With The Twatlight Gaga: New Poon coming out this weekend, I can’t help but feel more than a little peeved at how much attention vampires are receiving. More specifically, it irks me to no end to see hordes and hordes upon hordes of women swoon, seizure, and pass out over the mere mention of a vampire. No matter what the flick or show, chicks be lovin’ dem bloodsuckers. Well, I say they’re c*cksuckers! The increase in popularity signals a decrease in machismo and respect for the male vampire. Now, let me COUNT the ways in which the vampire SUCKS:

Vampires completely contradict everything I’ve ever striven for. They don’t have money, they don’t workout, they act effeminate most of the time, they slink around and sneak up on you and act all depressed. If you did any of this in real life, you’d be picked up by the cops on charges of third degree loitering and second degree creepery. So, why do girls get all orgasm-y when a vampire swoops in through the window? Is it because they’re outcasts? If that’s the case, then why aren’t Cameron Frye and Crispin Glover swimming in vagina? (more…)

Guys are always looking for a way to get the upper hand in the “mating game.” A good starting point would be to follow Budweiser’s advice and know when to say when or if you’re a Kenny Rogers fan heed the gambler’s advice and know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em, know when to walk away when the damage is done. In much simpler terms, if you’re into a girl you HAVE to know when she’s rejecting or “negging” you before you get physically denied at the gates. No matter how you use the term – “neg” “negged” “steak ‘n’ neggs” “negg nog” “negatron” “she’s got neggs and she knows how to use them” “Bill and Ted’s neg-cellent adventure” – when it happens, it stings. Below is a list of classic and “new school” negs every guy should be aware of if they want to turn that frown into a visit to Pound Town: (more…)

Google “sex moves” and you might find a couple articles from chick mags like Cosmo or Redbook about how to please your man with positions like (GASP!) doggy style or (DOUBLE GASP!) reverse cowgirl. Extend your search a little further and you might find a couple articles on more advanced and complicated positions from the book of love – the Kama Sutra.

Dig a little deeper, and you’ll find the most debaucherous, awful-sounding sex moves that I hope no one ever tries sober. You’ve probably heard of the “Dirty Sanchez,” “Rusty Trombone,” or “Cincinnati Bowtie,” but those are just the collective tip of the iceberg… which I’m sure is a sex move waiting to happen.

Below is a small sampling of some hideously sinister sex terms you’ll come across in your cyber travels:  (more…)

School’s starting up again, and that means massive amounts of parties! Wooooo! High five! And needless to say one of the best way to celebrate the start of a new semester is with a theme party. But to keep you from looking like a douchebag right out of the gate, here are the seven theme parties you should absolutely avoid. (more…)

Fraternity. It’s synonymous with brotherhood. Or maybe it’s the very definition of brotherhood. And like real brotherhood’s charlie horses, dead legs, rat tails, and atomic sit-ups, there are major prices to having a fraternity brother as well: member dues, emergency keg funds, stripper fees, and hospital bills. As many freshmen think about which fraternity to join on campus, they have to ask themselves: Am I willing to pay that price? If your answer is a meager, “No thanks,” then we wish you the best of luck in your collegiate endeavors, you g*ddamn independent. If your answer is a hearty, “Yes,”  then you need to know exactly what you’re getting into – what kind of “brothers” you’ll be pledging with, beer-bonging with, keg-tossing with, and threesoming with. Luckily, we at COED have put together a handy little cheat sheet to help freshmen – and those slacker sophomores who regret not pledging the year before – navigate the Greek scene by profiling each kind of “Frat Guy.” (more…)

With school’s back in session, it’s important as a freshman to establish yourself as a force to be reckoned with, and one surefire way of setting the pace and getting on the right track is to rule the beer pong table. Take heed, beer pong at college isn’t your typical Friday night beer pong back at home – college is all about diversity and nothing is more diverse than a game of beer pong on campus. On the other hand, off campus beer pong usually means townies and that usually results in broken beer bottle brawls. Hooray!

To better educate the future leaders of America about the treacherous terrain that is the beer pong landscape and to help the good guys know thy enemy, I’ve compiled a list of formidable foes to watch out for during your tenure on the tables.

Check out 12 Types of Beer Pong Players after the jump! (more…)

Despite what your parents say, College is for partying. And with the Princeton Review’s release of their Top 20 Party schools, we now know which schools are doing it the best. But what exactly does it mean to be a top party school? Lots and lots of drinking, hot girls, tailgate parties, beer bongs, shaming and having a time to remember (but can’t…because of the drinking.)

So instead of just reading a boring list, we’re bringing the party to you with the best photo galleries from all the schools that get it right . Now you can actually see how much fun everyone else is having, since you decided to opt for some place more, ahem, academic…

Photos From The Top 20 Party Schools After The Jump! (more…)

This nonsense with Brett Favre has GOT to stop. Every morning, I wake up to Mike and Mike on ESPN2 HD (bitches!), and for the past five and a half years I’ve had to listen to them fawn over each and every move this sub-par dude makes. This guy’s pulling a Ross Perot/Michael Jordan times eighty, playing with the emotions of not only Packers fans but the entire GD NFL and, yes, maybe even the universe. Saturn even called, it’s lost like 8 rings from the stress.Favre’s latest maneuver–a text message to a Packers exec who happened to be on vacay–was national headline news for several days. DAYS! HEADLINE NEWS! LOUD NOISES!

First of all, when did Brett morph into a 15 year old girl on her period? Second, since when did text messaging get treated like legitimate news? This is f**king high school gossip! This would cause major waves if it was a sorority board meeting but cripes and crackers, it’s a damn NFL “legend” who’s traded quips with Warren Sapp and once had a mysterious orb-shaped egg thing protruding from his rib cage for an entire season. This is a guy who lost his father then went out and torched the Raiders. I couldn’t even brush my teeth after my dad passed…gas. (more…)