6 Things That Suck About the New Star Trek Movie (SPOILER ALERT)
May 7, 2009 Posted in Entertainment, Movies
You’re in for a treat this summer: Star Trek is poised to be a popular success on the level of Iron Man. It’s exciting, funny, and entertaining in ways that are accessible both to die-hard Trekkies and average movie lovers… except for the parts where it sucks.
I had a chance to see Trek at an advance screening last week, and yes, I liked it a lot. But the critics have already started over-praising it Dark Knight-style, and I know everybody else is going to join in soon too. So allow me, just for a moment, to counterbalance the raves with some sanity and present to you the reasons Star Trek might not be the best thing ever. (Be warned that there are spoilers in this article.)
1. Director J.J. Abrams Tries & Fails to Avoid Stealing Stuff from Star Wars
Abrams has said he was a Star Wars, not a Star Trek, fan growing up. It shows. In this Star Trek movie, Kirk is basically Luke Skywalker with the charm of Han Solo. He’s a troubled young farm boy who leaves home at the urging of a wise older man who claims he knew the farm boy’s father. Sound familiar?
How about the early cantina scene featuring a wacky-looking alien and a bar fight? Or the scene near the end when one character announces the humorously low odds of a plan’s success? Or the scene where the bad guys blow a planet up? C’mon now.
2. Product Placement is Slightly More Obnoxious than Usual
I don’t really have much against product placement — if it helps offset the budget, thus allowing the movie to be made in the first place, who cares?
Turns out, in a futuristic space movie, it’s kind of annoying to hear a familiar ring tone and then see Kirk playing around with some kind of phone/GPS hybrid with a big “NOKIA” symbol on it.
By the way, did you know Budweiser is still around in 2265?
3. The Villain: Not That Cool
When Star Trek was casting its roles, the rumor was that the producers were trying really hard to lure Russell Crowe into playing Nero, the bad guy. It was a smart idea: typically, the better the villain, the better the movie, and Crowe would’ve made a great villain. He eventually turned it down, and they offered the role to Eric Bana, another Australian, who accepted.
Bana does a fine job, but now I know why they were trying to hide the role behind a famous actor: because it’s crap.
His motivation is reasonable enough, and he has a cool toy — he drills a really long chain into the center of planets and then creates a black hole that implodes them — but he’s pathetically weak. His plan is easily thwarted — if you break the chain he’s using, which isn’t hard to do, he’s out of luck — and he’s easily dispatched. The Enterprise basically trips and falls into victory. Hell, he and Kirk don’t even have a big satisfying climactic fight. Kirk briefly fights one of his underlings and that’s it. Lame.
4. You Can Drive a Truck through the Logic Holes and Coincidences
At one point, Kirk gets temporarily exiled from the Enterprise and stuck on an ice planet, seven or so miles away from a Federation outpost. He wanders around for a little while, a big space monster starts chasing him, he finds a cave, runs in it, and meets…Leonard Nimoy, playing Spock from the Future.
The plot does a pretty good job explaining why Spock would be in roughly the same solar system as Kirk. But Kirk happens to land on the same planet, happens to land within a one-mile radius of where Spock is hanging out, and happens to run into him?
Let’s go a little further. Turns out Spock has been stranded on the planet by Nero. Nero was kind enough to drop him off, as I said before, roughly seven miles from a Federation outpost. Another coincidence. But the bigger question: why has Spock been hanging out in a cave instead of heading over there? As it turns out, for absolutely no reason.
5. What’s with All the Exposition?
Laughing in the face of screenwriting teachers everywhere, writers Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci decide to reveal the back stories of both Nero and Future Spock not organically through action or dialogue, but through two really long monologues.
Way to grind the momentum to a halt.
6. And Finally…the Green Alien was a Bad Idea.
Seriously, she looks absolutely ridiculous.
Have an Amazing V-Day
10 Commandments of Casual Sex
Hot Girls Take a Good Photo
Would She Pull a Scarlett Johansson?
Keira Knightle Reminds You Why You Lust Her
This is Our Birthday Cake
Arianny Celeste Throws in the Towel
Puppy Conan Should Happen Ever
Stars Who Got Revenge on Their Ex
Sexiest Things in America
How to Beat Popular Game Show
Why Candice Swanpoel is Our Favorite Angel
Number 4 is the only the one that bothered me at all. Plus Vulcan seemed a little too close to Delta Vega for Spock’s perspective to be what it was.
