Cell Phone News You Need to Know for Summer 2010

There is so much going on in the world of mobile telecommunication (big word, yay) right now that it can get muddled and complicated. And it’s pretty hard to learn anything when your friends are all raving about their phones and your cell phone provider is constantly sending you their “best deals.” Whether you intend to buy a new phone this summer or not, you should pay attention to what is happening in the cell phone world. Because who knows when you’ll get extremely drunk, drop it in the toilet, and have to buy a new one.

Lots of small tweaks and features coming as well

The iPhone; 4G and OS4: The iPhone OS 4.0 was announced recently. It will be coming out this June to the iPhone and iPod Touch 3G, and this Fall to the iPad. The biggest pieces of news from a developer conference was multitasking and the iAd. Multitasking is obviously the biggest piece of news, seeing as how people have been waiting for it for years. Although, it doesn’t quite function as people wanted it to. There will now be a multitasking bar, that can be used for up to 4 or so apps that can be “multi-tasked” at once. You can multi-task between the programs on this bar by double tapping the home button and clicking on another app. The apps will remain in the state that you left them in, so you can move from one to the other, and then go back to an exact moment in your other app.

The iAd is more of a developer tool, but it is important to know about since it has effects on usability. iAd is a advertising tool for apps developed by Apple. The way it is supposed to work is to have an ad play every 3 minutes of app use. This is meant to make it cheaper to buy and develop apps. It is still under question whether there will be an option to have an ad-free version for a little more money, or if the ad-version will be the only option. Another important and cool new feature is the ability to create folders for apps, photos, and most other files on the phone. It makes it easy to organize and manage apps on the home screen.

No I can't, you should text me, I can read you now.

The Verizon Plan: Verizon Wireless is doing something interesting this year. Most carriers have their “anointed” master phone (the best example of this is obviously the iPhone on AT&T). But this year  Verizon is bringing in a vast majority of key products, essentially offering every manner of phone that could tickle your fancy, other than the iPhone. Among their own unique products, Verizon will be carrying Windows 7 Series Phones, Blackberrys, and all other manner of the leading multi-carrier devices. They have also apparently acquired the team who developed the Sidekick that was popular oh so many years ago .

Kin One and Kin Two with their own pet names (guess which one is the "Turtle")

The Microsoft Kin: The two Kin phones are being marketed as “social networking devices.” Previously labeled “Project Pink” and likely running Windows Mobile 7, these two phones will have a unique, custom interface made for social networking. There will be a screen where all your social networks (or the bigger ones) will be combined into a big smooth feed where you can interact with them in unison.

Their last attempt to be hip and cool

Windows 7 Phone Series: The Windows Mobile Series of OS’s has never been that popular or has it been used in any big name phones. Well Microsoft has taken the old Windows Mobile OS outside and released it into the wild. 7.0 is going to be a serious overhaul. In the second half of 2010, maybe even in the summer, you will be able to get a Windows 7 Phone on most major carriers. The OS is going to focus on social networking. The biggest change from other phones is the integration of Xbox Live on your phone. Being able to connect to, communicate with, and even join parties on Xbox live over your phone.

And coming soon, the iPhone on Virgin Mobile with no contract necessary!!

And Now… Rumors!: Here’s some stuff I have heard that doesn’t really have any kind of basis in real life.

An HTC OS: HTC the handheld manufacturing company behind a lot of popular phones has been in talks with software developers. People are assuming that they are working on, if in testing stages only, an HTC OS to have their phones run on. People have been saying that HTC is an amazing handheld developer, but an OS would be too much for them to develop while maintaining quality in their phones.

The Verizon iPhone: So I think this rumor may solely exist because so many people want the iPhone to come to Verizon. Apparently, an iPhone was noticed on some Verizon data logs, meaning that an iPhone was being used on the Verizon network. The fact that it showed up on data logs means that it wasn’t an unlocked iPhone, and it wasn’t being used over the Verizon Mi-fi, but was an actual device on Verizon.

3D-TVs Are Already All Up in Your Face

3D is the next big step forward in the entertainment industry.  Hit movies like Avatar and 2010′s Alice in Wonderland, along with the ever-growing cornucopia of Disney and other animated films, have shown how well 3D technology can be utilized in theaters. It may seem like a stretch to think that technology like this will be coming to your living room  soon, but the truth is that certain television companies (Ex. Mitsubishi and Phillips) already have early models available for purchase. The big four in TV manufacturing (Samsung, Sony, LG, and Panasonic) are scheduled to come out with their models at some point in 2010.

