How To Smoke Pot In A Dorm Room Without Getting Caught

PHOTO VIA: Getty Images

For most stoners, your college days (daze?) are going to be the highlight of your pot smoking life – truly, you will never be around as many stoners so consistently ever again. And of all the places to smoke weed, smoking in your dorm room is a special kind of fun. Everything you need is nearby – friends, food, video games, and a couch to chill on. Unfortunately, most schools frown on pot smoking – to put it lightly – so if you’re gonna smoke in the dorms, you have to make sure not to get caught. Check out our tips for worry-free dorm room smoking below!

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The 6 Safest Games To Play At Work

Wouldn’t it be great to get paid to play video games all day? Well, don’t let the fact you’re not a professional gamer dissuade you – anyone can sit around and get paid to game, all you need is 1) a cubicle and 2) a job where you have no responsibility. Easy, right? So, whether you have access to the Internet or just a smartphone, we’ve got games for you. They may not be Call of Duty, but, hey, they’re better than working for a living. Check out our list of SFW-ish games below.

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Also, for those of you truly working in the worst offices in the world (the ones that still use Excel 2000), here’s a cool little game that’s actually included in the program. You drive around shooting and blowing up cars. Just don’t expect too much – it’s hidden in Excel.

Charlie Sheen’s 20 Hottest Hookups [POLL]

The Comedy Central Roast of Charlie Sheen takes place tonight, Monday, September 19th at 10pm ET / 9pm CT on… uh… Comedy Central. We’ve been looking forward to this event ever since it was announced and the promos CC’s been pumping out have only added to our fevered anticipation. However, it seems Charlie’s backed off his near year-long, high-octane rampage over trolls. His ‘best wishes’ mini-speech at the Emmys indicates that maybe Sheen really had overdosed on Sheen; that sanity had been restored and the haggard, wild-eyed man who housed goddesses was now turning over a new leaf. While we understand it’s humanly impossible to keep up “the crazy train” forever, we’d like to pay homage to a man who might’ve paid for a lot of p*ssy but still got a fair amount of fine trim free of charge. Check out our list of his hottest hookups below.

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Saints Row The Third Trims The Fat, Looks Lean, Mean, More Obscene [TRAILERS, SCREENSHOTS]

The Grand Theft Auto series of games are works of art, with high quality story, writing, design and acting. The Saints Row games are but shallow, shameless imitators. But Saints Row also lets you spray people with sh!t from a giant hose. So we love it. The first Saints Row was a blast, part two was even better, and Saints Row: The Third is coming soon, with preview information recently released. So, what can we except from the murderous Saints gang this time around? Check out our full preview along with HD trailers and ridiculously over the top screenshots below.

New City

The first two games took place in Stilwater, a fictional city which was kind of a Chicago meets Detroit. After destroying most of it at the end of the first game, you return in part two to find the place significantly re-built and re-configured. In three, however, you leave Stilwater entirely. After getting your ass handed to you by new villains The Syndicate, you leave town and set up shop across the river in Steelport. This mainly industrial town is dirtier, tougher and more blue collar than Stilwater.

Competition Multiplayer Is Gone, Co-Op Improved

While Saints Row was a perfectly fun sandbox-game, even if it was so heavily influenced by Grand Theft Auto, it was Saints Row 2 that really shined. Because that’s when full two person co-op was introduced. You could play everything – the main missions and all the side missions – with your friend. What was once a goofy sandbox game suddenly became a massive funhouse of destruction for you and a buddy to play in. This co-op feature has still yet to be possible in any GTA game.

Developer Volition promises full co-op  gaming, with drop-in and drop-out support, will return in part three. In fact, the little liked “competition” multiplayer mode had been eliminated, so the developers can focus all their efforts on the co-op experience. To us, co-op is what elevated Saints Row from a good game to a great one, and we’re pleased to see its return for part three.

