iLove iPod & iPhone Valentine’s Gifts

The hottest gift items in the world remain Apple products!  It seems iPod and iPhone are the ultimate any occasion gifts running the gamut from New Years Eve to Christmas Day and everything in between including Valentine’s Day – Everybody Loves iPod & iPhone.

Get the Juices Flowing with Juicebar
Juicebar Solar Charger includes twelve connector tips, including a female USB tip and iPod and iPhone tip, all you have to do is connect your device and sit it in the sun. Rainy days got you down? Dancin’ in the moonlight? Juicebar has your back!  You can also charge the Juicebar’s built-in battery using a USB cable so you can power your devices when there are no outlets around.  At only $50 on the Cable Organizer website here, the Juicebar is only a little more expensive than brand name chargers and is much more versatile.  Buy it here from www.cableorganizer.com.

Get Wet . . .Safely!

Pelican™ introduces the i1010 and i1015 case. Designed to protect your iPod® and smart phones but not limited to this function, it features durability, strength, and a tough rugged action hero look – it looks like something you buy that the Hummer dealer besides an overcompensation for marginally sized genitalia. Protects your iPod or iphone from splashes and spills (such as sweat, gels, lubes and cooking oil?) while you are still able to use it closed tight via an external headphone jack. Available colors to match iPod® shades. This is a must have accessory if you plan on taking your MP3 Player on the road. . .and getting wet (but it’s not submersible!  Just resistant!). Buy it here from www.cableorganizer.com.

For less intense (and slightly cheaper) iPod and other electronic cases and accessories in lots of vibrant colors, including red for your sweetie, check out www.iskin.com.

Music to Have Kinky Sex By

Love Music?  OhMiBod lets it love you back.The OhMiBod vibrator is a whole new way to enjoy your iPod® or any other music player. Everyone loves music. Everyone loves sex. OhMiBod combines music and pleasure to create the ultimate acsexsory™ to your iPod.  It’s a whole new way to plug ‘n play!  Simply plug OhMiBod into your iPod® or any music player and it automatically vibrates to the rhythm and intensity of the music. Let your body feel the vibrations as you get down with your favorite tunes. The combination of listening and feeling your music quickly transports you to a place where music, mind and body come together to create an unbeatable sexual experience.  Buy it Here at www.OhMiBod.com

Music to Have a bit Less Kinky Sex By

If you’re looking for a bit more from your speakers, and less pressure to compete with electronic devices the perfect choice for a Valentine Music Lover is the U R the Apple of My Eye: IPod Valentine’s Day Gifts from Altec Lansing.  Their  inMotion Classic Valentine’s Day Package runs $149.95 but it includes a docking station, cover, iTunes card and  a Valentine’s Day Card.

This special Valentine’s Day offer combines the highly praised inMotion Classic with a red hot travel sleeve from Built NY to help protect your equipment. The Valentine’s Day package comes with a $10 iTunes gift card so your sweetie can download the perfect playlist. Beautifully packaged in colorful tissue paper, a gift box with a red ribbon and a card for you to personalize, she’ll totally know instantly that you didn’t wrap this thing.

Porn in The Park . . .or Anywhere!

The super baller item for music lovers this year is  Chinon AVi, Portable iPod™ Speaker System available at www.chinonusa.com. It’s the industry’s first portable iPod™ speaker system/dock with a built-in LCD monitor and digital TV tuner. . .and that’s not cardboard! The AVi  combines an alarm clock, digital picture frame, iPod player, radio, and TV into an all-in-one, compact entertainment system. The AVi couples the iconic frame of a retro boom box with a modern rubberized black finish and silver trim, to capture the nostalgic style of the past, with the technology of today. Retro baby!  Everybody loves retro!  The Avi plays both local TV channels and the contents of an iPod, including music videos, pre-recorded movies, TV shows and videos, images, as well as just music. The AVi can also last up to 3 hours on battery power making it easy to take it on the go!  Add a picnic basket and go!  Buy it at www.chinonusa.com $199.99 here.

To See The Complete List of Valentine’s Gift Guides Click Here!

Valentine’s Day Music Lovers Gifts

Don't laugh . . .Tiesto started on this very model.

She can be a DJ for $120 (And you can borrow it)

No, it’s not a correspondence course.  Sidney Blu, Tracy Young, Lisa Lashes and a host of other break out Spinderellas have been showing us that the ladies can rip it up on the duel decks just as big as the boys.  Have you ever dreamed of your girl leaving you for fortune, fame and a big time club owner?  Now you can make that dream a reality! Check out the duel ipod DJ MIXER from Merkury Innovations. Now you’re not going to rock London’s Ministry of Sound with this thing, but you can certainly rock a dorm room or party, and keep yourself busy mixing for hours!  It’s compact, easily transports, and since the iPods connect natively via the bottom slot, they charge up while you scratch, flange filter and fade the built in effects.   DJ Mixer works with all iPods (except touch and iphones), and includes microphone and headset.  It’s a complete DJ kit in a box, just add music.  Buy it here for only $120.

For $20 It Keeps Your Pocket Fat and Her Ass Skinny.

A lot of people consider Valentine’s Day the candy holiday, but a lot of people are also watching their weight.  besides, if your girl is already close to adding the freshman 15, why contribute the the problem?  That’s where these cool recycled candy package Boom Box and Cube Speakers come in.  Sure it’s basically a pair of speakers mounted in a cardboard box, but it’s a damn cool card board box – whether you go for the cubes or the boom box it’s a fun gift, especially on Valentine’s day with the aforementioned candy angle.  you could do a lot worse this year for $15 for the cubes or $20 on the boom box.  Plus you’re saving the environment . . .and her ass (At least until 28 when gravity starts setting in.)  Available in Skittles, M&M and Gummi Bear.

Spiffy for $15 Bucks.

