7 Things You Can’t Do After College

Four years can go by way too fast. Some of us might try to strategically stretch it into five or six years. Some of us might even go to drastic measures like law or medical school to avoid leaving college. But eventually, eventually you are going to have to leave your University and enter into the real world. But isn’t college life real? I say that it’s for real. I keep things real. I’m so focused on keeping my life real that I still say real. Really. But college life is as fake as it comes. So when your done with your fairy tale run, get ready to enter the real world. (Hint. The Real World isn’t real either.) So what is life after college like? Here are seven things that you wont be able to get away with after college.

Waking up at noon

A college schedule can be as flexible as you want it to be. No classes on Tuesdays or Thursdays, no problem. No classes before noon, done. Try telling your boss that you have a hard time waking up in the morning. Lucky for you, the chances of you getting a job right out of college are pretty slim. So you might be able to get away with waking up at noon for a few more months after graduation.

T-shirts for ties

When you get out of school you’re going to have to find a job. And let me tell you, no one is hiring the guy in sandals. They aren’t going to look at how clever your t-shirt is, or how carefully unkempt you keep your hair. Now you might not have to wear a tie, but even the most relaxed workplaces have a strict no Ed Hardy policy.

Living with nine dudes

The brohouse, the ass palace, the “Casa de Dude.” Not only are your friends going to move away, but you can’t share a room when you’re 24. You just cant. Girls aren’t going to want to get plowed while your roommate plays World of Warcraft ten feet away.

Promiscuous sex

Remember your first orgy? Such a found memory of losing your innocence, and on a Tuesday night just because there was nothing better to do. I’m not saying that you wont get laid after college, but it isn’t going to be as easy, or as experimental. Girls are still going to do stupid things but their bisexual phase is going to fade when they get real jobs and start looking for real men. So hurry, before you pick up your diploma and before their self esteem begins to rise, take one last stroll on campus and get all the ass that you can. It might have to last you for a little while.

Learning

A lot of people don’t realize that college could very possible be the last time that they ever pick up a book. I’m not talking about the new Harry Potter, or Twilight, or whatever shitty fantasy that comes out next, but an actual book. Like one that has facts, dates, thoughts, and a hardcover. For twenty plus years you’ve had knowledge thrown at you, and on graduation day it all stops. No one is going to care if you know the history of Russia, or what started WWI, or how to multiply. It kind of makes you think about what it all was for to begin with. But don’t worry, as long as you know how to Google you’ll be fine. Right?

Blacking out is no longer cool

Remember when not remembering was cool. The movie The Hangover won its popularity from the universal fact that blacking out is cool. Well, guess what, it isn’t. Have you ever been called an alcoholic? Like, really been called an alcoholic? Not in the, ‘oh my god I love that kid, he’s such an alcoholic. I saw him take an entire case to the face and then do 15 shots of Jager. Oh man, he threw up on some chick later, it was awesome.’ Booze boasting is only cool until you pick up that diploma. Or maybe for the next few weeks while you do everything you can to make sure that you don’t get the security deposit back on your house.

Which brings us to financial independence and accountability

This is the one that really sucks. If you sleep until noon you might be called a slob. If you keep banging college chicks you might be called a scumbag. And if you keep drinking at a college pace you might, well, die. But if you can afford to do so, who cares. Unfortunately, life after college has a way of racking up the costs. Your food, booze, and condom grocery list is going to be replaced by rent, student loans, and new ties.

So why would anybody want to graduate? Well, no one does. Why do you think your parents pushed so hard for you to go to school? Was it to get an education? Was it to get a good job? Nope. It’s because it is the last place that they remember being happy. I’m not exactly sure what the real world is, but I do know that you wont be able to get away with half of the thing that you could while you were in college.

8 Drinks Worth Paying for at the Bar

Some cocktails require a professional touch to make, it doesn’t hurt if the person making the drink is one of these Busty Bartenders either. Others are just too much of a pain in the ass to make yourself. These are the 8 drinks that are worth paying for when you’re at the bar.

Guinness
If you are going to order a beer at the bar, make it a Guinness. Why? Because Guinness doesn’t taste like Guinness unless it’s poured from a tap. To be more specific, unless it’s poured from a keg with clean lines and kept at the right temperature, by a bartender that knows what he is doing. Guinness does its best to make its cans and bottles drink like a draught beer by placing little aerating balls inside, but it just isn’t the same as getting a full head in a clean pint glass at the bar.

When it’s not worth it - When it’s Guinness 250th anniversary Stout. For 250 years Guinness has made a quality product. So let’s celebrate by changing the formula to some sugary, disgusting, Coke 2 type of beer.

Mojito
The Mojito is a classic Cuban cocktail that is delicious to drink, but a bitch to make. It’s just not worth it to make it yourself. But when you have someone who has to make what you tell them, the mojito is well worth it. It’s strong, tasty, and one of the only garnished drinks that doesn’t scream ‘you’re a pussy.’

When it’s not worth it – Don’t order this drink in a crowded bar. It’s fine if the bartender thinks you’re a dick, but if you slow up the drink line every time you order a cocktail, you’re bound to get in a fight by your fourth mojito.

Manhattan in a rocks glass

Bourbon for adults. If you ever get past the stage where you can only drink whisky if it’s over quick and painfully, try a Manhattan. This classic beverage combines the manliness of drinking bourbon straight, with some delicate girly fruits. The Manhattan is going to come in a martini glass, so if you hate cone-shaped glasses, make sure to order it in a rocks glass.

When it’s not worth it – When you’re a bartender. Bartenders hate making Manhattans because they don’t know how to make them. Well, they don’t know how you make them. The Manhattan has a different recipe for every drinker. You might have to bar hop a bit until you find a bartender that makes Manhattans to your liking.

Bloody Mary

The bloody mary is the snowflake of the cocktail world, no two are exactly the same. And like the Manhattan, you might have to explore a bit to find a bloody with the right amount of bite. A bloody mary is a drink that a lot of bars and restaurants take pride in.

When it’s not worth it – Anytime after 4 pm. If you’re ordering a bloody at a bar at night, expect a two-ingredient cocktail. If the bar carries Zing Zangs, then don’t worry, you can get a good bloody at anytime.

