How To Cover Up The Smell of Smoking Weed

Many of us certainly enjoy flaunting our love for Mother Nature’s gift to us all, but when nearby bystanders become angry with (or most likely jealous of) your display of affection, there’s a couple of techniques that can help you mask Miss Mary’s pungent manifestation.

People are always wary of the smell of good herb in the air.  Some may be pleased by it, while others may psychotically attempt to rip you a new asshole for getting baked and blowing the magic puffs too close to them.  Now don’t get me wrong here.  My attitude towards MJ is absolutely one of an advocate for the cause.  I would frankly rather love smoking pot out in public and stickin’ it to the man than resorting to undergoing the act in secrecy, however, a couple of soldiers of nature against an entire army of conservative families may prove to be an impossible challenge and require a different approach.

Foremost, find a spot that is considerably partitioned off from the eyes of prowling douche-bags who still think of pot as it was portrayed in ‘Reefer Madness’ and that has the least possibility of attracting any more people.

Indoor settings, if you are privileged enough to be living in a home where nobody cares if the ganja is billowing around them, are the perfect places to keep the misunderstood plant’s existence a secret and away from the premature judgments of ignorant minds.  If you’re left with having to smoke outdoors, find a patch of forest that will cover up the sight of the smoke and most likely its odor too…  Wait what?  There aren’t any forests by you?  Oh, that’s right!  Industrial America screwed that up years ago and haven’t lost sight of their destructive path.  How refreshing!  Guess you’ll have to settle for some bushes to hide you and your weed posse then.

One of my favorites while on a road-trip, hot-boxing the car is possibly the most exhilarating way of smoking.  In turn, it is also one of the riskiest techniques of blazing since you’re in a car on a road where there are plenty of other cars that pass by every so often.  If you are certain that you’re safe to blaze in the car, please go right ahead.  Other than that… newbs should stay away as amateur hot-boxing while on the road to a cop is like blood in the water to a shark.  Know your surroundings and don’t light the bowl if you see any pigs on the road.

Now, if there are absolutely no places to safely smoke in privacy outdoors and you live with people who do mind your habits, just give up now… NOT!  Never give up!  Just think more creatively.  Where do people usually go indoors when they must do something that makes a distinct odor?… CORRECT!  Your little sister’s room!  (Just kidding, unless you really are that much of a jerk to your kid siblings, then I’m sure you wouldn’t care if you did it in there anyway) …  The bathroom?  GOOD ANSWER!  The bathroom provides a place where you can essentially do your business (whatever that may be) undisturbed.  Note: Works best in a bathroom with a window and/or a blower fan.  For bathrooms with a window, the window does not need to be opened until after the session is completed.  Ultimately your preference.  WARNING: Bathrooms without a window or a blower fan are at extreme risk of trapping the smoke and rendering it inescapable.

There are a few key items you need to bring with you into the lavatory:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Optional equipment for extra secrecy:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The optional equipment is just in case you definitely cannot risk the delightful, natural aroma of marijuana leaking out into any other room.  To me, the method involving the empty toilet paper roll and fabric softener sheets was completely new and definitely sparked a ‘WTF?!’ in my head.  All you do is stuff the toilet paper roll with one or two fabric softener sheets and blow the smoke out through it.  Now it just smells like laundry!

If all else fails and these methods are not efficient in your particular case, GHOST YOUR HIT!  In other words, hold it in AS LONG AS YOU CAN.  If no smoke comes out of your mouth as you breathe out, you have successfully ‘ghost-ed’ your hit and if there’s no smoke… no smell!  This final technique works flawlessly out- or indoors, that is, only if you have the ability to do so.  Take it as a challenge… I dare you!  The longer you hold it in, the higher you get, right?  So, what are the cons of this challenge?  Nothing!  Once you master this method, you’ll be able to smoke anywhere in peace.

As a fellow rebel to the federal law deeming this herb as an illicit substance, I wish you good luck with your battles of fighting for a miraculous resource in disguise.

Environmentally Beneficial Truths About Marijuana

So your adoration for Miss Jane has strengthened over the years, yet you feel like since this plant is still undoubtedly criticized and misunderstood in modern society, there must be SOMETHING that is really horrible about weed…  Guess again, soldier.  Your very actions and considerable rebellion against these ridiculous, prohibitive laws are the foundation for the impending revelation about this potential, Earth-saving, alternative resource.