Now if you’re the type of guy, that dates the type of girl that watches I Love the 80′s on VH1 all day then you might consider these retro stereo headphones from Merkury Innovations which is connected to a standard iPod 3.5mm jack, not the huge pointed thing that looks like an M-16 bullet that used to plug into the old Victrolla.   It’s not quite the same as getting your hands on one of those awesome retro gray brick cell phones, but it’s pretty close, and at $15 bucks it beats a cheap set of M&M Speakers it’s a good deal.  They sort of look like the Michael Jackson Scream video speakers to me – definitely retro-y delicious.  Buy them here for $15.

Arrives Gift Ready Card Included, and Doesn't Die in 2 Weeks Like Roses

If you’re looking for a bit more from your speakers, and you have the “Ear Champagne” pocket to match the perfect choice for a Valentine Music Lover is the U R the Apple of My Eye: IPod Valentine’s Day Gifts from Altec Lansing.  Their  inMotion Classic Valentine’s Day Package runs $149.95 but it includes a docking station, cover, iTunes card and  a Valentine’s Day Card.

This special Valentine’s Day offer combines the highly praised inMotion Classic with a red hot travel sleeve from Built NY to help protect your equipment. The Valentine’s Day package comes with a $10 iTunes gift card so your sweetie can download the perfect playlist. Beautifully packaged in colorful tissue paper, a gift box with a red ribbon and a card for you to personalize, she’ll totally know instantly that you didn’t wrap this thing.

This Thing is Juicy and Delicious. All her dorm room entertainment in a small, borrow-able package.

The super baller item for music lovers this year is  Chinon AVi, Portable iPod™ Speaker System available at www.chinonusa.com. It’s the industry’s first portable iPod™ speaker system/dock with a built-in LCD monitor and digital TV tuner. . .and that’s not cardboard! The AVi  combines an alarm clock, digital picture frame, iPod player, radio, and TV into an all-in-one, compact entertainment system. The AVi couples the iconic frame of a retro boom box with a modern rubberized black finish and silver trim, to capture the nostalgic style of the past, with the technology of today. Retro baby!  Everybody loves retro!  The Avi plays both local TV channels and the contents of an iPod, including music videos, pre-recorded movies, TV shows and videos, images, as well as just music. The AVi can also last up to 3 hours on battery power making it easy to take it on the go!  Add a picnic basket and go!  Buy it at www.chinonusa.com $199.99 here.

To See The Complete List of Valentine’s Gift Guides Click Here!

Valentine’s Mobile Phone & Tech Guide

To Reach Out and Touch Someone -LG Rumor 2
The LG Rumor 2 Virgin Mobile messaging phone manufactured by LG Electronics is available in black titanium, vibrant blue, and orange. It features 4 full lines of keyboard, enabling even the sausage fingered challenged more space for texting.  The music player can hold up to 4,000 songs using the MicroSD chip. A 1.3-megapixel camera lets you make memories and easily upload them directly to Facebook, MySpace, plus you can access your Facebook, MySpace, Flickr and more via Virgin Mobile Connect. Full Bluetooth® capability makes it possible to talk handsfree. . .if you’re sweetheart lives in another state and you happen to need your hands for .  ..er . . . other things.  Buy it here!

When You Need to Use Both Hands Reaching Out and Touching Someone – Plantronics Blue Tooth Headsets

For $100 you’ll have a tough time topping the Plantronics Voyager Pro bluetooth headset. Cyber sex fully hands free without having to hold the phone.  Aside from its’ popularity among the “Cyberati”, the VP is also widely regarded as the most advanced noise-canceling Bluetooth headset available. Two noise-canceling microphones on a boom, AudioIQ technology (adaptive 20-band equalizer), and three layers of WindSmart technology ensure that you hear every word, and that your voice is heard clearly despite the noise around you.  Safe sex never sounded so good.

Now if you want your girl to look a bit different than a T2, the Plantronics Discovery 975 offers a touch of elegance with a minimalist design, simplicity of one-touch controls, and all of the same features regarding talk technology listed above.  Buy it for $130 at the Plantronics site here and also check out the full line of Plantronics products here

When You’re Touching Someone, But Your Battery is Dying – Juicebar
This is where the Juicebar Solar Charger steps in. With twelve connector tips, including a female USB tip and iPod tip, all you have to do is connect your device and sit it in the sun. Rainy days got you down? Dancin’ in the moonlight? Juicebar has your back!  You can also charge the Juicebar’s built-in battery using a USB cable so you can power your devices when there are no outlets around.  At only $50 on the Cable Organizer website here, the Juicebar is only a little more expensive than brand name chargers and is much more versatile.  Buy it here from www.cableorganizer.com.

When You Can’t Quite Reach Out Far Enough to Touch Someone – zPocket by zBoost Cell Phone Charger
The zBoost zPocket YX110 cell phone signal booster was made for travel and increases reception wherever you are.  Trying to make a booty call this valentine’s day but no signal where you are?  No Problem! Simply attach the zBoost to the window and insert your cell phone in the zBoost zPocket and signal strength is amplified. The zBoost zPocket features a 20 inch cord from the base unit to the zPocket.

The dual-band (1850 – 1990MHz (1900 MHz) / 824 – 894 MHz (800 MHz) zBoost zPocket cell phone signal booster is compatible with most wireless carriers (not compatible with Nextel). Use it for Alltel, AT&T, Cricket, T-Mobile, US Cellular, Sprint, Verizon and more.  Also check out their fixed units here.