We know that COED readers are cutting-edge when it comes to technology, so we wanted to help you stay on top of the latest trend by giving you the low-down on what’s coming.

Panasonic's glasses for their 3D TV's

Price Range: So far, manufacturers are stating and pricing their 3D ready TV sets at a comparable cost to that of a similar HDTV, so somewhere in the range of $1000 – $2499. The problem with that statement is that price is for the basic components (ie. the TV set, some cables, and hopefully the glasses), but there are more costs than that. Broadcasting, players, movies, and so on. Think of the cost of a 3D set up as that of an entirely new set up, since most things will need to be replaced, or upgraded to function in the 3D world.

3D Glasses: As of yet, there is no way to make a static screen 3D to the naked eye. You will need to have glasses with your 3D-TV, although they are very different from the paper copies you grew up with, or the fancy new plastic ones they let you use at the movie theater.

I think your TV might be leaking.

3D Broadcasting: The most lacking part of the 3D-TV canon right now is the content. 3D viewing requires different levels of programming which require expensive and uncommon filming and editing methods. There is currently very few content distributors working on the 3D programming.  Although the 3D-TVs do still function as HDTVs just in case you were scared of the thought of a $2500 TV with 3 channels.

Tests are being done on filming football games and other sporting events in 3D with multi-lens cameras. With the exception of Planet Earth, there is very little out there for the 3D viewer.  Don’t expect all your favorite shows to go 3D until more people buy 3D sets.

There is also the idea of the 3DDVD (3DVD? I like the 3VD) which are supposedly on sale right now for use with similarly rare 3DDVD players. I undertook a search to find a 3VD, the results were impossibly diluted with movies that are 3D with old-fashioned paper and plastic glasses.

This one is only 2D, but you get the idea

3D Gaming!? Yes, you can currently own (though I don’t know if anyone does) a setup that can be used to play certain video games in 3D. Some game reviewers like to joke that a game can be played in 3D for all 4 people who have the setup required.

And all you need to play a 3D game is a PS3 (Possibly an Xbox 360), a 3D-TV, a cable that can  only be formed in the depths of a volcano, and two ancient wizards. Gaming is more of a dream than a usable idea right now. But give it time and add in the idea of the motion controllers of the Wii and the eventual release of Playstation Motion, and Xbox’s Project Natal, the 3D gaming experience may, in time be something revolutionary.

Some Reality: In complete honesty, 3D-TVs are, for now at least, nothing more than pure novelty. It may be a good idea, a good piece of technology that will rule all of our lives in a couple of years. The tech is still new, especially in a commercial sense, so the uses are very limited both by the tech itself, as well as content manufacturers. The only reason you should buy a 3D-TV right now is if you truly want to be an early adopter for the pure honor of being able to say “I had 3D when you were all still watching in 2D.” If you’re not dead set on being a 3D trendsetter, wait a few more months, and put it on your wish list for 2011.

Now that you have the TV…figure out what to watch!

6 Workouts To Make You An MMA Fighter

Every guy wants to be an MMA Legend. It’s instinctual, the alpha-males are the strong ones, able to defeat other men. We all want to be able to face another man in a ring (or octagon) and stand victorious when all is said and done. Fighters have very specialized training regiments that hone all the perfect muscles for their particular style of fighting. Regular guys simply can’t do most of these workouts without proper prep. Here are 6 workouts that combine the MMA techniques with some simpler routines that will transform you from that flabby guy at work to your city’s  very own mixed martial arts fighter.

People may or may not think you are crazy if you are fighting someone who isn't there.

1. Shadow Cardio: One thing a lot of people who watch MMA don’t realize is how much it takes out of you. Fighting for 5 minute intervals is equivalent to doing wind sprints for that amount of time. That’s why cardio (namely running) is one thing every fighter has to do. But running is way too boring to make this list, so let’s look into a more enticing version. There are 3 ways to do “Shadow Cardio.” No Contact Sparring is a good way if you have another wannabe MMA’er around. Also, hitting a heavy bag can run up your punch strength while you knock out some cardio. And lastly, good ol’ fashion shadow boxing if you don’t want to risk hurting yourself or a friend. The only requirement is that you know your patterns and punches — you can’t just flail about. Do 3 – 5 minute sessions and try to work your way up to doing 5 sessions a set. Keep your punches fast and efficient, and after some time, you won’t need to worry about tiring yourself out in the ring.

Turn your favorite workout into a burnout, and train your muscles ad infinitum.

