10 Most Popular Male Fantasies

Almost every single guy in the world has completely unrealistic fantasies that will most likely never happen. Whether they originate from pop culture, Halloween parties, or our high exposure to NSFW material is a complete and utter mystery.  But it doesn’t stop us from spending a crazy amount of time hoping and praying that we’ll one day be able to live out these fantasies.

1. The Naughty Nurse – Although our ideas about nurses tend to be wildly inaccurate, few things seem as pleasing as a hot girl in a slutty uniform “treating” us when we get “hurt.” Just when you’re about to regret jumping off the roof into a swimming pool, she bends over to give as a better look…ahem…take our temperature. Where does this fantasy come from?  Who cares? (but the porn industry is a good guess).  Typing plain “nurse” into Google Images gives you at least half naughty nurses, and there’s probably something wrong with that.  But who’s complaining?

2.  The Sexy Schoolgirl – It’s easy to daydream through a boring lecture.  It’s even easier to imagine a plaid skirt and heels on that girl two desks to the left of you.   If only one day you didn’t have to imagine.  She has those messy pigtails draped over her white blouse that only has one button.  Eying you all class, she suggestively licks her pencil and makes it disappear in her cleavage.  She passes you a note and wants to meet after class.  Shoot, daydreaming again!

3.  Scoring on the Job – In the heat of your mundane cubicle job (the one you were trying to avoid by going to college, HA!), you realize yet again that your work for the day won’t last all eight hours.  You don’t even have to conjure up a solution because you’ve already got one in mind that involves the secretary and some lube.  Funny thing is, this fantasy doesn’t even require you to leave the office –  shagging atop a copier is risky, but that’s what makes it so sexy.  And just maybe your 20-something female boss will catch you and administer some “discipline” (oh yeah!).

4.  Domination – As men, we get tired of being the initiator in bed, and breaking that routine is a plus.  There is something irrevocably sexy about being controlled by a woman.  The whip, leather, and gag are optional, but at least tie us up.   Just once, we’d love to be forced onto the sheets after we unknowingly walk intro the bedroom.  The female domination fantasy is shared by many women (as I’m sure you can imagine), so it actually isn’t such a stretch.

5. One-Night Stand - Why do guys go to bars, pay unreasonably high covers, and buy overpriced drinks while girls get it all for free?  A chance at a one-night stand!  Sex with no strings attached is awesome; it’s pure bliss.  She’s a sexy stranger who doesn’t know any of your friends (including your girlfriend), so you’re the only one who has to keep your mouth shut.  You don’t know what to expect in the sack, and that bit of mystery is a surefire turn on.  It’s also a big ego-booster if you can pull it off.

6.  The French Maid – Housekeeping!  There’s just something about this outfit that’s super hot — maybe it’s the lacy stockings, maybe it’s the short skirt, maybe it’s the thought that she will clean the toilet.  Whatever it is, it makes our day.  Your maid lightly wafts her duster over the shelves with such innocence.  When she gets to the bottom one, you can see where her stockings end.  She timidly asks what else you’d like her to do next, as if she doesn’t know.  And that’s basically where the innocence ends.

7. The Sexy Cop – Getting pulled over sucks, and getting a ticket is a lot worse.  And it’s always for some B.S. you didn’t do, right?  A young, sexy female cop would suddenly make this encounter worthwhile.  When she generously sways her hips in the strut up to your window with that ticket pad in hand, you know she’s got the power to make your day awesome or totally suck.  It seems like she tries to draw the crazed animal out of you with her shiny lipstick and carelessly buttoned shirt, but your social conscience knows she’s expecting your hopeless attempt to flirt your way out of a ticket.  Is she writing her phone number for me? Nope.

8.  Bad Santa - Ho ho ho!  Maybe when we were little an RC car was an awesome present.  But now we’re grown men and all we want for Christmas is sex.  Finding this Claus slut under the tree is definitely a seasonal turn on, and maybe a little morning fun to fit tradition wouldn’t be so bad either.  This will surely make the excitement of Christmas morning last. Candy canes will be sucked and ornaments fondled.

9.  Midair Mingling – You’re on a four-hour flight for some “mandatory” business meeting, and you’ve got absolutely nothing to do.  You already read through the sky catalog, sky magazine, and the airline safety pamphlet and that only took you 15 minutes.  Wouldn’t you just love it if the meal service came with dessert?  Most times the flight attendant will hand you a minuscule package of those lame wafers.  But this time, a young sexed-up stewardess leads you to the lavatory.  Her job puts a lot of stress on her, and she’s feeling horny too. You get to score 10,000 feet above the ground in two cubic feet of space!

10.  Threesome! – You were expecting this one on the list somewhere.  This is the kind of threesome that pairs you and two exceedingly hot chicks for all night fun.  Your girlfriend suddenly getting the urge to not only have sex, but also invite her hot friend to take part in the action has always been a product of the male mind.  The girlfriend keeps you cool and confident, while her friend makes it all exotic and feel a bit forbidden.  Plus, you’ve got two girls competing over your body — when else has that ever happened?!

