Rocking the Perfect Shadow

Eighties pop icon George Michael rocked the five o’clock shadow like nobody’s business. He also sang about wanting sex. And he delivered. The connection? A five o’clock shadow can be as much a sex symbol as a six-pack or pair of Diesels.

But there is a fine line between laid-back stud and dirty hippy. Waiting for you at the end of the perfect balance of facial hair is the pot of gold in the form of countless fawning coeds.

I said countless.

So let’s turn our attention to Hollywood because like it or not guys, that’s where the ladies at the local watering hole are getting their cues. True, we don’t have to be the perfect genetic freaks that dot the silver screen, but we need to resemble them. An essence, if you will. And since not shaving is easier than harvesting a set of rippling shoulders, I suggest you pay heed to my advice.

Michael C Hall, star of Showtime’s hit series Dexter, is perhaps the best current example of a guy pulling off the didn’t-have-time-to-shave-but-who-the-hell-cares look. And it’s working. The Internet is filled with sights devoted to Hall, to his look, to the wanting to have his babies.

Following the tale of the beard, one can start to unpack the allure around Hall. He rocks the faintest of facial hair, the true five o’clock shadow. It is more than likely manicured everyday, but don’t let that be a deterrent. Looking unkempt takes work. I’m guessing he shaves his neckline with a regular razor and gives his beard-line a once over with actual hair clippers without any attachment. Doing this, all excess facial hair is gone, and only the prominent areas, the chin and jaw, show the hint of a shadow. The result? A stronger jaw-line and what blonde at the bar doesn’t love that?

Moving along the five o’clock shadow continuum, we have a two-day growth look capitalized by Jake Gyllenhaal. Although this style is pushing the constraints of a true shadow, it is light enough to keep it out of the Una-bomber category, and therefore still in the arousing-sexual-desire realm.

Unless you are Teen Wolf and need to shave at lunch, Gyllenhaal’s shadow is at the two or three day growth stage. Like Hall, his neck is shaved daily. That is the key with the darker shadow, the maintenance of the neck. Once the neck starts sprouting hairs like pimples on the forehead of a thirteen-year-old, that red head in biology is thinking you wear the same boxers for days on end. We don’t want that. So keep the neck clean. As for the beard, it appears that Gyllenhaal is using a beard trimmer with the lowest attachment. This affords him a little more play, a little more definition along the jaw and chin, while at the same time states more loudly than Hall’s, I don’t care how I look.

Not caring how you look. That is what we are going for here guys. No girl wants to shack-up with a guy who takes longer to get ready than her, who will steal more glances in storefront windows at himself than adoring looks in her direction. But there is a limit to this style.

This brings me to Joaquin Phoenix. How do you know when just enough is too much? When you look like this.Unless you are training for a Jihad, live in Montana, or have completely thrown in the towel to ever get laid again, stay away from this look.

The five o’clock shadow can be an ace up your sleeve. It can be a vote of confidence, a declaration that you are above being vain, a testament to the fact you know that you’re the man. Whether you prefer the hint of hair like Hall or the more aggressive style of Gyllenhaal, just remember to keep the neck clean and don’t let more than three days go by without a touch up.

And did I mention the coeds awaiting your entrance into their lives?

Yeah, countless numbers of them.