It’s A Douche-Off Courtesy of “Douchebag” The Movie

To celebrate today’s release of the indie comedy movie, “Douchebag” we’re starting a new weekly feature here at COED, one in which we highlight the douchiest douchebag we can dig up and pit our pick against douchey dbags selected by some of our partners. After five rounds, we will crown the douchiest doosher of 2010. That’s right, it’s a Douche-Off!

COED’s pick for this week is 18-year-old Rutgers student Dharun Ravi who faces four counts of invasion of privacy for secretly placing a camera in another student’s dorm room then livestreaming that student’s sexual encounter on the Internet and for allegedly trying to use the hidden camera to tape the same victim in a previous encounter two days prior. Dharun’s cohort is fellow freshman Molly Wei who can’t qualify as a douchebag, but is seriously being considered as a douchebaguette. That student, Tyler Clementi, went on to commit suicide as a result of the incident.

Many might cry foul on COED for this pick. Was it douchey when Jason Biggs’ character Jim in American Pie livestreamed his sexual encounter with Shannon Elizabeth’s Nadia? Well, considering the general “broadcast” was actually a mistake and was meant to be viewed only by Jim and 2 of his friends, maybe we give Jim a pass. He did end up the butt of the joke, but managed to still find a girl who was eventually his wife. And, oh yeah. that was a MOVIE!

Bleacher Report’s Douche of the Week is Roy Williams, who’s been a major bust. After Dez Bryant refused to carry Roy’s pads after practice one day, he stuck the rookie with a $50,000+ dinner bill.

Though Dez is now hurt, we at COED have a feeling he’ll end up having the last laugh. Roy’s career has been less than stellar so it’s only right that Dez would turn him down.

This also reflects poorly on all NFL players. Most complain they’re not earning enough moolah then they pull stunts like this? That’s someone’s yearly salary, dude! Please don’t strike next season.

Get the full rundown of Roy’s raging douchery at BleacherReport.com.

Our next and final douche comes from DouchebagManeuvers.com. COED’s no stranger to douches who get tattoos they regret, but this one might just take the cake. Guy hears a promo on a local radio station daring a person to get ink of the station’s logo on their forehead in exchange for a super awesome prize. That prize being mocked for the rest of your existence. Kudos, dude with really weird chin/jawline!

CampusSocialite’s Douche of the Week is Gilbert Gottfried who commented on the death of fellow comedian Greg Giraldo on Twitter. It wasn’t exactly endearing.

Vote for the douchiest douche in our poll below then check back next week for another Douche-Off.

Want to win some swag from “Douchebag”? Email your best Douchebag story along with a picture of said Dbag to neal@teamcoed.com. COED will select the winner at the end of the month.

Be sure to check out Douchebag’s official Facebook page and the official website for more details.

Release dates and locations are below:
Oct 1: New York
Oct 8: Los Angeles
Oct 15: Santa Ana
Oct 22: San Francisco, Berkeley
Oct 29: Philadelphia, Denver, Seattle, Minneapolis, San Diego, St. Louis

COED’s Sweet Swag ‘n’ Stuff For October

1. The Ostendo CRVD 43” Curved Display monitor eradicates the need for linking multiple screens together if you want to engage every part of your vision. Unlike most monitors, this one plays as much to your peripherals as it does your main field of vision. It also features an astounding 2880 x 900 resolution with built-in compatibility for games and existing graphics cards.

2. The Airquee Inflatable Pub allows you and 30 of your closest buddies to get together in your very own on-site pub. No more overpriced draughts and cab fares home to worry about inside this 40 x 19 x 22-feet drinker’s paradise. Internal aluminum framing even allows for a flat-screen TV. Dart boards, however, are not recommended.

3. Apple’s 2010 iPod announcement is threefold. With the sixth generation iPod Nano and the Shuffle and Touch redesigns, fans of Steve Jobs’ computer zeitgeist can once again claim bragging rights with enhanced features, greater processing speed, and longer battery life. Pick one, pick all—Apple’s got you covered.

4. The Red Oxx Air Boss calls the shots when it comes to your luggage. With over 180 cubic feet of storage capacity and an internal neoprene compartment for laptop safekeeping, you may very well never need baggage claim again – reason alone for a purchase.

5. Keggers come easier with the EdgeStar 5 Liter Mini Keg Beer Dispenser. At just 13 pounds, this device allows you to keep drinks cold and flowing with a Heineken- styled tap. This is for the post-party in your bedroom. Have the freshmen put the full kegs for the rest of the party downstairs.

6. Not sure if screwing with baggage claim is high on your list of priorities, but in case it is, you may want this line of Suspicious Suitcase Stickers that fit neatly on your luggage. Kidnapped girl—check. Cocaine—check. Bundles of cash—check. Sex toys—of course!