5 Women You Should Never Hit On

When it comes to the world of flirtation, anything seems fair game.  However, it’s important to be selective when searching for a mate.  Approaching a girl expends valuable resources that you don’t need to be throwing into a fire.  So how do you know if the chick you’re thinking about is worth it?   Here’s five women you should avoid for your own safety and sanity:

1.  The die-hard feminist – This one just isn’t worth it.  She could have the nicest body you’ve ever seen and this STILL wouldn’t be worth it.  It’s pretty hard to see these from a distance unless you’re at a rally, but there’s a few signs that show pretty quickly when you start talking to her.  First, she’ll talk down to you because she thinks you are an inferior being.  Second, she frequently makes hasty generalizations about males in general, and manages to put a negative spin on everything you say.  Finally, she’ll probably spend the majority of your time together telling you why she doesn’t have to shave.

2.  Your roommate’s mom – So your roommate’s parents are in town this weekend stocking up his refrigerator and spoiling him silly.  When you see his mom, stupid comes flying out of your mouth: “Dude, why didn’t you tell me you had a hot sister?!”  It’s all downhill from here, bro.  You are unusually chatty with the MILF, and your roommate starts noticing.  He’s giving you glares all weekend while you vainly try to sweet talk his mom.  You should probably realize two things: she’s not going to bang you and your roommate will hold a grudge the rest of the year.

3.  Your friend’s sister - Come on man, have some decency.  Hitting on your buddy’s sister is a straight road to interpersonal conflict, especially if you’ve known this friend for a long time.  First of all, your friend will feel used and probably never trust you again.  Everyone else in his family will think you’re a conniving creeper.  Things will not work out with the sis, leaving the original friendship unapproachable.  Trying to woo a female friend’s sister is even more frowned upon, and could destroy your player reputation very quickly.

4.  The ex – Ah, the ex.  Whether she broke it or you did, the ex is a huge mistake.  Once she’s an ex, she might realize just how cool it was having you around after all.  Or she remembers how awesome it was to live off of your money.  Either way, she’s got incentive to get you back, and she won’t stop at anything.  Next you’ll get a call from her where she sobs about how stupid she was to let you go.  You must hold firm — she’s trying to break you.  The simplest solution here is to remove her from your life.  None of that lets-just-be-friends B.S., because you’ve learned from your mistakes and are ready to move on to better things.

5.  Your co-worker – Sure, there are lots of temptations at work, from the sexy secretary to the smokin’ hot college grads your boss is always hiring.  But if you value your job, you should avoid relationships with your co-workers.  Not only does it increase your chances of getting fired tenfold, but imagine what would happen if you broke up.  Your feelings for your ex would start to rub off on your job.  You would dread coming to the office and tensions would rise.  Your boss eventually figures out what’s wrong with the two of you and fires you both.  Unemployment sucks.

5 Things Women Wear That Men Hate

There’s more than one reason we love to see women naked. Sure it’s easy on the eyes, but it also saves us from having to stare at some of the most horrific fashion to ever be worn.  We’re talking clothes so ugly that we can’t focus on anything except taking them off…and running to the nearest bonfire to burn them. Disclaimer: Always remember to keep a simple rule in mind: if a girl asks “does this look good on me?,” say “of course!” This rule operates independently from your opinions.

1. Crocs – First and foremost, these look ridiculous unless you’re a toddler.  They come in a wide assortment of nauseating colors, such as ‘Lime,’ ‘Dahlia,’ ‘Sky,’ ‘Pearl,’ and ‘Chocolate.’  Made of plastic, Crocs are extremely conducive to putrid foot odors.  Don’t worry, these are conveniently unisex, threatening both femininity and manhood.  Usually people wear these to “just relax,” making them distastefully popular on college campuses.

2.  Wedges – Another example of footwear that can ruin a good mood. Like Crocs, their disturbing presence attracts your eyes like a streak of mustard across her face.  Maybe I’m drawing broad conclusions, but it seems like wedges always come with an attitude.   Of course, we’ll never really know if wedges make her moody or if moody girls wear wedges.

3. Babydoll Dress -  This thing is called a “babydoll.”  Girls seem to think these are sexy, but we don’t know why.  Yea baby, it’s short, but are you expecting or something?  It does absolutely nothing for a girl’s curves except hide them under flowy material.  We’re all for being discrete, but come on, no one wants to hook up with someone who chooses to wear something with the word baby in it.

4. One-Piece Suit-   Ah, the one-piece.  Risque in days past, this swimsuit now bows down  to the bikini.  It’s heartbreaking to see college girls with tight stomachs and luscious busts wearing one of these.  It just doesn’t really make any sense.  Maybe it’s that they don’t want any attention. But they don’t realize that  a one-piece will give them attention — but the absolutely wrong kind. They transform any hot girl into a frazzled soccer mom who came to the beach in a minivan.

