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6 Awful Drinks You Tried in High School

April 26, 2010     Posted in Drink, Lifestyle, Liquor, Nightlife

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By Nick

We all remember those moments in high school where someone sneakily pulled out a bottle of booze they found in their parent’s basement, as if it were some sort of magical elixir. Maybe we thought it would make us look cool, or maybe we were just curious, but somehow we couldn’t resist…even if it was a seven-year old plastic pint of vodka that was sitting in someone’s Dad’s sock drawer. It could’ve been the athlete’s foot aftertaste, or the fact that it would’ve been better used for degreasing an engine block, but you’ll never forget some of the disgusting, weird drinks you tried back in high school.

Hard Lemonade or Cranberry Drinks – You’ll probably have better luck getting cavities from all the sugar in these, before you have a great, drunken time. At least pretend you’re slightly classy and make yourself a screwdriver or a vodka cranberry instead.

Awful Mixer Choices – Another classic error by young people who haven’t the slightest clue as to what they’re doing with alcohol. You found a little whiskey in the cabinet, but the only thing in the fridge to mix with is apple juice. The absolute thought of that is enough to make us dry heave, but it certainly seemed fine when you were 18. Same goes with vodka and cola, or rum and cream soda.

Wine Coolers – Absolutely no one can taste the alcohol in these, resulting in disastrous consequences for your stomach as well as your Mom’s living room carpet. If wine was supposed to be made with cherries or raspberries, it would probably come from California’s Napa Valley, not Seagram’s.

Smirnoff Ice – They might have imaginative commercials, but these sugary malted alcoholic beverages can deal more damage than you think. With each sweet sip, your stomach begins to expand due to the extreme acidic qualities, until you’re ready to burst. Everyone knows someone who regrets consuming more than two of these at a time.

Mad Dog 20/20 – Hey, it looks and tastes like Hi-C, so you can probably gulp this down like a Slurpee, right? You couldn’t be further from the truth. This is the king of absolutely nauseating, cheaply made fortified wine drinks that will have your insides on the pavement in no time. Of course, it’s also good for causing a hangover with the severity of an atom bomb.

Baileys or Kahlua Based Drinks – Sure, this might taste like chocolate and coffee flavored candy, but that definitely doesn’t mean it should be drunk in the same manner. A splash of one of these thick, rich liquors in an after dinner cocktail is a nice way to finish off a meal, but pouring half the bottle into a cup of hot cocoa, or swigging it like juice probably gave you one of the worst stomach aches of your life.

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Comments

24 Responses to “6 Awful Drinks You Tried in High School”
  1. Right on says:

    I might be a little old for suggesting this one, but what about St. Ives Special Brew?

  2. 20/20 has just made me relive some very very low points of my childhood. And I feel sick!

  3. Carter says:

    I could not disagree more on the statement about Bailey's. Never once have I had this 'stomach' ache, even after finishing a bottle.

  4. Jo Dean says:

    Wow, now that is what I am talking about dude. Well done.

    Lou

  5. ManoMadden says:

    OH MAN JUST SEEING THESE DRINKS IS GIVING ME A HANGOVER. ESPECIALLY THE MD 20/20.

  6. mimeyb says:

    What about Boones? Zima? Champale? Everclear?

  7. Brandon says:

    Steel Reserve tall boys

  8. remf3 says:

    No Zima? That had just come out when I was in high school and was all the rage…

  9. Earl Monroe says:

    What about Tequiza?

  10. jordy says:

    Hey now, I still drink Smirnoff Ice from time to time in Brown Bitches. Just take an inch or two off and throw in some Evan Williams (or Woodford Reserve if you're feeling classy) and you've got yourself an uber-alcoholic whiskey sour.

  11. Ayo says:

    Only one I agree with is MadDog 20/20.

    The rest of the crap you wrote just makes you seem like a snob.

  12. Mstrmike says:

    How can you leave out the immortal Attica Sunrise! Gatorade and Everclear. "It gets you messed up faster and you won't have a hangover because the Gatorade replaces electrolytes!" Then you have to find a bail bondsman in a hurry…

  13. Congress Stork says:

    Can't forget the gasoline known as Congress, and cost less than $7 per fifth

  14. john says:

    I'll second St. Ide's Special Brew and add any malt liquor 40 oz (Hurricanes were my personal favorite; 3 for $5)

  15. John says:

    This article is obnoxious.

  16. hahaha says:

    You sir are an idiot. Cream soda is awesome with rum.

  17. Mike says:

    Kalhua and Baileys inclusion is way off base. Baileys or kahlua rocks is a fine drink.

  18. locker217 says:

    I second the call for zima! and boone's farm.

  19. gnomeman7 says:

    Everything was right on target except the Bailey's…and my 20/20 was Boon's Farm. Uggggg.

  20. lose weight says:

    seems really horrible drink.