7. HitchSafe makes locking your keys in your car lower on the list of life’s freak-out catastrophes. By storing a spare driver’s license, social security card, credit card, cash, and car key in the combo-lock steel door that attaches to your receiver hitch, you will always have access to pertinent information through life’s little brain farts.

8. The Bugatti Type 12-2 would be a sweet piece of car if Racer X Design would actually roll these off the assembly line. Taken from the Bentley Continental GT Platform, this sleek bullet on four wheels boasts a front-engine rear-wheel drive experience certain to tear up the road—if only it was for sale.


9.  Dave’s Gourmet Adjustable Heat Hot Sauce allows you to amp up the heat or tone down to mild all in the same bottle, with many variations in between. That means you control spice disbursement incrementally for a unique taste experience with each tip of the bottle.


10. The Burton x Paul Smith Vapor Snowboard is here just in time for the winter season. Designed by Paul Smith and brought to life by Burton, this shredder includes Smith’s unique range of colors and a glossy black top-sheet along with some NASA engineering for a smooth, lightweight and heavy-duty experience on the slopes.

Miss COED: Jennifer Fulfer-McCall

Jen’s an up-and-coming model who has amazing versatility. She can pose as a sultry blonde in a bikini, a brooding brunette in undies, or a revved up redhead ready for a workout. Though her look may change, her ability stays at the same awesome level.  Be sure to check out her ModelMayhem and Facebook profiles for more info and pics!

If you’d like to submit a Miss COED, email neal@teamcoed.com.

Age: 24 years old
Location: Portland, Oregon
Height: 5′ 6″ Weight: 112 lbs
Measurements: 34-24-34
Hair color/ eye color: Blonde / Blue

Playboy Coed Stephanie Christine Is One Talented Tar Heel (52 PICS)

Playboy recently featured the Girls of the PAC-10 in their October issue. Last year, the gentleman’s mag highlighted the Girls of the ACC. The lone girl representing UNC was Stephanie Christine. Some might call her a triple threat. She’s got the looks, the brains, and the personality. Take a look at her resume and you’ll see why.

She recently graduated from UNC’s law school in May where she made the Dean’s list in addition to belonging to several honor societies and academic fraternities. She graduated cum laude with a B.A. in Sociology in only 3 years with 1 semester served at the University of Wales in the U.K. Smarts? Check.

The looks? Well, she’s competed in more than a dozen beauty pageants and bikini contests over the past 5 years, making the finals for the International Bikini Team and Miss Hooters. She’s appeared in Hooters and Playboy magazines, on numerous radio stations, on TV shows, in commercials, and all over the web. Just take a look at her vitals and her photo gallery below!

Age: 24
Measurements: 34D-25–32
Eyes: Hazel, Hair: Blonde
Height: 5’6″, Weight: 117 lbs.

Still not impressed? Get a taste of her personality, read our in-depth interview with her below!

COED: I believe your first exposure with Playboy was the Girls of MySpace feature in 2006. First, why did you submit and what was it like? Second, what HAPPENED to MySpace?! Do you still use it?

STEPHANIE: I sent in pictures that my best friend took for me while she was visiting me at Ohio University. After the feature went live, I would check the website everyday to see if I showed up and when I was actually there one day, I almost had a heart attack!

As for MySpace, I still have a profile on there! I don’t think I’ve logged in once in the past year. I think MySpace is a victim of Facebook’s move to open up its doors to the general public (after it was originally limited to college students).

COED: Was the Girls of the ACC shoot the first time you posed nude? Were you nervous?

STEPHANIE: Yes, the Girls of the ACC shoot was the first time I’d posed nude. I wasn’t nervous though, because I’d done a ton of swimwear modeling before that shoot, and had already been to a Playboy casting call. Also, the staff was so professional and sweet to me, I felt completely comfortable.

COED: What influenced you to pose for Playboy?

STEPHANIE: My Uncle had a subscription to Playboy that was always sitting out in the magazine rack since they didn’t have any children. Naturally, I snooped around a little bit and started flipping through the magazine, and couldn’t help but noticing how beautiful the women were. I knew right away that I wanted to be as beautiful as those women some day.

COED: What’s your favorite part of being a Playboy model?

STEPHANIE: The fans I’ve gotten to know and connect with. And being a member of a very exclusive club of women who have appeared on the pages of Playboy! I am in fabulous company and am truly honored!

COED: What was your reaction when your pictures were published in the October 2009 issue?