When You’re Trying to Reach Out and Touch Someone Using Your Neighbors Wi-Fi – Wi-Fire Range Extender
Ready to use right out of the box, the Wi-Fire is a compact, range-extending USB device that enables you to access a wireless Internet connection from up to 1,000 feet away – three times the range of your internal wireless adapter.  Download a movie from your neighbor’s wi-fi – Thank You Mr Acavano. The Wi-Fire draws very little power from your laptop battery. It comes complete with everything you need to connect wirelessly to the Internet. Just install the Wi-Fire Connection Manager, plug the Wi-Fire into an available USB port and you’re ready to start. It can rest on any flat surface, laptop display or flat screen monitor.

See The Whole List of Valentine’s Guides Here.

Valentine’s Day Candy Guide

The Expensive – Godiva

Are you ready to drop $325 on Valentine’s Day Chocolates? (Me Neither!)  The Godiva tower includes a 140 piece gold Ballotin, 18 pc. Truffle Gift Box, 36 pc. Biscuit Gift Box, 27 pc. Dark Chocolate Assortment, 12 pc. Dark Truffle Gift Box, 15 pc. Milk Chocolate Assortment, 8 pc. Gold Ballotin, 4 pc. Truffle Gift Box, 4 pc. Gold Ballotin.  I don’t know what a Ballotin” is either but apparently they’re expensive and weigh quite a bit . . .which your girl may too once she gets through this treat (7 1/2 pounds!)

The Coolest – Dylan’s Candy Bar NYC

Hands down Dylan’s Candy Bar in NYC makes the greatest baskets for every candy lovers occasion.  A+ for presentation, plus Dylan’s in general oozes cool.  Thousands of name brand candies from the latest to the retro greatest.  If you hurry you can probably even get a customized basket with your girls childhood favorites!  Running out of time?  Buy 1 cool candy item and a card at CVS and explain in the card that they rest is being bundled at Dylan’s in NYC right now!  She’ll know you didn’t forget, and understand the wait was worth it when she sees their baskets!  Don’t forget Dylan’s also has candy inspired bath & body products which are the perfect addition to a Valentine’s basket!

Now should you be the total baller, or simply live near enough NYC that you don’t have to rent a jet, why not actually take your girl to Dylan’s for Valentine’s day! (You can also go to these other locations, but we’re biased to the NYC store) The place is the real life Candy Land!  It’s the closest real life will ever come to Charlie and the Chocolate Factory!  If MTV decided to make the Wonka Factory the next “Real World” house – that’s Dylan’s!  It’s more than candy shopping too!  part museum, part candy bar, part cafe and dessert bar; you can spend hours reminiscing old treats and marveling at some of the new stuff.  If that doesn’t get you riled up to visit Dylan’s then listen to this.

The Peanut Butter-y Delicious

Jer’s Five Stack Peanut Butter Lovers Gift Tower with Ribbon
Jer’s Chocolate’s is Calling all PB Chocolate Lovers! Wow, the ultimate “everything” chocolate gift is The Five Stack peanut Butter Tower! It includes all of Jer’s product lines including all flavors of the chocolate covered brittle bites, all 4 flavors of the premium chocolate peanut butter bars and a classic box of chocolates which has 11 varieties.  This tempting 5 box tower includes an assortment of Jer’s original flavors in 1 lb., 4 oz. and 2 oz. beautiful Double Grin gift boxes and the full assortment of Jer’s new bars (8 bars, 4 flavors) and Chocolate Covered Brittle Bites (8 boxes, 4 flavors). And the best part . . .Gift ready!  just open the box and you can start gaining 10 pounds immediately! (They also have gifts under $20,but they’re just not as gluttonous, and we love gluttony almost as much as Lust so for us – it’s the 5 Stack!)

To See The Complete List of Valentine’s Guides Click Here!

Who Dat Win Da Superbowl? Super Bowl T-Shirt Tales.

The Coolest Shirt Idea

Who Dat? Dat Who! Everybody ruled them out. “The Colts are a Better Team”; “Manning is just too good”; “They’re playing way above their level for far too long.”  Even 3 of the 4 broadcasters interviewed in the pregame picked Indianapolis, but one team was playing for their second Superbowl ring and the other was playing for a city rising from the floods.  Who Dat Gonna Be the Superbowl 44 Champions – Dat Who! Buy it here!

The Fleur-De-Lis & Who Dat are Free!

Attorney General Buddy Caldwell said he had a conference call with the NFL’s general counsel to discuss cease-and-desist letters some Louisiana T-shirt makers received from the league. The letters demanded they stop selling shirts featuring the phrase that’s part of a popular cheer by Saints fans, citing trademark infringement.

“They’ve conceded and they’ve said they have no intention of claiming the fleur-de-lis, which would be ridiculous, or the ‘Who Dat,’ which would be equally ridiculous,” Caldwell said in an interview. The fleur-de-lis is a traditional symbol of New Orleans that’s featured on Saints helmets.

The 19-0 Pats Shirts Never Saw Retail

Ever wonder how thousands of shirts hit the street instantly after 9and sometimes even during) the superbowl?  Simple – They actually print two sets.

Yep.  They print shirts by the thousands knowing that half are going to never see the light of retail.   So what happens to the Losers’ t-shirts from Super Bowl XLIV?  This year they’re being donated to people in need in  earthquake-ravaged Haiti.

Last year, Cardinals gear was donated in El Salvador. In 2008, the Patriots’ apparel from Super Bowl XLII, with “19-0″ emblazoned to mark their would-be perfect season, was donated in Nicaragua.

World Vision, which also distributes seized counterfeit NFL merchandise, estimated that donations of Super Bowl losers’ gear is worth about $2 million annually.

Valentine’s Guide: Jewelry & Why Promise Rings Rule

Jewelry is the mother of all Valentine’s gifts, and if you’re dating over a year your girl is definitely expecting. (Hopefully not “Expecting” in the child sense, but definitely in the bling department.)  Now the economy being what it is, you have to stretch a buck, and if you hurry here’s a lot of bling for short money.