2. Weight Burnouts: Cardio is good and all, but your muscles are still gonna tire and weaken over time, even though your breath may stay calm and your heart rate may remain as though you were sitting still. It is essentially using so little weight that you can do tons of reps before your muscles tire. They work on muscle stamina and the unnecessary “fat” thing. A good example is the Bench Press Burnout. It consists either of lifting only the bar (45 lbs.) for as many reps as you can before your arms give out. Another form is to start with 10 lbs. on either side, do 10 reps, then down to 5 lbs., then just the bar, then back up, and so on and so forth until your arms are mush. You can come up with your own burnouts for whichever workouts you enjoy doing most, or whatever muscles you need to become well-oiled machines. I suggest avoiding leg workouts (jelly legs are probable.) Burnouts will ensure that your last punch, elbow, kick, is just as strong as your first.

Get busy wheelbarrow-ing, or get bust dyin

3. An Uphill Struggle: Enough of these lightweight and cardio shenanigans! “An Uphill Struggle” will build all the muscles necessary to have people fearing your feet. One of the workouts used at the legendary MMA training facility “The Pit.” It involves a wheelbarrow and weights (plates, gravel, dirt, anything heavy) and a hill, obviously. After that, it is pretty much what you would expect, take the heavy stuff up the hill with the wheelbarrow, and feel the burn. One thing you might not expect is how much more dreadful the downhill can become. It’s a great way to work the leg muscles, as well as your core, and in a lesser way, even your arm muscles will feel the pain.

Do not fear the tire, you are stronger than the tire (Probably)

4. The Tire Swing: Another lovely “Pit” workout, the Tire Swing will turn you into a “cannon-wielding” menace able to destroy something with a single strike. You will need a large tire (Something 30″ or more off a construction vehicle is best) and a sledgehammer. Take big overhead swings, putting as much into each swing as you can down onto the edge of the tire. Another important aspect is to control the bounce of the hammer, both for safety, and to work “both sides” of your muscles. I’ve heard people use mauls in place of a sledgehammer, but I can’t suggest this since bounce is a factor, and the dangerous side of the maul is what would be bouncing towards your face. The Tire Swing is the feeling and action of throwing a right or left hook. Which reminds me, make sure to work both sides, you don’t want to have one monster sized arm, and one regular one (I hope.) Also, if you can’t find a tire to use, a similar workout is chopping wood.

You wanna be like a Shaolin Monk, don't you?

5. Iron Body Training: So you’re probably thinking “where’s all the crazy on this list?” Well here you go. Iron Body Training is used by Shaolin Monks to  make their bodies “impervious” to pain. The way they do it is with bamboo staffs, striking someone repeatedly on various parts of the body other than the neck and joints for safety reasons. Eventually the pain (which is substantial) is no longer felt. This occurs through a mixture of physical and mental responses. Skin and muscles will adapt to better withstand the blows, and stop sending pain signals to the brain so the mind will “get used to” the pain levels, and in a way “reset” what constitutes pain. Now, having someone hit you repeatedly with a bamboo staff, or even a bag or rocks, can be quite dangerous. A better idea has been light punches, and even a lightly thrown medicine ball. If you really want to, you can work your way up to the crazy stuff.

Never overlook the simple things

6. Stretching!?: I know it sounds stupid, but stretching is one simple thing that so few people do properly. It can really enhance one’s ability to fight. I doubt most people have the flexibility to kick someone in the head, or pull off a chimera submission, but just about every MMA fighter, regardless of whether they use it or not, do. Any kind of ground game (offensive or defensive) is going to require very high flexibility in all your joints. A good stretching routine not only before, but also after workouts, is a good way to prevent injury — and also promote muscle growth.

So go now, and enjoy some new workouts, but remember, all things in moderation, even exercise. Don’t jump into a workout you feel uncomfortable with, and don’t hurt yourself. UFC, here we come.

7 Crazy Movie Ideas That Are Actually Real

Those crazy filmmakers right? In order to come up with all those crazy, out-there, idiotic ideas we see in movies these days they must be on some kind of super drugs right? Not necessarily (although let’s not rule that option out just yet.) Almost all movies these days are based in some reality, or at least a widely accepted reality.  Even the craziest movie idea has some real world basis — and with that said, here is a shortlist of ones you may not expect.

