5 Better Ways to Spend Your Time Than Watching The Lions Lose on Thanksgiving

By Jason Moles

No other team in professional sports can claim to be as much a part of an American holiday as can the Detroit Lions with Thanksgiving. When you think of Thanksgiving, you think of annoying relatives and the Lions losing. For 71 years the Thanksgiving Classic has been going on and in that time the pussycats have managed to compile a record boasting 33 wins, 35 loses, and 2 ties. Yes, my football loving brethren, it is indeed against your constitutional rights barring cruel and unusual punishment. It’s bad enough you have to sit at the kiddie table because your more successful brother popped in unexpectedly with his smoking hot girlfriend, but to have to endure another Lions turkey day failure is bogus. Here’s 5 things to do that suck far less.

5.) Play Video Games

Some of the hottest games of the year just hit shelves. Assassin’s Creed, EA Sports MMA, and  Call of Duty: Black Ops are all excellent choices in which to indulge in. Think of this as a time to be thankful for your little cousin who just isn’t as good as you are – or hasn’t had the time to spend with his nerd buddies online talking trash and learning the maps.

4.) Sleep: Black Friday Shopping Starts Early

What? &@%# you! Black Friday isn’t just for chicks and metrosexuals. How do I know this? Open up the sales paper Sparky. How does a 50″ Plasma for under $500 sound? What about a Blu Ray player under $100 or the assortment of $5 dvds?  Get some shut-eye before you go all medieval on the the on the shoppers.

3.) Watch Weekend At Bernie’s on Comedy Central

Another cult-classic from the 80′s, Weekend At Bernie’s should provide enough laughing interest to prevent your grandmother from asking if you have a girlfriend yet.

2.) Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade

Since 1924 Macy’s has been just like another guest at the feast. It just isn’t the same without watching. The parade is so awesome that Green Day even named one of their songs after it.

1.) Play Backyard Football

Who care’s what’s on tv, SportCenter has your back. Get out the pigskin and toss a TD to dear old dad.  Seriously bro, who’s to say you will ever get this chance again. Enjoy the crisp autumn air and the crunch of the leaves. Don’t worry about the penalty flag for sacking your brother even though it’s two-hand touch.

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