Also, the green alien was Rachel Nichols, who is also immensely likeable.
That green alien is so hot. I don't care if her makeup went horribly wrong and she was stuck green for the rest of her life, I would still love her and she would still be gorgeous.
Was I the only one who noticed that Nero also looks suspiciously a lot like Darth Maul…? We see a couple of unknown aliens dressed in left over bargain basement Halloween costumes but not one single Andorian…? WTF…? Who/What was that munchkin leftover from OZ that was Scotty's pal (looked like it belonged in the old Buck Rogers 70's TV series)… very lousy bad. The Green Chicks are supposed to be brunette, NOT BLOND!
Lousy Lousy Lousy… I'm so upset. Really thought they would keep a serious SciFi in the style of V-Ger… BUT N-O-O-O… Just had to find a way to get the campy bad comedy of the last Star Trek movies.
PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! Somebody make a serious Star Trek worthy of the heritage before I die… You know, a real SciFi!
none of this really bothered me, but I thought that JJ Abrams ruined another film just by shaking the camera all over the place again
if you need to constantly create a sense of artificial drama by shaking and moving the camera around, then you're not a very good director
I see now that anyone can make movies these days. All you need is silly half baked script, lots of action, add fist fights, add whiny rebels without a cause, add shaky cam, nice boobs and plastic (I'm ok with the boobs) and boom boom explosions and CGI overload and fans will fill in the blanks in silly story and plotholes themselves and think that the movie as making them think. Done.
Let be honest this generation is very easy to entertain. Everything is getting dumbed down and Star Trek is just the latest example.
Having said that I was entertained by Star Trek but that was all. 6/10
JJ you can Direct but check writing kills at door. Another fly by night director in 5 years he will be another face in the crowd of tween pleasers.
Now if Tim Burton was let loose on Star Trek..hmmm
Forgot this review sums up nicely.
http://www.wired.com/underwire/2009/05/trekkers-t…
Totally agree with the complaints. There are many more things to complain about besides these though. This flick really isn't any where near as good as they are saying. This film falls short not just as a Star Trek film but as a film all together. The audiences in this day and age are becoming increasingly less sophisticated. As long as things blow up and sex and cheap laughs are present people show up in droves. No longer does a film need to carry any dramatic weight, social relevance, or a cleverly constructed narrative to be a hit. The script is riddled with cliche and predictable dialogue and narrative. The biggest surprises that come in the movie is just how little respect Abrams seems to have for Star Trek and how badly he manipulates it trying to exploit an unsophisticated audience and turning the series into his own cash cow.
this film disappointed me to no end,i will say that the graphics were nice,but as many of you saidthe storoy lacks,and also the trek lore i havent seen alot of people mention the age things,like spock is spose to be like 20-70 years older than kirk,in this movie they seem to be about the same age.same with chekov he was a child when kirk was in the academy.pike never served with chekov.diffrent timeline or not,ages should not be afflicted unless the story line would have been altered to explain how spock didnt get born until around kirks time.too many technical discrepencies for me,i mean its fiction but when someone starts destroying the fictional world of trek as you know it,it tends to dishearted even the most diehard fan..i suggest star trek of gods and men(webfilm) which has some of the old cast and a few other tim russ directed it=,not the best but its certainly better than this garbage.
Take any 10 minutes of George Lucas’ Star Wars prequels and they had more unique personality than this hollow reboot. Take any single Star Wars prequel and find 10 times the relevance and depth. There is a reason that Star Wars remained relevant while Paramount overused Trek through too many series. Because Wars doesn’t get handled by and passed between so many men like a cheap whore.
The Original Trek series was fantastic and engrossing, and it is here to stay. This new movie is very pointless, and will be ultimately forgotten.
Paramount may have succeeded, but they have used their last shot by mining nostalgia of the original crew. People will soon lose the novelty and will be saying – where are Kirk and Spock? These are just kids.
Trek as we know it, is dead. At first, I was shocked. Dumbstruck. Corporate logos? Steam valves in the engine room? Spock "emotionally compromised"? The list goes on and on. The more I chew on it, the more it feels like they killed and wiped their greedy feet on an old friend. I think the fact that the casting, sound effects, and catch phrases made it all seem so much like Trek that it was even more painful to watch it turned into a dumbed down action movie.