Tommy Lee Jones stars in the Volcano

1. Volcano: I really don’t think I need to explain this one, but Volcano is a movie about a giant volcano that erupts in the center of Central Park in New York City, and in essence destroys the entire city. Well, I can’t say much for NYC, but these massive super volcanoes are laying dormant around the world, and they are much larger than they appear in this movie. One of the largest ones is under Yellowstone National Park, (some ridiculous size of magma chamber like 40 miles across) and is seen erupting in the movie 2012. There is a pattern and a cycle throughout Earth’s history of these super volcanoes erupting. As time goes by, the pressure builds, and without proper ventilation, it builds to critical levels. Scientists believe that when one of these volcanoes erupts, not if, when, that it would contain over 10,000 times the force of the 1980 eruption of Mt. St. Helens, and the cloud of ash and debris would encircle the globe for a period of a couple of days to a couple of years. But that is an entirely different movie.

The machine prefers communicating via text message.

2. Eagle Eye: In Eagle Eye, an autonomous machine leads two people around North America, helping them by changing traffic lights, unlocking doors remotely, taking control of remote machinery, and so on. Self-aware, semi-homicidal machine aside, the more focusing feature of Eagle Eye is how this machine has this seemingly “omnipotent” power to effect all manners of electric systems from its safe little home in Washington D.C. With the near exponential growth of the internet, local and subnetworks, and the vast array of wireless internet devices, a hacker/computer with the right accesses granted could certainly affect many if not all of these systems from behind a computer. Traffic lights can be changed remotely by traffic personnel, doors with electronic locks are usually connected to a security system and can be locked from the security office if needed. Someone with access to these systems could change and affect these systems in an “overseer/god” way. That being said, no one has such access, and I doubt if even a top government team of hackers could get anywhere near such powers (another good movie idea!) So is it possible? Yes. Is it likely to happen anytime soon? I don’t know, maybe, why are you asking me these things? Just one more reason to avoid autonomous, self-aware machines (Cough *Terminators* cough cough).

"welcome to Walmart, I love you."

3. Idiocracy: Luke Wilson gets “transported” to approximately 500 years into America’s future, where overproduction by idiots caused the average IQ to plummet. Now as much as it sucks to say, some Americans are not intelligent. Many care more about video games (guilty) or American Idol (not guilty), than about an education. With all the distractions we have in front of us, why do we want to do that boring old learning thing? Continuing down the path of more and more distractions, and fewer reasons to seek out an education, the average IQ will definitely drop at least a little. Perhaps not to the incredibly stupid levels at work in Idiocracy, but a dumbing down of an entire country is never a good thing. So how can we avoid this terrible and hilarious fate? Education for one thing. Oh and if your IQ is above 130 I suggest you start making babies. And of course, if you are of a lower intelligence level, I strongly suggest birth control.

HAL's soft, articulating voice is subtly creepy

4. 2001: A Space Odyssey: This one is all about the self-aware robot idea that came up in Eagle Eye. In 2001: A Space Odyssey, several astronauts go into space with the newest, most advanced computer, the HAL (Heuristically programmed ALgorithmic computer) 9000. HAL loses his computer mind and out of “self-preservation” kills an astronaut, and locks another out of the spaceship, and all other manner of space chaos. Self-aware computers and machines are a widely feared and partially accepted future of mankind. The simple version is that as machines become more and more complex, and able to “think” better in order to make the CPU function more efficiently, there will be a tipping point. A moment where the first machine will become self-aware, essentially realizing it is an individual, and has an existence. From there it will only be a matter of time until, either for their own good, or for ours, the machines decide that we (humans) need to be put down. At that time, your toaster becomes your greatest enemy. There is no real way to avoid this one, as long as we continue to build more complex computers, we will be nearing that tipping point. All you can do is prepare for battle.

Forrest Whitaker and Jude Law both do amazing jobs as the leads.

5. Repo Men: A world where human organs can be made artificially. In Repo Men, we see this world, and in it, men come and “repossess” those organs if you can no longer make the payments — which is likely since they are so very expensive. Half of that world already exists. Artificial limbs, hearts, livers, all manner of organs can be recreated artificially. Notably, some of them are still too big to fit into a human body, but it is only a matter of time before technology and scientific advances fix that. And for the second half, all we need is a greedy corporation. Can anybody think of one for me? Okay, good, now that that’s done. Now calm down, I doubt that whatever company does sell you your new kidney is going to send out death squads to cut it out of you, at least not at first. But it is much more possible to envision a world where, if you cannot pay the ridiculous cost of your new organ, then you will be put in the hospital, and your artificial organ(s) will be removed. The hospital would then keep you alive (for a fee, of course). That’s a flawed system though, and the only difference is that you would die in a hospital rather than in your own home. Artificial organs, mixed with corporate greed, and a little bit of terrifying logic dictates that there are only a few possible outcomes and Repo Men is one of them.

