How To Hook Up With Multiple Women In One Night

You want to hook up with more than one girl at your party? It’s not an impossible task. Trust me, I’m a girl. I know how this works. Even if they’re best friends, you can have them both. All it takes is a little alcohol, a sense of humor, an ego that’s larger than life and a wingman. If the guys on Jersey Shore can do it, so can you.

1.) Have Confidence (Hear that broken record yet?)

If you don’t believe that you’re the funniest, coolest and best looking guy in the room, you’re going to have a hard time convincing her that she should hook up with you. So as corny as it sounds, love yourself a lot. A confident average looking guy is much more appealing than a great looking insecure guy. Don’t be afraid to approach the girls–you’re a man, grow a pair and go talk to them.

2.) K.I.S.S. (Keep It Simple, Stupid)

Don’t worry about using a stupid pickup line, something simple does the trick. Especially at a party where everyone’s there to have a good time. Approach a girl and compliment something she’s wearing (even if you don’t like it). If this is your first time talking to her, it’s safer to compliment her clothes or shoes rather than her smile. Complimenting her physical features makes you seem like a creep or the kind of guy that’s only interested in getting her naked. Even if that is your intention, you can’t let her know it. Have a conversation with this girl and be engaging and charming, but don’t chat for too long. Leave her wanting more from you.

3.) Acquire Target #2

After meeting your first prospect and chatting for a bit, leave the room to scope out the rest of the crowd. Pick your target and repeat step #2 until you find your other hookup for the night. Let’s call her Girl #2.

4.) Let the (drinking) games begin!

Go back to Girl #1 and ask her to be your partner in whatever drinking game is going on. Get her on your team and start playing those drinking games. Inevitably, Girl #2 will come looking for you and see you having fun with another girl. It won’t make her jealous but it will definitely bring out her competitive edge. Everybody loves a good challenge.

5.) Take in some foxy boxing.

Watch the girls fight for your attention, but excuse yourself to go the bathroom after a few minutes. You don’t want to be stuck in too awkward of a position. When you return, you will see one of two things: either the girls will be in different places, talking with their friends they came to the party with, or they’ll be sitting in exactly the same place you left them, laughing and bonding over their mini crushes on you. If they became drunk best friends, just turn on your charm and casually propose a threesome after a couple more drinks and you’re good to go. But if they’re keeping their distance from each other, it’s a little bit trickier.

6.) Decisions, decisions.

Decide which one you want to hook up with first, let’s say that’s Girl #2, and then go tell Girl #1 that she has to meet your friend and be his/her beer pong partner. Make sure to pair her up with a good wingman, a female friend of yours, or a guy that already has a girlfriend. Beer pong is a good distraction and she won’t even notice you’re not at the party anymore. Plus, your wingman/friend/buddy should be able to talk to her enough to keep her interested in you until you resurface.

7.) Wanna do a shot?

Go find Girl #2 and ask if she wants to take a shot with you and lead her to your bedroom. Even if you don’t have any alcohol in there and she notices before you have a chance to make a move on her, just say you lied because you needed an excuse to get her alone. Then make your move.

8.) Be a gracious host

Afterwards, tell Girl #2 that you need to go back to the party because you don’t want to be a bad host and ask for her number so she doesn’t feel offended or used. While programming her number into your phone, don’t ask for her name if you forgot it already. Be nice to her and make sure she leaves your room before you head back to the party.

9.) Play it cool.

Act like you never even left it. Pretend like you’ve been watching your other girl play beer pong for the past hour and as soon as she’s done with the game, repeat steps #7 and #8 and repeat as needed.

10.) Keep It On The DL

I know it’s tempting, but don’t brag about your conquests immediately. But if you must, keep it secret from your female friends because we love to gossip about stuff like that and if your reputation gets shot, you won’t be able to pull it off again.

