How To Sleep In Your Car

By Harmonleon

Why pay for a motel, when your car can double as a “mini-motel!” Much like the Capsule Hotels in Japan, which provide you with an area just large enough to fit your body, overnight car-sleeping is more comfortable than you think—if you make the proper preparations:

1. Buy some very small soaps and place them in your ashtray, and hang a few hand-towels from your rear-view mirror to create that comfortable motel-feel.

2. Put a bible in your glove compartment.

3. Have a recording of a loud couple making-love and place it in your back seat. Periodically, pound on your seat and scream, “Can you keep it down, I’m trying to sleep! Do you want me to call the manager?!”

4. Place a mint on your headrest with a card that says, “With Our Compliments!”

5. Buy a magazine. Rip out a picture of someone’s head, and then cut out the eye-portion of their face. Tape the eyes over your own eyes so if someone approaches your car, they will think you are simply awake, sitting up, ready tokick-some-ass!

6. The best location to park your car overnight is the parking lot of a State Prison or County Jail. No need to worry about being robbed—all the criminals are locked up inside.

7. For added protection have a huge man named Ajax sit in your passenger seat with a baseball bat ready to knee-cap any intruders who might try to interrupt your blissful night sleep.

8. Throw on a hoodie, smoke a bunch of weed, lean your seat back as far as it will go and hope for the best.

PLEASANT DREAMS OH ROAD TRIP WARRIOR!