Sangria
Sangria is a great drink to buy at a bar if you can find a bar that serves it.  It’s a drink that is made in bulk, and is considered to be the mullet of the wine world. it’s got the sophistication of wine, but a fruity, summer scum bag, Jimmy Buffet flair as well.  You can’t make if for yourself at home, because you have to make a whole goddamn pitcher. Sangria, and other punch like drinks, are worth ordering at a bar because they are easy for the bartenders. They are pre-made, relatively cheap, and unlike wine, you’ll get a full glass.

When it’s not worth it – When you’re in public. Unlike the mojito, sangria is going to call you a pussy to your face, and since you probably are one, you aren’t going to do anything about it. Sangria is a great beach/day/outdoor drink. If you’re going to drink it, drink it with a lot of people so you can’t be singled out for drinking this literally fruity drink.

Sazerac
The Sazerac cocktail is one of the oldest cocktails in The United States. It has a unique taste that you might not be ready for. Combining rye whiskey, two types of bitters, and absinthe make this a powerful and spicy cocktail. It might not be your drink every night, but it is definitely worth ordering, at least once, from the bar.

When it’s not worth it – When you aren’t in the south. The Sazerac traveled briefly around the country in the early 1900’s and made a come back in the 70’s, but today, it is primarily found in New Orleans.

Long Island Iced Tea
So much booze for such a fruity drink. It’s hard to look cool while drinking a long island iced tea, but after a few of them you aren’t going to care. This drink is easy to make, but involves a lot of ingredients. If you can’t decide on whether you want rum, vodka, gin, or tequila, order a long island iced tea and have them altogether.

When it’s not worth it - When it’s made from the well. Combining tequila with rum, vodka with gin, and drinking sour mix in general can wreak havoc on your stomach. If you’re going to order this at a bar, chip in a couple extra bucks, and order a liquor at eye level.

Irish Car Bombs
There aren’t many multiple ingredient shots that can put hair on your balls. Despite the fact that this shot ruins a perfectly good half pint of Guinness, its one of my favorites. A shot of Jameson, a little Bailey’s, and wash it down with a nice cold Guinness.

When it’s not worth it - When you’re alone. I’ve got no problem with drinking alone. I’d actually like to start a club for people to drink alone. But the car bomb is meant for group consumption. Who are you going  to high five when you’re done if you’re doing it by yourself?

8 Cocktails Every Guy Should Know How to Make

Maybe in high school it was cool to invite your girlfriend over for a stolen and skunked beer, but you’re an adult now, and people expect more from you. You don’t have to be a bartender to make a drink, and you don’t have to limit your cocktails to two ingredients. Here are 9 cocktails that everyone should know how to make.

Cosmos – This pink, Sex in the City, girly martini is actually one of the least girly martini’s out there. Despite the pink color, the Cosmo actually has its fair share of booze in it.

How to Make it  – Pour one part Vodka, one part triple sec, and two parts cranberry juice into a shaker with ice. Squeeze in some lime juice, shake and strain. pur

Why you should know it – Because she drinks it. This trendy alcoholic drink is a favorite of the ladies. She is much more likely to come over for a couple of cosmos than for a shot of well whiskey and a year old PBR. Unfortunately, she’s also much more likely to think your gay.

Bloody Mary’s – The undisputed king of breakfast drinks. There are hundreds of ways to make a bloody mary, so feel free to add your own touch.

Basic recipe – Bloody mary mix (Zing Zang’s), vodka, ice.

How to make it – If you want something a little more advanced, add two shots of vodka to a half cup of tomato juice, and then get creative. Popular additions are jalapeños, Tabasco sauce, Worcestershire sauce, lemons and limes, pepper, and celery. Some people even add clams or shrimp. Basically, go through your kitchen and see what feels good.

Why you should know it. Because breakfast is expensive and there is no better way to bite the hair of the dog.

Sangria – A classy party drink that is meant for outdoor consumption.. This punch drink is a tad bit classier than jungle juice, and doesn’t require you to purchase roofies.

How to Make it – Add a bottle of red wine and a bunch of fruit to a punch bowl. Done. You can’t go wrong with orange and lemon wedges, but you can also find fruits that will compliment your bottle of wine. Also, many people will add a few spoons of sugar, and a couple of cups of ginger ale or club soda. Sangria is another drink that can be modified in an infinite number of ways.

If you want to add a little extra kick, put a shot or two of brandy into the mix. It’s all about taste. Some people prefer to use a flavored brandy or a flavored vodka. If you really want to make a good sangria, you can soak your fruit in liquor the night before.

Why you should  know it- Because you can’t afford good wine. Sangria can make you feel classy as you squeeze the last few drops out of your box of wine.

Old fashioned – An old fashioned is a classic drink that will make you feel like an adult. It will also ease you into the world of straight bourbon drinkers…which I’m not sure is a good thing.

How to make it – Add sugar, a few dashes of angostura bitters, and a touch of water into a glass. Stir until the sugar is mostly dissolved. Add a cherry and an orange. Muddle, or smash, all of the ingredients together. Add ice, pour in bourbon to fill the glass.

Why you should know it – Because you have to learn how to muddle sometime.

Manhattan - The original martini. Back in the day when people had the robust taste buds to stomach strong alcoholic drinks, the martini was made with rye whiskey, and it was called the Manhattan.

How to make it – 2 oz whiskey, 1 oz vermouth, 2 drops of bitters. Pour into a shaker with ice. Swirl. Strain into a manhattan, or martini glass.

Why – Because it’s a man’s martini. This classic drink really relies on the quality of whiskey or bourbon for its taste. Ordering at a bar can be costly, so if you splurge on a decent bottle for your house, you can enjoy these anytime.

Tom Collins – A Tom Collins is a gin and soda that doesn’t taste like crap. It’s the drink that you would make if you had more than just gin and well, soda at your house.

How to make it – 2 oz gin, 1 oz lemon juice, 3 oz club soda, 1 oz  simple syrup, 1 maraschino cherry, 1 orange slice. Put the gin, lemon juice, and simple syrup into a shaker with ice. Shake well then strain into a collins or highball glass with ice. Add the club soda, cherry, and orange, and stir.

You can modify this recipe by using sour mix or lime juice, instead of the lemon juice. A lot of people also add a little grenadine.

Why – Because you’ve always heard of it, but never knew what it was.

Margarita – The quintessential beach drink. If you don’t live near the beach, it’s the quintessential backyard drink. If you don’t have a back yard, it’s the quintessential shirtless drink.

How to make it – Tequila, triple sec, and lime juice. Adjust the levels to taste. You’re going to have to salt the rim of the glass, which works surprisingly well on solo cups. Whatever your glass of choice, rub a lime along the edge of the glass, and then roll it through salt. You can also give the glass a sugar rim job, if that’s your preference.