Simplified Level Up System, Less Annoying Side Missions

The first two games used a “respect” system to unlock levels, meaning basically every cool thing you did counted towards moving forward in the story. But to upgrade your charter’s physical attributes, you had to complete separate side missions, many of which were totally annoying. In The Third, this respect system is simplified into more traditional leveling up system. Basically, every good thing you do – big or small – gives you XP, which you spend on the various character abilities and perks as you see fit. Goodbye side missions, hello customizable characters.

Now You Can Customize Weapons & Save ‘Em Forever

Saints Row 1 & 2 went progressively deeper in terms of how you could customize your style. Grab any car you wanted, take it to a chop shop, then paint it and tinker with it to your heart’s delight. All while dressed up as an astronaut, in your college colors, as Borat or basically however else you like. Saints Row: The Third continues with this, allowing you to tweak your physical attributes, clothing and cars to an almost limitless degree, only this time out they’ve added something new – weapons customization. Like a particular gun? Add a grenade launcher, sniper scope or larger ammo clip, just to name a few options. And, like the cars and clothes, whatever you make, you can save forever, no matter how often it gets destroyed.

More Cohesive Story: You Vs. The Syndicate

Saints Row’s insane storylines are so ludicrous and over-the-top, they definitely fall into the category of “so bad it’s good.” The Third will continue this tradition – get ready for a wild tale involving a ruthless Belgian crime lord, a computer hacker, a Mexican wrestler, a smooth-talking pimp and a pair of hot, killer twins. But this time, instead of separate stories, which is basically how part two worked, all of these characters has been woven into a single narrative about The Saint’s battle against The Syndicate for control of Steelport.

Outrageousness Reaches All-Time High

Saints Row just says no to any sense of realism, and that is the heart of why the game works so well. Expect The Third to reach all new heights of craziness. Now, you can dress your gang in up to three different outfits – so, instead of just ninjas, you can now command ninjas, pirates and cowboys, all at once. And why not dress yourself up as a superhero, or a Furry? And beat people to death with a giant “back massager”? The spirit of “anything goes” appears to be alive and well in Saints Row The Third, and we couldn’t be happier. SR3 has no concrete release date, but expect it sometime around Christmas.

OTHER NOTES:

• Daniel Dae Kim reprises his role as Johnny Gat
• Sasha Grey voices Viola DeWynter
• Hulk Hogan voices professional wrestler and Saints ally Angel De LaMuerte

CHECK OUT THE TRAILERS & SCREENSHOTS BELOW

CLICK THE PIC TO VISIT THE OFFICIAL SITE!

The Paranoid Pot Smoker’s Guide To Covering Your Tracks Online

There are always gonna be a few people who care if you smoke pot. Maybe your parents. Or your boss. Definitely your dealer. And, unfortunately, people who have a problem with your pot smoking are also the types of people more likely to spy on you online. Want to make sure you’re protecting yourself against pot-related discrimination? Check out our paranoid pot smoker’s guide to covering your tracks online.

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9 Actors Who Tried To Sing and Failed

Everybody wants to be a rock star. Unfortunately, some people (*cough* actors *cough*) become really famous, get delusional, and suddenly believe they have musical talent. And because they bring instant name recognition, actors can get albums made. This is not a good thing. Check out these actors who tried to sing, but failed:

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8 Famous Hollywood Movie Homes

Movies are supposed to be larger than your sh*tty life. Movie girls are already hotter than anyone you know, the guys have more money than you could ever dream, so of course it makes sense that the houses you see in the movies are going to make your humble abode look like the homeless guy’s cardboard shack you pass everyday to your cr@p job. In order to make you feel even worse about yourself, we’re showing you 8 of the houses used in your favorite movies. Make sure you unload your gun before checking these cribs out below.

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The 10 Best Sites For Gamers [VIDEO GAMES]

Let’s face it – you can’t look at porn all the time. Fortunately, aside from porn, the internet is also good for something else: information about video games. From reviews to previews, trailers to walkthroughs, there isn’t just a lot of video game info on the web, there’s actually too much. So, we at COED have culled the wheat from the chaff, and have found the 10 best video game sites on the web. Check out our list below and let us know if we missed any in the comments section.