STEPHANIE: I was absolutely thrilled! I was out of town the day that issue hit newsstands, so I spent my entire drive back to Chapel Hill the next day stopping at every gas station hoping they carried the magazine. I finally found one a few hours from home, and picked up several copies! When I realized I got a full page to myself, I was absolutely ecstatic!

COED: How did your friends and family respond?

STEPHANIE: My friends and family are very supportive of everything I do. I am a very driven, out-going person so when I set my mind to something, it usually happens, and my family has come to expect that I follow through with whatever random adventure I plan to set out on.

COED: Was the Hooters uniform comfortable? What’s your craziest/funniest story from working at the world’s best breastarant?

STEPHANIE: The uniform is very comfortable! It’s all a stretchy, lycra material, and the newly released more athletic-style shorts make it even easier to work in. It really is an athletic uniform, designed for fit and movement!

The craziest thing that’s ever happened to me at Hooters involved one of the store’s regular customers asking me to do some hair modeling. I didn’t think too much of it, until I find out his idea of “hair modeling” was videotaping me washing, combing and styling my hair over the sink. Needless to say, that was a job I was happy to turn down!

COED: One of you favorite activities is “Being Irrational” – can you expound on that?

STEPHANIE: Absolutely! Being a law school graduate who recently took the California Bar exam, my life has been very structured and largely based on logical reasoning for quite some time! To balance that out, I love when I get the opportunity to act impulsively without thinking.

COED: What’s your favorite meal to cook?

STEPHANIE: I have to go with my Mom’s recipe for sweet bbq spare ribs and my great grandma’s recipe for homemade butter noodles! I made this for Christmas dinner last year, and it is absolutely amazing!

COED: One of your favorite books is “Eat, Pray, Love”. If you could pick one place to eat, one place to pray, and one place to love, which places would you pick?

STEPHANIE: I’d love to Eat in Italy! Although, this is kind of a cheat answer, because I did visit Rome when I was studying abroad, and already got to eat there a bit, but it was so delicious, I’d definitely stick with Eating in Italy, just like the book.

I think I’d like to pray in some place outdoors that was very quiet and open… like the English Garden in Munich, Germany. There is something very calming about being out in nature, so that place would be ideal for me to really concentrate my thoughts.

As for where I’d like to love, that has to be right here in my home, the place where I am the most comfortable and spend the most of my free time. I love having a space of my own and the idea of being so completely comfortable with another person that I can share that space with them is very sensual to me!

COED: You’re a fan of Legally Blonde and Legally Blonde 2, which should come as no surprise seeing as you’re blonde and you just took the bar exam in California. What drew you to law?

STEPHANIE: Growing up, I always hated seeing what I perceived as injustice. What I always loved about the law was its potential to be a great equalizer, the same laws govern everyone. It’s supposed to protect us all with the same vigor. Now that I’m older I realize that isn’t always the case, I have to believe the potential for that kind of legal practice is still out there!

COED: You’re a fan of the Ellen DeGeneres Show. Would you ever go gay for Ellen?

STEPHANIE: I do love Ellen, but I’m a smart girl who knows when I’m beat! Have you seen Portia de Rossi lately?! I don’t stand a chance!

COED: Best moment of Playboy’s Halloween party in Boulder. Go!

STEPHANIE: I loved the guy in the shower costume so much he talked me into hopping in there with him for a picture!

COED: Any other memorable Playboy parties you’ve been to?

STEPHANIE: I recently went to the Kandy Masquerade charity ball in February. I love going to Fun in the Sun (at the Playboy Mansion) because it’s a much more intimate setting. It has all the craziness of a full-blown Playboy party but with the feel of a backyard barbecue.

COED: What are the major differences between Ohio, Ohio State, and UNC?

STEPHANIE: Ohio University and UNC are actually very similar! The campuses are gorgeous, with lots of red brick and greenery everywhere, and one main street where everyone goes to party. The thing that sets Ohio University apart from both OSU and UNC is that it’s so incredibly rural. It’s been built up a bit since I was there, but when I was at OU we were very secluded in our own little Bobcat bubble, and I loved it!

COED: What did you like most about Chapel Hill, Columbus, and Ohio U?

STEPHANIE: I loved the beauty of Chapel Hill with the all the conveniences of a big city. In Columbus, I loved the enthusiasm and energy surrounding the campus, from people who are genuinely proud to be Buckeyes. But Ohio University will always have my heart, because it’s the place where I grew up the most and where I gained some of my very best friends!

COED: Where’s the craziest place you’ve ever hooked up?

STEPHANIE: A stick shift pick-up truck… on the highway… while driving… Disclaimer: do NOT try this at home!

COED: What type of guy are you into?

STEPHANIE: Honesty is the most important thing in the world to me. He also has to be driven to better himself, no guys who are content with the status quo! A six pack doesn’t hurt either.