Why – Because it’s five o’clock somewhere.

Daiquiri – The adult slushie. This drink is perfect for hot summer days when you really should be in class or at work.

How to make it – 2 oz light rum, a splash of triple sec, 1.5 oz lime juice, tbsp of sugar, 1 cup of ice. Put the ingredients into a blender and blend. Pour into the most ridiculous glass that you have, and garnish with a cherry.

This is the most basic daiquiri recipe. You can modify this to make banana daiquiris, strawberry daiquiris, even avocado daiquiris.

Why – Because you bought a blender.

Dude, Where’s My Dignity? 9 Things You Did Last Night

I’m not sure exactly when it was, but at some point last night your eyes glazed over a little bit, and the alcohol took over. Maybe it was after that fifth tequila shot, or maybe it was after that third drink of god-knows-what that you stole off of the bar, but at some point you lost your inhibitions, control of your movements, and your dignity. I know I wasn’t with you, but I’ve got a pretty good idea of what happened. Let me fill you in on a few of the things you probably did last night after you blacked out.

Last night you…

1. Made friends with someone you’d never normally talk too.

Your friends can be boring, can’t they? Well at some point last night you pulled one of your famous disappearing acts and left your group without saying a word. It wasn’t until hours later that they found you taking shots in the back room of a shady bar with some sketchy characters. Your friends were obviously nervous when they walked in, but you were giving nuggies to the guy with the ZZ Top beard and pirate eye patch and you…

2. Curse out your actual best friend and swear that you’ll never talk to them again.

Common sense gets in the way. It ruins a good time and it is truly the only way to kill a good buzz. When your friend suggested that you should go home, you were not only appalled by his uncanny ability to give good ideas, but you also took it as an insult to your dignity. “Screw you, (hiccup) I’m not even that (burp), your not my…” You didn’t throw a punch, but the sour taste of the interaction stayed in your mouth until…

3. You pick a fight.

Now, most drunks will try to pick a fight with someone that they have a chance of beating. But alcoholics, alcoholics take the first person that accidentally nudges their chair, or unwillingly has a drink spilled on them, or smells funny. You start insulting him to the person next to you, but your volume control is a little off, and you end up screaming insults across the bar. When he comes to confront you, you realize that you’ve got no chance. And after you poke him a few times in the chest, you get nervous and …

4. You throw up.

Then you blamed the person who you vomited on for sitting there. “Oh quiet, like you’ve never -here it comes again.” The girl you threw up on shrieks in terror. But the good news is that the guy who was just about to kick your ass, backs away in disgust. Congratulations, you won a fight last night. The bouncers come over and decide that  it’s better for you to be vomiting outside. So they usher you out of the bar while listening to your honest defense, “It wasn’t me, I ate eggs this morning. It was the eggs. blame the eggs.” You spend the next twenty minutes scanning the building for another entrance only to find out that the bar is guarded like Fort Knox. So you…

5. Think of a way to get revenge.

Now, this usually comes secondary to the need to pee. But at this point of the night, almost all of your actions are going to be dictated by the amount that you have to pee. After peeing on the large bay windows of the bar, you start walking. You aren’t sure where you are, but your friends have abandoned you and you walk in whatever direction you tend to be leaning. Then you decide to make some phone calls. After giving your friends directions like, “I’m by that tree, the one that looks like a chicken bone,” or “What street am I on? Hold on, let me read the sign. One way, I’m on the corner of one way, and stop,” you begin searching your contacts for the nicest pair of tits you can find, and you…

6. Start making your nightly round of drunken phone calls.

If you’re an established and well practiced alcoholic you’ve got your phone properly labeled. You send a quick text out to “boobs Mcgee” and “3 am whore.” You even try calling the contact that you have labeled, “do not text this person for any reason.” You give everyone the same bad directions, and wait for someone to pick you up. No one comes and after a quick cat nap on the curb…

7. You hear sirens and start to run.

There isn’t any reason to run. You haven’t done anything illegal. But you convince yourself that they are after you and you take off on a diagonal sprint across the street. When the ambulance passes and the sirens fade away, you stop running and reassess your situation. There’s a bar across the street and it’s been a good hour since your last drink, so you head in to refuel. For some reason, the bouncer is being a complete douche and won’t let you in. You argue and pretty soon there are a bunch of bouncers there who all want to kick your ass for puking  in their bar and pissing on their window. Luckily, you get rescued by ‘3am whore’ who throws you in the backseat of the car and takes you back to campus.

8. You sleep with a stranger

Now ‘3 am whore’ might not be a stranger, but you don’t know her name either. You figure that this has happened before and let her do what she wants to your near comatose body. After sex, or during, you pass out. When you wake up, you are lying in a puddle of your own piss. The girl is on the other side of the bed, and hasn’t noticed. So you sneak off the bed, slowly roll her over into the pile of piss, and leave the room. You’re proud of your cleverness and think that there is absolutely no way that she’ll blame you. But now…

9. You’re naked.

Well, you’re wearing socks, and the door behind you has closed and locked. You could knock, and get let back in, but then you would ruin your perfectly clever plan. So you make your way down the hall to the bathroom. You take a seat on the can and think of your next move. You’ve been defeated. There is nothing to do now but sleep. You’re disgusted by the idea of sleeping on the bathroom floor, so you steal all the toilet paper from the other stalls and make a bed at the foot of the porcelain throne.

5 Symptoms Of Sex Addiction Revealed

Every once in a while the world is blessed with a high profile celebrity sex scandal. Whether it’s a politician, an athlete, or a movie star, everyone loves to watch the dirt get slowly revealed. In the past, celebrities like Jack Nicholson and Wilt Chamberlain proudly boasted about the booties they tapped. Piling up an endless list of naked bodies that they stood on top of like true champions. Today’s womanizer is marred with addiction and self pity. Is it the wedding ring that makes the addict? The guilt? Are celebrities the only ones that can get away with claiming addiction? Here are five signs to tell if you are a sex addict.

1.) Post Love Loathing

Maybe love isn’t the word. Maybe screw, ball, hump, or pump is more appropriate, but the point is the same. If your climax comes with a nice hefty side of guilt, if you light up a cigarette and feel ashamed, you might be addicted to genital activity.

For the average college student, whose life is full of debauchery, alcohol, and mistake, post love loathing is as common as a hangover, but can’t be cured with Advil and an Egg McMuffin.