Somewhere along the lines a genius realized how to get the ladies to believe that lead crystals are valuable.  This opens up a cadre of under $50 opportunities for guys! This particular red Swarovski crystal heart is accented with a crystal encrusted connector teardrop type thing and hangs on a real silver chain. Very charming, quite elegant, and brings a high probability of gratitude sex forthcoming shortly.  I would say that if the deeds already been done it’s a lock, and for first timers you’re looking at at least 20% . . .so buy five and you’ve got a lock on your hands. Price: $ 41.00 plus S&H Buy it Here

 

VENETIAN STYLE GLASS HEART, RED ON RIBBONS

A bit more “Artsey”, this is a hand-crafted,a Venetian style glass heart with silver foil, enhanced by adding black Swarovsky crystals and a gold filled bail hangs from satin ribbons.  Good eye candy for the buck.

Price: $ 37.00 plus shipping and handling

$36 Dollars? And You say we're in a Recession?

RED HEART AND BLACK BEAD NECKLACE

My personal favorite of the three options we found at Truly Treasure, this heart pendant is on a string of small black beads with hearts in between. It hangs especially cool, sort of off kilter.  We found ourselves mesmerized by it – (well in actually it was hanging on a Miss Coed very er . . .strategically, so that might have had something to do with it – never the less.) I actually challenge you to find something this cool for this cheap.Price: $ 36.00 plus shipping and handling

OK, I found one . . .These Swarovski Crystals are a budget minded boyfriends best friend . . .

Paula Huckabay is an artist, jewelry designer and owner of  www.pacificjewelrydesigns.com.  She has created a Swarovski crystal heart necklace that is quite cool.  Wow, the way this thing shines!   I might buy an extra to take bass fishing. At a glance I was concerned this was going to set me back some serious scratch, but they’re under $40!  That’s an awful lot of sparkle for 40 bucks!  She must have kidnapped some Indonesian kids from Kathy Lee’s Favorite Nike factory.  This  thing     passes as a $100-$150 item any day of the week.

OK so you’re girl hates crystals, no problem – dump her. OH you like her?  OK then buy her one of these very Tiffany looking Lia Sophia Bracelets or Necklaces.  These are engravible, which is going to earn you huge romance points, but since you need some time to run to an engraver you better more on these prontissimo -  Both are silver chains with a heart charm and it’s such a classic item that it works for just about any girl out there. 8″ bracelet with a large lobster claw clasp. $52.00 while the necklace is an 18″ necklace is toggle style. Price: $98.00.  The website is in flash so we couldn’t grab the images for you, but click through – they’re a great choice.

Emergency.  It’s Saturday (or Sunday . . .dude come on) and you forgot Valentine’s Day!  You’re going to be n the doghouse or you’re going to think quick. Here’s the life saver.  Everyone lives somewhere near a Kohl’s and they have a silver floating heart pendant on a sterling silver chain for $30 that can get you out of a jam.  The truth is you should just buy one of these and keep it hidden for emergencies regardless!  It’s dainty sweet and simple – that’s Venusian for cheap and easy .  jump on it off their website here, or run out and grab 2-3 so you have them as the needs arise.

Finally I get to the bane of the idiot man’s existence – The Promise Ring.  Let’s immediately define the promise, because Disney’s whole BS story about it’s a promise to remain a virgin is utter nonsense.  The promise is that “This is Going Somewhere.”  It’s not we’re getting married, it’s not even we’re getting engaged!  It’s “I’m not playing you, I really care, and  if I just got sentenced to 10-15 and my lawyer said that unless I’m married I can’t have conjugal visits, YOU  would be the lucky girl.” Here’s the best part though, it’s backed up by exactly the value of the ring!  Yep, your full downside for breaking this promise is the cost of the ring, which www.myjewelrybox.com is more than happy to minimize for you!  You can shop/sort gifts by “Price”.  There are three buttons, (big as the numbers on one of those phones for old people), right on the homepage – Under $50, Under $100 and Under $200.

A promise? NP!

Now promise rings are about as masculine as the Jonas Brothers drinking Cosmos at a Boy George concert, but in concept they’re a winner. Girls love them because it makes them feel less guilty about performing unspeakable acts.  There’s something about “A Promise”, even one as empty as a $128.88 ring, that makes her girlfriends nod in full agreement at rationalizations like, “but only with him” and “Sure it stings when it gets in your eyes, but we’re going to be together forever, so I’m OK with it.”

They offer free shipping on any order over 50 bucks, every gift is wrapped and ready, and best of all, I don’t have to be “Buzzed” into the store as if it’s my latest weekend stay at county.

Need More VD Ideas (That’s Valentine’s Day to the guy that emailed “Yes, How do I get rid of it” – gross.)

Check out the complete list of Valentine’s Gift Guides Here, and if you’re confused as to what your girl deserves based upon the time you’ve been together, just click here!

 

 

Weird – No Really Weird Valentine’s Day Gifts

Gifts on Valentine’s Day convey love, affection, romance, desire, seduction . . .while some just say. “Eeeew Gross” or “Hmm, I think I’m dating a Serial Killer.”

We were seriously pitched everyone of these items as an awesome Valentine’s Gift.  As the crazy pile got higher we began to think we were the nutty ones for not telling you guys about this stuff.  So we gathered up the wildest and weirdest from across the web, and our “Stuff we pay interns with” closet and made this list!  Relax, there’s still time to say, “I love you” or if you’re into the items on this list, “I love you, and I hope you like weird, kinky odd, domesticated  stuff.”

Hear that beating? That's what single sounds like.

From the “That’s Very Nerdy Department” –

Anatomically Correct Plush Beating Heart

This Plush Beating Heart from ThinkGeek ($17.99) looks like the perfect way to creep out your significant other. With a simple shake the heart will start beating and pulsating just like the real thing, joy!  If you give it to your girl expect either a) she thinks it’s cool because she’s as big a book worm as you, or b) she’s be in someone elses anatomically correct pants before the clock strikes 12 . . .noon!