COED: Describe your favorite sexy outfit.

STEPHANIE: I love my lacy black and white lingerie outfit from the Playboy Kandy Masquerade ball. There is nothing sexier than lacy lingerie and sky-high heels.

COED: What’s your dream job?

STEPHANIE: Playboy Playmate!  And for the long-term, I’d love to run a non-profit family law firm.

COED: What’s a little known fact about yourself that almost no one knows?

STEPHANIE: I went through a brief phrase as a “skater” when I was in 8th grade. I wore Jnco Jeans, hung out at skate parks, had a chain wallet and was obsessed with Soap shoes and grinding!

COED: What’s your favorite drinking game?

STEPHANIE: I love Kings! Some people also call it “Circle of Death”. My favorite part of the game is the questions card (the Queen) where you have to respond to everything with a question, it’s hilarious.

Once you’re done viewing Stephanie’s gallery, check out these related articles:

Ohio States 2010 “Undie Run”

UNC Cheerleaders

Ohio State Cheerleaders

Playboy’s Girls of the PAC-10

Dominating Las Vegas with Hooters Girls

Miss COED: Lexi Ray

This straightforward, no-nonsense nursing major from the University of Kentucky is a straight shooter… literally. She’s knows how to handle a gun. So many weird kidnapping/Wild Wild West fantasies playing out in our heads. She was Playboy’s Coed of the Week for the week of March 4th, 2010 and Playboy’s Coed of the Month for September 2010. She first posed for Playboy at a casting call in Los Angeles and was invited back for a “best of casting calls” shoot. Her favorite class at Kentucky was “Human Sexuality” You can currently see her in our gallery, on Playboy.com, and in the sexy promotional video below, which educates guys on how to pick the right cologne.

Height: 5’3”
Weight: 102 lbs.
Chest-Waist-Hips: 32B-25-34
Hair: Brown
Eyes: Brown

Be sure to check out our other Miss COEDs after you’re done:
Jennifer Tinney
Sarah Stage
Michelle Baker
Mindi Smith
Franchesca DelCarpio

Get High Education At Cannabis Business University

Weed’s made some serious strides towards legalization over the past couple years. So serious in fact that institutions of HIGHer learning have cropped up. Take, Cannabis Business University or “Cannabiz U” for example – their mission statement is below:

“Cannabis Business University is dedicated to providing a first class education to the medical marijuana community through an innovative online curriculum. Cannabis Business University fosters entrepreneurial growth by helping students obtain the knowledge, skills and support necessary to succeed in the Cannabis, Medicinal Marijuana, and Hemp markets.”

The school offers networking events, non-smokable merchandise, seminars, and the following courses:

1. History of Cannabis, Hemp, Marijuana
2. Politics & The Law
3. Medicinal Use of Medical Marijuana
4. Find your Career in the Medical Marijuana Industry
5. Agriculture and Cultivation
6. Opening a Dispensary / Collective / Delivery Service
7. Trademarking your Names and Strains
8. Emerging Industries

And, they just launched the first ever medical marijuana educational seminar in Hawaii, which happens to be the fourth highest pot-producing state but also is known for having one of the shorter life expectancies in the nation. My guess is ganja has major health benefits?

This isn’t the first weed school. You also have Hempgard University, Oaksterdam University, and Cannabis University of Colorado to name a few. What can you do with a … “degree” from these places? I believe you can open up your own dispensary. With Obama’s recent relaxation on raids and many states putting legalization up for vote, maybe enrolling isn’t such a bad move? Puff, puff, give it some thought and maybe I’ll see ya at the reunion!

Check out these related articles:
Top 5 Dorm Room Munchies
Top 5 Weed Themed Music Videos
6 Amazingly Weird Weed Names & Origins
420 Girls Gone Wild For Weed

11 Alternatives To Icing (Or Getting Iced By) Your Bro

BrosIcingBros.com is no longer. R.I.P. brohams. However, even without a dedicated website, the phenomenon is still going strong. Need proof? Here are Exhibit A, Exhibit B, and Exhibit C. I mean, even CHICKS are doing it!

But many believe “icing” or “getting iced” will soon jump the shark. When your grandmother sends one along with your birthday check, you know it’s time to move on. Well, COED would still like to see it live on in some form. That’s why we’ve come up with the following alternatives to keep the tradition of mandatory chugging alive. We present… alternatives to getting iced.

MALT BEVERAGE: Mike’s Hard Lemonade

SETUP: You’re gonna need a chick for this one (or a willing gay partner if he swings that way). Your victim has recently expressed he’s horny. Enter chick (or willing gay dude) to get him isolated in a SEMI-private but still accessible space. Have her (or him) seduce victim enough to cause rigidity. Then have said seducer pop the Mike’s Hard Lemonade right in his face.