2.) Boobs Instead of Books

Many sex addicts experience an inability to learn. It’s not because they’re stupid, but because their minds are so overfilled with porno scenes, sex toys, and promiscuous fantasies that there just isn’t room for anything else.

This means that daydreaming about the thong of the girl who sits in front of you, or boob doodling during a colonial American history lecture, or if you find the ecstatic screams of the female orgasm so soothing that it helps you study, you could be on the brink of a sexually addictive lifestyle.

3.) An Absence of Morality

Sex addicts have no concept of possession. They do not see a girl as someone’s girlfriend, wife, or fiancé, they see them as a penetrable hole. An addict will sleep with their best friends girl if the opportunity arises. They lack the ability to say no. If it was truly an immoral thing to do, the girl would have said no, right?

Sex addicts do not see rules, boundaries, or laws, they see opportunities. Your mom, your girlfriend, your sister, it’s all fair game in the life of a sex addict.

4.) The Double Life

Most sex addicts are ashamed of their behavior. This shame is actually what separates an addict from a man whore. An addict does not brag about their sexual exploits, they hide them from peers, from girlfriends, and they do their best to hide it from the media. A man whore on the other hand keeps a running tally on their bedroom wall. They keep a photo journal, a video library, and a little black book.

An addict hides their fetish porn, gag balls, and anal beads in the back of the closet. They might have a girlfriend that he practices a ritual of missionary sex with, but when she’s gone, a new person comes out to play with all the hookers, strippers, and self pity that he can get a hold of.

A persons addiction will grow with time as they need more sex to create the same high. Eventually the light bondage turns to S&M, the multiple partners turns to multiple orgies, and the small rash turns to gonorrhea.

5.) Bars, Booze, and Bjs

It is commonly believed that alcoholism and sexual addiction are linked. These two addictions can occur simultaneously, but they really have nothing to do with each other. The sex addict, however, will probably spend just as much time in the bar as the alcoholic. They will be sipping on the same beer all night, watching the tail around them lower their guard and self-esteem. Most sex addicts aren’t predators though, they just know where the p**sy’s at.

For the average guy, wooing a girl in the library isn’t much of a possibility. So they have to go to a bar where the lights and girls are equally dim, and everyone is looking for the same thing.

If you think you’re a sex addict, then guess what, you probably are. The good news is that everyone else is too. So what separates the addicts from your typical college students? When does sexual addiction become a problem? Well, it becomes a problem when you can’t find anywhere to stick it, and it becomes an addiction when you get caught by your girlfriend.

So work on your crying face, a sincere apology, and the new cheaters excuse. “I’m sorry, I just can’t control it,” tear, “it’s an addiction.” Then wait for the consoling hug and the pity sex.

Remember, sex can be a drug just like anything else. It’s fun while your doing it, can give you an amazing high, and can drop you just as fast. So beware of the BJ, it is the gateway to sexual addiction.

A Sinner’s Guide To College

Universities breed thinkers, creators, and sinners. Attending college will prepare you for all of life’s difficulties, and will teach you valuable lessons that will stay with you (herpes), for the rest of your life. But the fact is, while ‘employed’ as a student, you can get away with a lot of things that would not be acceptable during other stages of your life. So make the most our of your 6 year college stint and get your fair share of sinning in while you can.

Lust

Let’s whip the big one out first. Never have so many horny, hormonal, and sexually confused individuals been thrusted into such tight quarters. Add some first time drinkers, a few blossoming alcoholics, limited security, and first time renters, and what do you get? Gonorrhea and a damn good time.

A lustful person is incapable of putting on, or taking off, beer goggles. They see just about everyone and everything as humpable. They have never encountered an opportunity where a cheap pick up line was inappropriate, and they are driven solely by their genitals. There is no arguing with these slutful, or lustful, people. They know what they want and it’s in your pants.

So what’s the test? If you have ever woken up next to a hideous mistake, been ridiculed for weeks by your friends about it, but still call her for an easy hook up. You are a lustful creep.

Greed

Greedy people are usually lustful people with a little bit of added sleaze. These are your cheaters. Boyfriends, girlfriends, sports, tests, there is nothing sacred to these people. Whatever it is that they have, they want more.

With the inability to say no, greedy people always end up drinking too much. They frequently close bars, and keep a running tally of the beer that they drank that night, that week, and that month, in a competition that no one else is playing. In fact, most of their life is a one man competition.  They collect things, like panties, and love to show off their collection.

They are mathematical people and measure success by numbers. They don’t care that they banged two chicks last weekend, they just care that they scored two more times than you.

So how do you tell if your a greedy person? If your girlfriend is the side action to your multiple sexual escapades, then you are benefiting from the sinful affliction of greed.

Envy

Envious people are greedy people without balls. They want to swim in the pool of excess but they are afraid that they will drown. These people are in unhappy relationships and would be much better off if they just cheated and got it over with. But instead, they sit in dark rooms and continually masturbate to anyone who doesn’t share the same bored and dead eyes as their girlfriends.

These people are fascinated by anything interesting and make great sidekicks if you need someone to push around. They are the Millhouse, the Butters, and the other Baldwins of the world.

They want to be you, even though they don’t know you, and the fact of the matter is, they just want to be somebody that isn’t them.

So are you envious? If your fascinated with cribs, movie stars, and award shows, but have no drive to achieve these things, then you suffer from envy.

Sloth

Slothful people make up the majority of the college population. These people are well aware of their condition, and do their best to avoid it. But despite creating a class schedule that doesn’t include anything before 10:00 am, they still can’t find the strength or energy to make it to class. When they do show up for a class it is usually in a robe, slippers, or other stylish pajama wear, and they have the ninja like ability to go unnoticed.

In an attempt to cure their sinful ways, they adapted the use of medical marijuana, but to disastrous effects. Too stoned to think, and too lazy to move, they watch endless reruns of daytime TV and can list soap stars like starting line ups.

Oh, and they love cereal.

Are you a sloth? If you have a bed but sleep on the couch, you are a sloth.

Pride 

These people are slothful but they don’t know it. They frequently sport stained t-shirts, unkempt hair, and  a sly yet prideful grin. They are constantly rejected by girls that are out of their league, but for some reason never get discouraged.

They were athletes once, in high school, and still feel like they can ball with the best of them. Of course they can’t, but a prideful person doesn’t see what other people see. They are the masters of their own fake reality, and play up their small accomplishments.

