Sex is a wonderful thing. I don’t need to tell you that. Spontaneous sex is even better; more excitement, more danger and none of that boring planning that goes into the regular stuff (like getting a condom).

But after my experiences this past week, spontaneous (and maybe even super safe) sex is totally. Out. Of the question.

I spent my entire last weekend watching three children. Six-year-old twins and a potty-training three-year-old. And it only took me a total of 4 minutes to realize just how unready I am for child rearing.

Somewhere between the mini van and the screaming and the multiple trips to McDonalds (which somehow all ended in tears and ketchup all over my brand new jeans), I learned just how horrible the idea of getting pregnant could be. And for those of you out there who continue to have unprotected sex, STDs are not the thing to fear – this is:

1. No Showers: There is just no time. And if you manage to find 5 minutes in the day to leave the kids by themselves, you will most likely come out to find mass destruction, a child crying or both. Read More »

Sometimes I look up dead people on Facebook. Not, say, Thomas Edison or Washington Irving or George Washington Carver. If they had Facebook, I wouldn’t be here– but that’s a different story.

But maybe I’m watching the six o’clock news and there’s a story on how Randy Rappelstein, a junior at Rutgers, crashed his RAV-4 into a lightpole. Hop on over to Facebook, type in Randy’s name, and boom: a picture of him at his Sig Ep formal with his date cropped out. A remnant of his life when death seemed an abstract possibility.

It’s a creepy habit of mine, yes, but the Facebook has emerged as a virtual graveyard for such real - life situations, and it’s hard not to pay attention to the amount of dead matter on the site. Read More »

After days of excruciating buildup, Miss Garden State has finally released those controversial photos of herself.Vanessa Williams she’s not. In fact, the photos, which depict a clothed Miss NJ stretching and breast-feeding her boyfriend, are way lamer than most photos I see go up on Facebook everyday — including my friend Anthony’s 47 albums dedicated to his semester in Budapest.

So what’s the big deal? I can only conclude that Miss NJ is a big, fat attention whore, scheming to steal America’s heart and crown by overcoming this horrible media adversity with grace and politesse. She might have had something if the pics were of her shooting up in the slums of Trenton with a gaggle of trannies, but spreading your jean-clad legs for a photo is not exactly controversy. It’s called flash photography.

Sorry, Miss NJ, but until you get yourself in some real trouble, we’re just not gonna care. In the meantime, you’re a big disappointment. If you really want to be famous, learn something from that former Miss USA, why don’t you.

Here is the video from the “Todayâ€? show. See the breast chomping action on video.

More important than finding the color of your aura or analyzing your handwriting, the Carbon Footprint calculator is an online test that actually means something.Sponsored by Live Earth, which is set to take the global stage on July 7 with a slough of powerful entertainers giving concerts, the calculator tabulates your “footprintâ€? based on things like your electricity bill, your use of energy - efficient lighting, modes of transportation and dedication to recycling, plus more.I scored a 220 (not having a car finally works in my favor!). The average American score is 325. You might be surprised by your score, but even more surprised by how easy it is to reduce the force of your tread.