The Unofficial Favorite Sport of the Olympics: Sex

By Travis Pulver

Training for the Olympics takes a lot of hard work and dedication. To compete among the best athletes of the world is intense and demanding. The pressure to win and do well, making the last four years of work mean something, can be very demanding. The possibility of screwing up, winning nothing, and having to wait another four years to try again is enough to drive a man crazy.

Olympic Condom Rings

There has to be a way to take the pressure off or at least dial it down a bit. Drugs can get you disqualified (which is something since the Olympic torch looks a lot like a giant joint). Booze will slow down your reflex time making the likelihood of success slim and injury high.

That leaves only one thing- sex.

Many athletes adhere to the myth that having sex will impede your athletic performance on the field. With few pressure releasing options open to Olympic athletes all that is really left to them is sex. Durex actually sponsored the Athens games by supplying the Olympic Village where the athletes stay with over 130,000 condoms and 30,000 tubes of lube.

And the medal for longest legs goes to...

Vancouver is taking somewhat of a different route to help the athletes relax. They are trying to make prostitutes more user-friendly.

Unlike the bass-ackwards laws of the United States (except for God’s country in Nevada), prostitution is legal in Canada. There are some laws that affect the acts involved illegal, but for the most part, if you got the money you can get some lovin.

A few years ago the West Coast Cooperative of Sex Professionals formed to create a better, safer, healthier industry. With the Olympics approaching, they have tried to get approval to open a facility for sex professionals in Vancouver to use. The idea is to make conditions safer for the workers and give them a place to, uh, conduct business. Since brothels are illegal they cannot solicit there, just do it there.

Two for the price of one?

As of yet the co-op has yet to get approval, but that has not stopped city officials from giving local prostitutes a leg up in the business. Prior to the Olympics, prostitutes will be given media training. Apparently visiting camera crews like to film them (go figure), some talking about getting approached by as many as nine camera crews a day. Basically, by making them, more camera friendly, the government will be promoting prostitution to the world.

Finally a lesson we can learn from our brothers in the North. Take heed Obama. Take heed- health care and job creation all in one swoop!