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24 Totally Unrealistic Sex Scenes in Movies

August 30, 2010     Posted in Cool Stuff, Dating & Sex, Entertainment, Featured Left, Heavy Player, Lifestyle, Movies, Video


By Neal

The Chase (1994)
Kristy Swanson and Charlie Sheen

Once you’re inside the chick during a high speed car chase, you can officially pay ZERO attention to the road, completely taking your hands off the wheel. Also, there will be an idyllic sunset out of nowhere.

Eyes Wide Shut (1999)
Really hot women and cut up studs everywhere

Anonymous orgies are only attended by the hottest of chicks who don’t require STD tests, condoms, or any kind of birth control and don’t mind a bunch of masked men in hooded cloaks watching.

Crank (2006)
Amy Smart and Jason Statham

Girls don’t need any kind of foreplay whatsoever, are constantly “ready” for insertion (read: wet) and are down to f*ck anywhere at anytime. Also, sex in a crowded public place is completely, 100% legal.

40 Days and 40 Nights (2002)
Shannyn Sossamon and Josh Hartnett

You can get a girl off with a flower and your breath. Either her entire body is covered in clitoral nerve bundles or someone is lying to us.

Body of Evidence (1993)
Madonna, Willem Dafoe

Ow. That’s all I can say is, “ow”. Hot wax doesn’t burn, it just has a slight tingling feeling.

Porky’s (1982)
Kim Cattrall

Women with fetishes will F anyone that enables their given fetishism.

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Comments

19 Responses to “24 Totally Unrealistic Sex Scenes in Movies”
  1. Bob says:
    August 30, 2010 at 7:48 pm

    In Gigli…did you ever consider that Jennifer Lopez slept with Ben Affleck coz he looked like one of them feminist, vegan, tree hugging lesbians

  2. H. says:
    September 3, 2010 at 11:50 am

    Apparently you missed one bit of information crucial to your Watchmen argument: Nite Owl didn't come too soon. He was impotent, and getting back into superhero action was the cure. Now even the use of "Hallelujah" in the scene makes sense, doesn't it?

  3. Watchman Watchman says:
    September 4, 2010 at 7:11 am

    I guess that's college for you; you're sexual awkwardness is different from those 30 and over. Still it was pretty obvious he was not aroused. Or, it could be ladies are so pleased to be ladies they cannot imagine such a thing yet.

  4. dude says:
    April 26, 2011 at 8:58 pm

    i came cuz i was horny

  5. ayem says:
    May 30, 2011 at 5:44 pm

    man i cummedd

  6. yep says:
    August 24, 2011 at 9:47 pm

    "Come on, a married couple 69ing?" Sorry to break it to you but not all married couples have boring sex. My wife and I love 69ing and every other position, and no, we're not newlyweds in our 20's.

  7. Jack says:
    August 24, 2011 at 11:20 pm

    the other night i went to a party just like the one in eyes wide shut. the author(s) of this article don't know what he or she or they is/are missing!

Tags: 40 Days and 40 Nights, A History of Violence, Ace Ventura, American-Pie, Bad Santa, Body of Evidence, Crank, eyes wide shut, Fight-Club, good-luck-chuck, Killing Me Softly, Movies,