Conceptually cool, but sticky, messy and assy in the end - pun intended

From the “I think I have a hair in my Throat Department”

Candy G String and Bra Bikini

Yep.  It’s sticky and melts with sweat, gets sugar everywhere and let’s not even get into the concept of the actual “string” part being called edible.  You had better reeeaaaalllyy like the that you get a candy G String.  This is one of those items that really “ideas” much better than it executes.  Proceed with caution unless you love the taste of copper pennies (Google it.) Amazon $28.

From the “I Love You so Much I Think You should Be a Porn Star Department

YOU TUBE!!?!? I thought he loved me.

Yoostar Movie Studio

Imagine you love a girl so much, and that you think so much of her that you feel she should be “Shared with the whole world.”  That’s where Yoostar™ comes in, “The revolutionary new entertainment system that lets YOO star in scenes from movies” – well er, HER and YOO from the neck down. The Yoostar Entertainment System gives you everything you need (minus the soon to be very remorseful slut) to turn your home into a movie /porn studio — studio-grade web cam, portable green screen and stand, wireless remote, Yoostar software for your PC (Mac version coming soon), plus 12 movie scenes and 2 bonus scenes to start.   Years of therapy and legal wrangling to get your videos off the net before your kid turns 10 not included.  Amazon $135.

The Force is Strong in this One.

From the “Bitch Get in the Kitchen and Bake Me a Pie” Department

Valentine’s Day Red Sunbeam 2349 Heritage Series Stand Mixer

Buying a vacuum cleaner on an anniversary is one thing, and we all know what happened in father of the bride when Steve Martin’s (mannish) daughter received a blender as a wedding gift from her half a homo fiance’, but the ultimate in Pimp Hand move is trying to pass off a Kitchen device as a Valentine’s Day gift just because it’s red.  Dude I dare you – seriously – to give your girl a Sunbeam 2349 Heritage Series Stand Mixer this Valentine’s Day with a straight face.  But be warned, if you actually get a pie out of the deal as well and you DON’T teach us how to us the force like the Jedi Pimp that you are, you’re a complete douchebag.  Share bro.  Didn’t you learn anything from the Porn guy above? Amazon $150

Of course if none of these work, and you’re a total pimp you could just surprise her with a sweet Valentine’s Day threesome with her best friend or sister.  This might help with that idea.

Want to give your girl one of these Weird Choices?  Email us at Editor@team coed.com.  Somebody’s gotta take this stuff home, and it ain’t going to be me (Oh!, and I accept bribes in the form of cash, check, Paypal or naked pictures of your girl.)

Click here to see the whole Enchilada of Valentine’s Gifts From the Sexy & Sublime to the Ridiculous.

Morena Baccarin is a Tease.

I’m not complaining!  I’ll take whatever I can get from any luscious alien dime-piece, but does the girl have to leave me hanging for five months, until March 2010?

After a successful four episode run in November 2009, fans were left wanting something a bit more . . .satisfying.  So the Sci-Fi series “V” will finally – ahem, “Put Out” returning in March 2010 after an exhausting five month hiatus.  Sheesh . . . 5 months!  This is starting to sound just like one of my real life relationships.

The story of V is familiar to anyone reading (or in my case writing) this from their Mom’s basement, but for those with a life outside of World of Warcraft – Alien ships appear over major cities throughout Earth, and the quite perfect looking inhabitants – known as Visitors – launch a politically subversive campaign to take over the Big Blue Marble. Oh!  And did I mention that their leader –Anna – is super hot, played by aforementioned tease, Firefly alum and voice of Black Canary (JLA Unlimited) Morena Baccarin.  Yum.

Some critics have been skeptical of the series for having a formulaic brand of storytelling. To them I say. “Are you gay?” (As Seinfeld would say, “Not that there’s anything wrong with that”) Because I haven’t seen aliens this sexy since Kirk “partook” of the Jolly Green Giant’s daughter.   Audiences so far, myself included, love the show.  It ranked second in its timeslot, which is great news for Sci Fi fans thinking about jumping on board because nothing sucks more than getting invested only to have the series canceled mid storyline (Hey NBC, you suck for canceling Journeyman!  We were left totally hanging you heartless douchbags).

Another note that critics have been trumpeting is that the series seems to be allegorical to the Obama campaign. They cite the use of “Hope” and “Change,” as well as the promises of free health care, and perhaps most importantly their overwhelming desire to see both leaders without their respective shirts on. Although, their strongest piece of circumstantial evidence is perhaps the premiere of the show coinciding with the anniversary of President Obama’s election.  The show’s creators argue it’s coincidental.  “Coincidental”, my achin’ ass. Sack up, and admit you borrowed as much as you could from real events – art imitates life, and you ran with it.  There’s nothing wrong with that, except ducking the truth of the source material.

The four episodes of V:The Mini Series that premiered in 2009 can be seen here, while a preview to the upcoming series and other cool stuff is available at the V website here.    Sadly, no real life pictures exist of Morena Baccarin in her Black Canary uniform, but hey –  a guy can dream.

Damn, Black Canary , I bet she’s a screamer.

The Sun Never Sets on the Ed Hardy Empire

Of course one day soon Ed Hardy will be thought of as Cavaricci, two tones, and parachute pants. . .But whats the hurry Christian?

Determined to have his name on every single item I own, Ed Hardy has teamed up with Crystal Icing, maker of “Custom Luxury Accessories to the Stars”, to bring you a full line of iphone and Blackberry faceplates.

