It’s summer time and most New Yorkers, like myself book it to the shore for the weekends. I personally head down to the Jersey shore as it’s in close proximity to NYC and because I haven’t reached baller status and simply can’t afford the lush Hamptons (Though if you have a house and would like to put me up, I can be reached at 212-479-7990. I’ll bring the booze).

Now before you start breaking out those dirty Jersey jokes hear me out. No, New Jersey isn’t covered with trash, no not everybody lives off the Garden State Parkway and no it isn’t the armpit of America. It’s a great state, with a lot going for it. I do have one major problem with my state though. Lately, it seems that wherever I seem to go, I’m confronted with an overwhelming amount of fist pumping Guido’s. I constantly find myself surrounded by ‘roided out men with fake tans, extra small Gucci and Armani t-shirts and blow-outs that make Andrew Dice Clay look cool. Wow, and don’t get me started with the fist pumping. For those that are unaware, a fist pumper is a Guido that by nature feels a sense of urgency and duty to move his fist up and down in the air, creating a continuous pumping motion. What I had originally had thought to be a trend it seems they never got the memo from ‘96 – that this trend went out of style faster than the collar pop. So like many, I’ve had to look for ways to avoid this rare, yet heavily populated breed. When going out, if you live by these 3 rules, you’ll be Guido free in no time.

Rule #1 – Listen to the Music

By nature, the Guido loves any and all dance music. This includes Guido hits by the likes of Cascada, Bob Sinclair, Paul Oakenfold, DJ Sammy and more – basically any song that has a consistent “oomph, oomph, oomph” beat is an instant Guido favorite. Avoid places that solely endorse this type of music. You can usually hear a club/bars music before you enter so take note and proceed accordingly.

Rule #2 – Do your Research

No, don’t fire up your computer and check out the bars official website. Chances are, this will paint a very vague and misleading picture. Ask around and find out the deal by word of mouth. As an extra precaution, feel out the line before entering. As a general rule of thumb, 1 out of 5 people in line with blow-outs marks that bar as a Guido Hot Spot. AVOID!

Rule #3 – Strategize

Choose bars over clubs. Places where the music is low-key and oomph free should be considered safe. Stick with places where Guido eateries are few and far between. They love their late-night slice of pepperoni blitz and may base the night around the convenience of such places. Also, always have a backup! It’s wild out there and sometimes you simply may run into a trap. Pick 1-2 additional to avoid such night killing mistakes.

While these steps can help the average partygoers from avoiding the Guido masses, bars and clubs are also joining the revolution to keep their bars fist pumpless. Here are some tactics bars and clubs have employed in NJ and some ideas for others to follow.

Offspray in Manasquan, NJ has a patented Guido filtration system- the first of its kind. Fist pumping Guidos are lured in by the heavy bass and dance beats. Right as they enter, they are confronted with a gaudy dance floor and a shot bar. Instantly, they find themselves in homeostasis and never leave. Little do they know, a huge room beyond the dance floor with live music and multiple bars exists. Most Guido’s, content to fist pump the night away will never discover this oasis while the normal folk party on into the night.

Bar A in Belmar, NJ offers up live music all night. Club records are played but not in succession, killing fist pumping momentum before it has a chance to get out of control. In addition, there are no mirrors in the bathroom. No mirrors? Enough said!

Additional Promotions/Rules Bar Owners Should Consider:

Hair Gel Free Nights: Offer promotions where anybody not wearing hair gel gets half off drinks, all night! Seem a little too harsh? Bars could also limit the amount of hair gel to about a dime’s worth. On average, Guido’s consume 36 ounces of hair gel a month or over an ounce a day!!!! Limiting gel use may not weed out the Guido’s entirely, but it will make for an uncomfortable experience. This feeling of sporting a subpar blowout will lead to insecurity which will lead to a reduction in the overall fist-pumpage and Guido activities.

Dress code Rules – For some reason, all Guidos dress alike and love to wear sneakers. Ban sneakers, hats and silver chains. In addition, t-Shirts should fit with ease. Any skin tight t-shirts should not be allowed. This could kill any chance of Guido infestation at a bar as their wardrobe probably doesn’t leave much room for adaptation.

It’s Saturday and I’m headed out for the night. I’ll have a follow-up to this article in a couple weeks but I want to hear your thoughts!

Poor Tom Brady is out for the season and now we learn that he has an ACL and MCL tear, which will take him about 9 months to get back to any kind of athletic position. Tears? Angst? Hold onto that for a moment. Tom Brady is not hard up for your sympathy just yet.

