Wait, what was I writing about? The Five Types Of Potheads.

Marijuana brings out the best and worst of everyone. At times, you could encounter the pothead that is always a joy to be around that will get the whole group laughing, or you could end up smoking with the guy who doesn’t shut up and thinks he’s hilarious just because everyone else is high enough to wear Orion’s Belt.

There are many types of people in this world and the sweet mary jane brings out nearly every feeling in all of us and it put’s us into five categories of what kind of potheads we are. So, spark it up, turn some Cypress Hill on, and break out the Funions, it’s the five types of pothead’s.

1. The Aristotle

Otherwise known as the philosophical one, this is a very common type of pothead. They will ramble on about the meaning of life, the afterlife, and how Mitch Hedberg is the funniest comedian to ever live. There is not one logical thought to their reasoning and theories, but since you’re probably high as all hell, you’ll believe every single word they’ll say and post it on your facebook where it will be met with not quite the reception you were hoping for. Don’t smoke outside with this person either, get them under a night sky and it will never end.

Ever think how those stars...ya know got there?

2. The Meditator

While many potheads will talk your ears off, there will always be at least one or two that meditate. At least that it will seem like when the person does absolutely nothing but either vibe/tell everyone else to vibe/space out and freak everyone out. The meditator could cause the average pothead to trip even more balls when they see their smoking buddy staring at static on the tv for the past 10 minutes when in reality the meditator is fine and is a complete douche for making his tripping buddies to freak out.

I love this channel

3. The Paranoid One

Easily the most popular and most common on this list, the paranoid one will experience freak-out’s at any given moment whenever a phone rings, a noise is heard, or a pair of headlights pop up behind them. There is no consoling the paranoid one until the weed is gone and the high wears off and even then it’s still a stretch that this person will relax and not convince everyone else that the Russians are closing in and it’s going to be Red Dawn all over again. This is not the person to bring around the meditator for it will ruin each stoner’s high and cause some un-needed friction between the group of weedhead’s. Even though the paranoid one can be a buzzkill, if you know how to mess with them the right way, then it’s going to be a lot of fun for everyone(except the paranoid one).

People might start looking like this

4. The one hitter quitter

Otherwise known as the rookie. There is a reason why they are known as the one hitter quitter and it’s because after one hit, they are down for the count like Mike Tyson himself was just waiting in the joint to give this guy the knockout punch on the first hit.

It’s a plus for everyone else since they will be able to pick up the slack from the rookie’s weak lung’s, but his fellow pothead’s will need to help him out and give him breathing lessons, so thing’s like this don’t happen again. You don’t want to be the one hitter quitter and end up as the butt of every single stoner’s joke for the night and many night’s in the future. It’s kind of like premature ejaculation, but not as hot.

5. The Crafty Veteran

Make this person your best friend and fast. The crafty veteran, or the cheech, knows every dealer in a 100 mile radius, can roll up blunts in less than a minute, and make a bong out of your face. The veteran has been doing it for so long that he is able to go every pass without breathing out. They only smoke the finest(kush, haze, death, love boat) and will broaden your horizon on the weed landscape. Not to mention, they probably have no cares about smoking in their house or car since it’s smelled like weed for the past decade. The only problem is that they could get too cocky and let everyone else know that they will never be on there level when it comes to smoking.

Chances are they don't look like this

Marijuana is truly a gift from big guns upstairs and when used correctly will always be there to put you through the good times, the bad times, and the I just want to smoke a joint times. Happy smoking!

*coed does not advise illegal activities, go to one of the various states where medicinal use is legal and put that glaucoma to good use for once.

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