Ed Hardy Black Label is Crystal Ice’s “Total Baller” super premium version.  Black Labels are Swarovski Crystal Encrusted and will set you back $800, but their new line is a bit more, “Baller in Training” priced at just under $30.  They’re available at Office Depot and ULTA stores throughout the U.S. (which makes them particularly easy to quietly add to the monthly office supply order at work) or online at www.officedepot.com .

Meanwhile, the more Celebrity style oriented “Ed Hardy Black Label” covers are available at the Crystal ice Website www.crystalicing.com .

Now of course we all know where these “Super Trends” eventually wind up – (Remember Cavaricci’s?)  However, there’s no denying Ed’s artwork, which has held up over 40 years (he’s been tattooing since the sixties).  Hopefully, Hardy’s lifework can lend a legitimacy to the brand which will help it remain relevant.  Time will tell.

Jennifer Aniston’s “Secret” Photo Shoot

Are Monica and Phoebe Joining you today . . .because if so, I'll need to grab another battery

Jennifer Aniston’s “secret” Photo Shoot – So secret she didn’t even know she was in it! Now if I could only get a “Secret Sex Tape” with her (and me)

I'm going to murder that man for this.

You know Jay-Z’s “Empire State of Mind” . . .but have you seen this Jew-Z’s Forest Hills State of Mind!?!?  This is a must see – especially if you’re from the NYC outer boroughs.

Not doing so well with the ladies?  You can always just buy a Sex Robot and rape technology . . .and your bank account.

From the “NEVER MARRY THAT BITCH” Department.  If your girl does this, do her sister and best friend immediately! (Send us the video and pictures too.  Send to Editor@teamcoed.com)

Could Ricardo Montalban be any cooler than in this classic 1976 Chrysler Cordoba commercial, “Rrrich korINTHium Lehder” – just awesome.  Damn I miss Khan.  Couldn’t God have just taken a few red shirts or Steven Seagal instead?  (Isn’t that the rule?)

Ultimate Ibiza: Coed Invading Ibiza AGAIN in 2010

Get on Hiroshi's VIP list! See the Directions at the End.

We”re Going To Ibiza!” Yes, it’s back to Ibiza for Coed Magazine in 2010!

Are you ready for the ultimate Party vacation?! Ibiza is life changing, a religious experience – it’s like Mecca for “Househeads”.  Newbies start talking about their next trip back before leaving the island, while for Ibiza Alumni it’s impossible to walk into a hotspot anywhere else in the world the same way again – ever.

Nobody goes to Ibiza to sit still.  Arrive well rested because you’re about to experience the hottest day and nightlife in the world.  Ibiza is like a genie – a sexy, submissive, scantily clad genie at your beck and call.  Your wish is her command and she lives solely to make your craziest dreams and wildest fantasies a bass thumping, fist pumping reality.

Never been . . .read on

The mild weather is warm and comfortable throughout the season but expect to see some of the hottest women anywhere on the planet, and like the island itself they’re so ripe and in season. Polish your game, shape up and dress your best – it’s Wabbit Season. Whether your daytime is a wild day party or snoozing and relaxing at the legendary Café Del Mar meeting new friends is a given.  So can couples visit Ibiza?

Don’t let your idiot friend persuade you with that moronic, “Sand to the Beach” nonsense (he’s not staying single for the chicks, he’s a closet half fag watching the wrong partner during internet porn – Jim you’re supposed to imagine you’re getting the head, not giving it.)  Bringing a girlfriend is actually a fantastic idea (a girlfriend that you’re already strongly “Involved” with sexually – do not bring an “If”.  We’re not in the “I hope” business!  If you’re unsure, bring her for a coffee – not a $5,000 vacation – dude I’m effin serious.  Do not discount this advice). The vibe on the island is peace and love and you will have no issues bringing your girl to the wild parties in the clubs.  In addition, the island oozes sexuality, and a savvy player can cultivate the mix of sexy, party, sun and alcohol into a game raising sexual experience for all.  The pomp & circumstance that accompanied the hour long romp with my girl was akin to an Olympic ceremony – I swear I even heard that music they play as they raise the banners (btw -I gave her the Gold, and I’m considering the Winter Olympics in Aspen).

Sunset at the Lengendary Cafe Del Mar Makes Me Hear Angels Cry.

After a long day at the beach you’ll have plenty of time to recharge your batteries because dinner is around midnight and the clubs start pumping at 2:00 AM, but of course you could get there earlier if your over anxious. Where you’re heading depends mostly upon which night of the week it is  Check out Ministry of Sounds Ibiza Iphone app – we found it awesome. Btw – An iphone, TomTom or something GPS is a great idea as the locals tend to give directions like, “Go down that road for 15 minutes and turn left at a big tree.”

House Music is Everywhere

For househeads the island is Shangri-La.  Everywhere you turn you’ll hear either mellow jazzy house grooves or chest pounding, bone shaking bass. Over a season expect to see every significant member of house music royalty visit the island, many of whom will have complete season residencies.  Furthermore, they come to Ibiza as if they’re playing in the “Big Game” so you don’t get a phoned in set at a standard venue that scraped together a few shekels to finally bring in some talent.   The superstars come here to throw it down! It’s quite common that the sets they unfold in Ibiza over the summer are the originals that will be become the toned downed club sets played on tour the other 9 months of the year.

Amazing, what further punctuates the atmosphere for the members of the cult of funk is that house music is everywhere.  Cabs, restaurants, shops, rental cars, hotels – they play it on the bus – which incidentally is called the “Disco Bus.”  I told you, Heaven for househeads.

Into the Night

Superclubs abound!  A veritable pantheon of nightclub legends, you’d need a time machine to see more super clubs than a trip to Ibiza.  Amnesia, Space, Jet, Es Paradis’, Eden, Privelidge – your cup runneth over!

