What Your Girlfriend Really Thinks About Sex

August 28, 2009 - 4:11 pm By igorderysh

Girlfriend-sex-lead

As men, we rarely know what women are thinking, at all. And when it comes to sex we are even more in the dark. Of course, it doesn’t help that the female mind is constantly calculating, trying to figure out the “right” thing to say, no matter what it does for your relationship. So to take the bag off your head, here are five things your girlfriend might say that should throw up some serious red flags.

1. “It was…good”
If this is what your girlfriend says after sex then odds are you probably spent the whole time poking her in the eye and moving around like a horny jackrabbit. It’s time to think about whether she really finished or if you made her leg fall asleep and she was trying to wake it up.

2. “Let’s Try a Different Position”
What she means to say is, “You have completely butchered this position, let’s see if a change of scenery can make you seem less bad.” This is pretty much the sex equivalent of changing the offensive system so that the quarterback stops turning over the ball.

3. “Let’s Spice Things Up”
What she really means is “Your fat ass lying on top of me and doing the old thrust-eroo is boring me to death.”
You better hurry up and pick up a copy of the Kama Sutra before you start finding all kinds of vibrating fallic objects in her drawer.

4. “Keep Doing It Like That”
This is one reserved for the rare occasion when you have accidentally slipped by are doing something right. So do whatever you have to do to remember what the hell you’re doing, and keep doing it, over and over and over. (You know, until she gets bored. Then you’re sh*t out of luck, again…)

5. “It’s OK, Baby”
Wow, this is the big one. Whatever you just did, or didn’t do, has made you into such a sympathetic figure that even she feels sorry for you. At this point, you need to either take a few swings in the batting cage, or hang ‘em up and retire.

Living with Balls says:

September 10, 2009 at 10:20 pm

If my girlfriend asks me if its in yet is that a bad sign?

http://www.livingwithballs.com

Commenter says:

September 11, 2009 at 6:22 pm

1) Phallic is Greek and doesn’t have an “f” for #3.
2) Yes, if your gf asks if it is in, that is a pretty bad sign. That means you had best demonstrate some fine motion.

coedmagazine says:

September 11, 2009 at 11:54 pm

you suck! you can’t even spell correctly. total FAIL!

bob thomas says:

September 12, 2009 at 2:58 am

This article was obviously written by someone with a baby dick to try and give all of us normal men low self-esteem. Asshole. Couldn’t “It was good” mean it was fucking good. Oh and this piece was written from the prospective of every woman being perfect in bed which is an opinion usually only held by people whom still have not lost their virginity and or have only slept with one woman in their entire fucking life.

Prash says:

September 12, 2009 at 7:59 am

If she is ur real friend that’s the question ?
If she is yours you must fullfil
her with greate pleasure
b-coz she belive in u
u must

chas says:

September 12, 2009 at 4:31 pm

This is written by some guy with a tiny weenie and is most like gay anyway. Real men don’t waste time with what a woman is thinking. Guys, you are only responsible for your own orgasm. If she doesn’t have an orgasm, it’s HER own fault, not yours. Don’t let any woman (or gay man) convince you otherwise.

If any woman you are with starts talking that nonsense written above: just tell her, if you lost some weight, I could get more interested in you. Make sure you tell her this when she is naked. Then F whichever friend of hers is the hottest. When she (your gf) finds out, dump both of them and move on.

yes says:

September 13, 2009 at 4:49 pm

Nope sorry. IT IS your responsibility to make her come first!!!! Why wouldn’t you want to? You must be the WORST lover in the world to not want to make sure the girl orgasms before you do. All of us know, it’s not hard for a guy to orgasm. But you will have to learn how to be a good lover in order to make your girl climax. What loser says such stupid things to a girl like you need to lose some weight? God, you must NEVER get laid! Such a typical dumb male comment. Generally, these comments are true. But you don’t have to take them badly– you can try to run with her suggestions. The sex can get better and better if you are willing to work on it and not be such a douche and come before she does.

Jr says:

October 4, 2009 at 10:48 pm

Man it your girl dont cry because it was so fucking good then you suck in bed make your girlfriend scream her ass off because its so damn good if you cant do that your ass got a cm dick hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahah