5 Ways to Tell If Your Friend Really Hooked Up

Let’s face it — guys love to talk about sex. Whether it’s sexy celebrities, girls walking down the street, or sexual escapades, this banter surfaces in almost every male conversation. But how can you know your friend is telling the truth? Did he really go all the way with the hot girl that lives on your floor? Here are a few phrases that let you know what your friend and that girl did last night.

“She was such a prude.”

Translation: He has no game whatsoever. Any time the girl is blamed in any way it means one thing: he tried, he failed, he went home alone. No kiss, nothing. There wasn’t even a valiant effort to be proud of. If he’s your friend, let this go, because this is an admission of failure. Take him out and be his wingman, because he definitely needs all the help he can get.

“I don’t kiss and tell”

Translation: Any variation of this means he struck out hard. He may have made a valiant effort, maybe even gave her a hug, but he went to bed alone. There’s no way a guy does anything with an attractive girl and doesn’t tell his friends. It’s as simple as that. But, this could mean he went all the way with a gross girl, and if that’s case, it’s a good thing he doesn’t kiss and tell because no one wants to hear about that.

“We just hung out for a while.”

Translation: We made out, with our clothes on, and that’s about it. Nothing extracurricular went on, but there is potential for more. The night went well but didn’t end up with what every guy wants: sex.

“I had the best night last night. All I have to say is it ended with the craziest sex.”

Translation: Any guy that says he had the best sex, most adventurous night, or anything like that is completely lying. All this means is he hooked up with her, got pretty far, but still went to bed unfinished. Conversations are graphic, but no one starts them off like this who is telling the truth.

NOTE: While these are always lies, they do lead to the best conversations. Listening to your friend try to make up a night and think of kinky stuff is always hilarious and how most conversations go.

“The night went well. I had a great time. She’s a really cool girl.”

Translation: Your friend blew it. He had her right where he wanted her and then messed up in the clutch.  Usually, this means they were in bed, ready to get it on,and he couldn’t seal the deal. Why? It’s different all the time, so when you hear this, press him about it so you can hear all about his humiliation.

The only way to know your friend went all the way is if he says it straight up. It’s a conversation ender right there. A simple description of the positions, the attractiveness of the girl, and minor details here and there lets the rest of the guys know he had sex. Until you hear this, you can know that your friend struck out. While these conversations aren’t nearly as fun as the ridicule that the other lines bring, it is the sure-tell sign your friend got laid.