EXCLAMATION: “You just got hard!”

MALT BEVERAGE: Twisted Tea

SETUP: Your bro’s gotta be in a very vulnerable positoin – either laying down or with his eyes closed. That’s when you whip out your beanbag and shove it directly in his face. Okay, maybe you don’t have to expose the “children” but when he opens his eyes, your bulge better be there.

EXCLAMATION: “You just been tea-bagged!”

MALT BEVERAGE: One-Eyed Jack

SETUP: You know that old trick where your buddy’s looking the other way and you call his name, so he turns his head right into your fist? Same basic execution here except instead of a fist, you extend your pointer finger at eye level. That’ll teach him to be so responsive!

EXCLAMATION: “Your eye’s been poked!”

MALT BEVERAGE: Hooper’s Lemon Hooch

SETUP: Hooch is more than just an adorable cop dog… or dog cop… it’s a delicious beverage. Who got the hooch, baby? YOU DO! You should, especially when your buddy’s bent over. That’s when you punch him right in the gooch aka the taint aka no man’s land aka grundle. When he loses his sh*t and spins to meet you with a fistful of hate, you hit him with the hooch, baby. It’s only the sweetest thing in the world. Der.

EXCLAMATION: “Your gooch got hooched!”

MALT BEVERAGE: Moonshine (yeah, I know, not malt, shut up)

SETUP: Moon your buddy. If he looks, BOOM! Moonshine. Can’t get any simpler than this.

EXCLAMATION: “Your moon just got shined!”

MALT BEVERAGE: Sparks

SETUP: For the longest time (say 2-3 years) I thought the production of Sparks aka the greatest energy-infused malt beverage to ever exist had been discontinued. Then I saw it in a grocery store in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. Thank the Lord, it’s still around. Um, basically, when your brodoggerpants isn’t lookin’ hit him with the flamethrower. After he’s able to extinguish the fire, ask him if he’s okay and hand him a fresh one.

EXCLAMATION: “You’ve just been set on fire!”

MALT BEVERAGE: Zima

SETUP: This “malternative” was discontinued in 2008. Imagine your buddy’s reaction when you goose the sh*t out of him with one.

EXCLAMATION: “You just got F’d in the A!”

MALT BEVERAGE: Bacardi Silver

SETUP: The opportunities to use this one aren’t as frequent as the others. You have to wait for your brojo to be on all fours. Maybe he lost a contact or he’s doing a girl push up. Whatever the case may be, you hop on his back, grab the back of his collar with one hand and slap his ass with the other. He’ll buck, but it’s no use; once you’re thrown to the ground, you reward him with the other silver bullet.

EXCLAMATION: “You just got Hi-Yo Silver’d!”

MALT BEVERAGE: Skyy Blue

SETUP: This one’s fairly similar to the Mike’s Hard Lemonade joint – except your partner in crime (preferably a famous porn star or stripper) takes it to another level. We’re talking the most extreme dry humping cocktease known to man. She’s a pro, she’ll know when to pull back and apply the pressure. As soon as the pangs of his prostate reach their peek, you (or better yet, SHE) will help ease the pain with a Skyy Blue to the dome. No, not that one, the one with the mouth. Yeah.

EXCLAMATION: “You just got blue balled!”

MALT BEVERAGE: Doc’s Hard Lemonade

SETUP: There are 2 ways to go about this. 1) The easy route – you’re watching Back To The Future, Marty McFly breaks out the classic line, “This is heavy, Doc!” and you break out the Doc’s Hard Lemonade. (kinda lame) 2) The HEAVY route – at the gym, moving out/in, loading a truck, anywhere where there is lifting of objects. Your buddy has his back to you. You and your friends pick up one of the heaviest objects together, ask him for a hand, he turns, and WHAM! Nail him with the heavy object. As he struggles to wiggle out from under it, you dick him with a Doc’s.

EXCLAMATION: “You just got heavy, Doc!”

MALT BEVERAGE: Captain Morgan’s Gold

SETUP: I love gooooooooooooooooooooooooooold! Who doesn’t right? Well, your broham-a-lam-a-ding-dong might not after this serving of the Captain. This drink also has 2 methods of delivery: 1) Strike the Captain pose, your buddy looks. Simple enough. 2) You’re about sit down to breakfast at home, at a diner, wherever breakfast is served and you or the wait staff serve your buddy a smoke (cigar, cigarettes, corn cob pipe) and a flapjack (1 single pancake).

EXCLAMATION: “You just got Goldmember‘d!”