They are the one uppers, the story out doers, the liars. No matter what you’ve done, they have a better story, whether it’s true or not. Everyone knows that their lying, but inside their head, they know they just rocked your world.

Are you a prideful person? Take a look in the mirror, how sweet do you look?

Gluttony

These people are slothful but don’t care. They are greedy people but they don’t care. They are lustful people, but they do not care. A glutton can consume just about anything, and actually takes it as a challenge to push the limits of his will and his stomach.

He is an eating champion in a one man competition, and boasts about his horrific accomplishments. But not all gluttons are easy to spot. The most common glutton often goes unnoticed. These are the binge eaters. The skinny girls who don’t eat for weeks, but then get too drunk or too stoned and polish off an entire fridge in a sitting.

These people saw the freshman fifteen as a challenge, and put up some impressive numbers. 20, 30, 40 pounds in a year. They have an insatiable appetite and are looking to break the record next year.

Are you glutton? Take your shirt off, ladies too. Now jump and see how much your jiggle.  The longer you jiggle, the bigger of a fat ass you are. But a true glutton, won’t even jump.

Wrath

Have you ever gotten in a fight for no reason. Some meat head doesn’t like your shoes and the next thing you know your being dragged out of bar by four over-sized self employed bouncers. These people are full of rage.

But not all muscle bound freaks are prone to outbursts of wrath. No, there are some true gentle giants. The ones that you have to look out for are the midgets. Not the humorous, fun loving circus folk. But the men who stand too tall to be midgets, and too short to be men. Call it the Napoleon complex or an unfair hand, but the fact remains that these people are dicks.

They have a bad mix of envy and pride which makes for a terrible case of wrath. But vertically challenged people come in at a distant second compared to women.

A woman’s wrath borders on the edge of insanity. She is vindictive, vengeful, and will do anything to make you miserable. And that’s if your on her good side.

Are you full of rage? Are you a four foot muscle bound woman? Then yes, you are filled with rage.

If you suffer from one or more of these sins, you have two options. You can take your chances with absolution, or you can wear your sins like badges of honor, and enjoy the ride to hell.

10 Greatest Saturday Morning Cartoons in History

There is no need to deny it, we were all raised by that glorious idiot box. We marched down the stairs on Saturday mornings to eat cereal and watch endless hours of TV. There was no need for childhood imagination because there were cartoons. These cartoons raised us, they created us, and they still influence us today. Our childhood fascinations have made movies like the Dark Knight monstrous hits.  Here is an homage to our parents, our mentors, our life coaches. These are the ten greatest Saturday morning cartoons in history.

10. The SuperFriends

Only one group of people could have ever defeated the Legion of Doom. Lucky for us, they were all close friends. Every Saturday morning from 1973 to 1986 the Justice League of America saved our planet from Supervillains. But the Superfriends wasn’t all about well known superheroes like Superman and Wonder Woman, there were also the superhero trainees, Wendy, Marvin, and their pet dog named, yep, super dog.

What it taught us - You can do anything if you have the right friends….just as long as none of them are minorities (Apache Chief, Samurai and Black Bolt came late to the party as a result of complaints.)

9. Sigmund and the Sea Monsters

Sea weed is scary. It doesn’t matter how tough you think you are. When sea weed creeps up your leg you’re going to scream like a little girl. This was the inspiration for Sigmund and the Sea Monsters. But Sigmund the sea monster didn’t want to scare people, so he was banished from his sea monster home and washes up on the beach where he meets Johnny and Scott Stuart. The rest of the series is spent hiding Sigmund from his family and other humans.

What it taught us - A few poignant things about racism. Mainly, that it is OK to be friends with people of other races, as long as you don’t tell anyone about it, and keep your relationship with them hidden.

8. Land of the Lost

If you want to know how the series Lost ends, re-watch Land of the Lost. A group of people fall through a portal into a time that land forgot (the island), they battle with giant ancient insect man things called sleestaks (the others), and they even befriend one of  them (the ugly girl.) The series is full of items that only make sense on a Saturday morning with a joint and a bowl of a cereal.

What it taught us – Time travel will never make sense… and never go camping.

7. H.R. PufnStuf

H.R. Pufnstuf was a show of funny words like Pufnstuf, witchiepoo, and the vroom broom. It was also filled with multiple drug references. H.R. Pufnstuf stood for hand rolled marijuana, the lyrics, “he can’t do a little, cause he can’t do enough,” refers to the addictive nature of drugs, and Pufnstuf’s catch phrase, was “whoa dude.” The shows creators have denied any drug references but just read the shows synopsis and decide for yourself. Jimmy and his magic talking flute take a boat owned by the wicked witch witchiepoo to Living Island where H.R. Pufnstuf and his deputies Kling and Klang defend him. If that doesn’t convince you, this will.

What it taught us - If you smoke pot, you can be equally successful at making tv shows as you can be at watching TV shows.

6. Hong Kong Phooey

Hong Kong Phooey may not have invented the super hero alter ego, but he definitely perfected it. He wasn’t a douche like Clark Kent, a prick like Bruce Wayne, or a geek like Peter Parker. Everybody would be just as honored to hang with Penrod Pooch as they would have been to hang with Hong Kong Phooey.

What it taught us - Never, ever, get into a fight without your Hong Kong Book of Kung Fu.

5. Spider-Man and his Amazing Friends

Superman, Batman, Aquaman and Wonder Woman were the World’s Greatest Superheroes  “Assembled” (oops sorry Avengers.) That is, until 1981, when a dejected and unpopular Spider-Man proudly proclaimed that he too had friends. Yes, Spider-Man was not always the lone ranger that he is thought of as today. He used to need help from Firestar (an original character created because the Human Torch was unavailable due to licensing rights), Ice Man and his kid half sister Lightwave to defeat the evil Videoman (well, he got nicer, but for a while he was quite evil.)

What it taught us – With spider bites comes great power, and with great power comes great responsibility and an ass load of hanger on-er never will bes biting on your celebrity.  In this series Marvel degrades Spidey to the MC Hammer of the Marvel Universe . . .though after what they di to him years later he probably longs for the Spider-Friends Days.  Can’t Touch This.

4. Dungeons and Dragons

In 1983, a group of children were pulled into the realm of Dungeons and Dragons, and some of them never made it back out because of a midget that always talks in riddles and shows up 3 seconds after everyone almost gets killed. The level of violence was controversial for children’s television at the time, and the script of one episode, “The Dragon’s Graveyard”, was almost shelved because the characters contemplated killing their nemesis, Venger (in fairness, he was a Dick.)  In 1985, the freak christian yahoo group the National Coalition on Television Violence claimed it was the most violent show on network television.