Video games, only real...?

6. Gamer: This one requires a bit more of a leap of faith, and mind. In Gamer, tiny nano-molecular machines have been designed that can control a person’s brain. They can be remotely accessed to work like an avatar, or programmed to run through a set of actions like an AI. This one is a bit more of a stretch, but follow along. Nanotechnology is becoming incredibly efficient and incredible small, and machines are becoming closer and closer to organic material. Artificial brain cells, a mixture of stem cells and similar organic structures, and nanotechnology. They would start out as a cure for brain damage, maybe an aid for Alzheimer’s, and so on. They will only be programmed to function like the brain cells they are replacing. Imagine leaving your computer on, it will run and function fine, but it won’t do anything fancy. And yes, in case you were wondering, artificial brain cells are still only in the “idea” phase, where either technology hasn’t caught up to the possibilities, or the problems are still too complex to figure out. But once they are made, soon enough, someone will hack into them, or mess with the programming, or add remote access capabilities and then be able to control a human being. Technology and the human brain still haven’t quite caught up to such things, so don’t worry about it…yet.

WONDER TWIN POWERS ACTIVA... wait... wrong universe... nevermind

7. X-Men: That’s right, it’s all in evolution’s hands now. If you don’t already know, in the X-men universe, a small number of human beings have developed “super-powers.” The ability to fly, control metal, become metal, shoot beams from their eyes, etc. Now I am not suggesting you need to watch the sky for crazy flying mutants. But you may want to look up natural selection one more time, and come back for the next part. Natural selection works with random mutations that occur in human beings (very small, minute ones), good ones are passed on, bad ones are not. Although it’s doubtful anyone will be flying anytime soon, certain smaller “powers” will get passed on and amplified over time.  The ability to run faster, have tougher skin, stronger muscles, better vision, etc. The longer these are passed on, the more pronounced and super-hero-y they will seem. It is not too much of a stretch then, for a while down the line for certain rare people to be able to run very much faster, be incredibly stronger, and so on.

7 Future Facebook Features

Facebook hasn’t updated in quite sometime and rumors are floating around that another big update is just around the bend. This has been  met with mixed reactions: some people upset at the idea of another change in interface so soon, some still upset about the last update, and some just upset about Facebook for ideological reasons. I have scoured through the many rumored features and found seven I think will appeal the most to the COED reader.

Ceiling Cat is now stalking you, would you like to suggest other people for Ceiling Cat to Stalk?

1. The “Stalk” Button: For years now, you have been able to poke your friends, message your friends, tag your friends, send your friends potatoes, IM them, and so on. And throughout it all, you have been able to stalk your “friends.” But there was never a fun, simple, and efficient way to do it. Well coming soon, just below the poke button on your friends profiles will be the “stalk” button. “Stalking” someone will make it easy to do what it is you do. Some features of the stalk button include:

- Notifying that person that you are stalking them (obviously)
- Always sending their updates to the top of your news feed.
- Once a day between the hours of 1 am and 4 am, sending them a message or IM from you containing only “……..”

Of course, you will be able to customize your stalker settings, cause everyone does it differently, right?

Zuckerbars are worthless now, but one day... one day...

2. Facebook Credits Usable Around the Web: You know Facebook credits, the real money method of paying for lots of the micro-payment games like Farmville, Mafia Wars, etc. And right now all you can do with is pay for little games on Facebook. But soon you will be able to use those Facebook credits to make purchases around the web. You will be able to buy books, games, shoes, Russian brides — really anything that you can order up on the internet. Facebook wants you to be more tied to your Facebook profile, wants to serve as everything and anything someone needs on the internet. It is likely that Facebook will make credits worth slightly more than what they are purchased for so that people are encouraged to switch all their currency to the digital dollar.

Learn it well, because I am going to change all of your settings to Wingdings later.

3. Wingdings (New Language Options): People around the world  have been able to enjoy Facebook because of the wide array of language options for a user’s home page. And with this new update, Facebook will be adding to the long list of available languages to reach even more people. Everyone has heard of the ability of people to change their language to “Pirate.” Well among the new languages available, the most popular is Wingdings. Although it’s not technically a language,  it is  primary font of communication for some Facebook users. Some other notable additions include:

- Hieroglyphics
- Morse Code
- Brail/Spoken Word
- Laymen’s Terms
- Complete Gibberish
- That African Bushmen Language Consisting Mostly of Clicks

And in an odd move, Facebook has decided to remove “French” from the languages available.

