Canadian Olympic Team Will Win Gold or No Beer

By Robertadam

To say that Canada loves hockey is as big an understatement as saying Charlie Sheen likes whores.  Kids are raised believing that hockey is the greatest sport and that if you don’t play it you will be labeled a loser in high school, never get a date, and be forced to take your sister to prom.  So the upcoming Vancouver Olympics present a scary dilemma for the Canucks, what if Team Canada does not win the gold medal?  Steve Yzerman, the Executive Director, has put his trust in his roster and from the looks of it, there is only one foe standing in their way.

Crosby

The Canadian roster is looking pretty solid.  They’ve managed to pair experience like Scott Niedermayer, Martin Brodeur and Chris Pronger with a younger force in Jonathan Toews, Sidney Crosby, and Drew Doughty.  Their goal scoring is top notch with Crosby, Dany Heatley, and Rick Nash.  But like the Americans proved in 1980, it is possible to beat the best.  What if that happens?

http://www.hockeycanada.ca/index.php/ci_id/69669/la_id/1.htm

Nash

If Canada does not win hockey gold there will be a big drop in beer sales.  The only thing Canadians love more than hockey is their beer, and if you combine the two together it’s like hooking up with sisters on the same night.  There will be much beer consumed during the games but if Team Canada doesn’t win gold there won’t be any celebrating.  Canadians need beer to toast their team and the (hopeful) gold medal.  No gold medal means no toasts and no reason to get drunk.  Let’s be honest, without beer and hockey Canada doesn’t have much going for it.  Sure, they have socialized medicine and a lower crime rate but Canadians take that for granted.

The one team that poses some challenge for the Canadians is the Russian team.  With Alex Ovechkin, Evgeni Malkin, and Ilya Kovalchuk, this team is so good they could all play by skating on only one leg and still barrel through most of the competition.  That final gold medal game between the Russians and Canadians will be one for the ages.  Here’s hoping the Canucks can pull out a win because without it they really have nothing to live for (until the NHL starts back up in March).