If you successfully employ each of these alternative icings or “altern-icings” you should have hilarious pictures, video, and stories to last at least a year. That and you will drive your friend to the brink of insanity and hyper paranoia.

If you’d like to add to the list, email your suggestions to neal@teamcoed.com.

Insane True Stories That Will Soon Be Movies

House constantly getting robbed? Farm constantly burnt to sh*t by arsonists? Constantly getting mugged while on vacation? Attacked by coked up samurai wielding swords at the bar? If you said, ‘yes,’ to all of these questions, you need to either kill yourself, invest in some good luck charms, or read what these people did. Never know the next time hired goons and a demolition crew will come knocking at your door.

Or check out these related articles:
5 Absurd (But Mind Blowing) Pop Culture Conspiracy Theories
A Series of Wild Guesses About Where ‘The Event’ Is Going
6 Movies That Didn’t Realize They Let The Villain Win
5 Classic Movies If They Got Pitched in Hollywood Today
How to Act: A Guide for the Untalented

Movies This Week: September 24th, 2010

The Departed wannabe, The Town, ran this town (town being box office) this past weekend robbing the American public of $23 million. Ode to The Scarlet Letter, Easy A, whored its way to the #2 spot with $17 mil while M. Night Shyamalan’s Devil earned, 666,666,666. Jk, it got $12 mil. Alpha and Omega came in at #5, which probably won’t bode well for one of the films to release this weekend, which features entries about insomniac money, virgins, autism, being buried alive, never-ending rivalries, racist birds, another inconvenient truth, and loopholes. Lindsay, if you’re reading this from jail, what do you want me do with the 8-ball?

Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps
20th Century Fox
This highly anticipated sequel of the 1987 hit (that airs on CNBC like every Friday night) starring Charlie Sheen and Michael Douglas takes place in the summer of 2008 just before the economic collapse. Douglas reprises his role as Gordon Gekko who has just been released from prison. He warns Wall Street of the impending stock market crash, but no one listens. Instead he tries to reconnect with his estranged daughter who blames him for her brother’s suicide. Her fiancé, played by Shia LaBeouf, must suddenly take over the hedge fund he works for when his mentor unexpectedly dies. He suspects his manager is involved in the death and offers to help Gekko in his efforts to win over his daughter in exchange for his services. Some trailers get me pumped (like the one below), others leave me disappointed. It’s rated PG-13, which is kind of a buzzkill. Don’t forget to check out our gallery of “funny money” graffiti. Our own personal middle finger to Wall Street.

The Virginity Hit
Sony Pictures
Three of four teenage friends in New Orleans have lost their virginity. The last one to give up the V-card, Matt, decides to lose his virginity to his girlfriend of almost two years on their second anniversary. His fat ginger buddy who is eerily similar to Hamilton “Ham” Porter in The Sandlot, films the whole process. As if there’s not enough pressure on teens to lose their virginity, now you have to perform for the likes of YouTube. All I’m saying is if I were filmed losing my virginity, I’d definitely comment “First!” (I had endurance issues).

Buried
Lionsgate
A truck driver awakens buried alive six feet underground with nothing but a lighter, a knife and a cell phone. He has no idea how he got there, but he soon starts to remember what has happened to him. Kind of like Memento meets that scene from Kill Bill: Vol. 2. I happen to love both those movies so I see no reason why I, nor you readers, shouldn’t see this. I mean, don’t we all feel buried sometimes? Too much homework, too many books to read or too many tests to take? Well, snap out of it, you p*ssy. There’s not 6 feet of dirt about to suffocate your ass. Take a Paxil and chill out.

Legend Of The Guardians: Owls Of Ga’Hoole
Warner Bros.
A young adventurous owl and his contentious brother try to thwart a band of evil Barn Owls from conquering a legendary alliance of owls that are sworn to protect the Kingdom of Ga’Hoole. The Barn Owls apparently believe their the purest of all owl races. Whoa, easy there, Hitler birds. Lemme guess the head barn owl is a closeted homosexual vegetarian with a lil’ mustache. One thing’s for sure, ethnic cleansing = box office bonanza!

You Again
Disney
Kristen Bell plays a recently promoted executive who discovers her brother is going to marry her rival from high school played by Megan Fox lookalike Odette Yustman. Is Odette hotter? I kind of think she is. Rumor has it Meg had surgery. I was watching the video for Eminem‘s song with Rihanna where she throws around the Hobbit from Lost and I had no idea it was her. Granted, I was wasted, but still. Anyway, in this flick, Bell’s character attempts to expose Yustman’s character for who she really is while the rivalries cross generations with the mothers and grandmothers ALSO being high school rivals. Sigourney Weaver vs. Jamie Lee Curtis? Cloris Leachman vs. Betty White? That’s some good casting right there. Btw, is this Betty White bandwagon for real? Should I hop on? I don’t get it.