5. Oversized Clothing -   Save the worst for last.  Do any of us know what to call these?  “Really, really baggy shirts reminiscent of 90s tall-tees” should work.  Like the babydoll, these hide her body definition and turn her into a walking square. And unless you’re the kinda guy who gets turned on by right angles, this probably won’t do it for you.   She might as well tape a pillow case to her neck and save the fifty spot.  They seem to be associated with indie culture, so if she listens to Modest Mouse or tries to get you to wear skinny jeans, she probably has one of these in store for you.

5 Ways to Get Her to Watch (And Enjoy) Action Flicks

For some unknown reason, most girls have some kind of aversion to watching manly movies.  Likewise, we manly men are fatally allergic to chick flicks — especially if it involves wedding escapades and teary sex scenes. Forget spending one more night watching Bride Wars or Miss Congeniality 5 and instead try convincing your favorite lady to watch one of your movies for once. Having trouble getting her to hand over the remote? Here are five ways to get her reconsider.

1.  If she’s reasonable, there’s always the “I watched 13 going on 30, now you have to watch Rambo with me.”  Of course, there’s drawbacks to the reciprocity approach.  Even if you kept your criticisms to yourself while watching her movies, she’s likely to point out how “unrealistic” it is that Rambo can “dispose of the entire Vietnamese army from the seat of a helicopter.”

2.  There are some girls out there who enjoy action movies — they realize they’ll get some eye candy.  Consider 300 — at first this movie seems like something she’d never consider. The first time you watched it (or any other time), you probably didn’t pay too much attention to the fact that Gerard Butler and company were only wearing spandex and a cape.  It’s kind of like every actress in a chick flick wearing only a bra and panties throughout the movie…hmmm.

3.  If you can think of an action movie that’s so bad, it’s funny, then there’s a good chance she’ll enjoy laughing at it with you.  If she likes comedy (most mentally healthy people do), this movie is just that.  Try a B-movie you’ve never heard of, or a ripoff of a widely known blockbuster.  You’re kind of meeting on middle ground with this one — and this compromise might make a good segway to a good action movie next time.

4.  A name is everything.  Studies show that girls are 73% more likely to watch one of your movies if it has a notable actor/actress in it.  Okay so the data isn’t that concrete, but it’s true.  Even if you or I find a unique premise to be worth a watch despite no-name actors, it’ll be hard to convince her that this experiment is worth her time (see #3).  Just because Jack Nicholson is in it may not mean the movie is automatically good, but it does give it better chances.

5.  Try to pick a movie without too much gore.  Gore may add visual interest to a movie for you, but will likely be plain disgusting for her.  Although it makes sense for blood to gush when limbs are severed with a samurai sword, it isn’t necessary unless you’re Quentin Tarantino.  If you’ve never seen the movie and don’t know what to expect on the gore-o-meter, have a look at the rating.  PG-13 and below tend not to have excessive amounts.

5 Better Dates on a Budget

A lot of men live on a budget.  Some even use it as an excuse for not having a chick.  But what a lot of them don’t realize is that cheap dates can be more romantic than costly and often painful fine dining experiences.  Not to mention, they let you know if she’s a gold digger before you are forced to sell your PS3 to help buy her a summer wardrobe.

1. Instead of taking her to a cliché chain restaurant or god forbid something more indulgent, consider making her dinner yourself.  Not only will she think more of you, but this is a great self-esteem booster if you can pull it off.  If you don’t have a memorized archive of recipes, get online and find something (make sure to Google easy recipes). Or you can get creative and make your own signature dish — just make sure to test it before you feed it to her.  Instead of paying $12-15 per entrée (plus drinks, dessert, AND tip), spend less than $20 and DIY.

2. Going to the movies costs much more money than it’s worth if you go to your typical weekend evening showings. Plus, the movie will probably suck.  Instead go during weekday nights or matinees, or better yet, don’t go at all.  Movies distract you both from each other and thus are not very romantic.  Go to the park on a nice night and watch the stars with your date. Whether you know them or not, point out some constellations and wait for her to be impressed with all your knowledge. As long as she’s not an astronomer, your cover won’t be blown.

3. Another option is going dutch, where each person pays for themselves.  This might only be a good choice if you have already proved your generosity and have a decent history.  A legit financial crisis should be an acceptable reason not to pay for her.  Try not to suggest this too much; being cheap breaks hearts. Then again if you’re dating a fully liberated woman, she’ll probably suggest this first. Make sure to politely refuse in a way that guarantees that she’ll insist on splitting the meal.

4. Picnics are cheap, fun, and even romantic if done right.  Obviously, you’ll need a sunny day.  Invite her to your place, make your PB&J sandwiches together, grab a Frisbee, and head off to the park.  The best parks are the little-known secrets; they’re big, deserted, and far removed from civilization so the two of you can be alone.

5. If you’re lucky enough to live near a great outdoor hangout like the beach, you should already be taking advantage.  It’s the optimal date spot not only because it’s cheap, easy, relaxing, but also because it requires minimal clothing.  However, you must be careful not to be suckered into the oh-why-not accommodations that accompany most beaches.  You put your brain on vacation and just shuttle out to the nearest sand dune, then realize you don’t have towels, sun tan lotion, or food.  Be smart and pack everything you need, or be subject to coastal inflation.