But, the really sad thing, is that Gene's message of hope and peace are gone. Man never "grows up" and faces his flaws with the conviction to change for the better. We have lost one of the last icons that represented the positive outlook for the future that resonates from the 1960s. Worse, we have not really lost it. It stands in front of us, a mocking shell of a Zombie with no inner light. It grins and dances for us, but it's soul is gone. Ripped out by the corporate behemoth that Trek once stood against despite all odds. The powers that be finally won. Gene, his message, and all of us that loved Trek, have lost.
Goodbye old freind. I don't think there is any saving you this time.
COED, big fail on the review.
There is a lot of hatred and bitterness in this thread. I am not old enough to have seen the original Star Trek when it aired and I’m admittedly a Next Generation fan. I have found all of the movies so far to be very lackluster and overly dramatic. The original Star Trek movies are also nearly destroyed by the terrible acting of William Shatner. I have gone back and watched the original series and I like the concept but I actually did not like the show due to low budgets, cheap effects and terrible acting. This movie may have had poor product placement and a large amount of action, but that does not cheapen the message. It also helped me understand the back story of the original characters whether that was the way Gene envisioned it or not.
The main similarity between this movie and The Dark Knight is that both story lines moved very quickly and did not leave you feeling like you were watching a movie that was 2 or 3 hours long.
Even in the Star Trek television series, action was a necessity to coincide with the drama. There is not a single Star Trek episode (on any series that I’m aware of) that did not involve at least 1 full action scene with phasers blazing or hand to hand combat. That’s just part of the beauty that is Star Trek. I thought it stayed pretty true and even had a Tribble in the first scene where we meet Scotty. Admittedly, it is pretty weak to just say that they’re in an “alternate reality” because of what happened, but that is the explanation for events that may be different than what you recall from the original series. I applaud the director for stepping outside the bounds of a normal dull, boring and lifeless Star Trek movie just to preserve the drama and over acting that has plagued all versions of Trek over the years. It’s pretty laughable to compare this Trek movie to a Wars movie and not be disgusted by the same action filled scenes with light sabers, Jedi mind tricks and acrobatics that would rival a Cirque du Soleil show.
I think it best to try and just watch the movie for what it is first, a movie and instead of trying to find holes and faults in others … maybe you should try creating a script on your own and see if it ever comes to fruition. I’m sure the world is just waiting on the edge of it’s seat to see the original Star Trek members perform in yet another movie lifeless shell of a movie at 60+ years old. It’s okay, you can smile now (^_^)
Have to almost agree with your review, lots more than 6 things sucked about this new Star Trek. From shout outs to all the other projects Abrams and company worked on, to a lack of geography.
Did Abrams really think a car from the 1960's would still be viable in 2433? His sad sad need to put Greg in EVERYTHING he does. At least when Pixar does it it's funny.
There are so many wonderful places a prequel could have gone. And a solid group of writers doing the books, comics and even fan fic that have already written those amazing action filled stories.
And then, my biggest bitch of all. Vulcan has no moons, and if they did, why would there be one Federation outpost on Vulcan's moon? Is the Federation spying on Vulcan?
I went into the theater with an open mind, promising myself that I would give the reboot a chance. I walk out of the theater thinking Bad Robot – no oil for you.
I ranted all over the movie on my blog.
fibrowitch
Star Trek Review FAIL
"You mean EVERYONE likes the new Star Trek movie!? Well then check THIS out! Huhuhuhuh… we're cool because we like uncool thing."
Star Trek Contrarianism WIN
Now let's hear about how The Dark Knight is the worst movie of ALL time.
I also left the Star Trek movie upset but for another set of reasons. This movie has all the problems listed above, as well as the over use of Lens flare and the current style of 5 seconds is to long between cuts editing that denies actors a chance to act.
But all of that isn't why I was raging inside. What bothers me is that this hollow movie with all the noise, lights and sound being used to fill pole holes will become the model for how movies should be. It is making money hand over fist and will no doubt have two (at least) sequals that will do equally well. Just like the star wars episodes 1-3 and unlike the Dark Knight plot will continue to be pushed aside for the childlike storytelling of 'And Then This Happens, and then that' with no real respect for cause and effect.
I have found in the last couple of years that I prefer the low budget movies that have to rely on good acting and a very nice script to get any success at all. The only problem with small movies is hearing about them before they blip into my local theater between four showings of Star Trek for a week and blip out again.