The series spawned more than 100 different licenses, and the show led its time slot for two years.  It was also known for it’s celebrity voices including Willy Aames, Donny Most, and Adam Rich…What?  No Leif Garret?

What it taught us – Magic Weapons are always awesome, and midgets can’t be trusted as far as you can throw them, which actually makes them moderately trustworthy.  Here, catch!

3. Far Out Space Nuts

This short lived Saturday morning show has been forgotten by most. Mainly because it aired in 1975. But for all you Bob Denver Fans, Far Out Space Nuts is a comedy classic. Gilligan gets into the same whacky trouble that he is known for. This time Junior (Bob Denver) mistakes the lunch button for the launch button and the wacky adventures begin.  SAdly there is no hot actress to fantasize about during commercials.

What it taught us – Getting LOST is always a good show concept.

2. Fragglerock

The World of Fraggle Rock was created in seven days by puppet God Jim Henson. It was a mix between Henson’s Dark Crystal and his more family orientated, The Muppets, with a little bit of a musical flare. It was edgy for it’s time and was HBO’s first original series.

What it taught us – No matter what happens, you can dance your cares away…even cancer.

1. Wacky Races (Stop the Pigeon)

Wacky Races was the original race around the world. On Saturday morning, Dick Dastardly, possibly the most evil and phallic named villain of all time, set out in his Mean Machine to cheat his way to victory. When the race ended, Dastardly was winless, and took up a career chasing a messenger pigeon in a Wacky Races spin off, Dick Dastardly and Mutley in Their Flying Machines. Episode after episode, Dastardly pulled out all of his contraptions to catch that pigeon (he did briefly in the episode, Catch Which Pigeon,) but drat, drat, double drat, he never did catch that flying rat.

What it taught us – Dude, you will NEVER ever catch a pigeon, the roadrunner, Jerry Mouse, whatever that rat thing that Speedy Gonzolez was or Bugs Bunny . . .even if you’re the most evil prick in a bi-plane.

The Terrible Diseases Cartoons Would Have If They Were Real

Did you spend your childhood watching cartoons and wishing you could jump into their world? How much easier would life have been if you were a coyote who got to spend his day experimenting with various anvils and dynamite concoctions? Well take back that wish right away because things aren’t so great in cartoon world after all. They’re more sick and more diseased than any hooker you’ve ever met in a dark alleyway.

Occupation: Sailor
Condition: Chronic Masturbation, Steroid Abuse, Throat Cancer, and Syphilis

Popeye was a man of many vices. He constantly smoked a pipe in front of millions of kiddies every week, and ate his “spinach” for quick muscle gain. But what he did behind the scenes was even more disturbing. As a sailor, Popeye must have spent months alone at sea. Lonely, horny, and hopped up on testosterone, Popeye turned to America’s favorite past time. Masturbation. You could argue that his abnormally large forearms are from working with heavy equipment at sea, but Popeye’s only developed muscles are his Forearms. While Bluto and the rest of the cartoon sailing force were working, Popeye was in the cabin below adjusting the sundial.

In fact, most of Popeye’s life was driven by sex. Whenever he did make it to port, he likely screwed the first thing that he could find. If you were dating an anorexic titless girl (Olive Oyl), you would too. The speech impediment and facial paralysis are also key signs that Popeye suffered from the late stages of Syphilis.

Name: Pacman
Occupation: Mental Patient
Condition: Paranoia, Schizophrenia, Dementia

Pacman used to be your average bodiless, faceless, yellow blob, until he started hallucinating. He even settled down long enough to make another circle his wife. Once Mrs. Pacman left him and dropped the R from her name, Pacman went ape hit.

He was admitted to Namco hospital where he got a steady diet of cherries and pills. The drugs had a bad effect and now Pacman hallucinates that his caretakers Pinky, Blinky, Inky and Clyde are out to get him. He spends his days running around the hospital stealing other people’s medication. When they do catch him, he is sedated. When they don’t, he is known to become violent and starts biting his caretakers and other patients.

Name: Betty Boop
Occupation: Stripper
Condition: Aids, Syphilis, Gonorrhea, Crabs, Sex Addiction and a Touch of the Clap.

Betty Boop has been a sex icon for over 75 years. Her biggest problem is that she is still alive. Betty Boop screwed her way to the top in the 30’s and then again in the 80’s, spreading her diseases around the globe.

When she first came on the scene, she was running away from home with her boyfriend bimbo to a cave full of ghouls, ghosts, and skeletons, who all had their way with her. Betty constantly had a hard time keeping her clothes on, and on more than one occasion appeared naked on screen. (Check out the subliminal sex inserted into Betty Boop cartoons.)

Like any whoring girl, her efforts were applauded and encouraged. But time takes its toll and Boop started to collect STDs like trading cards. Now she isn’t being paid the big bucks and has to make her money on the pole.

Name: Charles Brown
Occupation: Gas Station Attendant
Condition: Chronic Depression, Heroin Addiction

It’s no secret that Charlie Brown had depression. Therapist today even refer to the “Charlie Brown” syndrome in relation to holiday depression. The problem with Charlie was that he never got help. His parents spoke in some inaudible language, and the one friend that tried to give him therapy, Lucy Van Pelt, was a lying, vindictive, bitch. Since the 1950’s, the original sad sack was constantly ridiculed by his friends, and was the butt of almost every joke. He never kicked the football, every pitch he threw was hit back into his face, and he was bald. Charlie Brown is the epitome of failure.

If he were allowed to age naturally, the childhood optimism that made his depression bearable would have slowly disappeared. Charlie Brown would have tried out for his high school football team only to be cut. He would have sent out Valentine’s Day cards every year but he would have never received any in return, and eventually, he would have replaced his hope with heroin.

If Charlie Brown were real, he would be a prime example of a childhood star, and would have likely followed in the footsteps of Brad Renfro and River Phoenix.

Name: Calvin (& Hobbs and other figments)
Occupation: Inmate 437
Condition: Multiple Personality Disorder, Schizophrenia

Calvin had a pretty normal childhood, but he never managed to make any friends besides his beloved stuff cat. He was beat up regularly at school by Moe, despite his rocket ship underwear, and was constantly pushed to build character by his dad. Eventually, his innocent imagination took a violent turn. We all know what can happen when you take orders from a dog, but when you listen to a cat, shit gets weird.