Like Dandelion Dust
Independent
Jack and Molly love their adopted 6-year-old son, Joey. One day, they learn Joey’s biological father has just been released from prison and wants to start a new life by taking back his son. A judge upholds the biological father’s claim forcing Molly and Jack to give Joey back to this brutal man. They cook up a plan to get him back. I heard adoption is the key to survival… wait, or was it adaptation? I don’t know, I never paid attention in Home Economics. Lesson 1 – don’t shoot blanks. Lesson 2 – adopt third world babies. Those parents ain’t never coming to get their kid back. Lesson 3 – karma’s a bitch. I fully expect to get what’s coming to me.

Waiting For ‘Superman’
Paramount Vantage
Waiting for “Superman” is a family documentary film that analyzes the failures of American public education by following several students through the system. I’m a little skeptical about documentaries like this. First off, it’s from the makers of “An Inconvenient Truth“, which bent the truth big time. Second,  I find it hard to believe American kids are dumber than the previous generation. I don’t see how it’s possible. I don’t have any kids so I wouldn’t know for sure, but I have plenty of younger cousins still in “the system” and they seem pretty “with it”. Honestly, there are more college graduates who know how to use f*cking Microsoft Excel and PowerPoint than top level executives who earn six digits a year. Maybe we should focus on educating those old f*cks about times have changed rather than worrying about beating India or China. News flash – we’re never going to beat them. Accept it.

A Mother’s Courage
First Run Features
Narrated by Kate Winslet, this inspiring film follows one woman’s quest to unlock her autistic son’s mind. She’s tried a number of treatments to help him, but nothing works. She travels the world meeting with top experts and connecting with several other families touched by autism. Just as she comes across innovative new therapies with the potential to break down the walls of autism, Margret discovers her son may be able to express himself on a level she never thought possible. My mother’s friend has an autistic son, so I can attest to the struggles endured by the parents of autistic children and I genuinely feel for them. Every day is a battle that often results in thankless victories. I really do hope we find a cure.

Braylon Edwards: “I Want To Have Sex With Both Of You Right Now”?

Fresh from the rumor mill – supposedly when Jets wide-out Braylon Edwards was a student at the University of Michigan, two female reporters from the campus newspaper called, “The Michigan Daily” were in the midst of an interview with the receiver when he stopped them and said, “I want to have sex with both of you right now.” Apparently, one of the reporters refused while the other chick stuck around. There are claims the girl who stayed was later fired. A rumor I just made up states the reporter who left was Ines Sainz. Weird.

Dude is baller, man. He calmly asks the cop who pulls him over on suspicion of DWI if he can walk away from the arrest and take a cab home. He repeatedly tacks on negative 15 yards to the kickoff after every TD catch like it ain’t no thang. Honestly, how many of us guys can honestly say we wouldn’t have asked for a threesome in his position? I’m shocked the other girl left. What a prude. Maybe she just wasn’t into the other chick? I mean, if I’m interviewing Miss May 2009 Crystal McCahill and she demands to have sex with me and Peter Gammons… I’d hesitate.

As ballsy as the move is, I think next time he should try the Tom Green approach in the 2000 movie “Road Trip”.

COED Interview: A Different Spin’s ‘Comichick’ Amy Schumer

Amy Schumer is an up-and-coming comic who debuted on NBC’s “Last Comic Standing.” She’s performed on “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” and “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” and her half-hour comedy special on Comedy Central was one of the highest rated specials in recent years. Other credits include appearances on “Curb Your Enthusiasm“, “30 Rock” and “Cupid.” She regularly appears on “Best Week Ever” and “I Love the 80s.”

She’s now the co-host of “A Different Spin with Mark Hoppus,” a new weekly show covering everything in the world of music. Last week, my buddy Steve interviewed Mark Hoppus. This week, it’s Amy’s turn.

COED: Were you / are you a Blink 182 fan? What other bands do you listen to?

AMY: I was and am a Blink fan and a +44 fan. I listen to a lot of hip hop, my faves are Biggie, Big L, Talib, Mos Def and still Wu Tang. I can’t stop listening to the XX, Jenny Lewis, Black Keys, Aimee Mann, Santogold, Arcade Fire, Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, Cat Power and the Sleigh Bells. I also love jazz. This list could go on forever.

COED: You tended bar and waited on tables when you first moved to NYC. Do you have any crazy stories about guests? Who was the most famous person you served?

