Mardi Gras Bah Humbug

“Mardi Gras“is the huge week long party which comes to us from the French term “Mardi Gras” (literally “Fat Tuesday.”)  It should mean “Miserable Tuesday” because  the festival is a series of drunken Carnival events, and idiot parades thankfully ending on the day before Ash Wednesday. Although idiots the world over celebrate this glorified amateur night, the biggest Mardi Gras celebration is in New Orleans – which is the last place you want to be when it goes down.

Mardi Gras is not fun. I’ve been to Mardi Gras many of times. Here Are a few of the horrible things about Fat Tuesday:

 

1)   GIRLS GONE WAY TOO WILD

Ok, we get it, you flash your boobs in order to get some schmo to throw Mardi Gras beads. It’s great when it’s a young, fit, hottie, but most of the time its some girth-y housewife from Ohio drunk out of her head on too many Hurricanes.

 

2)   DEATH

Yeah, there’s always a lot of shootings in New Orleans during Mardi Gras. Last year alone there were 12 shootings. Some times shootings take place because of a fight over Mardi Gras beads. Shoot a dude for 80 cents worth of beads!?!? That’s pretty messed up!

 

3)   THE SMELL OF PEE

You’re going to get a lot of that. The whole parade route becomes one giant outdoor urinal. With the mass of humanity, it becomes a pee-where-you-are survival of the fittest.

 

4)   COCKFIGHTING

In the swamplands of Louisiana, cockfighting is still part of the Cajun Mardi Gras celebration. Yes, two roosters, equipped with Freddy Kruger–type claws fight it out to the death.  Everyone cheers.

 

5)   PIG SLAUGHTER AS A SPECTATOR SPORT

In St. Martinsville Louisiana, the annual Les Grande Bouchere Des Cajuns, part of the festivities include live pig slaughter as a spectator sport in front of a crowd of children and old people. The little ones get to stand in front for a better view

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