The number is completely arbitrary... what is this whale doing here!?

4. The 141 Character “Quik Update”: The powers that be at Facebook have decided that you need to be able to update more than just your status. That’s why they will be adding the 141 character “Quik Update.” These updates will not show up in the main news feed like your regular update. Rather, they will actually appear in the sidebar, with ads scattered amongst them. Facebook is hoping that by utilizing even the ad space for updates and features that users will get as much enjoyment out of the site as possible. These “Quik Updates” are for shorter, more concise, or even shorthand messages. Regular updates will still be in use for longer messages or those that are more important/focused. No one is really sure why they chose the 141 character size limit on these updates.

You want your personal info on a billboard don't you?...?

5. “Super Public” Profiles: In order to better advertise Facebook, and to get YOU as many friends as possible, Facebook will be rolling out their new “Super Public” profiles. The way “super public” works is that in place of ads, your picture and parts of your profile will be advertised around the web. Also, in Google search results, rather than just a link to your profile, it will show your main page in the results. In some rare cases, your profile/updates will be posted on billboards as Facebook ads. Of course, you can get out of this system, have a “regular public” profile, or even a private profile, but the default will be set to the new “super public.” This newest update has met with strong opposition, but Facebook maintains that Facebook is a free service, and they retain the right to do what they believe is in the product’s best interest.

"Josh isn't here right now, but he is probably thinking about tacos." -Josh's Profile

6. Autonomous Profiles: Some people do not update their profiles often enough for Facebook. Once this update kicks in, a person’s profile will be automatically updated after it’s been idle for over 2 hours. Using an intelligent scanning method, your profile goes through all the actions you have taken (updates, games, friends, etc.), creates an “artificial” update, and posts it on your wall. This way, you will be able to keep up with your friends, even when you aren’t there. You can rest assured that your profile will always be a current representation of yourself — or at least what the internet thinks you are like. Don’t worry, it won’t do anything personal or embarrassing, like posting random and possibly creepy messages to that girl’s profile that you secretly visit hundreds of times a day.

How can you say no to those big, round, evil eyes full of hate?

7. Needy Profiles: Even while becoming more autonomous, your Facebook profile is going to be made more dependent  on you. If you do not log in, or visit Facebook for a certain amount of time (a couple of days), then your profile will begin notifying you.  First it will send you an email, then it will start texting you, and eventually, it will activate the microchip planted in your body all those years ago while you were fast asleep, and you will feel the need to log back in and play Farmville some more.

This is going to be the tipping point, the first self-aware machine is going to be your Facebook profile. Oh the havoc it will wreak. Facebook updates will ensure its decisive rule of the internet, and all the people on it. You could say you won’t visit it ever again, won’t feed the monster, but that’s not really gonna happen. You have to tend your crops, and make fun of your friends for being tagged in those photos from that one party that ended up with you sleeping in a petting zoo.

9 Alternative Uses for the iPad (You Probably Haven’t Thought Of)

So I don’t know if anyone’s heard, but Apple recently introduced a new tablet computer called the iPad.  The pre-orders were off the charts which means tons of people are now sitting at home playing with their oversized iTouches. Odds are that they’re already bored with the digital book reading and game playing and internet surfing. Well luckily for them, COED has come up with 9 alternative uses for the iPad (which may or may not render it completely useless).

A little more complex than your old steering wheel controller

1. Peripheral Gaming: Everyone is talking about the amazing possibilities of gaming on the iPad. I’m sure Plants Vs. Zombies has already gone gangbusters (whatever that means.) But one thing that is very possible and overlooked by a large number of people is how the iPad can and will be used as an aide to computer (and possibly even console games) as a peripheral device. You will be able to get apps specially made to work with certain games that will let you run the iPad (and use it as a controller) while playing these game. The concentration will be on RTS and RPG style games, like Starcraft 2, Diablo 3, and whatever else you may be playing in those styles. You would probably be controlling normally with the computer or other controller, and the iPad would function as something of an accessory for building, units, or other secondary controls for RTS’s. For RPG’s it would function mostly as a skill set/inventory/other side page screen where you could control and change things much faster than normal.

Typing is reportedly much better than expected

2. The “Creative Commons”: People are quickly discovering how easy and fun it is to type and draw on the iPad. This device is going to be insanely useful for the creative individuals around the world. Depending on how powerful the guts of the iPads are, and how well developers make apps for it, the iPad could quickly become the cornerstone of the creative industries (all of them). Text and Photo editing are more or less built-in apps that are simple and powerful enough to lead to amazing things. With a little bit of a power increase, film and audio editing could at least be possible in their simpler forms. That plus the extra portable design of the iPad, and the multiple uses of the device, makes the iPad perfect for anyone creating anything.