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10 Most Annoying Things People Do on Email

Ever since Al Gore invented the Internet back in 1930, people have been using this series of tubes to annoy each other via email. Now, while we’re sure you don’t do any of the following, the chances are high that you know someone who does. And if you do, tell ‘em to knock it off. The rest of us will appreciate it. Here are the 10 most annoying things people do on email.

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Jon Benjamin Has A Van & A Voice For TV’s Funniest Cartoon Characters [VIDEOS]

Voice acting is a gift but unfortunately, the average TV viewer doesn’t have a clue who voices their most beloved characters nor do they care. While most voice actors quietly cash their checks in anonymity there’s one who you recognize the instant you hear him chime in: H. Jon Benjamin. He has a new travel/comedy/man-on-the-street show premiering tonight on Comedy Central called, Jon Benjamin Has a Van. To honor his pipes, we’re taking a look at 10 of the funniest characters he’s ever voiced.

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POW! COED Shoots The Sh*t With Rob Riggle [INTERVIEW]

Rob’s such a tough guy that even if his jokes were awful, we’d still have to pretend to laugh. Before becoming a comedian, this Kansan native was a United States Marine, serving in Liberia, Kosovo and Afghanistan (and he’s currently a Lt. Colonel in the Marine Corps Reserves). He began his comedy run as a correspondent on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart and continued to hit hard with the laughs, appearing in Talladega Nights, Step Brothers, The Hangover and more. He can be seen June 1^st alongside Tom Hanks and Julie Roberts in the comedy-drama Larry Crowne. Check out our interview with Rob along with his funniest clips below.

LEAD PHOTO COURTESY OF The Onion AV Club

VIDEOS CONTAIN EXPLICIT LANGUAGE

COED: What’ve you been up to lately? What’s new?

Well, I’m currently down in New Orleans shooting a movie called 21 Jumpstreet with Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum. It’s an action-comedy based on the old TV show – it’s a good time, we’re having a lot of fun.

I’ll also be in Kansas City co-hosting a Celebrity Poker Tournament with fellow Kansans Paul Rudd and Jason Sudeikis. That’s June 24^th and 25^th, benefitting the Children’s Mercy Hospital. You can go to bigslickkc.org to check it out.

COED: So, are you a big poker player?

Yeah. Well, I like playing it. (laughs) I wouldn’t say I’m all that successful at it.

COED: Tell us about the Axe Dirtcathlon and your involvement with that.

Axe Shower Gel is relaunching their brand and this is about that – it’s half game show, half reality show. They sent me the script and it sounded good, so I signed on. What happens is, they got these young couples to compete, with the hopes of winning a trip to Spain for that thing where they throw tomatoes at each other. Their [Axe’s] slogan is ‘the cleaner you are, the dirtier you can get.’ You can go to the website at axedirtcathlon.com and enter to win prizes yourself.  It was fun – a good time.

COED: I was just watching a clip of your last Daily Show appearance and I guess my last question is: are you still fighting crime?

(laughs) Absolutely. Yes. Every day, I am still fighting crime.

CLICK HERE TO SEE MORE OF ROB’S STAND UP

For more of Rob, check him out on: Facebook | Twitter |His Official Website

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The 6 Types of Pot Dealers You’ll Meet

With medical marijuana becoming increasingly popular and easier to get, the illicit pot dealer is gradually going the way of the pager and the video store. But, still, it’ll be a long time before he is totally irrelevant. After all, medical marijuana clinics aren’t open at four in the morning, and don’t cater to healthy people. As long as there has been pot, there have been shady dudes willing to sell it. Here are the 6 types of pot dealers you’ll meet.

