipops — just ask Yo Gaba Gaba. Their songs, like “Don’t Bite Your Friends,” have become a social barometer. Hair pulling and nipping on the playground? It’s a hard knock life, y’all.

Family Feud vs. Wipeout

Remember when family bonding meant huddling under Uncle Paul’s pit-stained arm as you screamed out answers, dodged strikes and caved in with the obligatory “good answer, good answer” in front of a dressed up Louie Anderson? Yeah, us neither. While it’s still on the air, the novelty of Family Feud has been replaced with a new American staple — Wipe Out. Take a page from the world of Japanese game shows, and watch as families bump, slip and slide their way through an obstacle course of humiliation. Then watch it all again on instant replay.

Ben Stein vs. A Ten Year Old

Aside from hawking Clear Eyes and earning a spot in the 80’s movie hall of fame as Ferris Bueller’s nasal-voiced professor, Ben Stein’s pretty much off the air. But there was a time in the late 90’s when his standard suit and tie were dressed up with a lot of green — flashy dollar bills that is. Challenging a lawyer, political commentator and presidential speechwriter for $5,000 isn’t exactly the easiest get-rich-quick scheme, but back then cash prizes didn’t come without hard work. In true dumb-it-down fashion, 2007 brought on a new game show “challenge”— where dignity weighed out dollar signs. The competition was a lot younger, a bit shorter and, oh yeah, 10. Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader?  brought American’s stupidity to light while offering prize money topping out at a million dollars. Now, true or false: polar bears eat penguins.

Clarissa vs. The Preggos

A pioneering show in its day, Clarissa Explains It All brought viewers into the world of a small town girl-dom. She spoke to us directly and taught us how to handle bullies and annoying ginger brothers while covering wholesome topics like grades and first crushes. Still, our little Darling remained edgy with her window-climbing best guy friend Sam and short-lived pet baby caiman. But nowadays, a pet baby caiman isn’t enough. To gain a prime time slot, teenage girls need a real baby— or at least a few months of one. Lead it to the MTV phenomenon 16 and Pregnant to shows just how low we’ve sunken. Trailer park feuds, GED classes and baby mama drama at the ripe old age of 16 — tres chic.

Soul Train vs. Dancing With The Stars

90s R&B hits, booty-shaking dancers and a baritone Don Cornelius can mean only one thing: it’s the Soooouulllll Train. Despite being the longest-running show in nationally syndicated television history, a scramble board and dance line could only take the choo choo so far. The art of dance was missing a little something, like a weight-fluctuating Kirstie Alley, a lukewarm Drew Lachey and an attention-starved Rob Kardashian. Thankfully, ABC filled this void with 2005’s Dancing With The Stars. Pairing twinkle-toed professionals with their less agile counterparts — Dumb at its finest.

The 5 Best Backhanded Compliments

“I love your eye color.” “You look so young.” “You look great…for your age.” Nice try guys, but one of these things is not like the other. Sure we all love to be doted on and flattered, but these days the art of the compliment has gone the way of the dodo – old fashioned, ineffective and often spewed by those with stout bodies, stumpy forearms and a large head. In honor of Compliment Day (1/24), we’d like to skip the sweet and subtle and school you in the art of the backhanded. Pack your passive aggressive tendencies and pull up a seat.

[image above courtesy of Iakov Filimonov / Shutterstock.]

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7 of the Most Bizarre Band Names

Band names have always been oddballs: the Smashing Pumpkins, the Goo Goo Dolls, Bush. It’s not like we expected this to change — for Korn to suddenly spell their name with a “C” and start promoting the second tier of the food pyramid. I almost think that having a good band name is more important than having a good band (but that’s why I’m not a musician). Time has proven that the weird names prevail, and we’ve got proof. Here’s a list of some of the weirdest, most out there band names we’ve come across.

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Leave your favorite bizarre band name in the comments!

The Most Infamous Drunk Babies Caught On Camera [VIDEOS, PHOTOS]

Babies are cute. We all laugh at their confusion — because they’re learning, making mistakes, and can’t sit upright. Almost sounds like your best bud when he gets wasted. So, you can imagine the amusement when you combine those two powerful forces. Imagine no more! Check out the four most infamous drunk babies along with a mega gallery of drunk baby pics.

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The 8 Dumbest Choreographed Dances of All-Time [VIDEOS]

Calling all twinkle toes. Forget words, the power of the dance is the deepest form of expression. The way you sway, swoon, drop it like it’s hot or pop, lock and drop speaks volumes. And some moves should be avoided at all cost. In honor of  Dumb Dances Day on November 29^th, when you can shamelessly exercise your patriotic right to shake a leg, here’s a list of dumb dances to wholeheartedly embrace… just make sure you throw a few back beforehand.

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