Let’s start off with one major environmental issue that is significantly harming the future of the planet, probably occurring somewhere as you’re reading this right now.  Deforestation across the globe is severely contributing to the demise of environmental stability on Earth.  The benefits and protection that various areas around the world would receive from the towering trees are now minimal and decreasing every passing day as more trees are extracted to supply for the ludicrous demand from the timber industry.

So, what does marijuana have to do with these issues?  Well, I’d be highly delighted to share such information with you!

Technically speaking, marijuana does not have anything to do with this.  The other form of the cannabis plant, called hemp, is in fact the savior in this situation (‘Marijuana’ is grown primarily to produce high levels of THC within the plant, which is what gets you stoned, while ‘Hemp’ is grown to produce the max levels of fiber, seeds, and oils).

These fibers that the hemp plant produce have been noted to be more versatile and stronger than other fibers such as cotton and, in some cases, wood.  The fibers are able to be used in producing numerous products.  Topping this list as probably one of the most important products is none other than paper!  Wow, so there’s another resource that can produce one of the most used (and abused) products in the world and still reap the benefits of having a cleaner environment with the necessary abundance of trees everywhere?  We can actually stop cutting down lifeforms that have occupied this planet long before any of us alive today stepped foot on it?  Oh my God, it’s brilliant!

Now we know what the cannabis plant can really provide for us as a resource: pure, unadulterated entertainment in it’s ‘marijuana’ form (Still facing legality issues, but I’m sure they’ll all learn soon.  We stoners are ahead of the game.  Don’t let the man keep you down!); alternative production for a myriad of products from it’s ‘hemp’ form such as paper, rope, and oil; and as food for consumption (Hemp seeds are an unmatched source for protein and Omega-3 fatty acids, in other words: this shit really is good for you!).

With all this knowledge of what is honestly perceivable as a miraculous plant and an incomparable resource, quit wasting your time and make a difference for the Earth by fighting for the cause (in whichever way you can, i.e. toke it up and change the social acceptance of this crop) like these nice people.

NOTE: Information about hemp was acquired from here where additional (and quite intriguing) info can also be found (Like how George Washington and Thomas Jefferson both grew hemp!).

Top 10 Things To Do When You’re Incredibly High

When you take a look at this list, you’ll definitely feel the urge to do them all if the ganja has taken effect within you.  Whether you will be able to get up and do them depends on how strong your herb is and how much you’ve inhaled.  This list will have something to satisfy all the aspects to being high, from the munchies to pleasing the five senses.  Welcome to the first step of reaching euphoria.

#10: Listen to music
We all know any kind of music sounds better when you’re stoned, so of course this act deserves a spot on the list.  What most people do not realize is that, when you’re stoned, you’re more musically adept!  Oh, you already knew that?  Well, then get off your ass and be more productive with your knowledge, you lazy stoner!

#9: Take a hot shower
This ranks higher than listening to music as one of the top things to do when you’re incredibly high because, flat-out, it just feels absolutely amazing.  On a good day, I toke up in the bathroom right before hopping in the shower.  As the hot, steamy water begins to drench my body, the high kicks in… and it’s pure ecstasy from there.

 

 

#8: Play an instrument

So you recall me claiming that a person is more musically gifted when high.  (If not… slow down your smoking game, fool.  It was only an item ago.)  Even if you have never played an instrument in your entire life, there’s no better time than now to try.  The feeling of creating music first-hand, especially when you’re sky-high, is incomparable to any other.

#7: Watch Family Guy
The Griffin family is nothing short of a miracle that has graced American television.  Sarcasm, irony, vulgarity… who wouldn’t enjoy it?  Conservative pricks, that’s who!  Seth MacFarlane’s genius is thoughtfully well-crafted into this show, which simultaneously criticizes modern society and proposes better lifestyles for our seemingly meager lives (Like advocating the legalization of pot!).  Everything is better with a bag of weed, right?  Watch some episodes here.

 

#6: Sleep on a Tempur-Pedic mattress
Do I even have to say any more to make you want to do this?  Probably not.  However, since these heavenly mattresses are listed at a price that would probably send you to Heaven (or Hell depending on your preferences of afterlife) if you saw it, completing this task requires some creativity (Good thing you’re stoned!).  If you’re a stoner who just doesn’t give a f*ck, go into that section of the mall with all the mattresses and target that Tempur-Pedic one.  Once that target is acquired, have a nice nap!  Others who may not be as ballsy (or who have some self-humility) have to settle for other methods of getting that great sleep.  I have one of those memory foam mattress toppers, and I must say, my cheap ass sure is grateful that there’s something almost as heavenly as a Tempur-Pedic mattress at an affordable price.  Check them out at Overstock.com.