The Schwag King

First of all, I’ve never understood why the word “schwag” means both sh!tty marijuana AND cool stuff you get for free. Schwag – the marijuana – is the kind of weed you get when you have no other option. It’s certainly not the kind of thing you’d give away in a gift basket. Anyway, the Schway King, as we’ll call him, is the pot dealer you go to when you know no one else. His weed is brown, twiggy and packed so tightly you have to wonder if he smuggled it into the country inside his own body – but its cheap and, like we said, available. Just try not to be at The Schwag King’s house when his parents are home.

The Crazy Careful Guy

Weed may make you paranoid, but this type of dealer takes it to a whole new level. Crazy Careful Guy firmly believes he’s a main character on The Wire, and that teams of cops are watching his every move, just waiting for him to make a mistake. As a result, all your phone calls with this guy are riddled with ridiculous code words – discussions about how many “CDs” or “doughnuts” you want. Each meeting involves at least two locations, and nothing is ever remotely straightforward. Unless this guy really is a drug kingpin (and he isn’t) his paranoia is based on nothing more than too much pot-smoking.

The Party Animal

On the opposite end of the spectrum, there’s the Party Animal: a guy so constantly loud, wasted and obvious that he might as well hawk his wares right outside of a police station. Typically found in a dorm room, or a frat house, this guy is known as The Guy even to people who’ve never met him. Brave either due to his family’s money, or his constant state of intoxication, The Party Animal will sell to anyone, anytime. While it might be great to be around him – after all, there’s usually a party surrounding him – it’s best not to get too far into his inner circle. Unfortunately, for a dealer this obvious, it’s only a matter of time before the party gets shut down for good.

Mr. High and Mighty

Hey, we all like good weed – but this guy takes it too far. While it’s fine (and recommended) to know a bit about the strain you’re smoking, there’s no need to be a know-it-all and a snob. Mr. High and Mighty only holds the best, and he lets you know it, ad nauseam. Dropping more ridiculous names than the roster of the Justice League, Mr. High and Mighty lives to remind you how much more he knows about weed than you do. Unfortunately, lots of his info could be B.S. – and even if it isn’t, you constantly have to deal with a dealer who typically has nothing to deal, always saying that “there’s nothing worth buying” on the market right now.

Mini-Scarface

Here’s a tip: The guy selling you a quarter bag is not big-time. Big time drug dealers don’t want you to even know their names, much less meet them for a $100 transaction. Yet there are still tons of dealers out there who think a few bags of weed has turned them into Tony Montana. You know the guys – always making vague, but frequent, references to mysterious connections. The guys who dress flashy, and who may or may not own a gun (!).

Some people sell weed because they want to make money, some sell because they love weed, and still others – like this guy – get into dealing because, without it, they feel powerless and unimportant.

The Guy

The Guy is the guy all the other dealers want to be. Dependable, normal and business-like. This is the guy who returns your calls right away, who shows up at your house with the weed, who charges the same prices every time. He doesn’t like to meet people and he won’t sell to just anyone, but if you get in with this Guy that’s a connection to hold onto. All he asks is that you don’t spread his name all around town, and don’t ask him a lot of questions. The Guy is dealing done right.

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5 Types of People You Should Never Get High With

Smoking weed and chilling with your buddies is an all-American pastime. And it’s also a nice ice-breaker when hanging out with new people. But be careful – nothing can snuff your buzz quicker than a smoking session with a bunch of losers. Check out the 5 people you should never get high with below.

5. The Never-Shuts-Up Guy

Weed is relaxing. And while it’s great to let your guard down and just sort of babble with your buddies, some people get a little too relaxed and simply won’t shut up. We’ve all met a guy like this. A few hits, and suddenly he won’t stop talking – going on and on like Dave Chappelle’s Sir Smoke-a-Lot character in Half-Baked. Hey, guy, we’re all glad you’re so open with your life, but, really, I’m just trying to get my smoke on.

