5 Music Collaborations That Would Blow Up The Charts

Great things can happen when two completely different artists come together to make music. At some point we’ve all thought to ourselves,”Wow. If those two did a song together, it would be one for the books.” Here are the top five musical collaborations that would blow up the charts and make music history.

5. Celine Dion and Drake. OHHH CANADAAAAAAA!!! These two artists from our neighboring nation to the north would make an absolutely epic collaboration. Former Canadian pop icon and the former star of Degrassi would make their nation proud if they teamed up for a track. Personally, I think it would be out of this world. And P.S, don’t even try to argue that Drake wouldn’t have fit right in the Titanic soundtrack just as well as Celine. “Rose you my everything, you all I ever wanted. We can do it real big, bigger than you ever done it.”

4. Jay Z and Miley Cyrus. This one is just a no brainer. He goes hard in Brooklyn, she parties in the USA. I don’t think I could think of two people who represent America better if you gave me all day. This hot little 18 year old (yes, I said 18) and Mr. Hova would be the 2010 Sonny and Cher. Also, it will be a great opportunity for Miley to finally hear a song by Jay Z.

3. Owl City and Travis Barker. I’ll admit it. I didn’t mind that song Fireflies. And by didn’t mind it I mean that I blast it in my car on the way to work every morning and sing along like I wrote it myself. Now if you haven’t seen Blink 182 drummer Travis Barker’s work on other peoples tracks such as the famous Soulja Boy Tell ‘Em… I suggest you take a look. Put this guys fierce drums behind Owl City and boom goes they dynamite you’ve got a match made in purgatory.

2. Michael Jackson and Lady Gaga. The King of Pop may rest in peace knowing that he was succeeded by a new queen. With her outrageous style and her songs that get stuck in my head constantly, Lady Gaga is undoubtedly the biggest name in pop music right now. If the late great MJ were still around, this would be an absolute masterpiece of a collaboration. I want to love you PYP, Pretty Young Paparazzi.

1. Kanye West and Taylor Swift. “Yo Mike Imma let you finish in a second, but Taylor Swift and I would have the best collaboration of all time!” Don’t tell me you haven’t thought about it. I think we can all agree that it is just about time for Taylor to let the past go, and throw her rocafella diamonds in the sky. We all already know that Ms. Swift sounds AMAZING WHEN MIXED WITH RAP (Readers, this is personally my favorite song of all time. No joke. I wouldn’t lie to you). Taylor Swift is the most beautiful woman in the world with the voice of an angel, and Kanye West is the best rapper since William Shakespeare. So seriously you two… lets make it happen. If not for you, for me.

5 Ways to Have a Drama Free Break-Up

No matter how much you’ve grown to hate your significant other, breaking-up is never fun or enjoyable or satisfying. It’s a painful process full of tears, yelling, and a lot of “why did you cheat on me with my best friend?” Avoid as much drama as possible by taking our expert advice.

1. First and foremost, do it in person: If I have learned nothing else from Joe Jonas (and trust me, I haven’t) it is that the text message approach to severing ties is not the best career move. Nobody deserves to be dumped via text message, instant message, email, phone call, or homing pigeon. If you don’t want your ex writing songs about how much of a loser you are, have the decency to break up in person.

2. Be strategic when choosing location. There is nothing worse than a sobbing twenty-something sitting at the corner table at Red Lobster. Don’t think just because you’re in public she won’t make a scene. The last thing anybody needs is mall security aiding them in their break up. It’s your business, keep it that way.

3. Be honest and be quick. Nobody likes a long, drawn out explanation about why their character won’t be returning for another season.

4.  If it is her breaking up with you… take the hint! The break up conversation is difficult, we know this. Refrain from asking every hard question about why you are currently being ditched. Take your ex’s explanation and be done with it, because sometimes, she’s just not that into you.

5.  Finally, who says you can’t be friends? At first it might not be easy, but don’t burn the bridge completely Brad Pitt. Somewhere down the road it might be nice to have a civil conversation with Jen again.

There. Now isn’t that easy? Probably not. P.S. DON’T CHEAT. Nothing tarnishes your good-boy image like having sex with prostitutes, porn stars and cocktail waitress while your wife stays home with the kids to clean your golf clubs. When the deed needs to be done, take your sponsor’s advise and just do it.

How To Make Money While Unemployed

This economy sucks. And you need to earn some money if you plan on ever buying that jet-pack you want. But why get a job when you can lounge around all summer playing videos games? You don’t need to get a job with a 401K and benefits to make some quick spending money. Here are a few tips to help all you unemployed bums out there make a bit of cash for your summer investments.

Craigslist – Before you let your mind go right to the gutter, hear me out. I am not talking about prostitution (though I hear it can be a very lucrative endeavor). In the jobs/gigs section you will certainly find something to make cash; whether it be minor landscaping at someones lawn, or posing nude for an up-and-coming local artist. Craigslist is a great place to go for work. Oh and be sure to check out the missed connections section too just in case somebody out there thought they saw a spark with you (to the girl at Walgreens yesterday afternoon, I was the guy buying the yellow thank you notes; you looked at me real quick. I think we could be something)

Ebay – Sell some of your stuff. We all have things lying around the house that we just don’t use. Make an Ebay account and see if some nice young boy out in Omaha wants your three-speed bicycle from the fifth grade. If all else fails go into the garage and start pawning off dad’s lesser used tools. He’ll never notice.

Online gambling – Quick warning… may result in you actually losing money. With that in mind, it would be a great idea to link your PayPal account from Ebay right to FullTilt Poker. You’ll double your funds in no time.

Start a non-sustainable business (see: Pyramid Scheme) – There’s no better or more ethical way to make a buck than to rip off your neighbors. It’s easy — get a business card, think of a legitimate business name, and never give anyone your real phone number.

Have a lemonade stand – It’s starting to get hot out, and I LOVE lemonade. You can get away with charging a bit more than the kids down the street if you go for quality (none of the powdered crap). Or you can undercut them and charge less… all of those price-shopping lemonade connoisseurs will be your regular customers in no time. Sorry little Timmy, but you aren’t going to be able to save up enough for that new skateboard… you better work on quality control if you want to compete with this guy.

Write a screenplay – Step one, come up with a great idea that has never been thought of before (see: The Human Centipede… that is just cinematic GOLD!) Step two, write it down. Step three, find someone in Hollywood to buy it (that can’t be that hard can it?). Hey, if Ben Affleck can do it (see: Good Will Hunting… not Gigli) anybody can.

Get on a Reality Show – It’s not 1997 so forget about showing up to that Real World audition because all it’s going to lead to is 3 minutes of fame and a whole of reunion shows. No, you need to date a reality star like a Kardashian or a Taylor or anyone else who has a show on E! You’ll be guaranteed at least one People cover and at least one pregnancy scandal.

Sign up for Medical Tests – Nothing says desperate like subjecting your body to random medications that you may or may not need. But who cares? It’s the summer and you might as well finance your outdoor flip cup gangs by taking as many strong psychiatric drugs as possible.

Solve the Oil Spill – You’ll make more than a quick buck if you accomplish this one. You might even get an awesome internship at BP outta of it.

Work for COED Magazine. We’re always looking for talented, new writers. And by talented new writers we mean people who know how to turn on a computer and write somewhat grammatically correct sentences. E-mail us at writers@teamcoed.com