AMY: I served a lot of famous people when I was pouring drinks. I was just reminded of this story last night when I went back to the restaurant I used to work at on the Lower East Side. Adrian Grenier came in and asked where the bathroom was, so being the huge wise-ass that I am, without skipping a beat, I pointed down the stairs and he went. But when he got down there he was surrounded by a sea of short dishwashers looking at him with total confusion. He came back up and said, “Very funny” I said, “I’m sorry, I thought you worked here”.

COED: I’ve read you’re a Mets fan (so am I!), who’s your favorite Met?

AMY: I used to love Gary Carter when I was a little girl. Now I am a David Wright fan, he signed my hat at the gym once. I wouldn’t mind being Mrs. WrightNOW if you know what I mean! I mean sex.

COED: Comics aren’t easily offended. You’ve appeared on Patrice’s show, Jimmy Norton’s show, and Opie & Anthony. Has a comic ever crossed the line with you? Where do you draw the line?

AMY: A comic has never crossed the line with me. I believe if you are a real comic there is nothing you can’t joke about as long as it’s funny and not said with the intent of hurting someone.

COED: Any words of advice for aspiring comics?

AMY: Get on stage as much as possible, do whatever it takes and don’t play with the mic cord.

COED: How do you handle hecklers?

COED: When/if you’re bombing as a comic, how do pull out of that?

AMY: I used to rush to the next joke and try and please the crowd. Bombing is where you become stronger as a comic, it’s important. Now, if the crowd doesn’t laugh f*ck it, I know my jokes are funny.

COED: Worst comic and best comic you’ve ever worked with?

AMY: I’ve never had to open for anyone bad at all. But I’ve had some people open for me who were pretty terrible.

My favorite comics to work with are Dave Attell and Jim Norton. They are my favorite to hang out with on the road and watch on stage. The greatest guys you’ll ever meet.

COED: You went to Towson University in Maryland. What was your favorite bar while you were there?

AMY: Favorite Towson bar was CVP (“Charles Village Pub“). That place is responsible for a lot of great times and a lot of HPV. It should be called HPV.

COED: Joke stealing is a common problem in the comic world — how do you know the difference between copying and coincidence? Have you ever been accused of stealing?

AMY: The only time I’ve been accused of stealing was in Bloomingdale’s and they were right. I don’t steal. Every joke I write I call up a couple comics and say “Have you ever heard this before?” If the joke is really good I always assume it’s already been done. When It’s not and you realize it’s yours it’s the best feeling in the world, well the 2nd best.

To see more of Amy’s stand-up, check out her official website and make sure to follow her on Twitter and Facebook.

If you have a question you’d like to ask Amy, click here.

“A Different Spin” premiered last week and airs every Thursday at 7pm ET on FUSE.

HUGE Ad For Facebook Movie On MySpace! WTF?

Hey, we here at COED know times are tough, but when you start accepting MONSTER ads on your homepage for a movie promoting your main competitor, we have to draw the line. Is MySpace that hard up for cash or are they banking on the movie (which supposedly paints Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg in a negative light) being a destructive force that brings “The Book” down?

Would Coke run a homepage takeover for Pepsi movie on their homepage?

Would Nike run a homepage takeover for a Reebok movie?

Is MySpace still relevant? Take our poll, socialite!

“The Social Network” releases in theaters October 1st.

Hey, Hot College Girl! KFC Wants To Double Down On Your Buns

Kentucky Fried Chicken is recruiting college chicks to wear sweatpants with “Double Down” written on the buttcheeks to get students to try the unique bun-less sandwich that features 2 chicken filets, 2 pieces of bacon, and 2 slices of cheese and “The Colonel’s Sauce”, which I can only interpret to mean he splooged on it.

If you’re a hot college chick and you’re interested in hearing rude and/or inappropriate comments along with numerous ass slaps, go to KFC’s Facebook page. If selected, you’ll get the rump-centric sweatpants, KFC gift certificates, and a $500 stipend.

I’m willing to Double Down on some hot girl booty, but will gladly settle for the sandwich. If you ever Double Down on one of these chicks while chowing down on a Double Down, please send the pics to neal@teamcoed.com. Hey, there might even be a reward, but honestly, haven’t you already won?

Watch Louis CK’s New Movie “Hilarious” For Free NOW!

Do you love red-headed, self-loathing comedian Louis CK, the comic whose material Dane Cook allegedly steals? His new show “Louie” (airing on Tuesdays at 11pm ET on FX) is f*cking awesome and now you can watch his new stand-up concert movie, “Hilarious” on the new channel EPIX. Go here to get an INVITE CODE so you can watch it online for FREE for the next week.

The movie’s about Louis’ April 2009 show in Milwaukee that contains never-before-seen material (not even on the FX show). Shizam!