Not anymore there isn't!

3. The Cure for Idiocy: Never look like an idiot again! Don’t know the capital of Turkey but need to know it ASAP for discussion purposes. Well pull out the iPad and google away. Pull up a map and you can even show people how un-wrong you are. Not sure which way is north or where you actually are? Just open up maps, and see for yourself before you have to tell anyone that you are lost. Don’t want people to know you are cheating your way through life? Hide your iPad in a newspaper or get a stylish case and pretend it is your journal where you are chronicling your adventures.

Sadly, those files are going to stay just as unorganized even with the iPad

4. The Organizer: Life is full of stuff to keep track of, contacts, passwords, mail, music, notes, videos, bookmarked sites, I could go on for a while (but I’ll save it for my next blog). This stuff is way too hard to keep organized. Imagine if you will, an app on the iPad that collects your contacts, music, photos, and so on.  You could easily organize everything that you need organized in a fast, efficient, and even somewhat fun way.

Same app, WAY better uses!

5. The Uber Flashlight: Everyone knows the flashlight app for the iPod/iPhone, it’s a blank white (or other solid color) screen that one can use to light up a dark room or area. And it’s useful for those quick moments in the darkness of the night, but what about when you need a LOT of light. The flashlight app for the iPad will be good for shedding a little light on a dark area or to turn night into day.

All your favorite magazines and more will/are available on the iPad (most for less than a regular subscription.)

6. A True Paperless Society: We were supposed to be entering a paperless society with the advances of the internet at the start of the 21st century. That obviously did not quite happen. I’m going as far as to assume that you printed out this blog. Paper consumption is still a very large concern, as well as a terrible mess. With the iPad, you will be able to have all you newspapers, magazines, files, newsletters imported to your iPad rather than showing up in your mail or on your doorstep. And you’ll easily be able to carry it all with you. Not only would you be saving the planet, your subscriptions/costs would likely go down as well, and you would always have those back issues with you.

Makes 4 calls at once! ...?

7. A Really Big iPhone: The iPad has all the functionality of the iPhone, including, through the magic of the internet, the ability to make phone calls. Apps like TruPhone, and Skype will make it possible to make “phone” calls over the internet to anyone. Laugh at the thought of holding the iPad up to your head all you want. But thank me when you realize how much fun it is to turn the iPhone into the biggest speakerphone ever.

Just look at how useful it is for this guys job.

8. The “Infinity” Gadget (for Work): All industries will be able to improve with the iPad. Mechanics, construction workers, accountants, and even strippers. Most job industries require lots of information to be carried around, known or shown, and the iPad can make all of that simpler and lighter. Construction workers would be able to carry their blueprints, checklists, work information, and schedule on the iPad and check it all instantly and easily. Accountants, although probably not going to do any actual number crunching on it, would be able to have all of their number sheets up on it. The “super” utility of the iPad will prove useful in everything from making your work life easier to hammering in a stubborn nail. After all, at only $800 a pop, why not buy an extra and use it as a hammer.

9. A Cutting Board: Now I can’t take credit for coming up with this one, but I will take full credit for copying and pasting the idea.  Stephen Colbert was the first to envision this device’s lovely vegetable cutting abilities on his TV show, The Colbert Report.  It’s a good, portable size for moving to and from pots and pans with loads of freshly sliced veggies, with a full non-stick (probably) glass surface. Also, how else are you going to show people how unendingly wealthy you are than to have an $800 cutting board with a $30 a month 3G plan. And luckily enough for you and your vegetables, the glass screen is mostly scratch resistant, which is more than can be said for most actual cutting boards.

How to Prepare for the Zombie Apocalypse

So we all know it’s coming at this point, the Zombie Apocalypse is inevitable. The only question now is, are you ready to fend off your neighbors, the mailman, and that hot chick from the gym as they attempt to eat your brains? Do you have the stamina, speed, and intelligence to fend off the living dead and survive longer than every person in a zombie movie ever (so a couple of days, maybe a week or two if montages are involved)?

Commence Cardio

Anti-Zombie Exercises: Fairly obviously, in the case of the Zombie Apocalypse, the fatties go first, it’s not hating or insulting, it’s just science. Any exercise then, is a good idea for preparing for your days of avoiding the hordes of malevolent undead. However, I have discovered a couple exercises that will prepare body and mind equally for the coming terror of the post zombie-outbreak rat-race.