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Christmas Drinking Games That’ll Rock Your Jingle Bells

Remember when you were a kid and Christmas was the best day of the year? You laid out cookies and milk for Santa before going to bed, and you were jumping out of bed before the sun rose, begging to open all your presents on Christmas morning. But times have changed. Fast forward a few years and now it’s hard to drag yourself out of bed before noon, the presents from Santa aren’t nearly as cool, and the only plus side of the holiday is you’re allowed to drink hard alcohol before 5pm and nobody looks at you like you have a drinking problem. To add a little more fun to the festivities, here are some of the drinking games you can play throughout the day.

Buzzwords

This is the most inconspicuous of all the drinking games because you can play it by yourself or if you include others, and either way you’re not going to attract too much attention. The rules are pretty simple: each player chooses a buzzword like “Santa,” “Ho ho ho” or “Rudolph” and every time that word is said, the person whose buzzword it is has to take a shot.

Christmas Carols

This game can get pretty loud pretty quickly, so it’s best if you’re playing this in a setting where being obliterated is socially acceptable. First, gather up everyone who wants to play and get a couple shot of glasses and bottles of liquor and sit in a circle. It doesn’t matter who starts, but the first person will sing the first line of a Christmas carol of their choice and then the person next to them has to sing the next line and so on and so forth until somebody messes up. The person who messes up has to take a shot and start the next Christmas carol.

A Christmas Story

If you don’t watch this movie on Christmas or Christmas Eve, there must be something wrong with you. It’s a classic. Plus there’s always a 24-hour marathon of it on TNT, so there’s no excuse not to watch it. Turn it into a drinking game by taking a shot every time someone says “Christmas,” “Red Rider BB Gun,” or “You’ll shoot your eye out.” Bonus points if you can make it through the full 24 hours of this movie while playing this game.

Thumper

A great party starter game, and if you don’t know how to play you can learn how to here. Instead of doing hand signals, you can use Christmas words or all of Santa’s Reindeer’s names to keep it festive.

Loser has to chug eggnog.

Or deep throat a giant candy cane.

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Get Into The Holiday Spirit With These Holiday Spirits

They don’t say it’s the most wonderful time of the year for nothing. With four weeks of freedom before the Spring Semester starts, ’tis the season to let loose–whether it’s with your old buddies from high school, your family, or your annoying cousins, sip on (or chug) some of these holiday themed drinks to exponentially increase the fun.

Bailey’s

Bailey’s is the best alcohol ever for Christmas drinks. Mix the caramel flavored Bailey’s with eggnog while opening presents on Christmas morning, or add the regular kind to hot chocolate or coffee to make your morning a little more interesting.

Hard Apple Cider

If you want something a little stronger than Bailey’s but still want some holiday flavors, apple cider (hot or cold) with spiced rum does the trick.

Liquid Candy Canes

There’s nothing more Christmas-y than candy canes, and though mixing up a Candy Cane Cocktail duplicates the flavor and goes down smoothly, but it doesn’t taste nearly as good coming back up. To make one, mix equal parts Creme de Cacao, Peppermint Schnapps and creme.

Rumplemintz

Rumplemintz tastes like Christmas. Mix it up with some white chocolate liqeur (like Godiva’s) and you’re good to go. Watch out though–this cocktail will sneak up on you if you’re not careful and you’ll be doing things that will undoubtedly land you on Santa’s naughty list.

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How To Obtain A BS in BS Over Christmas Break

Christmas break is one of the best times of the school year except for one nasty side effect: family dinners. Most times, you’re stuck at some distant relative’s house making small talk with your uncle while sipping spiked eggnog and the conversation morphs into an interrogation. The questions get more specific and invasive, and the second you excuse yourself to slip away to take a break–there’s another relative, ready to fire off the same questions you’re trying to dodge. If you don’t answer correctly, you’ll become the subject of family gossip until the next holiday party. Here’s how to BS your way through the most common questions.

The Job Question: What kind of job do you want?