Superclub Es Paradis’ It Actually Rains in this Club during their “Fiesta Del Agua” Party

What you can expect once inside the clubs depends upon your pocket and your attitude toward the natives.  Either one can get you some extra attention, but if your bring both you’re going to live large.  Shaking hands and kissing babies with everyone we met day and night yielded free drink passes, free admissions, 2 for 1s and valuable inside info on various venues.  The waiters in the small café’s and the small shop keeper were particularly helpful (one going so far as to give us the name of his friend that worked the door at Es Paradis’ which saved us an hour wait line!)

Club entry fees will run you $30 euro to $150 euro for a major event at one of the superclubs.  Drinks aren’t cheap in the big clubs either with beers running around 12 Euro and cocktails can go to 19e.  Prices for VIP areas such as reserved seating and table service might be higher on a per drink basis, but the move is Bottle Service.  You’ll get right in, get a table with a semi-private area, have enough booze to film three girls gone wild videos and the room to stretch out like Rick James on Eddie Murphy’s couch.  As Ferris Bueller says, “If you have the means, I recommend it.”

Pacha – Ibiaza’s Original

Pacha is where it all began and is considered to be the foremost club and party place.

The Main Room in Pacha is Spiritual Journey for Househeads

This is where the Masters throw down!  Mr. “F*** Me I’m Famous” himself spins here.  So does, the incredible duo of Dubfire and Sharam known as Deep Dish, Frankie Knuckles, and a list of DJ dignitaries too long to continue. , as well as 7 different theme nights with different themes. Three visits to Pacha on our last trip yielded two entirely different set ups inside (apparently they have movable /reposition-able interior walls – or maybe I was just too wrecked to realize WTF was going on – who knows).

It doesn’t end with Pacha though.   Space, Amnesia and Es Paradis’ are huge super clubs with thousands of revelers on any given night in season. I also recommend DC10 and of course Privilege is an absolute must.

Who’s Coming With Me?

I leave you now with my version of the Gladiator speech in a a modest attempt (however feeble) to build the Coed Army, with which to take Ibiza (and a few other places) by storm.  We’ve always got something to give away around here (Ahem . . .This is a Vacation article – hint hint), so send me your email and contact info and sooner or later I’ll hit you up with some free swag, VIP Invites or other tchotchke, bric-a-brac, knick knack item.  Brothers, Strength & Honor.

Who’s Coming With Me?

I leave you now with my version of the Gladiator speech in a a modest attempt (however feeble) to build the Coed Army, with which to take Ibiza (and a few other places) by storm.  We’ve always got something to give away around here (Ahem . . .This is a Vacation article – hint hint), so send me your email and contact info and sooner or later I’ll hit you up with some free swag, VIP Invites or other tchotchke, bric-a-brac, knick knack item.  Brothers, Strength & Honor.

What We Do In Ibiza, Echoes in Eternity.

Five months from now, I will be in Ibiza.

Imagine where you will be, and it will be so.

Hold the line! Stay with me!

If you find yourself alone… riding in green fields

with the sun on your face… do not be troubled.

For you are in The Cafe Del Mar,

and you’re already drunk!

Brothers, what we do in Ibiza…

. . .echoes in eternity.

Now whose coming with me?

To Get on Hiroshi’s VIP and Goody List send an email to GrooveRobot@teamcoed.com

Make sure you include your Email address in the mail full name, full address, age and phone, in that order on separate lines .

2010′s Ten Adventures for Trust Fund Babies

LONDON, January 2010 — “Staring down into the smoldering eyes of a tiger from the back of an elephant in India’s Kanha National Park” has been selected as the world’s greatest travel adventure by a jury of the United Kingdom’s top explorers, adventurers and award-winning writers.  Apparently none of whom had the sensibilities of a proper millionaire adventurer such as Tony Stark for example, our hero whose idea of Safari is a nightclub loaded with Maxim Models and “Pile Ons” with all of last month’s Miss Coeds.

I mean . . .er . . .What the hell are we talking about here?

For the past two months, travel luminaries including Lonely Planet founder Tony Wheeler, explorer Benedict Allen and broadcaster Simon Calder have been assessing the most intense adventures on the planet.  And the chance of getting close to a tiger in the wild – while such a possibility still exists – was judged to be even more thrilling than skiing down a live volcano on the Japanese island of Hokkaido or diving with hammerhead sharks in the Galapagos.  What was #11? “Throwing yourself in a wood chipper feet First.”

Why would anyone travel to a place where there was less women and no booze!?!  I’m very scared and confused.

Another wildlife experience – an encounter with mountain gorillas in Rwanda – took fourth place, just ahead of two great hikes that shared fifth spot: the Inca Trail to Machu Picchu in Peru, and the Larrapinta Trail in Australia’s Northern Territory.  So counting . . . these rich guys are finding going for a couple of walks, and staring lovingly into the eyes of animals that think they’re staring back at lunch, exciting . . .sheessh. How about an encounter between “my boys ” and stunning Miss Coed Jennifer Anders?  Now that’s what I call an adventure.

“The ultimate railway adventure,” Russia’s Trans-Siberian, took seventh place, just ahead of hot-air ballooning over Tanzania’s Serengeti. Ok, hot air ballooning we get – IF we’re talking with hot chicks and alcohol.  However, you know damn well that these guys threw a mile high “Sausage party”, where the goal was certainly not to film the next installment of MILF Hunter, and more likely to photograph crap on the ground from the sky.  Who needs it?  We have Google maps, but what we don’t have is enough porn (It’s like being too jacked up, or having too much cash, or “strange tail” – It ain’t possible), so strike 6.

A hike through the Indian Ocean island of Madagascar took ninth position, but hasn’t Pixar said all there is to say about that? South America’s third appearance completed the top 10: exploring the wildlife of Brazil’s Pantanal. Mistake!  They should have explored the “Wild Life” of Carni’val where I hear those women are fully shaved, and – “Brazilian Jeans!”  Imagine a culture with such perfectly round, plump cans that they require their own cut of jeans.  I’m living in the wrong country (actually they just voted France #1 for real – check it out and F the French).

