
With The Twatlight Gaga: New Poon coming out this weekend, I can’t help but feel more than a little peeved at how much attention vampires are receiving. More specifically, it irks me to no end to see hordes and hordes upon hordes of women swoon, seizure, and pass out over the mere mention of a vampire. No matter what the flick or show, chicks be lovin’ dem bloodsuckers. Well, I say they’re c*cksuckers! The increase in popularity signals a decrease in machismo and respect for the male vampire. Now, let me COUNT the ways in which the vampire SUCKS:
Vampires completely contradict everything I’ve ever striven for. They don’t have money, they don’t workout, they act effeminate most of the time, they slink around and sneak up on you and act all depressed. If you did any of this in real life, you’d be picked up by the cops on charges of third degree loitering and second degree creepery. So, why do girls get all orgasm-y when a vampire swoops in through the window? Is it because they’re outcasts? If that’s the case, then why aren’t Cameron Frye and Crispin Glover swimming in vagina? (more…)







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