What to do: Give them a one word answer and then follow it up with a success story of one of your friends that’s gotten a job in that field. Even if you have no idea what you want to do, you sound a lot smarter and ambitious when you give an answer that sounds well-thought out. Plus, most jobs we want to do aren’t very lucrative so by telling a success story of someone you know that has a “real” job, you’re eliminating any room for them to say that you should do something else. Bonus points if you can relate it back to current events, which can steer the conversation away from you and in many cases, engage surrounding relatives to chime in their drunk opinions, taking all the pressure off of you.

Example answer: Journalist. I have a friend that graduated from Oregon with a degree in history, and after sending some stuff out, he was offered a job at The New Yorker. I thought newspapers and magazines were dying, but thanks to technology I can get my stuff out there before even graduating. Speaking of which, I saw you have a blog, did you really run into Obama at Starbucks last week?

The Relationship Question: Seeing anyone?

What to do: Have a sense of humor and say something mildly inappropriate. It’ll catch them off-guard and they’ll feel uncomfortable with an unexpected answer. Unless they’re sauced, they probably won’t ask you about your significant other again for a very long time.

Example answer: She’s still in the process of finalizing her divorce…but soon she’ll be all mine!

The Slacker Question: Why Haven’t You Graduated Yet?

What to do: Make yourself sound like a productive and accomplished individual with the desire to make the world around you a better place. Don’t let them know that your delayed graduation was caused by too much partying, forgetting to declare a major, spending too much time skiing instead of going to classes, or because you’re retaking your classes you failed last semester. Put extra emphasis on your goals of finding yourself and your inherent need to explore all that the world has to offer before leaving the security and comfort of your college and embarking on your career. And when you mention how you helped out the community, don’t include that it was court-ordered.

Example answer: Learning isn’t confined to a classroom so I let my academics take a back seat while I explored all that life has to offer. I think it’s important to know who you are before embarking on a career, so I spent my time focusing on the small things in life. Not everybody graduates on time anyways, and don’t you think that those 100 hours of community service will look great on my resume? I helped myself by helping the community. It’s a win-win. (They’ll inevitably ask you what you want to do after you graduate, so refer back to the first question.)

These are the very basic ways of BSing your way through the holidays with the extended family. Just remember to have a sense of humor and steer the conversation away from you when it’s at all possible. And if all else fails, load up your drink and hang out with your little cousins. They won’t judge you.

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Which Non-Alcoholic Product Will Be The Next “Whipped Lightning”?

First there was Four Loko– the notorious “Blackout in a Can” that made so many headlines it was pulled from the shelves. And now there’s alcohol infused whipped cream which seems to be the newest alcoholic product garnering national disapproval. Whether or not it will remain on shelves still remains unknown, but in the meantime it’s time to start inventing some more alcohol infused products to hit the shelves during 2011. Engineers: get to it.

Cigarettes: more specifically the electronic cigarettes would make a good alcohol infused product. Instead of a nicotine delivery system, replace it with an alcohol delivery system and you’re good to go. You can use it to “smoke” in restaurants, airplanes and other public places. You’ll look like a tool, but you’ll be too drunk to care.

Chocolate Syrup: infused with alcohol can be an even bigger hit than the alcoholic whipped cream. It probably won’t taste that great, but the pros outweigh the cons on this one. It will enhance the fun of body shots, Peppermint Patty shots, and of course, ice cream.

Hard Candies or Lollipops: infused with alcohol will make your long days at work more interesting and less efficient. You can even keep them in the candy bowl on your desk and no one will suspect a thing…until someone inevitably gets a DUI on their way home from the office but doesn’t remember drinking anything all day.

Gum: infused with alcohol is even less conspicuous than candy. Some people are still a little old fashioned and will insist on you spitting it out, but for the most part you can chew this anytime anywhere. Plus, it will come in handy once you get cut off but want to keep drinking.

Patches: have been invented for birth control, nicotine fixes and even caffeine fixes, so why not one with alcohol? And just like the alcoholic gum, you can keep boozin’ without receiving worried looks from your friends or family members. If they see you sipping on water all night, they can’t accuse you of having a drinking problem.

