What Are You Thinking During Sex?

Perhaps Mr. Max is right and female insecurity is the root of the random hook-up after all.  We all think along the same lines when it’s time to creep out of that stranger’s bed in the morning, but what goes through your head when it’s time to go down? Are you wondering if her porno orgasms are real and and if she likes things like  armpit sex.

How To Be A Horror Movie Scream Queen

They’re beautiful.  They’re fearless.  They’re usually running frantically in slow-mo, allowing you to fully notice who didn’t wear a bra to the haunted house.  But as the nightmare (on or off Elm Street) continues, you soon realize the women of horror movies all have something in common- great boobs, excellent asses…kinda lacking in the brains department, however.  Think I’m joking?  Here are some classic mistakes scary movie beauties always seem to make:

They always have to open that uninviting door. What’s more, they always have to go through it.  Can’t they hear the creepy background music?  What good could come of lurking around an abandoned barn or attic or basement?  I’m missing the logic here.

Taking a shower. Right.  Because when some psycho killer is chasing you, personal hygiene is the first thing on your mind.

Opening the locked front door. She locked it so no one could come in.  So when a hooded figure comes knocking, of course she’ll just invite him inside.  Maybe he wants a drink or a bag of chips.  Good thing she bought that veggie tray earlier!

Answering the phone. No, it’s not Darth calling.  That raspy, breathy voice is warning her to check the children or look outside or to open the coat closet.  Here’s a hint: let it go to voicemail next time.

Seeking out the strange sound. Blades sharpening, curtains blowing, doors creaking.  She’s supposed to be running away from danger, not into it!  Maybe she didn’t get the memo, but most ex-convicts and masked madmen don’t want to spoon and watch Love Actually.

And my personal favorite- Inappropriate attire. Man, that hill she’s tripping down looks awfully bumpy.  And…bouncy.  Thankfully she’s wearing a skimpy tank top.  It would have been a real shame if she forgot to put on a shirt and pants.  BTW- nice thong.

Can Phone Sex Fix a Complicated Relationship?

Everyone knows the modern relationship can be complicated territory. If you’re wondering why some women refuse to abide by the third date rule…maybe it’s one of these 200+ reasons why women have (or don’t have) sex. Or maybe you’re in an LDR and that’s why you’re not getting any from anyone. Seems to me like it’s time to spice things up with a little phone sex.