Natalie Dylan Auctions Virginity on Howard Stern

San Diego student Natalie Dylan is broke as a joke and can’t afford to finance her college education.

Welcome to the club Natalie!

What to do, what to do? Wait tables? Baby-sit? Empower yourself by starting a dorm cleaning business?

Nah, the 22 year-old has decided to auction off her virginity on the Howard Stern Radio show saying, “I don’t have a moral dilemma with it…we live in a capitalist society, why shouldn’t I be allowed to capitalize on my virginity?”

The auction will take place on bunnyranch.com, the website for Nevada’s infamous legal brothel, Moonlite Bunny Ranch where her sister currently works.

To prove that she is still a virgin Dylan will undergo a lie detector test and have a gynecological exam.

Great idea, I’ll be throwing in a $50 bid. But I must say I feel sad for the future of our society.

How To Fly With Pot

Nothing makes for a relaxing vacation like toking on some dank sh*t. But if your plans involve flying, getting your stash from home to your destination involves breaking quite a few laws. So to keep you from having to track down a dealer when you’re from out of town–never a good plan–we’ve laid out exactly how to sneak a bit on board without the Department of Homeland security shoving a German shepherd up your a**. But remember, if you still get caught, we’ve never met…

Find out how to fly with pot after the break! Read more

Do You Masturbate Too Much?

Experts are saying that if you’re freeing willy numerous times a day, every day, you’ve got yourself a problem.

Now, we’ve been told that masturbation is natural and healthy, but too much of anything is not good. When done in an excessive and compulsive manner, choking your chicken may lead to psychological and physiological imbalances in your body.

We’re not jerking your chain (no pun intended).

According to AskMen.com, over-practiced masturbation can stimulate acetylcholine/parasympathetic nervous functions. Such immoderate amounts of stimulation can result in an over-production of sex hormones causing a significant change in body chemistry.

The side effects aren’t pretty. They can manifest themselves as: fatigue, hair-loss, memory loss, blurred vision or testicular/groin pain.

On top of that, too much masturbation can lead to sexual exhaustion and the appearance of erectile dysfunction. That’s not a good thing for a guy who’s far from the average onset of these difficulties.

If you think you’re addicted to paddling your pickle, there are ways to beat it. Read more

SI’s “Ladies of Hot Clicks” is Today’s Daily Snapshot

SI’s Extra Mustard compiled an extensive photo gallery of the girls that have been featured on Hot Clicks. 50 pictures of pure sexiness that are worth a peek.

Is the “Warm” Beer Crisis Due to Global Warming? Ok, Now We’re Listening

Yeah, Earth Day — let’s plant a tree and make the world a better place! Yeah…nah.

But wait, what is this I hear? Grains and hops are becoming increasingly harder to grow and harvest, due to radical shifts in weather? That sounds terrible, though I don’t know why…I think I need a beer to relax and think about it. Wait a second…grains…hops…beer. Oh f*ck.

Let me get this straight: inconsistent weather patterns are raising the price of grains of hops, which means higher prices for brews. So, does that mean that global warming is the cause of beer prices inflating? Well give me a picket then, ’cause I have protesting to do. Read more

Colorado University’s 4/20 Smoke-A-Thon Draws Crowd of 10,000

What is quickly becoming an internationally known marijuana fest the annual 4/20 smoke out at Colorado University – Boulder’s Norlin Quad drew a crowd of 10,000+ yesterday.

In the past police have come down hard on revelers, “In 2006, CU police dispatched undercover photographers to snap pictures of smokers. Photos of 150 alleged offenders then were posted on the department’s Web site, and witnesses were offered $50 to positively identify the suspects — who then were ticketed. Another year, smokers on Farrand were doused with sprinklers.”

But this year The Daily Camera reports, “the crowd was so large it migrated from the long-traditional site of Farrand Field to the larger Norlin Quad; festivities kicked off earlier than normal with daytime concerts; and CU police handed out zero citations.”

No citations for a mass smoke-a-thon in public? Colorado seems to be a full on hippy haven!

Check out pictures from the CU – Boulder smokefest!

Tax Slacker: How To File for a Tax Extension

Tomorrow is the deadline for tax season, and you either forgot or have completely avoided the dreadful task that’s only second to death in things you must do. Don’t worry — I did too, and will be filing for an extension, AS SHOULD YOU, YOU UNMOTIVATED LAZY PIECE OF AWFULNESS.

Just in case you haven’t noticed, you have less than 48 hours to get it all straightened out. But don’t fret just yet: all you have to do is go to the IRS web-page explaining all the necessary details needed to file for an extension. The last thing you need from me is a break down with hints and tips; just go to the source and get it done, pronto.

If you just need the average file extension, simply click here for the pdf. file.

If you’re the adventurous type who wants to file in record time, I would either recommend Turbotax on the cheap (if you know exactly what you’re doing) or better yet, H&R Block for absolute convenience, if you have around $70 to spare. Whatever method you choose, choose it NOW.

It’s the End of the World as I Know it: I’m Graduating in a Month!

Finals are just around the corner. Job interviews are being had. Apartments in new cities are being looked for.

Holy sh*t. College is ending.

And I am having a serious breakdown.

1. What the hell am I going to do with my English degree?

2. When am I going to see my friends again?

3. Where am I going to live?

4. How am I going to support myself without the help of my dad (who I have totally wrapped around my finger, might I add)?