1. This one is easy. If I had 9 months of doting and BJ’s from Gisele Bundchen, I am not sure I would be fighting rehab too badly. Not a shabby recovery period at all…

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In the making for 20 years, 2,402 games and 8,912 at bats, Ken Griffey Jr. now sits 3 home runs shy of 600 home runs. Upon reaching 600, Griffey will join a class more elite then the mile high club. Only 5 other players have ever reached the exclusive 600 home run mark and 2 of them (Bonds and Sosa) cheated to get there.

As Griffey storms towards the historic mark of 600 home runs, we take a look at some of the game’s young studs and predict who’s next to make a serious run at 600+.

After all, 600 is the new 500 or is it? (more…)

Last night John Smoltz became the 16th pitcher and second oldest, next to knuckleballer Phil Niekro, to strike out 3,000 batters.

To put this feat into perspective, a pitcher would have to average 200 strikeouts per year for over 15 years to reach 3,000 – not an easy task.

As we saw in SI’s recent article Baseball’s Top 20 Young Pitchers there are plenty of young arms to go around in the MLB but many of them are “crafty” and lack the ability and durability to rack up Nolan Ryan-esque strike-out numbers (FYI: He ended up with 5,714).

So who are the few young pitchers fresh out of college, or high school for that matter, that have the power, durability and strikeout pitch to reach this mark?

Find out after the jump as COED Presents: 5 Young Pitchers Who Could Reach 3000 K’s! (more…)

I like my superheroes to be tough, smooth, invulnerable, and good with the ladies.

With the writers strike off and television series’ back on, I got my NetFlix going to catch up on old episodes that I missed. Smallville was my starting point, and a horrifying anomaly made itself evident. Not sure if anyone is a fan or not, but I am worried about Superman.

The WB/CW is changing Clark Kent from the Man of Steel, to a a big flubbering pu**y. I discovered that the Superman that I grew up loving, spent his twenties as a whiny little b*tch. Not to mention, this show has more awkward kissing scenes than a Tom Cruise movie.

The show has amazing potential and features Michael Rosenbaum as Lex Luthor. (Michael is THE best actor on the show and I found myself many times hoping that he would just put Clark out of his pissy little misery.) Even better, Smallville features 4 of the hottest girls on CW – Erica Durance, Laura Vandervoort, Allison Mack and Kristen Kreuk. If you are going to stray SO FAR from the comic book, at least make Clark a stud. The way the writing is going lately, I waiting for Clark Kent to pull out a rainbow flag and announce that he and Oliver Queen are life partners.

Come on, CW – butch it up a bit for f**k’s sake!

We all know that to throw a fantastic party you need more than just a few kegs of beer and some attractive ladies. (Well, not really. Still, drinking games are a must, as they are a sure-fire way to loosen up the vibe. Who doesn’t like an old-fashioned round of quarters?)

Now, with a few choice drinking games you can transform what started out as a social gathering into a wild (and crazy) night of debauchery and shenanigans. Girls skinny dipping, Frank the Tank downing a yard of ale in less than a minute and frivolous copulation with inebriated freshmen!

(Ok, none of those will happen, but just imagine…)

So, without further ado, I present to you: 5 Drinking Games to Break the Ice!

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Look, you little bitch…you can bang, blow, snort, suck and skank around with any Hip-Hop-Wanna-Be you can find – leave Tony Romo alone!

You don’t seem to understand, he is my Fantasy Football QB and that is a bond that transcends all ties. I took a risk and chose him over Peyton Manning, and if you think I am going to let you screw up my entire season, think again. Now that he is worth a guaranteed $30M with his 6 year/$60M contract, don’t go thinking that all that money is your new gravy train.

We all saw the way you help Justin Timberlake back – but why not meet up with Joey Harrington, he can’t get any worse. Even better, Carson Palmer! Track him down! I play him next week and if you can whore your way into keeping him to only 1TD that would be Toxic-lly AMAZING.

Last year for the first time ever, TIME magazine rated YouTube as its 2006 “Person of the Year.â€? Ummm…last time I checked, a person was a living, breathing, beer funneling, pong playing human – not some silicon chip powered by electricity. Well, in reality TIME claimed that we, the YouTubers were all TIME’s Person of The Year. So, in some twisted way my ego is boosted.

There is a theory in history known as the “Great Manâ€? theory. Thomas Carlyle was largely responsible for the belief that “the history of the world is but the biography of great men,â€? or in dumbed down frat language, that the few and powerful shape our society. With YouTube, and the explosion of other community driven sites and tools, that theory took some serious heat last year.

Fast forward to the beautiful year of 2007 and the growth continues, with some really wacky ideas and sites emerging. All of these sites share a common thread, they deliver on our crack-like addition to on-demand data 24/7, anywhere and by any means possible. (more…)