Calvin grows up to be one of the most horrendous serial killers of all time. He targets babysitters primarily, but any gross slimy girl will do. His first murder was of course, Suzy Derkins, who he tied up and stoned with ice balls. Next was Rosalyn, followed by Ms. Wormwood, where Calvin, Hobbes, and Captain Spiff use their “Zorcher” to annihilate these alien beings.

He is finally arrested after a short and speedy chase down dismemberment gorge in his sled. He is now attempting to escape prison through a cardboard box time machine.

What Your Drink Says About You

Today’s stereotyping doesn’t come from skin color, religion, or sexual preference (well it does, but not for the sake of this article). Today’s stereotyping comes from the products that you buy and the possessions that you own. Here are the stereotypes that come along with the alcohol you drink.

Domestic Light Beer – You like to yell. You like to yell in groups. You like to give high fives, smash cans, and bang chicks. The light beer drinker is the beer game champion. You are always up for a game of beer pong, a case race, or a riveting game of point and drink.

Your life revolves around quantity. Who carers if it tastes like watered down piss because you could drink a million of them. You love watching Man vs. Food, Sports, and think it’s funny to call your gay friend fag. People like you because you’re social. Your house is a shit hole but it’s ok, because it’s where every one comes to party.

Domestic Beer – You used to be an athlete.

Wine – You’re a very social person but prefer to go to parties where you can actually talk to the person next to you. You avoid overcrowded bars and chaotic house parties. You’ve got class, or at least you want people to think you have class. You may not be able to afford a nice bottle of wine yet, but you have aspirations. You still swirl and sniff your wine even if it comes out of a box and into a plastic cup. You aren’t pretentious yet, but you dream of the day where you can look down on people.

Malt Liquor – Just because you don’t have money doesn’t mean that you can’t have a good time. You know how to get drunk, and you know how to get drunk fast.

You aren’t sure what your friends real first names are, and you smoke blunts. You love house parties but you’re usually pretty drunk by the time you get there. People know you, but they aren’t sure what your name is either. You’re welcome just about everywhere you go, but the wine drinkers seem to be afraid of you, even though they hug you when you walk in the door.

Vodka – A Vodka drinker is as versatile as their liquor of choice. They drink according to the time of day and the mood that they’re in.

Jello Shots – You hate the taste of liquor but you love  to get drunk. You are a shy person when sober, but after a few of these magical globs of gelatin you put Lindsay Lohan to shame.

Bloody Mary’s – You are a true alcoholic who knows the number one rule of alcoholism. You need to bite the hair of the dog that bit you. There isn’t a time of day that you wouldn’t rather be drinking.

Vodka Tonic – You’re a chick, or you care more about your body than a good time.

White Russians – You love The Big Lebowski. You wish that people would call you “the dude,” but you don’t want to ask. You’re a pretty relaxed guy anyways, though, and you like the way that you look holding a drink.

Red Bull and Vodka – You like things extreme – but so do the rest of the X-Games followers that are the biggest non conformity screaming conformists on the planet. [begin sarcasm] Add some Mountain Dew in there and you have a real man’s drink. You might be a partier. You might be a speed freak you might be dancing all night long.  Hey maybe you’re not such a follower, maybe you just couldn’t find any cocaine at the last minute.

Cosmo – Girls, you’re uptight, chatty, annoying, you think sleeping with a guy is a favor, and you consider yourself a catch.  You probably went to see Sex in the City opening week with your girlfriends (likely while your guys was out fantasizing about a tequila girl.)

Cosmo Guys?  Please.  There’s no such thing.

Tequila – Most drinkers might call it quits after they get kicked out of a bar, but not a tequila drinker. They are the true, the proud.  The hard core party people that liven it up where ever they go. I don’t care how you consume your tequila, whether it’s a shot, a margarita, or off some large woman’s tit, it all means the same thing – the party is with these people. My favorite part of any night is the next morning when I get to hear about what happened from the tequila drinker’s perspective.  tequila drinkers make good stories.

Tequila for Women – Drinking tequila is like holding a sign saying I’m a fun chick. You’re wild, fun, sexy, and every guy at the bar is watching you. Even though you are announcing that you are open for business, it’s going to take a real man to keep up with you. You’re in for a long, wild night, and any man that can’t keep up isn’t worth your time.

Margaritas – You feel comfortable under palm fronds and wish that you were at the beach.  You beach party and bon fire as often as possible, and yearn for more sex on the beach (not the cocktail.)

Upside Down Margaritas – Who needs a cup, just make it in my mouth. You’ve lost all inhibitions and are one step away from jail, marriage, millions or all three.

Whiskey – You’re a fighter, but not in that mean dickish way. You just know how to settle an argument. You’re the first to pick the guy up off the ground and get him another drink. You don’t hold grudges but your temper flares easily.

You’re an observer. You also always have a joke or a story ready, but sometimes the liquor does the talking for you. You know why people go to the bar and it isn’t to chase ass, it’s to get drunk. You’ve got your favorite spot at the bar, you’ve got your favorite bartender, and you pay for good service.

Gin – A gin drinker is like a vodka drinker but with a little extra hair on their balls.

Martini – You’ve officially burned off all of your taste buds, but still make ridiculous requests from your bartender. It goes cherry, olive, blue cheese, cherry, and don’t use a toothpick, the wood gives off a bad flavor. Do you have any plastic swords?

Gin and Juice – You’re music tastes haven’t changed since the 8th grade, and either has your drink. You don’t like the taste of gin and juice, but you just can’t help yourself from saying it. Ignore those awkward looks at the bar, they’re just jealous.

Rum Straight – You’ve never had rum, or you’re a pirate.

Mojitos – The bartender is dating your ex-girlfriend and you feel like being a dick.

Pina Colada – You love sing along songs, dancing in the rain, and can’t stand wearing shoes. You have a terrible habit of saying that it’s 5 o’clock somewhere every time you pick up a drink. But despite your annoying habits, you’re a pretty fun drunk. You’ve always got something nice to say, usually a movie quote, you make friends with everyone, and never seem to get angry.

Rum and Coke – You’re simple. You don’t need anything fancy to have a good time. Actually, rum and coke is fancy for you. You’re typically a beer drinker but tonight you are going to get nuts. You aren’t used to hard liquor and drink you’re rum and cokes at an amazingly fast speed. You are usually the first to pass out, but you go down in a flame of glory.