5. What am I going to do when the college life I have gotten so accustomed to is over?

I know that these are things most people thought about months ago (especially the job stuff!), but I am really bad at accepting reality. Like the fact that everyone can tell my Marc Jacobs bag is fake. I like to pretend that everything is fine. In my world, if I think something is true then it must be true. So for awhile, I pretended like college wasn’t ending. Instead, this was just another year leading into yet another summer. Read more

Be James Bond Incarnate with Van Der Led’s WM2 Watch/Cell Phone

Truth be told, I’ve owned about three watches worth mentioning in my lifetime, all of them being poorly-designed Tag Hauer knock-offs bought at the local flea market for $20 apiece. You can’t buy class, I say…or at least you can’t by it on a 17-year old’s budget.

Now that I’m older and wiser, I know a classy watch signifies power and good taste. And if money isn’t a factor, Ven Der Led’s WM2 watch/cell phone hybrid will bestow these characteristics unto you (“unto”…now that’s a classy word right there).

You want gadgets in your gadgets? Well, you’re inquiring about the right product, then: Van Der Led WM2 comes equipped with a 1.3 inch color display, Bluetooth compatibility and 1GB of memory.

Oh yeah…did I mention that it’s a WATCH AND CELL PHONE IN ONE? How amazing is that? I’ll tell you how amazing — very much so. If you’ve ever fancied yourself a secret agent on the lam (or a tech-obsessed geek with Linux mapped in your veins) Van Der Led’s Swiss Army-esque product should suffice…that is, until our lives are controlled with holograms, which I predict will be sometime in September at this rate. THE FUTURE!!!!!!!!

The Truth Behind the Paula Nelson Barfight Video

And the verdict is in: the video of Paula Nelson, Willie Nelson’s daughter, kicking a drunk guy offstage during a live set in Texas is 100% staged. Jimmy Kimmel aired the clip on Jimmy Kimmel Live! a few days ago, and it has since ‘gone viral,’ as they say.

Apparently, the drunkard in the clip is Paula’s boyfriend Jeff Schwan, the stunt coordinator for Friday Night Lights. Schwan told COED that he and Paula wanted to pull a prank on their friends at the bar, so they set up a quick fracas to startle them. No foul play here. Read more

Make Your Own George Bush Speech

Hello, fellow Internetters!

Remember the old days when we’d travel over to Ebaums, load up an Arnold Schwarzenegger Soundboard and prank our families and enemies? Guffaws all around.

Oh the fun times we had, back then.

If you’re feeling nostalgic – and a little spiteful towards George Bush – I say partake in one of the Internet’s favorite pastimes. This George Bush Speech Soundboard gives you plenty of the man’s choice phrases to work with, so have at it. All you have to do is drag your fave phrases into the timeline at the bottom of the board and voila – instant idiotic speech.

It’s trivial for sure, but just entertaining enough to waste away a few hours (and brain cells).

Playgirl Reaches Out to Eliot Spitzer

In the latest chapter of this never-ending saga, shamed ex-Governor Eliot Spitzer has been contacted by Playgirl, who hope he’ll tell all (and show all) to the magazine.

Playgirl’s open letter to Spitzer is as follows:

Dear Eliot,

It’s not fair. We’ve been watching you; and we’ve seen how you’ve been crucified by the mass media, conservatives, and Republicans. We’ve stood by as your call-girl was offered $1 million by Hustler to show the world what she’s already been showing the world for a whole lot less.

We think you’ve had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week. But we’ve been thinking. Your political career is sadly over; and you owe a lot of money to a lot of people. Hell, you may land in jail before too long. So consider this letter a brief note of urgency.

How about making some loot back, by showing us what you saved for such a select few?

How about strutting your sexuality, and defending your right to get down? Couldn’t you use a little rent money right about now?

Seriously—get in touch with us. We’re ready to make you a very attractive offer. Someone get Spitzer on the line: Playgirl needs him naked, now. Read more

I Was(n’t) There: A Slackers Guide to SXSW Online

Unlike some lucky bastards currently at SXSW, we poor folk have to work for a living – or were too irresponsible to buy tickets earlier. We are idiots…

Since we have lost our chance at going to SXSW, the Austin-based music festival, what are we to do? Well, there are plenty of alternatives that don’t involve bitching about how we can’t go (see what I did there?). Using the almighty power of the World Wide Web, we can watch and listen to almost every SXSW performance via webcasts, internet radio sessions and streaming videos.

It’s like we are right there, man!!!! (Not really – but it sure beats staying at home! Wait…)

A comprehensive list of sites following SXSW after the jump. Read more

Radiohead and NIN to Headline Lollapalooza?

Yes, you may have heard the rumor last week, but an official word may be coming soon: Radiohead and Nine Inch Nails are expected to headline Lollapalooza at Grant Park in Chicago. The festival will be held on August 1 – 3; the lineup has yet to be announced.

While both bands are still only expected to perform at Lollapalooza, one thing is for certain: their shared notion of low-priced digital downloads (and little to no pull from major labels) is a great stride in the right direction for the burgeoning music industry – the people’s side, that is.

Artistic credibility aside, respect is due.

In other anticlimactic news, fairy-haired blowhard Perez Hilton isn’t too impressed about the two bands headlining, quipping “This would have been a great lineup…10 years ago!”

You wouldn’t exist 10 years ago, Hilton – God bless and curse the Internet.