Powdered drinks: would be a multimillion dollar market. Single serving packets of Crystal Light, Gatorade or Starbucks Via are wildly popular because they’re convenient, portable and all you have to do is mix it with some water–which is readily available and free. Can you imagine being able to have a Cranberry Vodka as quickly as you can mix it into a cup of water? Me either. AA might be picking up some new members if this ever hits shelves.

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Buying A Gift For The Naughty (Or Nice) Lady in Your Life

Fellas, I understand your pain when it comes to Christmas shopping. As much as I love shopping, Christmas shopping is one of my least favorite things to do. I never know what to get people and I always feel pressured to find them the perfect present and somewhere amidst the chaos and confusion, I end up throwing in the towel and buy the nearest gift sets in the department store I’m in and call it a day. You can’t do the same for your girlfriend. She put thought, time and effort into picking you out the perfect Christmas gift, so you’d better do the same. I created four different categories for you to choose from, so just decide what category she falls under and you’re good to go.

For Your Bootycall/Friend With Benefits

These gifts don’t have to be extravagant or expensive. If you don’t plan on dating her, you shouldn’t get her anything too elaborate or thoughtful. She’ll get the wrong idea. And none of these gifts are over $30.

1. Unless she’s a tomboy and never wears makeup, she’ll love this eyeshadow set from Sephora because it offers 15 different eyeshadows for her to play with.
2. Buy her a can of alcoholic whipped cream. Need I say more?
3. 99% of the population love Starbucks, so why not buy her a gift card?
4. If all else fails, you can get away with buying her a nice bottle (or box) of wine.

For Your Girlfriend of 6 Months or Less

Get her something nice, but keep it simple. You don’t want to be too outlandish with you choice because the relationship is still relatively new. Choose from these and you won’t have to spend over $50.

1. Sneak a peak at her bra size then go to Victoria’s Secret and pick out something special. It’s one of those gifts that keeps on giving. Just make sure you don’t get her the wrong size–girls are extra sensitive about their weight this time of year.
2. If fitness is her thing, buy her something she’ll use while working out. Running shorts, a yoga mat, good headphones, or an iPod Shuffle will do the trick.
3. Does she love to cook? Or does she want to learn? Buy her a good cookbook. There’s plenty of them out there, but it’s usually the recipes that are simple, cheap and taste good that she’ll cook the most. Check out ones like Cooking Light or The Healthy College Cookbook.
4. Get her a necklace or a pair of earrings. These necklaces from Nordstrom work well and there’s so many to choose from. Even if she doesn’t like it, Nordstrom is known for its exchange policy and she’ll have no problems picking out a new one.
5. If you forgot to get her a present and realized you only have a few minutes to get something together, find a picture of the two of you and throw it in a picture frame. It’s not the most expensive or extravagant gift, but from her point of view it will look romantic and really thoughtful. Bonus points if you can give her something else too–like a box of chocolates or a bottle of wine. Save the box o’ wine for that booty call.

For Your Girlfriend of Over 1 Year

You should probably shell out around $100 on her and she’s probably expecting something special and thoughtful. Put on your thinking cap. You should know her personality and interests well enough to pick out a gift for her. So decide which of these adjectives listed below sounds most like your girl and pick out a present accordingly.

1. Hardworking – Buy her a gift certificate for a spa day to let her unwind, or if she can’t sit still for that long, a messenger bag like this one that can carry her laptop and papers will do the trick.
2. Athletic – Try picking out a pair of running shoes, a yoga mat or cute workout clothes (Nike and bebe are both good quality and look great). Remember to get the right size.
3. Girly – Makeup, chocolate, and diamonds. She’ll love one of these bracelets from Coach, a big cosmetics case to organize all of her makeup, or a new bottle of perfume.
4. Nerdy – Try buying something from a vintage store. Things like Super Nintendo, old books, vintage records (along with a record player) or some new flannel shirts and skinny jeans will all work well.