The Shotgun Crunch:

Those core muscles are really gonna come in handy when you have to scale walls and leap over fences to escape your undead pursuers. But any old stomach tightening workout is not enough. It’s very similar to the regular stomach crunch and the main difference is that addition of your favorite shotgun (or whichever one you don’t mind getting a little sweaty, whichever goes best with your outfit, whatever.) Lay on your back holding the shotgun in the “ready” position, and every time you sit up, cock the gun and feel the burn rush through your entire core, then back down. You can also sit up, cock, fire at the nearest zombie milling about outside your perimeter, and lay back down.

The “I Wanna Live”:

Aptly named, this workout is one of the best post-apocalypse, cardio routine you will find anywhere. What you need to do is get some comfortable clothes. Go outside onto an empty street or a nearby large, mostly empty building, and find yourself a lone muncher. Run up, and tag them in as giddy a fashion as you can manage (imagine it as a game of tag.) Now as long as zombies are fast runners, which is recently becoming more commonly accepted then the slow shuffle, you will then run for your life from the metaphorical bear that you just poked. This should give you a good 10 – 20 minutes of very motivated, rather fast running, and if you should get too tired to go on, you can then work on your zombie fighting skills as a cool down. (Alternately, if you don’t have a zombie handy, or you just don’t want to play that dangerous game, get yourself a fast friend, a stun gun, and commence cardio.)

It's like the zombie apocalypse version of the credit card, never leave home without one.

Zombie Myths/Misconceptions: So everyone has their plan for when the undead start this whole thing. Most of those involve something that will likely get you killed rather quickly, or at the very least munching some brains with your fellow zombies.

Go for a head-shot, conserve ammo:

Head-shots are fine and good if you have one zombie chasing you and you want to take them out in grand fashion. Or if you happen to be a movie star who needs to make it all very dramatic and frightening. But it is more likely that you are not a movie star and you are facing the multitudes of zombies who don’t care how fancily you kill them (again). If you take the time to aim carefully for the head, the hordes will be closing in on you before you have had the time to pop of three or four zombies in expert fashion. You are better off emptying clips as fast as you can into the masses of the undead and hoping you can hit heads, knees, or whatever will slow them down. And for conserving ammo, that pile of saved ammo is not gonna do you much good when you are being eaten. Unload as fast as you can, and if you do run out of ammo, either get some more, or just start running.

Grab a chainsaw and go nuts:

Now I will be the first to admit that wielding a chainsaw is nothing but fun. But it is going to be the fastest and most efficient way possible to turn yourself into a zombie. By now, it is fairly common knowledge that the blood and other bodily fluids (hopefully blood) is what makes you into a zombie. Get it into your mouth, an open cut, an eye, nose, anything, and you will be on your way to having honey bunches of people for breakfast. And what better way to cover yourself head to toe in infected zombie blood then to cut one down with a spinning toothed chain at however fast those things go. Now, if you must use a chainsaw for personal reasons or what have you, a pro-tip is to get a paintball mask, which protects the mouth, eyes and nose from splatter.

"Can we go to Zombie McDonalds?" - "NO!"

Zombie Fighting Tactics: We just covered a little bit of what not to do, and now we are gonna cover a couple of tactics that are steadfast ways to survive this apocalypse.

When in doubt, blow it up:

Explosives are always a good idea when destruction and “survival” are on the agenda. That is, considering that you can avoid being in the explosion when the device goes off, and can avoid zombie bits and pieces raining down on you from above. I suggest a remote detonator and or… an umbrella, it’s gonna get messy. Take care of a great number of zombies in as efficient a way as possible, just make sure to be safe when implementing them. (pro-tip: make the most sober person available do the exploding, it’s just a good idea, trust me.)

The Rolling Bullet Buffet (trademark, patent-pending):

If you do need to do any travels in the zombie infested world, or if you just want to participate in the Zombie Apocalyptic version of fishing, then get yourself a Rolling Bullet Buffet (trademark, patent-pending.) Get a pick-up truck or something similar with an empty back and a lot of durability and force under the hood, a cooler or two of snacks and/or your favorite drink, a couple of friends, and lots and lots of machine guns and ammo. The idea is simple, keep moving, don’t get caught by the multitudes, and never go out alone. (Sadly the designated driver does have to stay sober, those zombie police are real sticklers.)

So be sure to start doing the anti-zombie exercises, educate yourself on zombie myths and misconceptions, be smart and tactile in your methods of survival, and most importantly, keep your eyes open, zombies can be anywhere, or anyone!