4. The Wet Mouth Guy

This guy is either completely careless or just way too used to smoking alone. Either way, be it pipe, blunt or joint, when this guy hands it to you, it’s gonna be covered in spit. Look, guy, just because I’m smoking weed with you doesn’t mean I want to de facto make-out. It’s bad enough watching someone dip an entire joint in their mouth after they’ve finished rolling it, but at least there’s a reason people do that. The guy who can’t control his saliva when he’s simply smoking, on the other hand, defies all logical explanation.

3. The 4/20 24/7 Guy

It’s kind of assumed that people who smoke weed are, y’know, into smoking weed. And while weed is great and all, people who turn it into a lifestyle are really annoying. We all know the guy – he smokes right at 4:20 in the afternoon, his wardrobe consists solely of t-shirts with pot leaves, the only movies he likes are stoner comedies, and basically every aspect of his life revolves around weed. And while weed itself is great, having it as your only personal identifier is just lame.

2. The Lighter Thief Guy

It’s understandable, at first. People get high, they tend to forget the minor details, and suddenly your lighter is in someone else’s pocket. The problem is, this guy does it every time. Lighters are like a buck at the store – if you need one so bad, go buy your own. Also, it’s pretty weird that someone who seems to smoke so much never has a lighter of his own.

1. The ‘Can I Meet Your Guy?’ Guy

A smoker’s relationship with his dealer is a highly private one. And while there are many different types of dealers out there, it’s usually nobody’s business how you get your pot. Yet, there’s also some dude – a casual acquaintance, never a close friend – who constantly badgers you for a dealer introduction every time a smoking circle breaks out. Either he’s so socially inept that he can’t find a dealer of his own, or he’s an undercover cop – but either way, he’s the first guy to ask you about your dealer and the last guy you’d actually make an introduction for.

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Towelie’s Greatest (Bong) Hits On South Park For Towel Day [PHOTOS, VIDEO]

May 25^th is Towel Day, an unofficial worldwide holiday celebrating the late author Douglas Adams and his sci-fi comedy cult classic The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, a story where a towel is the most useful item possible for those who explore deep space. But there’s really only one towel that deserves a holiday – the Tynacorp-created RG-400 Smart Towel, also known as Towelie. As a tribute to the forgetful towel who always reminds people to use a towel, we’ve assembled some of his greatest (bong) hits with a photo gallery and video playlist. If you play them all at the same time, it sounds like the beat to FunkyTown. Okay, maybe not. Enjoy!

(GIVE THE VIDEOS A CHANCE TO LOAD)

First introduced on August 8, 2001 in season 5, episode 8 of South Park, Towelie is a talking towel created by scientists in order to thwart an alien invasion – you know what? Forget it. South Park creators admit that Towelie’s incredibly convoluted origin story is a total joke, and that Towelie was only created as a spoof of the massive amounts of South Park merchandise already out there. When Cartman calls him the worst character ever, he’s totally speaking on behalf of Trey Parker and Matt Stone.

When this episode originally aired, you could actually call Comedy Central and order these shirts (not the towels, though). In the years past, however, art has imitated life and all sorts of Towelie merchandise is readily available.

In Season 10, Towelie returned to South Park, this time as an author.

Unfortunately, he didn’t do so well. So, using the magic powers of marijuana, he tried again. Good job, Steven McTowel!

A few seasons passed since Towelie’s adventures as an author, and in Season 14 he returned, only now things were looking pretty grim.

Thanks to Towelie’s friends (excluding Cartman) he now has a shot at a better life.

We love Towelie and wish him the best of luck – especially with the crystal meth and crack. (We’d be cool with it if he keeps smoking pot, though.) And in honor of Towel Day – which Towelie probably forgot about – here’s hoping that everyone’s favorite talking towel returns to South Park again and again. Don’t forget to bring a towel (wanna get high?)!

CHECK OUT THESE FUNNY PHOTOS OF TOWELIE

CLICK HERE FOR THE TOWELIE SOUNDBOARD

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