Simon Calder said: “Whatever tribulations the economy may deliver, the British spirit of adventure is alive and well. Travelers are turning their backs on the beach and going to extremes to satisfy a craving for adrenalin-fueled experiences.”

We say, “Dude, are you gay?”  Not that there’s anything wrong with that . . .just tying to follow your logic, because for our money it ain’t a party until I’m drunk and the opposite sex is naked, but if you’re having the same fun with all sticks and no bushes, then I understand.  You do you brother.

Now for my fellow strange tuna lovers, for my money this is a party!!  Book it.  See you there.

Do You Believe France is World’s Best Place to Live?? United States Drops to #7!?!

Ernest Hemingway did it. So did Julia Child , Benjamin Franklin, Thomas Jefferson, Johnny Depp, Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, and Roman Polanski, who found it a wonderful place to hide from American authorities for 30 years to avoid trial for raping a child.

These famous Americans and one accused rapist, all found the “good life” in France, and, so are many other less-famous and non accused rapist Americans.  The “bon vivant” that France offers has led to its # 1 ranking as the best place in the world to live. That’s according to International Living magazine, which has been analyzing data and publishing its annual Quality of Life Index for 30 years now.  Although we’re sure if Fugitives Monthly Magazine did a survey, in light of Polanski’s success, they would find France equally as wonderful as International Living.

For the fifth year running, says publisher Jackie Flynn, France has again earned the top spot as the best place in the world to live.

“In France, life is savored,” says Flynn. “I don’t think anyone will argue that France is one of the most beautiful countries in the world, where there is so much pride in all the small details. The French love little window boxes filled with flowers, tidy gardens, pretty sidewalk cafes, and clean streets. Cities are well tended and with little crime.”

Nope.  Nor would we argue that some french chicks are pretty hot, and surprisingly easy.  However we would argue that they’d be speaking German if it was for good old number #7, so neither the French or International living better rub it in.

This year once again, says Flynn, all the number-crunching, rating, and ranking landed France at the top of the Index. France scores high marks across the board, from health care (100 points) to infrastructure (92 points) to its safety rating (100 points). But the main appeal of living in France, she says, is arguably its overall lifestyle. (It scores 81 points in the Culture and Leisure category.)

Following France in the number one spot are Australia (#2), Switzerland (#3), Germany (#4), New Zealand (#5), Luxembourg (#6), the U.S. (#7), Belgium (#8), Canada (#9), and Italy (#10). . .and boy are the italians pissed.  between this and Jersey Shore the Italians heads are ready to explode.  Poor Italians. First Joey Buttafuco, then Jersey Shore, now this.  It’s just awful.

Why did the U.S. fall from its rank at number three last year to number seven this year?

Because you’re an anti American tool that has no appreciation for what you have here??

“Although the U.S. remains in the top 10,” says Flynn, “We can’t ignore the state of its economy. In this category, the U.S. scored 67 points in 2010 up from 57 last year but it’s still mired in recession, and in sector after sector the cost of sustaining the ‘American Dream’ has escalated out of the reach of many. The U.S. remains an excellent place to live, especially in terms of convenience, but it’s generally more expensive to live there now than it has been in years past.”

Ok . . .but I was close.  Viva America!

For information about how the rankings were determined and an overview of the countries on the top ten list, go to: www.internationalliving.com/qofl2010

Cell Phone Super Stylin’ with the Nokia 7795 Twist

A+ on style. Expect a lot of, "hey is that your phone? Let me see that"

The Twist is only 2.75 Square. Pretty Spiffy.

From the “One of the Coolest Phones We’ve Received around Here in a Dogs Year” Department, the Nokia 7705 twist is a 2.75 square –yep square – that weighs in at 3.44 ounces.  If “Size Matters” (and my girlfriend assures me it doesn’t) this is a great choice of handset.  Option 2 is you could make your own version of the Nokia Twist by snapping your iphone over your knee into 2 (semi) equal parts and hope for the best.  The best place to get it is Verizon Wireless, where it’ll run you $99.99 with a $50 rebate, or for a new two year activation $49!  Either way a bargain because the phone sells on the net for upwards of $225 without a contract, and was sold out in at least two of the outlets we tried.

This phone is hot.  It’s rare that you take out a cell phone these days and friends ask to see and touch it (You see with your eyes, not what your hands . . .oh –er . . .You’re blind?  Sorry.  Here you go.  My bad.)  People were fascinated with the early razors, grabbing them and holding them eye level examining the thin profile.   Obviously the iphone still attracts gawkers that insist on running their fingers across the touch screen.  The Twist causes the same reaction – people love to touch the damn thing.

2.71 x 2.71 x 0.59 inches (69 x 69 x 15 mm) Size Does Matter . . .she lied to me!

So besides attention, (which is enough for me to carry an anvil around, let alone this tiny bugger), you get a full color display and a keyboard that you can actually work with two hands, despite the fact that the letters share real estate with the number keys.  In another cool twist there’s a hole in the corner of the phone as a pivot point – almost making the phone look like a keychain.  However, the “contact ring” as they call it lights up various colors when a person in your 1,000 contact phone book calls.

The big surprise for me was that the Twist’s camera has a flash.  Everybody takes video these days, MP3 Player – relatively standard, blue tooth – old hat, but to find a phone this tiny and stylish that can actually take a decent photo indoors was a very pleasant surprise.  That at least one more thing that the twist can do that an iphone can’t!

The best place to get it is Verizon Wireless, where it’ll run you $99.99 with a $50 rebate, or for a new two year activation $49!  Either way a bargain because the phone sells on the net for upwards of $225 without a contract, and was sold out in both of the online outlets we tried.