Miss COED: Courtney Shoemaker

Courtney Shoemaker is 20 years old from Scottsdale, Arizona. She is 5’7 and 122 lbs, measuring 34-26-34. Courtney has had her image on everything from Rock Star Energy Drink, to hard liquor, to Walmart sneaker ads. She was also a featured model in the show, “My Boys.”

Hey Guys! Want to Sleep With a Miss COED?! Submit your Girlfriends Pictures to models@teamcoed.com

To see more of her pictures, click here!

5 Reasons Why Pot Will Be Legalized Before Gay Marriage

There are two issues that get constantly put in front of congress. The right to smoke pot, and the right for gays to marry. Both of these harmless acts, smoking and gaying, have numerous supporters and protesters on both sides of the spectrum. Here are a few reasons why smoking pot is going to be legalized before smoking pole.

1.) The protest of, ‘just try it,’ is much more likely to have a positive reaction for marijuana use than for anal loving. But that isn’t necessarily bad news for gay marriage. Once pot is legalized and its soothing smoke seeps into congress, people will start to care less about things, and gay marriage will be legalized with a simple, “whatever.” It might take a few extra sessions for anything to get accomplished, but eventually, gay marriage will be knocked off of the ‘to do’ list.

2.) God doesn’t hate pot. There is a narrow minded argument floating around that God hates gays. He just does. I don’t know why, I guess he’s just a prick. And after all, gays weren’t created in his image, they were corrupted when they caught the highly contagious homolaria, a creation of Satan not Yaweh.

But pot? How can you argue that God didn’t create marijuana. It’s a plant. Even if God doesn’t exist, he probably created pot.

3.) You can’t sell gays. When marijuana is finally legalized, it will be a huge cash crop for our government. It just makes sense financially. When marijuana finally gets legalized, we will be able to claw our debt stricken country back to the top of the economic food chain through a forest of “sticky ickie.”

After all, it’s not about what our country can do for us, it’s about what gay marriage can do for our country. Maybe they will legalize gay marriage when they figure out a way to tax rainbows and mustaches.

4.) There is a minimum of 15 years before a new milestone in civil rights can be placed. Sorry gay rights, it’s just science. With the election of a black president in 2008, civil rights wont be eligible until 2023 to take another step forward. And by that time, gay marriage will have to fight to beat out our first elected emo congressman, equal wages for women, and the emancipation of robots. It could be a long time before gays get equal rights.

5.) No Hollywood movement. Stoner films have been around for the past forty years. Cheech and Chong made us laugh at the illegal, but harmless exploits, of two pot heads for years. I don’t see any Cheeks and Dongs movies coming out any time soon. Marijuana has already seeped into our culture through movies and music, and has created countless icons. There were the 60’s, Bob Marley, The Grateful Dead, Sublime, any rapper excluding Will Smith, Outside Providence, and Seth Rogen. I can’t think of one Hollywood Icon that can properly represent gay rights.

Well, I guess there was Judy Garland. And that whole butch look thing was modeled off of Brando. Madonna and Brittney had that kiss, and that cowboy movie won a couple Oscars. Oh and what about Milk, and Ellen, The Rocky Horror Picture Show, and I’m pretty sure Michael Cera.

I guess there is hope after all. If we could only tax mustaches…

Pyrrhic Victory: Five Worst Victory Induced Riots

Every once in a while a city earns the right to call themselves a champion.  And what better way to celebrate than ripping a little piece of that city apart. With New Orleans on the verge of winning their first championship for anything at anytime in the city’s history, we could be on the verge of one of the most drunken, fun, and disastrous sport riots of all time. Here are five of the worst/best sport riots induced by the glorious achievement of winning.

Number 5 – Detroit and the Curse of Bubba Helms

The 1984 Detroit Tigers beat the San Diego Padres for their first World Series title in 22 years, and fans celebrated by tearing the city apart. Fires were lit, bottles were thrown, and riot police were employed. But what makes this riot special, is the picture of Bubba Helms holding up a pennant in front of a burning car. Rioters tend to leave their fan paraphernalia in the stadium when they start flipping cars, but not Bubba Helms. He proudly posed in front of the overturned, flaming vehicle, never forgetting why he was rioting. The Tigers won the world series! And they haven’t won since.

Number 4 – Boston, Baseball, and Burning Stuff

If anybody deserved to riot after winning a championship it was the Boston Red Sox. The Red Sox waited 86 years before they won they won the pennant in 2004 and could riot again, (yes, the royal rooters rioted at the 1912 World Series). In fact, rioting seems to be the only way that Boston knows how to celebrate. They flipped cars in 2004 when they broke the curse. They threw rocks at police after sweeping the Rockies in 2007. But Boston is bigger than baseball. They also rioted at the Celtics championship in 2008 and the Patriots win in 2002.

Countless arrests, injuries, and even a few deaths have made Boston one of the most dangerous places for anyone to win anything. Could you imagine what would have happened if the Patriots had gone 19-0?

Number 3 – Montreal Wins a Meaningless Game

In 2008, the Montreal Canucks looted stores and burned cars, cop cars actually, in celebration of a first round playoff win. But the 2008 riot was nothing compared to the Montreal Stanley Cup riot 15 years earlier.

Nearly 1000 police offers had to be deployed to take control of the crowd as rioters were in the process of causing 2.5 million dollars worth of damage. The riot damaged 50 cop cars, totaled 10 of them, and put 170 people in jail.

Number 2 – Soccer – Take Your Pick

Truth be told, The United States and our effeminate cousin Canada don’t know the first thing about rioting. Win, loss, or draw football fans are in it for the blood. Americans might throw bottles, chairs, or anything else that is near by, but Europeans come prepared. Using flares, weapons, and fireworks, they set fire to the stadium and use their numbers to fight back against police.

Thousands of fans have died during soccer riots, and one goalie was coldly murdered days after scoring on his own goal.

Number 1 – Bowe vs. Golota – Boxing below the belt

This riot takes the number one spot because it had just as many dirty hits during the fight than it did afterward. Andrew Golota wasn’t known for his right hook, or his uppercut, he was known for his nut shot. On more than one occasion during this heavyweight battle, Golota took aim for Bowe’s balls. The fourth nut shot caused a disqualification and riot.

Months later, Golota got the chance to fight Bowe again. He made it to the ninth round this time before he was disqualified again for boxing below the belt.