Hitchcock once said that the worse thing that happened to movies was the invention of colour, as it distracted the audience from the rest of the movie. I think CGI has replaced colour as the distractor, with much of the hack writers falling back on it to save their scripts.
My two cents is that the new trek was a decent action movie, but a TERRIBLE Star Trek movie. One can overlook a few creative embellisments and plot holes. But there was just way too many problems with this movie to overlook. With most good sci-fi movies, you like them more with subsequent viewings because you pick up references and details that you missed the first time through. I like this movie less with each viewing because the absolute mess of this movie's plot is just too great to ignore. None of it makes ANY sense!
Here are some of the more attorcious:
- In the new ST universe shields (even when they're up) don't deflect anything. Why? Because seeing objects/weapons impact and explode looks cooler.
- The probability that an actor will remember to bring, let alone use, a phaser in a scene decreases proportionally with the need for a cool action sequence in the next shot.
- The bridge on the new Enterprise was designed in the 23rd century. The engine room on the new Enterprise was designed in the 19th century. I mean come on! Steel I-beams with nuts and bolts? Steam valves? Corrugated stainless steel storage containers! The only thing missing from the new engine room were two guys in the background shoveling coal!
- In regards to the Spock/Uhura relationship, I don't have a problem with it in regards to it going against canon. I'm willing to give the new director/producers leeway since the whole movies is set in an alternate reality. However, it makes absolutely no sense from a service point of view:
A) Star Fleet POV – Spock is an officer – Uhura is a cadet.
B) Star Fleet Academy POV – Spock is an instructor and Uhura is one of his pupils
C) Command POV – Spock is Uhura's commanding officer
Despite all of this it is apparently OK for a bridge officer to leave her bridge post during battle in order to give her main squeeze kisses good-bye before leaving. I mean come on!
The production values of this film were the ones that left me the most wanting. Though after reflecting on this for a while, I understand why this was done, and it was for simple money reasons. I mean think about it – what is cheaper, building and entirely new set for engineering or leveraging something like, oh I don't know, maybe a chemical plant? (which is exactly what they used) and then after the fact jazz it up with some CGI.
I hate to sound like an old curmugeon, but I have to agree with some of the other posters. I think alot of this has to do with Hollywood's pandering to the short attention spans of the younger generation.
OK, I guess that's enough ranting for now. Flame OFF!
Actually, it was a beer brewery :)
I only googled "why Star Trek sucks" after seeing it 7 times, because I hadn't met a single person yet who didn't like it. Now I've finally gotten to see the sad little pitiful community of people, starving for attention as they try and bash apart an amazing movie.
Go ahead, try and say, "oh this idea was stolen from this movie" by trying to relate almost completely similar things through brief, inaccurate generalizations, and blaming the audience for being stupid. You could say that about literally EVERY SINGLE MOVIE. It's getting old, and you people are obviously running out of lameass insults and still aren't getting the attention which you beg for. I actually feel pity for some of you people while reading your comments, as I can't begin to understand how mistreated and lonely you all were as children.
Come on people, let's grow up a little and enjoy an amazing summer blockbuster for what it's worth.
"Take any 10 minutes of George Lucas’ Star Wars prequels and they had more unique personality than this hollow reboot." That comment had me laughing my ass off. I mean, Really?
Anyway, in regards to the critique: I don't have any issues with any of the points brought up. Yes, it's easy to spot the Star Wars influence (Cloverfield as well if you look at the "monsters" on Delta Vega), but I didn't find it overbearing enough to be considered anything more than a nerdly nod of respect. As for your point on logic holes and coincidences, yeah it's all a bit of stretch but the movie was engaging enough to allow for suspension of disbelief. I'm glad they included an Orion character too because whats Star Trek without one kitsch alien?
The only thing I can say I kind of agreed with was the criticism of nero. I just think Bana tried too hard.
Id say spock didnt go to the federation base because he didnt know it was there? He got dropped off on the planet so could watch his planet blow up and had nothing, just a nice jacket which nero mustve also gave him…
He shocked all real Star Trek Fans or every one, even teenagers and old people find this film horrible. It just stand Star Trek,, but there isn't any real Star Trek in the film. Just a copy of Star Trek X Nemesis with a romulan and the original crew as a reboot instead of the TNG crew and Shinzon. It sucks!
I hate also J.J. Abrams