Quantcast

36 TV Characters You Wanted To Hook Up With

August 18, 2010     Posted in Entertainment, Television

Hey Lang, wanna bang? Her response: "Nah, mang."

Lana Lang from Smallville
played by Kristin Kreuk


By Neal

I never watched Smallville, but Lana Lang makes Lois Lane look, sound, and feel like a wet diaper. It’s understandable Clark would opt for Lois after the rollercoaster ride Lang took him on. I mean, an on and off relationship that involves fake pregnancies, tragic family deaths, time travel, and counterproductive superpowers are pretty fun for a little bit but it can take a toll on even the most spirited caped crusader. You wouldn’t risk life and limb to tap that? Shut up.

I can put the Big Bang Theory into practice, me lady

Penny from Big Bang Theory
Played by Kaley Cuoco

Another show I’ve never understood or got into. Mostly because how does a hot, somewhat quirky/clutzy chick get THAT into the nerdiest nerds to nerd nerd-a-vision? I get that some chicks don’t like jocks, metrosexuals, or frat guys, but I just don’t buy this blonde gushing over geeks angle. In this case, you want to hook up with her to save her from endless debates about thermonuclear molecular hyperbole in a loveless marriage.

They make me feel very unholy

laddy daddy she likes to party... in my pants

The Angels from Charlie’s Angels: Kelly Garrett, Kris Munroe, Jill Munroe, and Sabrina Duncan
played by Jaclyn Smith, Cheryl Ladd, Kate Jackson, and Farrah Fawcett

Chicks with guns are hot (see Sarah Walker from “Chuck”). Even hotter when they wear low cut blouses and stretch pants. These women respond to an authoritative voice – so I dare you to tell me you didn’t want to take charge of Charlie’s intercom and start doling out commands involving removal of clothes and placement of body parts.

Photo by Gene Trindl Copyright 1979 Gene Trindl Courtesy mptvimages.com

Chrissy Snow from Three’s Company
played by Suzanne Somers

Why is it we, as men, lose all control when a ditzy blonde airhead bops around the room? Pigtails, rollerskates, short shorts, and ring tees without wearing a bra. Which one of those doesn’t get your peen pumped?

i dare you to slay my lil' vampy

Cordelia Chase from Buffy The Vampire Slayer
played by Charisma Carpenter

My dad was a huge fan of this show and he HATES vampires. I don’t mean like, he wants to see them slayed and thus, loves Buffy for slaying them. I mean, he has no interest in them, thus loving Buffy for Buffy. Which makes you understand why my mother hated the show so much. As for Cordelia, a shallow, vain, and self-centered cheerleader who has visions and eventually becomes possessed? That’s a wildcat I can get clawed by.

Her spice is nice

Ginger Grant from Gilligan’s Island
played by Tina Louise

I know I know. How do I have Daisy Duke on the list when Mary Ann is skipped? If you had the option between Ginger and Mary Ann, you’d take Ginger for the hook up. It’s like F*ck, Marry, Kill. You’re not f’ing Mary Ann. You rail the accessories out of Ginger. Plus, redheads are just fiery, hellbent on breaking your magic stick off. No matter how much cooing you push Mary Ann’s way, she’s just not like that. On the surface Daisy and Mary Ann are one in the same, but that’s why I have a Bachelor’s Degree in character study and you can’t pass Intro to Creative Writing (come on, dude, just smoke up or something).

Time to grow a stache like Burt

Jennifer Marlowe from WKRP in Cincinnati
played by Loni Anderson

Blonde with big boobs and awesome smile. Are you gay? It’s cool if you are. CollegeCandy.com might have what you need.

I'd hang with Mrs. Cooper and fall for Summer

Bisexual Bad Girl Bartender? Sweet baby Jesus

Julie Cooper, Summer Roberts, and Alex Kelly from The OC
played by Melinda Clarke, Rachel Bilson, and Olivia Wilde

I was a huge fan the first couple seasons. But all that back and forth between Ryan and Marissa was just tiring. What kept my eye? Initially, it was Summer then it was Mrs. Cooper, who blows every other MILF on TV out of the friggin’ galaxy, then it was the penultimate female character on a teen drama – Alex Kelly – the bisexual bartender who wooed both Seth and Marissa. Everyone wanted to bang this broad. EVERYONE. I should’ve just listed her 30+ times.

Previous pageNext page

Comments

15 Responses to “36 TV Characters You Wanted To Hook Up With”
  1. Noble Bear says:
    August 24, 2010 at 4:16 am

    How young are you?

    Exactly how much crack have you been smoking?

    Look, heres hoe it breaks down:

    I'd Keep: Cristina Hendricks (definitely), Loni Anderson, Daisy Duke (also definitely), Lynda Carter (iconic), Charlie's Angels, Catherine Bell, Christina Applegate and Ginger (iconic). Ok, I guess Kaley Cuoco too.

    I Tolerate: Lucy Lawless (I'd prefer Renee O'Conner), Suzanne Somers (I'd prefer Joyce DeWitt)

    I'd Change: Cordelia Chase -> Allison Hanigan (seriously, how could you), Heather Locklear (Melrose Place) -> Heather Locklear (TJ Hooker)and Summer Glau -> ANY of the OTHER Firefly girls

    Then scrap the rest because who gives a shit about them.

    Now add: The remaining feamle cast of firefly, not already used in the substitution above. Then, Alyssa Milano (Who's the Boss), Terri Hatcher (Lois & Clark), Gillian Anderson, Jeri Ryan (Voyager sucked but she was hot),Jane Seymore (Dr Quinn), Lucy Liu (Ally McBeal),Xenia Seeberg (Lexx), Janine Turner (Northern Exposure)

    and some some vintage hotness I'd also add: Barbra Feldon (get smart) Diana Rigg (Avengers), Julie Numar (Batman)

    NOW, you have a much more respectable list.

  2. Rod says:
    August 29, 2010 at 8:30 am

    Lets not forget about "I dream of Jeannie", Barbara Eden.

  3. Mat says:
    September 30, 2010 at 8:56 am

    Uh, Sydney Bristow????

Tags: baywatch, Big Bang Theory, Bones, Catherein Bach, christina applegate, christina hendricks, chuck, daisy duke, Friday-Night-Lights, Gossip-Girl, Hazzard, heather locklear,