#5: Spend a whole day in nature
For you self-proclaimed “true” stoners who are thinking right now, “Screw nature!” hold it right there.  Take a quick look at yourself in the mirror.  Now, while still standing in front of the mirror looking intently into your own eyes, scream “I am the biggest effin hypocrite in the world!”  Finished?  Good.  The very herb you are smoking was obviously provided by nature, Mother Earth, or whatever else you wish to call the force that has created all life on this planet.  It seems only fair to pay your dues for this wonderful plant by enjoying a free-spirited adventure in nature and not contributing any more shit to the destruction of it.

#4: Receive a massage
Yeah, that’s right.  A massage always feel good.  What can make it feel better?  Sure, hiring a trained masseuse to give you a massage would feel better than receiving one from any other person, but we all can’t enjoy that sort of luxury with our incomes.  So smoke some reefer and ask a friend!  It’s a proven fact that massages reduce stress levels within a person, and the addition of weed into the equation seems like a perfect combination to rid that stress entirely.  Take a look at some more benefits of massages here.

#3: Have sex
If you are in fact a stoner, you should know by now that your sense of touch is greatly heightened when you, yourself, are heightened (high… get it?  Yeah, that was lame).  With this heightened sense of touch, what better way to test it out than to use those parts of your body that are most pleased by touch?  DO remember to slip a condom on.  Or if not, just don’t get the bitch pregnant.  Humanity is already doomed with the number of people we got inhabiting this place and we don’t need more babies popping out of girls that aren’t ready to build a family.  For the lonely fellas out there, you know what to do.

#2: Go to a concert
As mentioned before, listening to music while you’re high is definitely a must.  LIVE music, on the other hand, is absolutely necessary when you’ve hit the pipe so many times you’ve lost count and eaten a couple of edibles to the point where you think you might be hallucinating.  This ideology is somewhat reverse.  No stoner would go (or would be capable of going) to a concert if they’ve just consumed that much marijuana as described in the previous sentence.  You’ll actually have to plan going to a concert and then when you’re there, consume as much as your heart desires.  “Security” checks worrying you?  Hah!  Please…

#1: Eat at a buffet
Finally, the most well-known effect of marijuana can be satisfied.  The munchies are possibly my favorite part about Mary Jane.  (Possibly?  I made this number one on the list.  Of course it’s my favorite.)  Think of your favorite kind of food and research if there are any buffets that offer it.  This final act is one I invite you to fully engorge yourself.  Leave no prisoners.  That food belongs to you.  Take it… it’s YOURS!

 

Fashion Options For A Simple Dude

In today’s fashion world ruled by designers such as Alexander McQueen and Giorgio Armani, style comes with a brutal attack on your wallet if one wants to be rollin’ with the big dogs. If money’s tight, but you still want to dress to impress, there’s a couple of online stores to check out that boast style with reasonable prices.

UrbanOutfitters.com - This online store carries loads of various styles that can meet anyone’s preferences. From jackets to sweaters, hoodies to blazers, graphic tees to long sleeve shirts, jeans to pants, and shoes to underwear, Urban Outfitters has almost everything to complete a simple dude’s quest for style and appeal that’ll get those girls to finally notice him. (Organic apparel available… why not save the Earth in the process?)

AmericanApparel.net – When crazy patterns and designs just result in overwhelming your taste in fashion, check this place out and let all the simplicity talk for itself. American Apparel is especially great for those who like colors to express their sense of style. (Organic apparel available… yeah, it’s cool to be green.)

ActiveRideShop.com – This site is obviously intended for skaters and their posses, but if you don’t skate, just simply check out the apparel section. Many of the graphics on their clothing represent different subcultures, so finding a shirt that will fit your personal style may be easier than you expect. Of course, since this is first and foremost a skateboard shop, you risk being called a “poser” by passionate skaters if you happen to order a shirt that looked cool yet have no idea what any of it means.

Threadless.com – Last, but certainly not least, is this site where your wit, smart-ass attitude, and sense of style can all mingle into one article of clothing. Calling these shirts hilarious may be an understatement. Check ‘em out if you don’t believe me!