For Your Girlfriend of Over 2 Years

1. Put a ring on it. Or at least give her a key to your apartment. Seriously.
2. If you’re not ready to take the next step, buy her some jewelry from Tiffany’s. You can never go wrong with jewelry, and if you’ve been with her for this long, she deserves a nice piece of jewelry for the holidays. All of these options are between $100-$250, so just choose your price and you’re good to go.

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Sketchy Ways to Make Money on Campus

Between classes, sporting events and spending time with friends, college students are strapped for cash and time. Adding a job to the mix is a recipe for disaster, so here are some of the most tried and true ways to make some extra cash money on or around campus sans job.

1.) Buy alcohol for minors. It’s par for the course that they give you enough money so you can buy something for yourself. Or they give you a hefty tip. If not, just don’t give them any change the next time you go on an alcohol run and if they ask, blame it on the taxes.

2.) Uncover your inner nerd and take exams or online classes for your friends. They never check IDs for exams and as long as you’re in a big room, there’s a very small chance of you getting caught. If you’re doing something online, make sure to cover your electronic footprints by using a public computer at your school’s library instead of your own laptop. You can also charge several hundred dollars for doing either of these–you’re saving their grades and you deserve to be paid accordingly.

3.) Go on Craigslist and post ads for yourself under the section “Community.” Market yourself as an experienced tutor in several subjects and as an intelligent individual. If ou do it right, before you know it, your phone will be blowing up with parents ready to pay you to help their kids learn simple subjects. Just make sure to have a couple friends that have professional sounding voices that can be your fake references.

4.) Sell your prescription pills. Amphetamines like Ritalin and Adderall are pretty common around campuses but during exam week you can sell them for $10 a pop. For downers like Oxycontin or Vicodin, the rule of thumb is usually a buck a milligram. If you need to get your hands on some painkillers, hit up your student center and complain about back pain and say that you’ve taken plenty of anti-inflammatory medication already and need something a little stronger. This method of making money is a little illegal, but so is underage drinking. Use your judgment with this one.

5.) If you have a car and frequently give your friends rides, ask each one to throw you $20 for last semester’s gas expenses. It’s not unreasonable and most friends will give you something and it adds up quickly. Bonus points if your parents pay for your gas.

D.I.Y. Four Loko

Four Loko is a 23.5 ounce caffeinated alcoholic beverage that’s taking our country by storm. With an estimated 260 milligrams of caffeine and just under 6 shots of alcohol per can, this beverage earned the nickname of “Blackout in a Can” for a good reason. For less than $4 a pop, there’s not a quicker, cheaper or worse tasting way to get your drink on.

Unfortunately, the combination of so much caffeine and alcohol has the FDA worried–especially after it was the reported cause of several deaths. Four Loko has already been banned in Michigan, Massachusetts, Pennsylvania, Washington, New York and Utah; and it’s rumored that the FDA is going to officially ban the beverage very soon. Four Loko may not be sold on shelves this time next year, but who says we can’t make our own? After many hours of research and several experiments, I’ve finally perfected a Four Loko knockoff. I named my masterpiece “Four Peligroso” It’s not only a worthy substitute, but I think it’s better than the original. Don’t believe me? Try it out yourself…responsibly, of course.

Four Peligroso
(serves 10)
Ingredients:
- 2 8 oz bottles of VPL’s Redline Energy Drink in any flavor (you can find them at your local GNC)
- 3 2 liter bottles of Mountain Dew
- 1 1.75 liter bottle of blueberry flavored Burnett’s Vodka

Directions: Mix together, add ice if desired.

How’s it measure up to Four Loko? Well, per each 18 oz serving (3/4 the size of one Four Loko), Four Peligroso has 286 milligrams of caffeine, 6 shots of vodka, and costs $2.93. Ambulance and hospital expenses are not included.